Brother,

It is time. Sit her down, tell her you know and there is no point in hiding it anymore. You know they met at x time on x date in OM�s basement.

Carrying this around is going to eat you up. Tell her you also met with OM�s W.

Expose at that point to everyone under the sun.

If you can stand it, and swallow the feelings, then wait for the absolute proof, but you do have enough to confront and expose.

I think more evidence needs to be sought after...here you said the OMW thought that her husband was having an affair with your wife's sister (unless I read this wrong)...

The OM, could be playing both, your wife and your wife's sister and actually had sex with your wife's sister.

I'd keep snooping, until you know for sure...

This is correct. You don't need a movie pictoral to know what happened. You and the OMW and the affairees KNOW what happened.

Just say this: I know from speaking to the OMW that you had sex with him in the basement bedroom when you went there on XX-XX. Don't even ASK her, TELL HER.

He already HAS her admission that she went to the OM's house on that date.

Agree 100%.

Also, be sure to mention what a lying POS OM is by telling her how he had washed those sheets and made that bed in the basement to look as though the poor fellow was made to sleep there. Also include the part about his fake email letter.

THEN tell her, he did the same thing five years ago when he fooled/used another women.

I complete agree with this approach.

I would do it soon because if OMW confronts him (honestly, that is like a ticking time bomb) then OM tells your WW, she may be prepared for you to confront her. I would try to reach her before this happens ~ you'd likely have a much better chance of her admitting it (which I do think she will do).

I just caught them in the act or close enough to it. I went to the location where he rphone was and her car was parked in the driveway. I parked down the street to watch and she came out of the house WITH THE OM. They held hands to her car and then they kissed and i was an intense one. Then she got in her car and he got in a strange vehicle (not his own) and drove away. I should have confronted them right then and there but I froze. not out of restraint or self-control but because I was paralyzed by more powerful emotions than I have ever felt. When they left I just sat there and cried like 5 year old child. So much for strong and cool.

I'm a basket case right now. To know is one thing, but to see my wife MY WIFE in the arms of another man, his hands on her is an image that will be ingrained in my mind forever.

She is a realtor and this os someone else's house. She is risking her career, she could lose her license for this. When did she get so stupid?

I hate this woman so deeply but I love her so dearly

I want to spit in her face and tell her she just threw away the best thing in her life but I want to hold her so tight and never let go

Where do I go from here

How do I sleep without her next to me

How do I enjoy life's ups without sharing it with her

How do I deal with life's downs without her to lean on

How are my boys going to deal with this?

An old joke says that you can't live with them and you can't live without them and I am now living that. I can't live with what she has done and what she has become but I can't live without her either. I guess the jokes on me.

I need to pull it together and I need to get away. I'm going to take some time off and get away from here, away from her. I need to get my head clear. I just don't know what to say to her tonight or even hwo to face her.

Time to start exposing this affair you got your proof!! TELL EVERYONE!!

GOOD LUCK

I'm so sorry.

But, now you must expose! That POS needs to feel some of the pain you feel.

Tell everyone...get his BW on board w/ this. if she doesn't want to call his friends and family, then YOU do it. Get the numbers from her.

And then expose to everyone on her side.

Honestly, I'd expose to her work as well. If you did reconcile with her, there is no way that you could trust her to have that kind of access to other homes, and you would have to go around following her from house to house to make sure she wasn't screwing anyone. And, she shouldn't be screwing people in houses she's showing either. She should get fired for that just for the disrespect she's showing to other people's homes. Go nuclear exposure today.

When you confront her, have your digital voice recorder in your pocket so you get her confession in case she denies it later or keep her from making up false abuse claims. When WSs are desperate they will say or do anything to keep their addiction going.

This is important. You have to change your mindset about your WW. You have to look at her like a crack addict and stop thinking things like, how could my WIFE do this? This is not your WIFE. She is a wayward. We could probably tell you more about what she is going to do and say than you could at this point.

Please try not to make any decisions about the M until you stop the A and you have your WIFE back, not this wayward. So bust up the affair, bust up the affair. Try to focus on that. One step at a time. Hang in there.

I totally agree w/ this.

How disgusting to think you could put your house up for sale and have people come use it to screw in!

Her boss should know what she is doing.

You don't need a clear head and you don't need to figure out what to say to your WW. You need to put all your eggs in one basket right now ----> exposure and ending this A.

I agree. Try busting up the affair FIRST, then decide how you want to move forward. If she is very remorseful after getting busted, then you may very well recover your marriage and be happier than before.

Exposure needs to be done today. Exposure to his wife, fire station, and parents, and exposure to your WW's parents, employer, friends, and your children (including step child). I would tell all of them before she even gets home.

You need to project STRENGTH, like YOU are the one in charge. Don't show her any fear or she will use it against you.

Put all the fear and pain you feel into blasting their A to pieces.

Expose!!!

Let WW and OM be the ones to be caught off guard!

When your WW get's angry just tell her she shouldn't expect that you'd keep her dirty secrets for her.

You are getting the best advice here. I hope you are exposing the affair right now. No more waiting, no more wondering. You know what is happening and it is time to tell everyone what is happening.

Don't worry about what will happen a year from now. Today, your wife is just as the other poster described her, an addict. Break the addiction. If possible, take some emergency time off from work - a couple of days. It is way too hard to try to do this and function at work at the same time.

If you haven't done so already, give OMW a call and let her know what you saw today. Time for both of you to expose the affair far and wide.

I am sorry this is happening. Many, many of us here have been through this experience and for most it is the worst thing that has ever happened in our lives.

AM

NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO RUN AND SOOTHE YOUR HURT FEELINGS!! NOW IS THE TIME TO GO NUCLEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah I've got proof, I guess I just needed to be beaten over the head with it.

I need to get away. I just arranged to have tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday off (and longer if needed). Luckily I work for some of the greatest people around.

Tonight is Thursday so W has her weekly card game with the girls. While she is gone I am going to pack a few essentials, grab my bike and head out. I will be safe but I need just me and the open road to sort out my thoughts and feelings.

I will contact the POS's W and ask her to keep a lid on things until I get back and, if she doesn't, so be it. I need time alone now more than I need to ensure things are handled properly.

I'll tell the kids that I am taking a fun road trip for a few days and my son is going to his mother's tonight for the weekend anyway so that's at least one out of the way. I know they'll be OK.

If me being away drives W further into POS's arms, then so be it.

When she gets home tonight she will find me gone and she will find a letter which will say:

---------------------------------------
W

This has gotten out of control. I don't know how we went from being the happiest couple in the world just a few short weeks ago to where we are now but something has to change.

I need a few days away to think and sort out my feelings. I will be safe and I will have my phone for emergencies but I ask that you do not contact me. We both need to reflect on where we are and where we are going. To do that I need to be left alone for a few days. We can talk when I return.

Please respect my wish to have no contact.

H

---------------------------------------

I need to figure out what I want. I said all along that if the A was physical, then I'd be out of this marriage but, if I am being totally honest, I just don't know. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get that image out of my mind or look at her without it haunting me.

The one thing I will really miss is you guys. This place has become my therapy and my safe place and I don't know how I would have gotten through the past week without it. I will try to check in here if I find access to a computer while on the road and I will check in as soon as I get back.

I'll check in before I leave in case anyone has any input on the letter.

Absolutely!!

You don't have time for that.

If you go somewhere to lick your wounds your WW will know you know. And she will do her best to protect her sitch.

And then exposure will not be as effective!

You don't have time to wait on this.

First of all:

Are you the kind of guy that wants to save your marriage no matter what?

Or are you one of those that rather walk away from this mess?

Obviously right now you cannot make a decision because you are in shock.

In the meantime confront your wife with the info.

Expose to kids and family as well as OM's wife and family.

See how WW reacts. Some become remorseful and stop the affair right away to work on the marriage. There some like that in this forum.

OTOH, she may elect to continue the affair despite your discovery. In this instance saving the marriage becomes much harder and not all BHs have stamina for that.