Dragging my thread over here. The place I never wanted to be...ever


Here is my llllooonnnngggg thread which I have been posting for 18 months.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2414970&page=1

MB has been a savior for me that I am pushing through each day.

Hate being divorced. I won't even check off the marital status box on any forms. Just leave them blank.

Feel like a failure, Still have love for my XH who is having his Affairage in October.

Just taking my baby steps but still feel like I am waiting most days.

Welcome to the club no one wants to belong to.

Wow, 202 pages and a lot of water under the bridge, Hope! Certainly you're way more versed in MB concepts than many of us here if you've been around since 2008. We'll be interested in your insight for sure.

I'm sorry you're here. Sorry your H is marrying his affair partner.

In my experience here, the D board is not quite so active but very supportive. We're all just trying to make the best of a bad situation. I think we're all at this point just trying to protect ourselves and our kids from any further damage caused by adultery or whatever might have lead to the destruction of our marriages.

I hope we can help you cope. I haven't read your thread, but I absolutely doubt you're a failure. As Scot told me once: the only failing is not trying.

~optimism~

PS, have you thought of planting a few hundred cockroaches in the chapel about a week before the Affairage date?

Hi Hope,
You're not a failure. I remember your thread. I also remember feeling the same way. I hate being divorced too but I have been forging ahead anyway. I still have love for my XH. I will always want him to be safe and happy. But, I no longer want him back. I pray for him most mornings and nights. I pray that he is protected and will find healing and will open his heart to God's will for him. It has helped me with my struggle for forgiveness. It has brought me peace and a calm that I have missed for a very long time.

Baby steps are still steps...

Hope,

Like you, I never wanted to be over here either, in fact I didn't like reading the posts here before I started my D process, now it seems I spend very little time on the SAA board, But like the SAA board there is great support here as well and our reality is our reality.......

I know you know in your heart that you did everything possible to restore your marriage and that's something to be proud of and it is a great example to have shown your DD.....So welcome aboard !!!


I hope tomorrow brings you more peace than today

Oh hope - you are far from a failure. Your's was one of the first threads I read all the way through when I showed up here a year ago. You are amazing.

Your strength and grace while dealing with one of the worst situations - working with the infidels- is awe inspiring. You're one of my heroes. Honestly.

I've dreamed of driving down to Corpus (I got family in the RGV and San Antonio) and just giving you an enormous hug and telling you how wonderful you are.

Since I can't do that - I'll just say (((((hope))))) you are wonderful.

What a nice surprise opening this thread and seeing the support here.

Why should I be surprised -- you are all MBers.

I told one of my friends from this board that I posted here and was going to go back and delete it because maybe I really didn't belong here.

I must be like my Mom who won't go to the senior center because it is a bunch of "old people" and she is 86.

Need that reality check.

I know that this board is not as active. I have peeked in a few times.

Yes, I do need the support especially with the Affairage on 10/10/10. Never thought XH would take it that far but he has to show that "he is right" and this is the ulitmate way. Funny he has not told either daughter of the wedding date nor his sister?

Like the idea of the cockroaches but this travesty will happen in Vegas, of course the home of the waywards and Sin City.

Vib, come anytime to Texas. My door is always open. I have met a few MBers these past 2 years and it was a wonderful experience. Some are my dear friends.

Well I am here...today feels better.

Never heard the term "Affairage" before. Just found out my WH will be having one of those too. He told me in a recent email, he just wants to move to Florida and start a new life with his new wife (we are still technically married) and his new child (hers from a former relationship). I guess me and his kids here in Maryland is the "past" he claims he wants to put behind him.

I never thought he would marry again either. He even claimed several times if we EVER got divorced, he would NEVER marry again. But like yours, I guess he has to take it all the way since the relationship has caused so much damage. They just have to justify all the pain they caused somehow.

It helps me to know he is stuck and I have my freedom. When you are able to embrace that freedom, it really is comforting to know it is soooooo much better than being a broken person in a relationship born out of lies.

Sorry you are here too. But welcome nevertheless!

Fellspoint,
I heard the term Affairage on this site and it is very appropriate.

since XH, PP (OW), and myself still work for the same company, my plan is if this Affairage comes to pass then I will tell my co-workers that there are 3 of us with the same last name...

X-H who had A with direct report
me - who was married to H
PP - who is the affairage partner

That should pretty much explain it.

Sorry your XH is getting hitched too and has forgotten about his family. Does he see his kids?

My DD has not seen him for 15 months (her choice) but he has not done much to change it.

I do like my freedom and doing pretty much what I want. I do not want to remain with a broken person but the man that I had planned on being married for life.

I grieve for the man he was not the alien he has become.

{{{{{Hope}}}}}} You have inspired me so many times....You are strong and absolutely NOT a failure. Your xWH is the failure, big time...trust me. We all know you pretty well from your thread and he has lost a wonderful woman. His loss, not yours.

I took your advice and followed you over to the D Board.

We'll get through this. We aren't failures, our XWHs are.

We will get through this.

I know I have come far. Anyone here take a look at your first few posts and look where we are now.

We are Goddesses or Godmen??

I know that our XWS are the losers. It is just tough understanding how they could walk away from everyone and everything that they loved for the trash they ended up with.

My Ex even walked away from the Dog for a pig...

Think I had a troll (or should I say possibly X-H or PP) visit MB.

A couple of alert Mbers noticed that a junior member that signed up yesterday was reading my long thread for most of the day.

They posted to warn me. To protect the "innocent" I closed the thread down.

I did put the link to my story on this site when I came over here and it could have been someone who joined and clicked on it but my suspicious mind says "something stinks in China".

Do pigs fly (PP) good chance.

It is quieter over here. It is also a lot less traumatic than SAA. I do a lot better when I focus on my present and my future than when I spend too much time relating to others in the early raw stages of dealing with an affair. At this point in our lives, with the affairs discovered and in our past (as much as they are going to be for now) and our divorces final, it is time to work on living our lives. Welcome to living again. You survived your ex-husband's affair. Now what do YOU want to do with the rest of YOUR life?

Hi SS, it is much quieter here. I am only focusing on my present because the future is scary stuff and then the anxiety kicks in. I had a conversation with my SIL and she was saying that my brother wanted to retire to a little house by a lake. She then said now the kids are out of the house we need to take care of each other and make choices for ourselves not based on the kids.

An hour later I was in tears...thinking thinking thinking...I will be alone; what if I get sick; what if I lose my job; what if what if what if. Had to catch myself before I crashed. I prayed, I kept trying to turn it over to Him. It did pass but for that short time it was overwhelming.

What I want to do with my life.I don't have a clue. I can only get through day by day. Anything more than that can't even fathom.

Just because you are divorced does not mean that you will be alone. I am new in town. I am not alone. I have good real friends. I have family. You have this too. There are people that would help you if you were sick. If you lost your job, you would deal with it. I moved from California to Arkansas without a job. I stayed with friends for one week. I am happy and employed.

You don't have to map out the rest of your life (unless you want to give God a good laugh). Just map out what general direction you want to head. What small thing can you do today to make your life a little better?

I had the "what if I get sick" nightmare almost every night for a week. It's entirely too easy to be scared. I started a new journal and put away the "divorce" journal. This one is entirely about being positive. Patting myself on the back... etc. Fake it till you make it. It helps for sure to stay positive.

It's also too easy to feel discarded. My husband didn't just cash me in for a younger model. He cashed in his own kids to go live with her in another state. And he still is so awful, calling me old, ugly, saying things about me too despicable to post. I am in the process of learning to stop asking myself, "why?" That's the harder obstacle. But when I feel stuck in "why?" I turn it around by reminding myself how I would NEVER choose to be with a man capable of doing/acting/saying the things that he is/was capable of.

"Good riddance!" has been my new mantra. It's not an anti-marriage sentiment, but a healthy choice to turn away from someone so unhealthy.

Thinking of you Hope and wishing you peace.

I totally agree with this.

{{{{hope}}}}

You are most definitely not a failure. You, Scotty, Pep, and a few others have given me advice, support, and a sense of "hope" when I needed it the most.

I have peeked over here a few times myself, not yet able to really start posting; but I am pretty sure it is only a matter of time.

Just remember Hope no matter where on the board you are, you have friends and support.

Take care

Just got back from a girls night out at one of my coworkers house. It was fun. Everyone was invited but PP which made it easy for me.

Had a good time except for when they all started talking about their Hs. Who snored or kicked the covers; what project they were working on at home; how they were raising their kids together.

Just always took those conversations for granted and for a while I really felt OMO (Odd man out). No one to talk about but the dogs.

It is good to have the support here. It truly does help with all of the suggestions. I do know that I am not a failure just lost my way.

It has to get better.

It does get easier. You will find other things to talk about. You will also get more comfortable in those situations when it is not so new. You may even make some friends that are divorced or single that you can relate to more easily.

I think that, in the main, couples mix with other couples and you will probably find yourself gradually excluded from this particular social scene and your social circle becomes other single women. Or you become the one that's included in a "wives only" night out.

That's how it's been for me anyway. I've been on my own now for so long that I'm totally used to it but can't help feeling like a "second class citizen" sometimes.

I still am included with my true friends that are married. I have been friends since they were single though and have known them a long time. I have been to their house with their husbands and am friends with them as well. I think it depends on the nature of the friendships.

Most of my friends here are married. Most of the single women are looking to hang out to go meet men and I am just not interested in going to bars.

Why do people feel that the way to "get over" a D is to find a new man? Like one can replace the other.

Have no desire to date or get to know anyone. Just not there.

Because they're idiots, lol.

Another one is that to the man/woman, when I say I'm getting a D, or in the process or whatever, people always say "I'm sorry to hear that" or something similar. I appreciate that and it seems like a totally respectful way to respond.

Now let me ask you, as a woman, how do most people react, or what is a common response when you've told them you were divorcing? [I'll reveal my theory after you post]

opt

It really depends who I was telling...

When I told my family that XH was leaving me they started to bash him. Most were totally shocked as I was. Wanted me to move back to my home state and just get out of here.

Friends and coworkers --- You don't need him, just move on, or the classic "don't worry you will meet another man soon". arrrgggghhhhh...

When I finally told people I was very honest and said that XH walked out on us and was having an A with his direct report. Maybe if I just said I was divorcing they might say they were sorry for me.

Would like to hear your theory.

I think it is because they are overwhelmed by loneliness and are convinced that if they just had a nice man, everything would be dreamy. That idea is sooo much easier than taking the time to heal from the divorce and re-exam our lives. I have no desire to complicate my life right now either with a new man. I'm not ready. I know it. I do want to meet new people though so I try to talk to people at work, I go to the gym, I go to church, and I go to dinner and movies on the weekend by myself. When I am ready to meet someone, I will. Until then, I am getting my life in order.

Well, it's a loose theory, but you affirmed it above to some extent. I just think people are more supportive with the man's bad news. With women, in my limited experience, people come up with these weird things to say.

My stbxww said someone actually asked her "are congratulations in order?"


Maybe people just assume that when the woman divorces she automatically gets full custody, the house, CS, and a big fat alimony check; and the opposite being true for the man.

Either way, I stick to my original theory: People are idiots.

-------------------
SS2 said it best.

Most people wouldn't dream of actually taking an opportunity to make themselves better people in the face of incredible adversity. I guess that's what makes us better than most people.


opt

I remember when my lawyer sent me an email to let me know that my divorce was final. The subject line was: Great News. WTF? I cried.

I haven't had anyone congratulate me. People ask me why I got a divorce and I tell them that my husband was unfaithful and left. The response that I get has been interesting. For the most part, people open up to me and share similar stories if they have them. I get this response the most! There are a lot of people hurting out there from similar wounds. Even people that haven't suffered from infidelity are very sympathetic. Frankly, I'm tired of the sympathy though. I need to find a way to answer that is less pitiful.

I compare Divorce to cancer. It attacks and is relentless. You fight it, sometimes the pain returns but then there is a point where you finally get stronger.

I feel I have overcame the cancer but don't have the strength anymore for the battle. Don't have the heart or soul for a new R.

Like you I am trying to be more social. I joined a poker group that plays once a month that is fun. I work out at the gym, go to church, work a 2nd job cleaning to fill my time and mind, and just try and keep busy.

I was always a very independant woman even when I married. My XH did not think I needed him was one of the fog babble statements he made to me.

I am very lonely but for the man my XH was not the alien he has become. (Thus my thread name "The Divorced Wife")

I feel exactly like you hope...I just dont have the heart and soul for a new R....and that would not be fair to the new person ya know? Thats how I feel about the D too...I just dont have any fight left in me to start that and NO desire for a new man. So I feel what would be the point.

I too would love a man, but my DH, I want him back...not any other....

I don't think divorce is a cancer since it was "man-made." It didn't just develop naturally or happen as a result of too much sun. And it's definitely not an accident.

And this vile thing -- this divorce as a result of an affair -- was done BY the one you and your kids loved the most.

So comparing it to cancer -- I'd compare it more to a mad scientist purposely infecting his own family with a flesh-eating bacteria that rots their brains and ruins their sanity just to made his family go away. More like poisioning than cancer.

Cruel. Thoughtless. And -- surprisenly -- LEGAL. Too bad we can't have them thrown in jail for poisioning their families.

HH, you crack me up. But, you are right. I buy the addiction theory, but only so far. My XWH and yours have been purposely cruel. They've treated us worse than someone they would pass on the street. With less dignity than they would give to any other human. It was a conscious decision on their part to hurt us. You would think that as long as they have known us that they could at least treat us with some respect.

I also have no desire to get into another relationship. Honestly, I don't understand how they can go from one right into another one. And another marriage? That is such a major life decision yet they make it as easily as they make a restaurant order. Just don't get it.....

Need to vent today. Saw my XH with PP.
Had to go to all hands meeting. A couple of my friends grabbed me on the way in and sat with me. Felt comfortable surrounded by friendly faces.

In walks XH with PP. XH comes 2 rows behind me; I don't think he saw me initially because PP grabs his arm after he starts down the row.

Everyone just stops talking and look at me. I wanted to get up and find a new seat but hey I was there first.

I turn my back on them. It hurt. I understand wayward behavior but this is the first time they sat together in front of me anyway. I thought it was cruel and disrespectful to be with PP in front of me.

Maybe they figure it is "ok" now they they are having their affairage in october.

It hurt to see her grab his arm in ownership. That was my husband...that was my life you are holding onto.
Hate it.

The only part of this that I enjoyed was during the presentation and the director started talking about ethics. Gave some examples and he mentions about a manager and relative working together and then a supervisor having an inappropriate relationship with worker.

One employee starts to laugh when they talk about this. I look back and PP is sitting there uncomfortable.

After the meeting they are going to have cake and punch. PP and XH get up and walk out of the meeting room as fast as they can.

Miss my old H, the not perfect guy -- the one that had a heart though.

On a better note took DD16 for yearbook pictures. So many nice ones to chose from but we are on a limited budget. She looked grown up -- no longer my little girl.

I was asking about links to see pictures. I was going to email it to XH in case he wanted to order some on his own and maybe remember what his daughter looked like after 15 months of not seeing her. DD hears me and says I don't want you to send the link to Dad. I do not want him to see me even in a picture. She was adamant about it. I agreed.

Hi there hope-

I am soooo glad you have some great people at work who will "get your back" when things are dicey.

I loved this:
As much as WXH and PP may want to pretend that everything is "okay" now, they do know deep down that it isn't. They also know that everyone else knows that too.

They are a joke.

Of course they high tailed it out of there as soon as they could. It will NEVER be okay, and they got a taste of it today.

Hang in there.

Hope, this is what my WXH and his OW did to me at baseball. Always showing up together. Always putting on a show. But in the end feeling uncomfortable as everyone they were showing off to had a degree of loyalty to me - even if it was simply that they knew my name and that I'd been around the league for years. Even those casual acquaintances had some level of disgust.

This year is my third season post d-day when OW started showing up. She has not made it to one single game. There is only one regular game left and then the tournament with a banquet afterwards. They came to the banquet the first year, but not last year. I used to have to seriously twist WXH's arm to go as he really despised social situations. If OW doesn't want to hang out with the league, he's not going to go.

I understand the workplace is very different from a sports league. Nobody is forcing me (or WXH) to sign up. Either one of us could find another league or just quit playing. But work is different and in many ways you are stuck. However, people do leave jobs, even long held jobs. Either one of them could stumble across a new job and, if they constantly feel uncomfortable at the current job, they may pursue it. Or it could even be a transfer within the same company. Anything could happen. It sucks that you have to face them, but at least you know your coworkers have your back.

I think that way-wards co-workers at work don't get it, that they just don't lose the trust of their spouses, but of their co-workers too, and the only people that would associate with them are people at work that are untrustworthy too.

Hugs to Hope. I am so sorry that you just have to live this thing day after day, and in your face. UGH

Well, I have to admit that it has gone a lot longer than I thought it would, but really, there will be an end to it at some point. The circumstances dictate that it isn't all what they are pretending it is. To admit otherwise would be to admit that they made a wrong decision and it ain't gonna happen until it gets so bad that it blows. It will blow you know.....

Sorry you have to put up with such crap in your face day after day. You have way more grace and strength than I think I could have demonstrated.
Be proud of your self; your life will be so much better and fulfilling in the long run. You are getting to know yourself all over again, You can choose the what and when's in your life. Celebrate the incredible woman you are, and that everyone here knows you are.
{{{{Hope}}}}

Hope, are you still thinking about relocating after your daughter graduates?

Hi Hope!!!!!

Nice to see some SAA group stopping by.
John's twin, thanks for your post. I always admire you and the grace you had during your difficult time.

Chrisner you are peeking in here too!

Not sure what I am going to do about relocation. When we sell the house don't think it will give me enough to move in one of the most expensive cost of living states. I hate winters but the downer is all of my family is there.

Lately I have been thinking that maybe I will stay here till I retire. Work is much less stress (except when I see XH and PP) and cost of living is better. Who knows how I will feel tomorrow.

Had a nice night. Went shopping at Kohls with DD16. Bought her some school clothes and grab a few items for myself. Of course I spent more than planned but it was fun and we had dinner after that. When a teenager wants to spend a Friday night with you, you need to appreciate it.

She is a pain sometimes but she is my blessing.

Since it would just be you and (for a little while) DD, you could always go with an apartment or a smallish house right?

I mean you'd want room for them to visit, but...

At some point I will downsize; just not sure where. I don't like the idea of renting especially with the 2 dogs but would consider a smaller house or condo.

Always enjoy when family or friends come to visit. I have an open door and want to make sure that I have room for guests.

...family or friends or MB stalkers.... tee, hee.

Where do you live????

It shouldn't be too hard to find a dog-friendly apartment, though...Hmm...

Come on down to visit ...ya'll



True but I have always owned all these years not sure if I want to go into an apartment. I am just taking one day at a time to see what I want to do.



Hi Johnstwin, I live on the gulf of mexico on an island in that one star state! Take a road trip with Queenie and come stay!

Hi hope!

Sounds like a plan! I'll ask Queenie the next time we get together.

That would be great. Still trying to get HH and Chai here. I do love having friends come. It is great for both me and DD16.

Very few people realize just how much power they actually have. We have the power to appreciate what we have, the power to love, the power to be happy and the power to forgive. All too many times we settle for so much less than what we want or deserve, why?
"I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me"
Philippians 4:13

hope that is awesome.... i think i may just print that out and put on my mirror to read every morning.

A friend posted it on FB and it really moved me. I too plan on reading it EVERY day also.

We deserve the best and that is what we will have in spite of this.

DITTO

That work meeting sounded painful. How you handle it with such grace is an inspiration. My STBX is 2,000 miles away and I struggle with the feelings of betrayal and keeping my head up despite it all. Every face to face with him is an emotionally charged event.

Hi fellspoint, not so graceful every time but I am getting better.

I know it will be a struggle if the Affairage happens but I keep reminding myself that he has settled for so much less. That is his choice and a poor one.

Feel that I am detaching from their poison. I am blessed with a decent job, wonderful DDs, and a nice home for now.

He spends his time with an unfaithful woman, a boarder in her house, surrounded by all of her stuff and none of his own, her family who tells him what he wants to hear, financial struggles, no R with his DDs and a family that loved him for almost 25 years. It is a sad situation. He was a Hero now he is a Zero as long as he is involved with PP.

I can keep praying for him, and only God can help him.

If you look at my other post on SAA, he was just served with enforcement of the D decree yesterday. I am only following what his D decree stipulated.

Your STBX is 2000 miles away? Do you have children? I will have to look up your thread.

blessings.

I have several threads. Only found out about MB after marriage was over and he had moved in with OW so I went straight to the divorce forum.

In a nutshell I've divorced an incredibly abusive man. Moved out and immediately in with OW. Kids DD 5 and DS 7 moved in to her house for visitation and she began "mothering them as he cut services and financial support (I stayed home with kids and had no income). Routinely tour into me in front of kids, trying to declare me unfit so he wouldn't have to pay child support, etc. Took much out of me. In the end, I got full custody and he up and moved to Florida right after. Barely sees his kids now.

I see there is much to be grateful for and try to take your example on that. We have much in common in several ways. I also dread the upcoming affairage. I'm scared about doing it on my own, and struggling with the finances. Still feel quite abandoned and abused but am detaching as well. Sure does take a while tho.

Don't think I could work with them tho like you do. Kudos!!!

How are you doing Hope?

Hi Fellspoint, I fell back into SAA and have been posting there because I needed some advice about XH bankruptcy and more people read the threads there. Check it out.

How are you doing? Any plans for the long weekend?

You too? Mine threatened bankruptcy as well and it changed the whole dynamic of the divorce settlement. I'll have to check that thread out and see if there's any good advice. OW filed for bankruptcy last week. What a pair.

No big plans for the weekend. Pretty broke. But I'll scare up something fun for the kiddies somehow. You having any fun these days?

Mine, too. Was there an article published recently on ways to get out of paying (a.k.a. screw the faithful spouse) during a D? Just seems to be the latest trend of these waywards. What gives? And what can we do to protect ourselves?

And D!ck -- he's in VEGAS this weekend. Nice place to hide out BEFORE you file for bankruptcy.

Well not to make this any better but my xh has to file for bankruptcy. He has so much debt and well unfortunate for me any debt that was gathered while we were married is automatically mine. My divorce was final almost a year ago. SOooo yea anything from the five years priovous.... He moved out when we were married 3 years and two months to the day and 59 days after our daughter was there....My state did not recognize LSA and well i was young and dumb.

He racked up 15000 in cc bills the first 5 months they lived together.... opened up cc in my name that i didn't know about ect... so now that he can't afford to have a wage garnishment i have to go to court for a cc bill that doesn't even have my name on it.... it's so much fun.

I am sorry you guys have to go through all of this.

Stronger I am shocked by this. What state do you live in? I am in Texas and if this happens I would be in deep trouble. He racked up other 30K of cc debt. Everything was divided at mediation.

Love how the waywards say "move on" but they are not allowing it because of their baggage.

I pray to God to turn XH's eyes back to Him and I know that he has to reach rock bottom. Think I am praying too hard because he is spiraling.

Please let me know about the bankruptcy.

I've got a little tid bit....


Even if the judge says your only responsible for 1/2 the dept, if your name is on the loan then your still responsible for the whole thing in the creditor's eyes. The WS could declare BR or simply stop paying and the creditor would come after you next.

It is essential that any dept that the WS takes is refinanced with your name off of it.

Don't settle for less !!!

Get in writing that the accounts are closed !!!

i live in the "armpit" of america hope. Atleast that's what most of the transplants to this state refer to it as ... Yea right from when you are married it is all 50-50 no matter who's name is on it. He had medical bills racked up the cc in his name our joint that i knew up and the ones i didn't... fun let me tell ya. It's ok though i have to take it as it comes. For a LONG time i was bitter beyond belief about it but it has gotten much better now (well recently.)

It isn't all over with either but i can't do anything to change it now. I am going to court next week for some more of the affair fall out. Best thing i can suggest is to find out what your state laws are. I do know for a fact in TX you can't have your wages garnished for anything but child support and taxes, Trust me i considered moving there for that reason.

Geez, these waywards are really awful. So sorry for all of you. As if the cheating isn't bad enough...

Divorce the gift that keeps on giving.

I do not recognize this man.

I hear ya. I wonder if that feeling will ever fade. Hang in there all!

ditto....

This would be funny if it weren't so true. We are in the first month of what is a 13 year arrangement where he has to reimburse me 70% of all the kids work related childcare and outstanding medical expenses. And he refuses! Clearly in violation, so when it was finally finished (or so I thought) I have to file for contempt of court, pay the lawyers even more money, and drag his sorry a** back from FL to take him back to court. How many months are there in 13 years?

Beginning to clue in on the fact that the abuse is no where near over so I finally called a therapist. Much overdo probably.

Hi fellspoint, sorry to hear that. Can't they just attach his paycheck for medical. That I think is what they do in my state.

I am waiting to hear about the bankruptcy and how/if it will affect me.

Also struggling that the Affairage is coming up next month. Can't believe he is going through it.

I am just taking one day at a time and having faith in God and my family.

No, they can't garnish this. It's a different amount each month.

So sorry about the upcoming Affairage and how it seems to be affecting you. I haven't even processed the Affairage on my end yet. Too busy just surviving. Can you have someone with you when it happens, or go for a trip somewhere? Maybe when it's over you will be able to stop dreading it. They will be in their own reality and fantasy life will fall away quick. Riddled with bankruptsy, alienated children, and guilt.

We have too much bad stuff in common. Hugs.

I have been of 2 minds, what to do that weekend and praying that my some miracle it will not happen. Unlike most of the people on this divorced forum I still have love for XH even though I have detached from his toxic actions.

Yes we both have bad stuff in common... but we are good people...that is what matters and we will thrive in the end.