I will recruit any one I can, but thusfar, everyone is interested in being a watcher and sympathizer rather than waking her up and bringing her out of the fog.

Thanks, Pepper... continuing Plan A.

This morning, same mutual friend calls me and says "don't take my advice, keep her in your home and fight for your marriage"

She also reminded me about an event with another friend of hers a couple of years ago. WW has a close friend, who a couple of years ago, had an affair with church preacher's son. My WW talked to her often and told her to think about her family and the possible future for their marriage if they work it out.

I remember my WW telling me this story a couple of years ago. Today our mutual friend remembers my WW telling her this story and the fact that her WS friend is now telling her to take her own advice.

I am telling everyone that will listen and some that won't. I know it should all be done in one swoop, but I just got of the phone with mutual friend's mother, who called to say a package was coming, and asked her if she knew, and she didn't, so I unloaded the story, and she was devastated. WW has always been like a DD to her. She is going to call her this weekend, after her daughter leaves.

Have not exposed to OM side yet, but I am still trying to nail down if he has a W? Almost sounds like he does considering he has to plan his next move. Based on my research, my thought is that he is married, but separated, not divorced, and he is planning to decide whether or not he wants to go through with the divorce.

WW just got back from her counseling session and had this to say to OM:

"So bearing my soul to a stranger wasn't as bad as I thought. I'm gonna go ahead and say I'm a big fan of therapy. :)"

Obviously she is hearing what she wants to hear!!!

I am going to get in contact with her friends I spoke of earlier, who went through an A a few years ago, to get their take on the situation and draw their support to help bust the affair.


BTW, last night she chose to sleep on the couch!

Expect all he11 to break loose when she starts catching flack. I�ll let others weigh in with what you�re going to hear from her. A sample:

You ruined any chance we had to save things!
I can�t trust you!
You betrayed me!

Etc.

Probably the most used


"I was really thinking of working it out with you but now you've ruined it"

This was my greatest fear...

Mel, I know you warned me... what about the prospect of talking to her female friend that went through similar situation a couple of years ago? They are still very close... any chance there.

I told you that IC or MC can't HELP A WAYWARD spouse! Want to know why? Because they manipulate, and lie to the counselor to hear what they want to hear! That's why it didn't work for us! Because every time I was there, I ALWAYS LIED!!

Sapphire, please as a FWW, what did wheels do to pull you back in other than exposing the affair. Sure, exposing the affair is the big one, but at some point he had to be making deposits in your LB. How did he do that while you were in the fog, and not accepting his deposits?

He used a great big ole stick!!

Steve, I am hoping you get the goods on this affair soon so we move to phase 11, NUCLEAR EXPOSURE! Waiting with baited breath.....

Are you kidding?? I wasn't letting him NEAR ME! Let alone deposit anything in my LB, trust me, waywards only think of themselves!

"He used a great big ole stick!!"

Ya and on that stick was called "EXPOSURE!!"

Every time I hear a story that the BS is afraid to expose I always ALWAYS tell wheels that I am sooo glad that he had the balls to expose my affair!

I told him what to do!

Here

Wheel's thread

this may help.

YAY!!

I did exactly that. I followed Mels advice a lot. I gave no excuse because I did not know the first thing about saving a marriage from an affair. I knew my first attempt with OM1 was a failure. I had nothing to lose because Sapph was one credit card swipe from a one way ticket to Aussie. Its amazing what you are willing to do when there is nothing left to lose.

I did a stellar plan A. I learned what my LB are and stopped them all, I still need work, but I did really good. I would often invite her to do things with me, and let her know that I love her. I would sneak into the computer room late at night while she was on the computer, I would watch her type some things that may be questionable then say "What you are doing will destroy our family."

I put road blocks in her way to keep her away from OM. Some things were hard to do like getting rid of a computer, and blocking facebook. I knew it would make sapph mad. I really should have just turned the internet off, but I wanted it for this site and netflix.

I would like to go play World of War"crack" again, or hang out with some good friends we made on the internet. But I know that that will not be good for me or sapph. We could run into OM1, OM2, or heaven forbid make a new OM3. Even I could go off talking to someone and create an OW. Its just not worth it to either of us to back and do the things we used to do. It required a lifestyle change, and we are still changing and making adjustments.

Wheels, I have gotten througha few pages of your thread, but not deep enough yet, so I'll keep reading. But I started wondering how you turned off the internet and wondered if if that would be a good thing to do while I am at work? With the keylogger though, it gives me good intel in the conversations she is having, and if I pull the internet away from her she will resort to something else I can't track... no cell phone tracker for her phone. I don't want them communicating, but I want the intel too. Should I take the router to work with me tomorrow?

All, BTW I think my WW is really getting run down by all of this. Over the last week I often find her dosing off on the couch or recliner in the middle of the day and even right now as I type this. She never used to do this before.

She knows I am talking to someone, just not who. Is that going to make the situation better or worse. I have access to this site a work... should I keep everything there, or at home only when she is not around or paying attention?

All, last night out of sheer disgust I suppose with all the e-mails between WW and OM, I took of my wedding band and placed in on the bathroom sink.

She just asked me why I wasn't wearing it, and I replied "I can't wear something that was given to me in a lie"

She replied, "Can you clarify that for me?"

I replied, "I remember the words from the pastor, Do you, XXXXX take XXXXXX to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, forsaking all others, till death do you part."

She was speechless, and I went back to reading wheels thread.

That was perfect!!

Ya I remember wheels taking off his wedding band, that was another eye opener.

Keep it up

It's a combination of guilt and the shear concentration it takes to do something secret right under your nose. [I had a full on affair for a couple of weeks and it was exhausting.] There's plenty of documented evidence that adulterers suffer depression.

You can tell her you're talking to folks who are trying to help you save your marriage. In fact, if she asks you what you're doing, the basic response is "I'm fighting for our marriage." Keep copies of anything important off site. She'll tear the house apart looking to destroy evidence once you go nuclear.

~opt