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I'm wondering what the appropriate way to handle this is.. through web research I've been able to find out the spouse's name of my WH's slut ( sorry ), their home address ( out of state ) and a home phone number... If it were me, I would want to know but I don't know if I'm just feeling this way because I'm hurting or what. I don't want someone else to hurt but I do want help in monitoring what goes on from this point. My husband and his wife work for two different companies but stay at the same hotel when they're in the same location which is in another state from both of us. They met in the bar.... Anyhow, should I leave it alone and not disrupt this man's life or should I contact him and if so, through what means... I mean, what would I say ???
thanks,
teresa
me: BS 51 him: WH 45 DDay 5/23/10 found emails and photo attachments Married 12 yrs/ together 15 3 daughters ; 18,31,28 trying to work through it...
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absolutely. What she does with the information is HIS buisiness but he has the right to know that the marriage is falling down around his ears. f so, through what means... I mean, what would I say Phone call. Have your evidence ready because he will tend not to believe you. He can be a huge ally if you want to save your marriage. He can apply pressure on his end as well to end the A.
Last edited by YEG; 06/21/10 11:39 AM.
(ME) BS - 33YO (HER) WW - 32YO Married 7 years DD5 D-Day - 5/1/10 (PA) Exposure 5/7/10 Plan A 5/7/10 - Plan B or Recovery on 7-1-10 Its in her court ATM My thread
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Call her husband and tell him what his wife is doing TODAY.
Me 34 WW 30 Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08. Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08 The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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Call her husband and tell him what his wife is doing TODAY. EXACTLY.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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My husband and his wife work for two different companies but stay at the same hotel when they're in the same location which is in another state from both of us. They met in the bar.... Absolutely! Affairs thrive on secrecy, so exposure is ruinous. EVERYONE should know about the affair, the OW's husband, all of your parents, close friends, family, and older children. It is the most effective weapon you have in saving your marriage. The more people who know, the more effectively you destroy the affair. As far as "hurting" the OW's husband, just ask yourself if you would feel the same way about telling him his bookkeeper was stealing money from him? He would be hurt by NOT telling him. It is the same with adultery. The OW's H can't protect himself and his children from your H and his wife if he does not know. I would strongly suggest you pick up the phone TODAY and tell him all about the affair. Share any information you have about the affair and give him a follow up # and email so you can both keep tabs. He can be your greatest ally in this. Here is what Dr Harley, the founder of Marriage Builders says about exposure: Exposure is very likely to end the affair, lifting the fog that has overcome the unfaithful spouse, helping him or her become truly repentant and willing to put energy and effort into a full marital recovery. In my experience with thousands of couples who struggle with the fallout of infidelity, exposure has been the single most important first step toward recovery. It not only helps end the affair, but it also provides support to the betrayed spouse, giving him or her stamina to hold out for ultimate recovery. Exposure
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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p.s. I would offer to overnight him all of your evidence.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Of course you should tell him, it's the right thing to do.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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So what's the verdict hope? Have you called him and told him that his wife is cheating on him?
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Have you called this man yet?
Me 34 WW 30 Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08. Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08 The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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I am sorry for your pain. I am currently 5 days post/after exposure and it was HARD. I did what I could to find the info on the OWH but I could not. I exposed to the job because they worked together and I also sent a letter to OW FB friends which asked them to notify the OWH of her actions.
It worked in 2-3 days time. Her husband had been informed per my WH who was called by the OW. He said that someone that I contacted had told OWH. They have been separated at work and he is MAD. I am new at this all but let me confirm that exposure does what it is suppose to do. I makes people away of the situation and the WS have to make a choice because they are no longer protected by their lies and the secrets they are hiding behind.
Good luck
Last edited by This_will_pass; 06/21/10 12:49 PM.
Me-32-FWW/Him-35-CWH DD/PA-3/10 Expo-6/16/10 PC-7/16/10-9/25/10 Moved out 8/12/10 PLAN B-9/25/10 A light shade of Gray.
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, " I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes" Eleanor Roosevelt
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Thank you ! I will contact him today through FB. I really don't want to call their home to give her access to any of my phone numbers.
thanks !
teresa
me: BS 51 him: WH 45 DDay 5/23/10 found emails and photo attachments Married 12 yrs/ together 15 3 daughters ; 18,31,28 trying to work through it...
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Pick up the phone and call him.
Me 34 WW 30 Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08. Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08 The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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OMW and I met and exchanged al the evidence we had.
I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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You can block your phone number when calling the OWH. Its *67
Me-32-FWW/Him-35-CWH DD/PA-3/10 Expo-6/16/10 PC-7/16/10-9/25/10 Moved out 8/12/10 PLAN B-9/25/10 A light shade of Gray.
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, " I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes" Eleanor Roosevelt
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Do not delay, call today.
Me 34 WW 30 Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08. Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08 The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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My husband's OW's husband came to me with phone records or their affair, I suspected something myself but I'm glad he informed me or the affair.... My husband then told his OW he couldn't see her until he was not living with his family anymore....he came to his senses and now is working on our marriage instead of moving on with a life with her.......
Exposure was key, he was embarrassed and guilty about what he had done to me and our boys......... He now sees it as a selfish act........he has changed all our lives for good, The OW and her husband split up the day I found out, her girls have disowned her..... This affects everyone not just the affair couple...... Don't feel bad.....
BW 56 WH 57 Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that..... DS 23, DS 25 D-Day Nov 23/09 NC Mar 1/10 Working on Recovery Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
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I called and got voice mail so I hung up... I contacted a relative of his through FB and asked her to have him contact me .. Haven't heard anything back yet.... What kills me is that I didn't do anything wrong but I'm the one who's stressed out over this and feels bad...
thanks again for your support !
t
me: BS 51 him: WH 45 DDay 5/23/10 found emails and photo attachments Married 12 yrs/ together 15 3 daughters ; 18,31,28 trying to work through it...
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I called and got voice mail so I hung up... I contacted a relative of his through FB and asked her to have him contact me .. Haven't heard anything back yet.... Hope I would keep calling until you get him.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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hope, when you talk to him, I would be sure and give him your full name and phone # and email address. DO NOT give into the temptation to do an anonymous exposure, because that will be a nightmare. His WW will just deny it and her H will have no defense, no proof.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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teresa,
I'm glad you're trying to call him.
He deserves to know the truth of his life.
My H wanted to have his affair, and never tell me. He and his OW expected that "what I didn't know would never hurt me". The truth was that their affair had cut off all sex in my marriage, and my husband walked around very angry at me, and I had no idea what was going on with him. His attitude toward me ran hot and cold, randomly changing with the wind.
Believe me, that hurt! His moodiness went away after d-day, because I finally understood that when he was with her, I was a pariah, and when he felt guilty afterwards I was treated better in order to make up for it.
That poor BH probably has no idea why his marriage is so crummy, and he is working to figure things out. That OW is probably blaming him, and he tries, and then she lies to him about this and that - when the whole time, it is the affair that has things so screwed up.
Whether he believes you at first or not, you will plant the seed in his head, and sooner or later the truth will come out in his marriage.
SB
Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support. Recovered. Happy. Most recent D-day Fall 2005 Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
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