Bravo, schtoop! I echo opt's sentiments.

Y'know, I have a funny thing about rings. The day after I graduated from high school (which was NOT the highlight of my life), I took off my high school ring, put it on the dresser top -- and never saw it again.

A few days after my xWW nuked our marriage, I took off my wedding ring and put it in my night stand drawer. It too, has disappeared (I have emptied the drawer completely).

Perhaps there's a message there for me. I'll be darned if I can tell what it is, though.

Well, things continued to move forward this weekend at the Schtoop household.

WW had stayed in the house all through the week with no movement at all on moving out.

We finally figured a time and way of telling the boys about our divorce, and that was Friday evening. We turned off the TV and told them we had something serious to tell them. First we asked them if they had noticed us acting different or not getting along, to which they said no. Then we came out and told them that we haven't been (getting along) and that we are getting a divorce.

There really wasn't much reaction, my oldest boy's first question was who would be moving out. WW told them she was and we both laid out how we would split time with them, and that they would still be at this house half the time.

Of course we gave them the standard talk about how none of this was their fault and how mom and dad would both continue to love them more than ever.

I asked our oldest why he didn't seem surprised, and he said that he wasn't. He had overheard some of our discussions when we thought he was asleep and had a good idea what was going on. He said he had even talked to his best friend about it. We didn't get into the "why's" of the divorce, but he said he knew that I had a problem with the WW "going out with her friends" so much.

The youngest kind of followed his brother's lead and said that he was sad, but was OK with everything.

The whole conversation took about 5-10 minutes and we knew to leave it alone when they asked "are we done, can we watch TV now?" My kids continue to amaze me with their strength and maturity, they really are handling this much better than I could have ever imagined. They met with a family counselor this morning and he agreed they seem to be doing quite well.

The other drama of the weekend was getting the WW to make some movement towards moving out. After the kids went to bed Friday evening, she got dressed and announced she was going to a "friend's" house to watch TV.

It was then that I had enough of her entitled, cheating azz. She's been freeloading in the house the last three weeks (hasn't contributed to the bills), and now she was going to carry on with the OM and come back to sleep in my house? I asked her if she was going to move out this weekend, like she had told me she was. She gave me some sob story about wanting to see how the boys would react first. I pointed out how she has not been contributing and that she could no longer disrespect me under my roof.

She stormed to the bedroom and grabbed enough stuff for overnight and stormed out of the house. Saturday she moved some clothes and her toiletries out has hasn't spent the night since.

She is moving into a three-bedroom house with her single friend who just lost a roommate. She (and the kids during her turns) will be staying there a few months until the WW eventually finds a house of her own. I know, not the most desireable living arrangement for the kids, but there's not a lot I can do to get in the way and the WW gives me every assurance that their welfare will be protected.

She took the kids over there Saturday afternoon and they even spent the night on Sunday. They discovered a PS2 game system over there, so right now they think it's a big party. I really am glad that I can provide the stability of their only known HOME.

Now I have to prepare for the battle of her moving all her crap out at a trickle pace. I can't wait to arrange the house the way I want it, without her stuff taking up all the room.

One last thing, my oldest asked us if we still loved each other. I shook my head and told him no, not the way a man and wife should. He then asked if we would still be friends. I told him that we would get along with each other and do our very best (working together) to make sure that they were cared for to the best of our abilities.

He is an amazing kid.

schtoop,
So how goes it?
She moved out. Is she still out? Have you boxed up her stuff?
Are you arranging things like you want?
Did you paint your bedroom, lol?



I know you're expecting them to have various reactions as time goes on. DD is getting really funny about me moving things around in the house; 4 months of living seperately and she has asked me to put the pictures back "exactly where they were" (I took them all down b/c I intend to pain the hallway). I know she's thinking about how life used to be.



Exactly right. And not just their home, but their lives. Mom's living with a bunch of single folks. By nature, there's no stability there. You're providing what they need in this crucial time. Good for you and good for them that they have you.



LOL. How dare you challenge her newfound happiness?! (something like that, right?)



I think you did well here. It's wrong to lie. And let's face it: she's not doing much to make you love her. In fact you would be some kind of idiot masochist to love someone that treated you like she has. Am I right? I think it's perfectly good to teach a kid you do NOT love someone who mistreats you. That borders on unconditional love. MB says unconditional love is a myth and doesn't work (got that from Steve himself).

My stbx's condo is on a one-way street. Me and DS were waiting for them to show so I could drop him off and whatnot. So here she comes barreling down the wrong way and pulls into the driveway (about 40 feet). I started to tell my son I was thinking of doing the same thing earlier today when I went to pick him up for baseball. I said the reason I didn't was because it gets easier and easier each time, and eventually you do it and someone's crossing and not expecting you or worse a cop is coming down the other way. He agreed and said he feels the same way and sited some example I can't remember from his own life. The he said:
It's just like how affairs happen.

Who says they don't learn from their parent's mistakes??

opt

Since you asked, I thought I'd check in.

WW has moved out in the sense that she is no longer staying there. She has taken most of her clothes and her makeup and toiletries, but not much else. The boys do stay over at her new house on the days she has them, she has set them up with beds and they have a PS2 over there. Soon I'm going to have to pressure her for schedule to get all her crap out of the house. I would like to do some rearranging, but I'm not going to spend my time boxing her stuff up.

Last week and the upcoming week are still a little crazy. It's a two-week break between the end of the kids summer day care camp and the start of school, so me and the WW have been alternating days to stay home with them depending on who has important meetings at work that day.

This past weekend was my first without the boys. WW took them on a road trip (guilt trip is more like it) to Atlanta to see the aquarium and Stone Mountian.

I thought it would be nice to have a weekend to myself for the first time I can remember, but I ended up with a lot of mixed up feelings. Friday night I was invited out to a pub with a good friend and a couple other guys to watch one of their friends play. It was kind of cool to let loose, observe the single bar scene and flirt with the opposite sex, but it was also a huge trigger. It made me realize that this was the lifestyle my WW was living and I could just picture her there being hit on and reciprocating like all the other women there were doing.

Saturday I went out on my boat and had a good time, but Saturday night and Sunday definitely got lonely around the house with no one there. Sunday I tried to keep busy by going to church and then doing some furniture and grocery shopping, but I felt out of sorts all day. I couldn't put my finger on it, but when I woke up in the middle of the night with a 102 fever it made sense.

Another development, one of my oldest son's best friends lives just down the road from us and his mother is recently divorced. He road his bike over to the friends house one day last week and I talked to his mother a little over the phone. She was at church on Sunday and we sat together and talked about getting the boys together this week, also. Did I mention she is an attractive red-head and that her interest may be a little more than just the boys?

I know, I know, nowhere near ready to jump into anything like that, especially with the mother of one of my son's friends, but it is a little flattering to see opportunities like this opening up already.

Wednesday I appear before the judge for the final stamp of approval on our divorce. After reading many of your stories and on other boards, I really am amazed how quickly things move in my State.

.
Didn't see that one comin'. I guess those are the worst triggers; when you just don't expect it.

It's a big transition. You'll get into the rhythm of it sooner or later. I actually look forward to my days alone sometimes. I spend more intense time with them directly when they're with me, so when they're not it's a good break. Fortunately I can also still stop by and give them both a hug and hang out a little, so that makes it easier, but it does take time to get used to the new schedule.


You'll be fine. I think this type of encounter is helpful for you to stay out of the feeling of dread that you'll be alone or lonely the rest of your life. I actually went so far as to ask a few female friends if they new any singles that might be interested in going out when I was ready - of course they said yes. Even if it was bs it gave me some hope that life wasn't going to stop being tolerable.

Sounds like she's still in a pretty selfish mood. This could be a source of conflict, but fair is fair. I'll admit I'm still running into stuff she didn't take with her. I just put it in a pile in the basement, or I've dropped a box of stuff in her front hallway from time to time. I have room at this point, she doesn't. Sooner or later, though, I'll need the space. Maybe for a pool table....

sh2p, good to hear the update. Hang in, man.

opt

Love the shorthand for my username (sch2p).

Here's the story of the name. On any other message board I just use my first name and last initial because I detest the "cute" little names people give themselves and I don't like the idea of hiding behind an anomymous alias on the internet. I don't post anything that I wouldn't want attributed to me, so I don't need the anonymity.

That being said, this board was a little different and I certainly didn't want my x-wife (I can finally say that) stumbling across my thread. "Schtoop" came from how I felt, absolutely humiliated and "schtoopid" for letting this happen to me.

Final appearance before the judge was yesterday afternoon and I was there alone with my lawyer. He asked a handful of questions, "Is this marriage irretrievably broken?", "Did you both agree to this settlement in mediation?", "Is this your signature?", etc. His final question, "Could you envision anything this court could do to help repair the marriage?" I wanted to asked if he could turn my WW into a cross between Linda Carter and June Cleaver, but decided that would be disrespectful and just answered "no".

Got home and went back to bed with a 104 fever, so the whole thing is kind of foggy for me.

I will close on refinancing the house at the beginning of next month, then I will cut the x-wife a check for her share of the equity and be done. I went back and read Chrisner's entire D thread and was inspired by how well he adjusted and how dark he went with "wayzilla". However, with two young children and 50/50 custody, that's just not tractable in my situation. I'm just striving for indifference in all my interactions with WW.

Still trying to come out of the fog of this fever/chest infection. The last five days really have been a blur. I wonder if that's how it feels to be wayward?

Update: Got a chest x-ray this afternoon and guess what, I've got f'ng pneumonia! No wonder I've been out of sorts the past few days.

Sch2p

I haven't decided if it was a blessing or a curse to be as sick as you were on your day in court....

I tend to think it was a blessing and helped numb what had to be an already bad day.

Now all you need a cute nurse to help you through this tough spot !!!!!!!

I sure that will happen soon enough, you hang in there

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Sorry you are so sick! You need to be in bed, not on this board!
Glad your court day is over with...it's almost all done!

I've just gotten home and have a story to share.

My 6-year old son is playing Pop Warner (tackle) football this fall and is having a great time. Even though he is one of the smallest on the team, he really gets after it and loves tackling people (the actual ball carrier most of the time, LOL).

Anyway, the league's kickoff pep rally was tonight and it was quite an event. I brought the kids, but of course the XWW was to be there, too.

A bit of background, we agreed to divorce after OM#2 (that I know of). After that, but while she was still living in the house, a friend set her up with a weekend fling with yet another man who turned out to be a registered sex offender (I'm not kidding). Well, this a-hole is also a leader in the local "Parrothead Club" for Jimmy Buffet fans. Have I told you that I got really good at snooping?

Anyway, if it wasn't bad enough that I had to endure the XWW at this pee-wee pep rally, but the friend who set them up was also there. But that's not all, the a-hole sex offender was there too dressed in full pirate regalia (the team mascot is the Buccaneers, so I guess it fits).

Surprisingly, none bothered me as much as I thought it would. I don't know how much the XWW knew that I knew, or if I would recognize him or know the connection with her friend. Regardless, I just hung out with some friends and my other son, cheered for my football player, and didn't let it bother me. She never acknowledged Capt Hook.

She tried to join our group a time or two, but me and my good friend just ignored her.

I wonder what she was feeling through all this?

It must suck to be wayward.

Sch2p,

The A-hole is there because he is sniffing around the exww I know you know that.....

That mean's when the ex has the kids, there is risk of exposure, and I know you know that's bad.

I was wondering if you know any details of his conviction????

Knowing that would help me temper my response, to your exww and to the A-hole.....

After your breathing normal again I would have a heart to heart with the A-hole about what will happen if anything even sniffs wrong with your kids...

He needs to understand what a father's parental instincts are and how he will be effected by them.

I can't imagine the your exww would hang with this POS knowing what his past is and the threat that it represents to her kids. You just need to be sure she knows the facts.

Also, If this relationship does develop you will need to have a detailed talk with the kids on what to watch for and to speak up the second something is wrong. They need to know they can tell you anything and it will be OK. That you will help them no matter what.

SC,

Appreciate your concerns, but Capt Hook was there because of his friendship with some of the coaches in the league and past ties. This is our first season there.

The "friend" who set them up is the wife of one of the long-time coaches.

Besides, it was more of a ONS with him and the WW and she is now back to hot and heavy with OM#1 to the best of my knowledge. We had a talk about Capt Hook when it happened and I'm fairly certain she won't see him again, and never ever bring him around the kids.

Excellent,

one less thing to worry over

If he is a registered sex offender, he may be in violation by being there...they aren't usually allowed around kids. It might be worth a call to the State Police...those laws are there to protect the public. If he is blatantly disregarding them, he may be close to reoffending.

Today's installment, "Feeling good!", or "Is that the Karma bus I hear?"

I'm starting to feel back among the living this week. The fever is gone and my lungs are slowly clearing. Not 100% well, but at least my head is clear now and my energy level is back up from nearly zero. I got a very nice phone call from my MIL this weekend checking on me and my health, she was concerned and offered any help she could. My WW's only reaction to my health was a snide "Where did you catch that at?".

I've had the boys all weekend and have them until Wednesday morning. We didn't do anything special this weekend, just kind of hung out. Saturday was my 6-year old's Pop Warner Jamboree that was a lot of fun. Sunday we went to church, then I let the kids just veg out and watch TV and play video games all day, while I smoked some ribs. It was their last day of summer so they could spend it how they wanted.

Monday was the first day of school and though my oldest talked tough, they were both excited to be going back. I wonder if the WW felt left out by not being part of their first day?

Here's the Karma story. My WW belongs to a Bunco group with some of her good friends. Bunco is a silly dice game they get together and play once a month, but it's more to get together and socialize, eat, and drink wine than to play the game. Most of the women are married with families, with the exception of the WW's single party buddy named Stacy.

This Stacy is the primary buddy my wife has been going to bars with til all hours of the night for the past year or more. This is also the same friend that the WW has now moved in with.

Anyway, I hear from my neighbor yesterday that Stacy left last week's Bunco night in tears, claiming all the women were ganging up on her and blaming her for my WW's behavior and affair (how could they be so mean?). My neighbor also said that the women think my WW took her mid-life crisis way too far and was a fool for throwing away what she had. It made me feel good to know that is their opinion, even though they are my WW's friends and have only heard her side of the story.

So here I am, living in the family home with my two boys and all their neighborhood friends, sending them off to their first day of school. The WW is at a strange house that she doesn't even own, squeezing the boys in when she has them, and now facing disapprovement from friends that she thought would understand that she "needed to be happy".

It surely must suck to be a wayward.

I might let it slip to your neighbor that one of the "winners" Staci set your xWW up with (while married) was a registered sex offender.

Different "friend".

Schtoop, I imagine there are many with parallell stories. yours seems very similar to mine. I am near the point where you are. Wife is at home with her parents, trying to "Find Herself" but when she canned the divorce a little over a week ago, and said she had to fix this, she also though said she followed NC insisted I can not make her "Suzie Home Maker" and she had to be allowed to go out with her friends. She stayed out all night. 5AM home. I have continued my log, of her late nights to also hopefully help me with custody. I am in a uphill battle if it goes to court. Military, primary bread winner, and wife is a waitress. Lots of debt, no assets to speak of. I was originally inteding to keep all the debt, in hopes of limiting her 50 percent award of my pension. Now not so sure. If I go to a lawyer, thinking the 50/50 thing, and to heck with my pension, but again, as a waitress, I dont think a court in hell will give her 50 percent of the debt, she just doesnt earn enough to pay for a apartment and her car, let alone the debt. Mediation was the original plan, with working on a custody agreement being the major issue. Now I am wondering if I should just do the lawyer route to fight for the kids. Again, no fault state here, so the adultary doesnt play. 2 of my 4 kids would likely choose me and are of the age to be able to do so. Just not sure what to do. I think that even if the wife gave up the affair, but insists on the new party life style, I just cant live in a marriage like that. Roles have reversed the last 3 months since discovery, I do everything. Wife works nights waitressing and her 2 days off, she still doesnt help around the house. Been a single parernt for the most part anyway, so divorce would be no different.

Yesterday was the first day my wife was at her parents. I felt the lonelyness of what divorce would be like. It was very scarey. How to get through the lonelyness is my largest fear. I just wanted to go to sleep, but had to stay up long enough for my kids bed time. Work was pointless I couldnt concentrate. Ugg, sorry so long, just seeing your path, I guess it gives me a bit of a footing to move forward.