As it gets closer and closer to the time I have to attend this family reunion of WH at his sister's house, I get sadder and sadder and I panic more and more. This is NOT GOOD!

DD and her BF didn't get out of their town until about 15 minutes ago, which is 3 hours past when they were going to leave or they would be almost here. UGH! I am crying so hard, and so scared to go tomarrow. BUT I KNOW I have to because his sister and mother are supporting me through this and his entire family will be there and expects me to show up and bring my grandson so they can see him too or else they will not see him at all.

I'm so sad. I got a text from WH asking me to make sure DS put his fishing gear into the truck so when I come in tomarrow, I wll bring it and save him a trip out here. Okay. Well, I asked how his day went, he said busy and I said do you have big plans for tonight, he said what youu don't read fb?? Going camping. Oh, okay. Have a good time.

So now I know that him and OW are camping tonight and tomarrow night, and its not that he told me that, it is just that I know she is with him...so I'm feeling down about that too.

I'm going for a walk. That will get me out of this house for a little while. And I have been looking at trailers online so that I could dream a little too.

Some days I wish he had just murdered me instead of this pain LOL. No, I'm not thinking of harming myself, and no I'm not giving up on my M or Plan A or any of it....just a feeling I get sometimes when I'm really, really down.

I'll check back after my walk hopefully it will help clear my head a little.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...amp;Number=1971704&nt=665&page=1

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1072094&page=1

Here's some "light" reading for you.

I am currently still reading Queenie's thread. I finished Mimi's early in my journey.

Thanks for giving me something to occupy my mind last night Scotland. I really needed help I was soooo bad.

Today, I went to the family reunion of my WH family. I was asked repeatedly by his aunts and uncles where he was and I told them truthfully, "I have no clue, maybe you could check with his mom." They asked why and I said, "he lives there and is dating someone else." If they pushed, I told them to ask his mom or him when he managed to get there.

When he finally got there, he was bombarded with, "We kept asking your better half where you were and she said she didn't know....why". Well, he got a little flustered with that and glaredd at me, I just shrugged. When he got me alone he asked what the heck I was doing and I said nothing but telling them the truth. I didn't have a clue where he was and I could not answer them.

His mom smiled at this. That was good, cause it was her I was worried about offending. Well, he sat beside me the whole time I was there after that, I think he was trying to put on a show for them or something. I sat by the pool and watched our children and grandchild play for the duration. We talked a little and were having a good conversation, but then OW (at least I think it was OW, not sure though) started to text him like crazy after about the first two hours. And he kept answering her. So I got up and went into the house and took his mom aside and told her I just needed to vent so I didn't blow up and ruin the party. She asked what was wrong and I said "easy, he sits by me the whole time so that he can put on a show then he texts her the whole time he's sitting there. That is not Kosher. Period." She agreed and then I got ready to leave and took my grandson with me as I was to take him back to his mommy's house.

Anyway, I KNOW my MIL and I KNOW her family. My WH WILL be answering to them as to what he is doing, why and what the heck I left so early for when there was no other reason but something he must have done.

Well, I wasn't going to sit there and put up with OW and him texting, that isn't part of plan A. I met his needs as best I could while I was there, getting him a plate of food when I went for mine, getting him a drink while I got mine, bringing the fishing gear to his sister's house like he asked so he could go fishing tomarrow, talking and laughing with him about family things and the past, taking pictures and such. So I DID plan A today. I just put my foot down about the texting. So I left. I had already been there 6 hours anyhow and was overheated and really ready to go anyway.

But I think I did okay considering everything. And NOW his WHOLE family knows about OW and what he is doing. So that's a plus. LOL. AND my MIL is not mad at me either cause I did it in a good way.

Anyhow, then I manage to get all the way to the gas station five blocks from my house and my serpentine belt goes out in my car! UGH! That means I can't drive it until it is fixed, not even to go get the part. DD and DS both can fix it, just gotta get the part...oh, and no money to pay for the part either....so now I'm kinda in trouble again here. UGH!!

You did good. I would have only changed a couple of things though. Instead of saying that your WH was "dating" someone else, I would have said, "I don't know where WH is right now, he is living with his mother and is having an affair with a person named OW." Hey, if you're going to expose, you might as well DO IT.

Also, when your WH was texting OW, you could have said something about it. I saw someone(I think MrW) say that they would put their hand over the phone, kiss her neck and say, "Not now." It would take a lot to do this, but it would give you such POWER.

GREAT JOB. I wanted to make sure that I told you that again. You really did do great. And what were you worried about?

LOL. Not sure now what I was worried about other than having another night like last night. I was in REALLY bad shape last night. It took my best friend and my aunt four and a half hours between the two to talk me down, I was totally hysterical. And then it wasn't even really talked down, I passed out and didn't answer my aunt's last text cause I cried myself to sleep and she freaked and called DD and had her come to my room to check on me. LOL. DD said it was funny, but it concerned her as to why her aunt would be so worried about me. But I am not sure what my aunt told her about it other than to get her but up there and check on me.

I didn't want a repeat there. But I am feeling okay now, so I guess I didn't do as bad as I thought.

and thanks, I appreciate the encouragement.

You did GREAT. The only thing you have to focus on is what you are going to do, Plan A wise, tomorrow.

Tomarrow? Hmmmm, well I'm gonna text him to have a good day. And I'm going to go to a movie with my DD who is actually paying for it!! Woohoo!! And I'm going to pick up the house once DD and her BF leave with their furbabies. Cause it's a mess when they invade!! BF is going to help me weed a couple of flower beds while DD and I are at movie, which yardwork is one of WH pet peeves when it is not done.

And maybe I will do other things too, but those are the plans for the day at this point.

How about an I remember when.... email? You should make it about a really fun or funny time.

OOOOH! Good idea! I will have to work at that for a while.

Just got bad news too. Guess my biological mother, who is my SIL, is in ICU and they don't expect her to make it, her condition is "tenuous", she lives 800 miles away. And I went to see her, that's when he found the bills I had been lying about and that was the "final catalyst" according to WH before I figured out the A. So I'm not actually devastated by the news, cause she is my biological mother, but it is sad.

So I think OW got ahold of WH phone in the middle of a texting conversation! UGH! I had texted earlier to have a good day. Then texted a little while ago hope ya had a good day!! Did u catch any fish? Talk later if you can??

He texted back, "no, no and don't know"

I said "hope your day gets better. Text later if you can."

He said "me too."

I said, " Okay. Well I'm here if ya wanna talk or vent. Lemme know later if ya want"

Next reply was, "not haveing a bad day so won't need to talk or vent."

I then said, "I misunderstood. Text later if you can then."

Okay, so I was talking with him....I'm sure of that one, then I think the last reply was from her cause it was a total different tone to it.

UGH! How do you handle something like that so that I know in the future?? How should I have done it at this point? I did what I thought was best, but I don't know what I ACTUALLY should have done.

Please advise!

Also,WH seems to be withdrawing further by not calling/texting so much to me. I even only get a reply parts of the time now rather than all the time. I'm wondering if he's not going dim on me LOL. Actually, I do wonder that, if he's been here or somewhere else that has referred to it and is using that on me at this time. BUT when we do talk, it's usually pretty good talks and I have been keeping up Plan A. Just not sure and then there's the fact that I REALLY do think that OW is getting ahold of his phone and I am unsure as to whether it is him answering me sometimes or her....not sure what to think there. I KNOW that he would talk with me....he has maintained our friendship and closeness throughout this. Now I'm curious as to what ya'all think too.

Please advise on this as well.

bump. (sorry, but please advise me, please?!!)

Cami, you are dealing with a typical cake eater. WHich means, these plans WORK on them. How they react, well you aren't supposed to care. I know you do, but it doesn't matter for YOUR plan.

I am sorry that you think that it was OW texting. It might have been and it might not have been. It doesn't really matter though. How I would have handled that was to send back a, "I will be dreaming about you again tonight, I loved the one from the other night. Wait for my email all about it." This IS your husband you are talking to. You should be the only one allowed to talk to him like this.

BTW, not liking the being there for him to vent thing. That is more what a friend does. You CAN NOT accept his "relationship" with OW and he should KNOW it.

That is part of the stick of Plan A. Plan A with no stick is called Plan DOORMAT around these parts. And you don't want that. That will most likely lead you to Plan D-ville.

Gotcha. I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that once it hit me. I am gonna have to remember whatcha said about sending something somewhat sexy. That should get her goat LOL> But on the vent thing, I wasn't really thinking about ow when I said it. I had asked about his day, and he had said not good. I HONESTLY thought he was having a bad day with work or something, cause he gets really strange calls on Sundays usually if he gets any and it affects his mood. So I was offering to listen, figuring he'd complain about work or something. It NEVER occured to me that he might be talking about her. Not until YOU said it....gotta be more careful with that. I really need to think about those things EVERY time I talk with him. UGH. He KNOWS and I have TOLD him that I will NOT talk about OW or anything to do with her. I have been VERY clear on that with him. So, I just figured he was referring to his day not her. Maybe I WAS wrong, I don't know. Gosh, I really gotta think about things before I say them! Thanks for pointing that one out to me!!

NP. I was just letting you know what I saw.

It's good that he knows that you won't tolerate talk about the OW. You need to give more stick though. Make sure that he knows that the way things are right now aren't going to last forever. He needs to KNOW that you want your marriage to survive this. But that you WILL NOT accept a marriage where he has a girlfriend. That is not okay with YOU.

So just found out that WH had DD21 LIE to me! OMG! I am soooo dissappointed in him and her. After such a long speech and such a blow up about me lieing to him over some bills, he got her to lie to me and tell me that she visited him at the camp site after the reunion saturday night but OW wasn't there. I found a pic of WH and DD and her car was in the background, so I called DD and said, "hey, if she wasn't there, who's car was that" DD said "well, I don't know" I said, "are you trying to spare my feelings here? Tell me the truth, remember" So she admited that OW was there, but claims she did not go near her and did not talk with her at all, just took the pictures, talked to dad a few minutes and left.

Now, I'm pretty steaming here cause he made such a big fuss out of how he "Hates liers, cheats and theives" and used that as the main excuse why he left me. So I'm just furious now. OMG! Not plan A material today obviously after this.

but earlier, I handled the last of the ch 13 stuff, texted back and forth for a few minutes with him and told him to have a good day....and was generally picking up house and cleaning too. BUT I also visited divorce attorney this morning and told him what I want and expect when/if WH does file. We will be answering and it will not be pretty for WH, it will take him MONTHS to decide if it's worth it at that point. Dragging it out is what I want right now, I may change my mind, but don't know. If I do, so be it. But not for now.

OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH I am sooooo mad! Do I say something about DD lieing for him to WH? Since it's such a BIG thing to him?? Do I pretend I didn't find out? WHAT?????

Don't say anything. Be sure that DD21 will tell him that you know. When he asks you about it say something like, "I will not accept lying as a part of a healthy marriage, would you like a cookie?" Then continue on with your Plan A. Remember NEVER make a decision based on the actions/inactions of a wayturd.

Make YOUR plan about the goal YOU want to achieve. You can do this.

UGH! Okay, I won't say anthing to him about it. BUT man am I MAD over this one. He had her LIE to me and SHE did it! OMG! Kids, after I gave her the talk a while back about not lieing to me about anything ever because I would rather know the truth than be hit broadside with it like I WAS this time!

UGH!!! I told her once more that I will not tolerate her lieing to me for any reason, any time, and I expect her to honor that. She said she did it to spare my feelings but understands. And now she's mad at me for yelling at her! KIDS!!

Sorry, I'm really steamed here and I just need to vent it away before I mess up....so I'm here to do that so I don't blow my plan A. I WON'T say anything to him about it, but OOOOOOH I'm mad. I'll calm down. Thanks for the advice!!

Brighter note:

Went to the D attny today so that I could pay the retainer in case WH does decide to file. We accomplished quite a bit too and he told me several ways to delay the process and to make it not fiesable for WH to D me. I told him at this point to do them all. I will decide later if I want to change my mind or not...but for now, anything will be answered and will cause delay. That was what I wanted.

Have you ever had to pound it out? Sapph will often pound out her frusterations about work or kids or marriage. Sure it sounds violent, but take a stick and beat a pillow with it, until you pound out all your anger. Its a very helpful temporary relief. I tried it once and just started laughing, its just not my style. Its kinds like screaming into a pillow for a good solid minute, gets rid of all those feelings.

I'm sorry to hear about DD21. I really hope she does not pick up on WH behaviour as okay, or normal. It's so much easier to deal with a 4 and 2 year old. I send them to the corner. Can't send DD21 to the corner for lying, but maybe you should....lol. 5 minutes for each year old she is. Thats uh....105 minutes.