Dragging my thread over here. The place I never wanted to be...ever


Here is my llllooonnnngggg thread which I have been posting for 18 months.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2414970&page=1

MB has been a savior for me that I am pushing through each day.

Hate being divorced. I won't even check off the marital status box on any forms. Just leave them blank.

Feel like a failure, Still have love for my XH who is having his Affairage in October.

Just taking my baby steps but still feel like I am waiting most days.

Welcome to the club no one wants to belong to.

Wow, 202 pages and a lot of water under the bridge, Hope! Certainly you're way more versed in MB concepts than many of us here if you've been around since 2008. We'll be interested in your insight for sure.

I'm sorry you're here. Sorry your H is marrying his affair partner.

In my experience here, the D board is not quite so active but very supportive. We're all just trying to make the best of a bad situation. I think we're all at this point just trying to protect ourselves and our kids from any further damage caused by adultery or whatever might have lead to the destruction of our marriages.

I hope we can help you cope. I haven't read your thread, but I absolutely doubt you're a failure. As Scot told me once: the only failing is not trying.

~optimism~

PS, have you thought of planting a few hundred cockroaches in the chapel about a week before the Affairage date?

Hi Hope,
You're not a failure. I remember your thread. I also remember feeling the same way. I hate being divorced too but I have been forging ahead anyway. I still have love for my XH. I will always want him to be safe and happy. But, I no longer want him back. I pray for him most mornings and nights. I pray that he is protected and will find healing and will open his heart to God's will for him. It has helped me with my struggle for forgiveness. It has brought me peace and a calm that I have missed for a very long time.

Baby steps are still steps...

Hope,

Like you, I never wanted to be over here either, in fact I didn't like reading the posts here before I started my D process, now it seems I spend very little time on the SAA board, But like the SAA board there is great support here as well and our reality is our reality.......

I know you know in your heart that you did everything possible to restore your marriage and that's something to be proud of and it is a great example to have shown your DD.....So welcome aboard !!!


I hope tomorrow brings you more peace than today

Oh hope - you are far from a failure. Your's was one of the first threads I read all the way through when I showed up here a year ago. You are amazing.

Your strength and grace while dealing with one of the worst situations - working with the infidels- is awe inspiring. You're one of my heroes. Honestly.

I've dreamed of driving down to Corpus (I got family in the RGV and San Antonio) and just giving you an enormous hug and telling you how wonderful you are.

Since I can't do that - I'll just say (((((hope))))) you are wonderful.

What a nice surprise opening this thread and seeing the support here.

Why should I be surprised -- you are all MBers.

I told one of my friends from this board that I posted here and was going to go back and delete it because maybe I really didn't belong here.

I must be like my Mom who won't go to the senior center because it is a bunch of "old people" and she is 86.

Need that reality check.

I know that this board is not as active. I have peeked in a few times.

Yes, I do need the support especially with the Affairage on 10/10/10. Never thought XH would take it that far but he has to show that "he is right" and this is the ulitmate way. Funny he has not told either daughter of the wedding date nor his sister?

Like the idea of the cockroaches but this travesty will happen in Vegas, of course the home of the waywards and Sin City.

Vib, come anytime to Texas. My door is always open. I have met a few MBers these past 2 years and it was a wonderful experience. Some are my dear friends.

Well I am here...today feels better.

Never heard the term "Affairage" before. Just found out my WH will be having one of those too. He told me in a recent email, he just wants to move to Florida and start a new life with his new wife (we are still technically married) and his new child (hers from a former relationship). I guess me and his kids here in Maryland is the "past" he claims he wants to put behind him.

I never thought he would marry again either. He even claimed several times if we EVER got divorced, he would NEVER marry again. But like yours, I guess he has to take it all the way since the relationship has caused so much damage. They just have to justify all the pain they caused somehow.

It helps me to know he is stuck and I have my freedom. When you are able to embrace that freedom, it really is comforting to know it is soooooo much better than being a broken person in a relationship born out of lies.

Sorry you are here too. But welcome nevertheless!

Fellspoint,
I heard the term Affairage on this site and it is very appropriate.

since XH, PP (OW), and myself still work for the same company, my plan is if this Affairage comes to pass then I will tell my co-workers that there are 3 of us with the same last name...

X-H who had A with direct report
me - who was married to H
PP - who is the affairage partner

That should pretty much explain it.

Sorry your XH is getting hitched too and has forgotten about his family. Does he see his kids?

My DD has not seen him for 15 months (her choice) but he has not done much to change it.

I do like my freedom and doing pretty much what I want. I do not want to remain with a broken person but the man that I had planned on being married for life.

I grieve for the man he was not the alien he has become.

{{{{{Hope}}}}}} You have inspired me so many times....You are strong and absolutely NOT a failure. Your xWH is the failure, big time...trust me. We all know you pretty well from your thread and he has lost a wonderful woman. His loss, not yours.

I took your advice and followed you over to the D Board.

We'll get through this. We aren't failures, our XWHs are.

We will get through this.

I know I have come far. Anyone here take a look at your first few posts and look where we are now.

We are Goddesses or Godmen??

I know that our XWS are the losers. It is just tough understanding how they could walk away from everyone and everything that they loved for the trash they ended up with.

My Ex even walked away from the Dog for a pig...

Think I had a troll (or should I say possibly X-H or PP) visit MB.

A couple of alert Mbers noticed that a junior member that signed up yesterday was reading my long thread for most of the day.

They posted to warn me. To protect the "innocent" I closed the thread down.

I did put the link to my story on this site when I came over here and it could have been someone who joined and clicked on it but my suspicious mind says "something stinks in China".

Do pigs fly (PP) good chance.

It is quieter over here. It is also a lot less traumatic than SAA. I do a lot better when I focus on my present and my future than when I spend too much time relating to others in the early raw stages of dealing with an affair. At this point in our lives, with the affairs discovered and in our past (as much as they are going to be for now) and our divorces final, it is time to work on living our lives. Welcome to living again. You survived your ex-husband's affair. Now what do YOU want to do with the rest of YOUR life?

Hi SS, it is much quieter here. I am only focusing on my present because the future is scary stuff and then the anxiety kicks in. I had a conversation with my SIL and she was saying that my brother wanted to retire to a little house by a lake. She then said now the kids are out of the house we need to take care of each other and make choices for ourselves not based on the kids.

An hour later I was in tears...thinking thinking thinking...I will be alone; what if I get sick; what if I lose my job; what if what if what if. Had to catch myself before I crashed. I prayed, I kept trying to turn it over to Him. It did pass but for that short time it was overwhelming.

What I want to do with my life.I don't have a clue. I can only get through day by day. Anything more than that can't even fathom.

Just because you are divorced does not mean that you will be alone. I am new in town. I am not alone. I have good real friends. I have family. You have this too. There are people that would help you if you were sick. If you lost your job, you would deal with it. I moved from California to Arkansas without a job. I stayed with friends for one week. I am happy and employed.

You don't have to map out the rest of your life (unless you want to give God a good laugh). Just map out what general direction you want to head. What small thing can you do today to make your life a little better?

I had the "what if I get sick" nightmare almost every night for a week. It's entirely too easy to be scared. I started a new journal and put away the "divorce" journal. This one is entirely about being positive. Patting myself on the back... etc. Fake it till you make it. It helps for sure to stay positive.

It's also too easy to feel discarded. My husband didn't just cash me in for a younger model. He cashed in his own kids to go live with her in another state. And he still is so awful, calling me old, ugly, saying things about me too despicable to post. I am in the process of learning to stop asking myself, "why?" That's the harder obstacle. But when I feel stuck in "why?" I turn it around by reminding myself how I would NEVER choose to be with a man capable of doing/acting/saying the things that he is/was capable of.

"Good riddance!" has been my new mantra. It's not an anti-marriage sentiment, but a healthy choice to turn away from someone so unhealthy.

Thinking of you Hope and wishing you peace.

I totally agree with this.

{{{{hope}}}}

You are most definitely not a failure. You, Scotty, Pep, and a few others have given me advice, support, and a sense of "hope" when I needed it the most.

I have peeked over here a few times myself, not yet able to really start posting; but I am pretty sure it is only a matter of time.

Just remember Hope no matter where on the board you are, you have friends and support.

Take care

Just got back from a girls night out at one of my coworkers house. It was fun. Everyone was invited but PP which made it easy for me.

Had a good time except for when they all started talking about their Hs. Who snored or kicked the covers; what project they were working on at home; how they were raising their kids together.

Just always took those conversations for granted and for a while I really felt OMO (Odd man out). No one to talk about but the dogs.

It is good to have the support here. It truly does help with all of the suggestions. I do know that I am not a failure just lost my way.

It has to get better.

It does get easier. You will find other things to talk about. You will also get more comfortable in those situations when it is not so new. You may even make some friends that are divorced or single that you can relate to more easily.

I think that, in the main, couples mix with other couples and you will probably find yourself gradually excluded from this particular social scene and your social circle becomes other single women. Or you become the one that's included in a "wives only" night out.

That's how it's been for me anyway. I've been on my own now for so long that I'm totally used to it but can't help feeling like a "second class citizen" sometimes.