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There is a Words per Post stat?
I should be rockin that one lol. Not even close...  I would have to agree. BUT he is giving you a run for your money. 
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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There is a Words per Post stat?
I should be rockin that one lol. Not even close... LOL....funny Mark.
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There is a Words per Post stat?
I should be rockin that one lol. Not even close... Im not worthyyy..Im not worthy...  You still rule marky-mark Hey how about a words-per-post-stat for someone who can't type over 30 WPM on his best day? I can have that one can't I? Ahhh I'm reaching...
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If we are going to talk about typing, I don't actually know HOW to "type." I am a hunt and peck typer.
Well, the "Scotty ring of POWER" is HERE. I was so surprised when they called me on Friday and told me it was ready. I picked it up today when I went to work. I LOVE IT. I am so hapy I decided on it. As soon as I get my SD card back from my sister, I will take a pic and post it. I haven't talked to my Dad yet. When I called, I Mom answered. I asked if he was home and he is at work. I asked her to get him to call me. I didn't want to tell her what I wanted because I didn't want her to try to talk me out of it. She'll probably just stop telling me the truth when I ask her. Oh well, I don't lie to my Dad. That's on her.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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If she has any questions, she's welcome to come on here and ask us herself. 
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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I keep telling her that. I think she's scairt. It's okay. I decided to try a different approach where I am telling her about what Bampot would have to do and what I would implement. Knowledge by osmosis is what I am going for. She still knows that this site exists and she knows I have the books. It is up to her to make the leap and DO something.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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She would be totally anonymous with a username like ScotlandsMommy or sumthin. 
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Yep, TOTAL ANONYMITY. NO ONE would know who she was with THAT name. HAHAHAHAHA I asked her to at least tell me what her username was so I would stay off of her thread. I don't want to read about their "relationship", KWIM?
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Hey Scottie, When you tell your dad, be prepared to face the wrath of mom. Don't avoid her, just stand tall and proud and let her know that you will not be an accessory to her crimes. That it was not the TELLING of the contact that hurt your dad (and you.... ) but the CONTACT that hurt.... Don't engage in an argument....Stand firm..... I'm proud of YOU..... {{{{{Scottie}}}}}} Not ps.....NOBODY says more than Mark....Sorry SSO, but you have a LONGGGGGGG way to go yet.... .....in fact, looking at Marks post total is a bit deceiving. He really has triple that amount......  pss....t/j...Thank you for the compliment on the siggy line....
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Yeah I'm not in any competition anyways, and Mark's posts are in a league of thier own anyways, as all of the people here are.
yeah Scotty, if your Mom stops telling you about the affair stuff and you can stop being her confessor, then maybe she will turn to the boards to get her questions answered.
Its not like you are rejecting her, you will be rejecting the justifications and allowing her to see you not only expect more from her, but that there is a way back.
Its so hard to teach your parents anything, they really need an open mind, I remember the pain from my parents divorce and thier disfuctionalism in the marriage. Both my Sister and I suffered in ways that we did not even see till we were older. I tried to be the healer as a small child, and my sister has yet to forgive my Dad. I became a fixer in all my relationships and felt it was all my resposibility ever since, and my Sister has excepted much less from life than she had to.
Again I am not telling you anything you don't know, just sharing. You are a light of hope and a super daughter to your Parents. Now that you are a grown up I hope they can benifet from the knowledge you have aquired and are sharing with them. We never stop learning, and it the mark of emotional and mental health.
The truth seems to be so scary when we have to admit we are weak and make mistakes. Its to bad that we tend to hide from it when it is the only way to be truly free. Many times we hide to avoid the pain we imagine will befall us when those towers we built to protect us are torn down.
I take solice in the phrase,(referened from scripture but I don't know where)
"God will shake what will be shaken and what remains will be of God"
That and that He will show me clearly the way and that He loves me the best is my only source of courage really. To some I have looked foolish and taken on more than I should have but "No Guts, No Glory" when you apply it to honoring God, has allways paid off in my experiance.
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So, today I had my workout and then I went back to my friend's house for lunch. Around 230pm, we get home, DS10 goes in and then comes back out and says, "Mommy, the toilet's broken." I went to look. The hose from the floor to the tank was spewing out water all over the bathroom floor. I tried to turn the valve. Wouldn't you know, it doesn't work. I go to the basement but I don't know where the main shut off is. Call my Dad. He comes over. Apparently, my lovely puppy decided she would EAT through the hose. Dad fixes it. As he is leaving, I tell him about my Mom's contact last Monday. He said he didn't care. I told him that I just had to tell him because it was the right thing to do and that he could do with it what he chose. That's done. I was thinking a bit about what FIL told me too. I always knew that Bampot said his parents BOTH had affairs. He used to say that he was angry at them for it and he would never put his kids through that. Well, FIL didn't know that I knew. He started off my saying, "I wish Bampot would remember what his mother did to him growing up. She had 10 affairs, that I KNOW of." I said, "Yes, but I was told you had affairs too." He said, "Yes, I had one. I stayed together for the kids though. I always did the best for the kids." Then he said, "She used to take the kids with her to their houses and when she would go see them. She thought I wouldn't be suspicious if she had the kids with her. It was cruel." I knew that Bampot had met some of her mother's OM, I just didn't know this little tidbit. I now see how he is repeating this by taking our sons around his OW. I broke the cycle of physical abuse towards my children. My WH broke the cycle of alcoholism in his family. I can only PRAY that I am teaching my children how to break the cycle of adultery. There is a lot resting on their shoulders. I hope they are up for it.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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You can only lead the horse to the water........  You done well...........  Do your workouts look like mine????....... Not
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I don't know what your workouts look like dear. We started punching the bag last week and now my back and shoulders hurt. That is on top of my abs and legs. Today, we did pretty much the whole hour with very little rest. We focused on legs and arms. He "warned" us that ABS are on Wednesday. I don't like the sound of that, but I am still gonna go.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Hint......take a look at Limbo's thread........
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...I broke the cycle of physical abuse towards my children. My WH broke the cycle of alcoholism in his family. I can only PRAY that I am teaching my children how to break the cycle of adultery. There is a lot resting on their shoulders. I hope they are up for it. My wife and I in better days talked a lot about breaking generational curses that were in our families. The only way we could do it is separation from them in how we lived. I totally get this Scotty, and am glad to say that we succeeded in separating them from the backwards mindsets that we both had suffered through. Truth is, our children don't understand what we went through and can't appreciate the differance. Of course, that is the victory, they are better off not knowing and being better adjusted. But the good thing is they do understand and have compassion for people who are damaged, but not for what damages them. IYKWIM. I am sure you will have victory in your efforts to break the affairage cycle. All you have to do is be you and love them and they will see the strength you are even if Bampot has fallen. They allready know the truth, and they are stand-up guys. Just like thier Mom. 
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Scotty checking in(don't want any wild parties, lead by Mark over here, hehehehehe). A couple of nights ago, I was lying in bed and I was MAD. I had a lot of things I felt were left unsaid to OW. I know that it is not HER fault. I know that Bampot had the responsibility to keep his vows. There is ALSO some fault that lies with WF. I decided I would write her a letter(which I will NEVER send BTW). This is what the letter looked like WF,
I am angry with you. There are some many words that I would love to b able to say to you. When I see you or think about you, it brings out the worst in me. It makes me feel things I don't like and I need to get rid of it. I need to get rid of YOU(in my head).
You may feel like you have "won" some contest with me. That Bampot is a great prize. I want you to know that there was NEVER a competition. And that Bampot is NO PRIZE. The man I married and love does not exist and that is partly because of you. We had a decent marriage(some may even call it GOOD). Many who truly knew us felt like we were each others Ying and yang. We completed each other. We truly loved each other.
I am a MUCH better woman than YOU. I am not normally a judgmental person but for you I have reserved myself this endulgence. I am a loyal, trusting, honest, loving, caring, friendly, compassionate, beautiful, possessor of high morals and values which I do not waiver on whims, GREAT mother and wife. I continue to be this person to this day. I will NOT allow YOU or Bampot to change me.
Life consumed us and raising our children and living the "responsible life" led us down a path where we lost each other. We became two people sharing the same house. We still shared SOME of the married life, but not enough. We became unhappy. I chose to throw myself into raising the kids, a noble "sacrifice", I believed, and Bampot threw himself into work to provide for his family. We thought we were doing the "right" thing. We only were, half way.
Some time in 2008 my Dear Husband disappeared and he had been replaced with YOUR BOYFRIEND. He was a man I did not recognize. A man who was once loyal, loving, caring, compassionate, of a high moral cloth, family oriented and a truly good man turned into someone who no longer possessed any of those traits with any merit. He became angry, withdrawn, unhappy and truly someone that I would look at while he slept and thought, "Why do I love this man?" The answer was clear. I didn't love THAT man. That's because he was NOT the man I married.
I believe that in a truly GREAT marriage, the two partners bring out the BEST in each other. I always encouraged Bampot to be the best man he could and I would ALWAYS support him in his endeavors to become a better more fulfilled man. I accepted him for who he was and didn't try to change him. He could dress how he wished and could say what he felt. He WAS a person who had a lot to offer. I HOPE a little of that man still lies beneath the man who came when he decided to enter into his affair with you.
I do not know who you truly were before you started this affair with a married man, my husband. I do know who you are today and I can truly say, that you could NEVER hold a candle for me. The only thing I can do is pray that there was something good in you too, before your affair with my husband began and you may tap into that again and realize that you are making a HUGE mistake. Find that person again, if she ever existed, and let her remind you who you truly are. I wish you no ill-will. All I wish is that you realize you mistakes and correct them.
Scotty This is very liberating for me and it was something I felt I needed to do. I was completely honest with it because I knew it would never be sent. Now, on a "Day in the life of Scotty" update. I got my new couch yesterday. I had a 30 year old sectional sofa bed before. We purchased it from our IMs about 7 years ago. Springs were broken and it had seen better days. My Mom decided to buy me 2 new couches(the other one comes at a later date). So I get my BIL GF to drive the truck to the Brick. We get the couch. We come back to my house, take one part of the old couch out. My Dad decides he will start to bring the new one in. Only one problem The couch is 32 inches wide and my doorway is 28.5 inches. So needless to say, it didn't fit. My dad gets angry and starts going off. I say, "Dad, getting mad is not going to solve the fact that my door is too small. You can leave if you are going to continue." I go back inside and I walk out to hear him complaining about me to BIL GF. I say. "What are you saying? I would like to be able to defend myself." He just looks at me. I don't know if any of you realize how HUGE this is. My father beat me as a child and the last time he hit me was when I was 16. I moved out at 19 after years of emotional and verbal abuse. I have worked through it but one thing always happened to me when he would get mad. I would get scared. Not anymore. I think it amazes him that I stand up to him. It doesn't amaze me though. So, to get the couch in the house, I had to take out a window. Just picture it, 5 people pushing a couch through a window. Now if that doesn't give you a laugh, I don't know what will. The couch is comfy BTW.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Scotty, you're so strong. I sent my email to the WF in my life. And...it didn't even make me feel better, just made me want to hunt her down and make her hurt. So it's probably good you're not sending that. You sound like you're doing fantastic!!
Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10
Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10
Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012
Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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LOL on the couch.
Really though, I just had to log in to say the letter is spot on how I feel. You wrote a beautifully descriptive letter (never to be sent) which describes the emotions of us betrayed ones.
Thank you for putting it in words and sharing it with us so we can feeeeeeeeel we are not alone.
Last edited by reading; 07/22/10 10:45 PM. Reason: to change one little word which was not smooth in the sentence!
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Hello Scotty, I just read your email to OW. It does help to write things down and get it out of your system. I sent a similar email to OW over a year ago when I was still fighting for my marriage... And put 28 of her colleagues in copy. Ooooh, it felt good. I heard last week that she is still having problems digesting it. For several reasons I am very glad I sent that email when I did. Now the email I'd send is: Dear OW,
WH has become a liar, a man with no integrity, honour or courage. Thank you for taking him off my hands. Keep him.
Tully But I won't. I have moved on.
Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.
Maya Angelou
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I like it tully,
Scotty whats really great is you don't feel sorry for yourself, in other words allow the abuse to take residence in its core form in you, selfishness.
I think sometimes it would make me feel better if I went over to the POSOMs house some day or to one of the Bars he frequented and called him out, embarrassed him publically and goaded him into a fight where I could hurt him permenantly.
But then I realize he was just a fool who bought my sick wifes line of crap, how much she suffered at the hands of the world and how it entitled her to get her share of drugs and riotius living.
All I would be doing is making myself feel better for shooting a stray dog who mated with a wild one who got out of the pen. In the end I would be giving in to my feelings. Sure it would feel good at the moment, but they would have taken away something from me that is more important.
I have never bought the premise that Guys are supposed to chase off every other guy whom his girlfriend/wife happens to attract to them when the female puts it out there. Sure be a presence when boneheads approach them and make yourself known, but there is a line when they are looking for attention from men. I won't play that game, its for children, and I don't have time for it.
The other part, the part about how men appear to the OW as such great guys because of thier history and what they have been thru, boo-frickin-hoo. They lost the credit for it when they looked for special attention for doing what they should be doing in the first place. These "I was agreat Dad" people many times have there BW to thank for much of that but they sell the idea that they did it all alone.
The OW buys it, for whatever reason, then the fantasy grows.
It can be said about anything in life really, nobody does anything all by themselves. Its those who are willing to give credit where it due and don't try to cash in on everything they give that are the most balanced.
So the selfish make themself sick and the Affair partners get a person who wants THEM to make up for all thier sacrifices. Its so twisted isn't it? Then the Waywards don't even see that either, and don't recognize you are pointing the way back from that.
People who do affairs truly are lost, I don't think we could think up a punishment more cruel than the one they place upon themselves, or a world more full of crap.
Oh yeah Great Couch story. Almost beats the sawing the box spring in half story my daughter created, or the many time we've had to take furniture apart that wasn't meant to be. Moving was fun!,(JK)
Last edited by ConstantProcess; 07/23/10 04:16 AM.
Me 56 Former BS Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years. 4 children DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4 Me former BS DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr DSs 26 and 23 Teilhard de Chardin..“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ...Sounds about right to me.
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