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Still_Crazy #2417584 08/16/10 05:24 PM
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Still,
I am so impressed with you! How did church go? You're keeping busy and getting out so you'll make some friends soon!
I also do better during the week when so much time is consumed with work...it's the weekends I have to stay busy.


Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
kaycstamper #2417684 08/16/10 10:39 PM
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Thank you. Church was good. They had a scandal last week. One of the youth pastors was arrested for soliciting a prostitute. Of course he was married. frown He was immediately asked to resign. The head pastor spent some time talking about that and talked about how men can let us down but God never will. So true! He also spoke about forgiveness and repentance.

I do try to keep busy. It was easy today. I worked from 8:30 a.m until 9:00 p.m. The weather was beautiful today. It was a looong day. I was invited to dinner with some co-workers but got stuck doing some late car deals. My boss is helping me find a place to live. I work with a great group of people.

I had a good talk with my best friend that lives a few hours away. I mentioned that if my ex needed help, that I would help him. She helped me put it in perspective. She said to me, "You would do that for anybody. You wouldn't let anybody suffer or be in danger. It is the kind of person that you are. You just wouldn't exclude your ex. It isn't that he is special. It is that you are special." She is definitely on my side. laugh

Just got off the phone with another good friend that lives in Oregon. We have been good friends for 15 years. We've been through a lot together. I am very blessed. cool


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still,

I love your friends perspective!!! Yo are the one who is special and from being online with you I can see that you wouldn't let anyone be hurt or in need!!! That truly is a gift from God that blesses so many!!!

Dawn


BS 49
Divorced 10 yrs/married 21 yrs
Life is good and I am happy!
Engaged to be married on the 4th of August 2012!
30yoS&DIL & 2 gson/27yoD-Divorced & 3 gson/21yoD
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Still,
Sorry to hear about the youth pastor but it sounds like it was handled as best as it can...his poor wife!
I, too, like your friend's perspective. cool


Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
kaycstamper #2418255 08/18/10 11:57 AM
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you sound like a very speacial lady.

agc4121 #2418344 08/18/10 03:25 PM
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She is!!


Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
kaycstamper #2418436 08/18/10 08:23 PM
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You are all very sweet. Or as they say around these here parts, "all y'all are just precious!"


Over it.
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I have settled in at work and am doing well. I am slowly making some new friends. I am also getting into a routine of work, exercise, and socializing with friends, etc. I am feeling very grounded and satisfied. I feel very positive about the direction life has taken. Things are good.


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still!!!

I am glad that things are good!!!! That gives peace of mind!!! Routine is good!!!!

Dawn


BS 49
Divorced 10 yrs/married 21 yrs
Life is good and I am happy!
Engaged to be married on the 4th of August 2012!
30yoS&DIL & 2 gson/27yoD-Divorced & 3 gson/21yoD
daybreak #2421346 08/27/10 07:44 AM
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So... I have bit the bullet and signed up for Match.com. Eating every dinner alone is getting old. Lol. I have started getting emails from interested men. There are a couple of really interesting (and handsome) prospective suitors.

I am still looking for a place to live. My navigation keeps getting me lost.

Work is still good. I'm really looking forward to getting a paycheck soon!


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still,

MAtch.com---a good thing!!! I am glad that you are moving a head!!! Takes courage!!!! But we know that you got it!!!!

Dawn


BS 49
Divorced 10 yrs/married 21 yrs
Life is good and I am happy!
Engaged to be married on the 4th of August 2012!
30yoS&DIL & 2 gson/27yoD-Divorced & 3 gson/21yoD
daybreak #2421693 08/28/10 03:22 AM
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SS,

Didn't you learn anything from the last round of dating?

You aren't ready to look for a serious relationship yet.

You need to be able to NOT be in a relationship in order to safely date again.

You don't need to go off looking for guys. Trust me, they will come to you.

Mark1952 #2421707 08/28/10 07:14 AM
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Hey SS2,
I didn't realize that you kept this thread going, I don't frequent over here very often (less than that actually).
Nice to read that life is falling into place.

Now, you know I luvs ya smile and all, and for that very reason,

I second these words from Mark ........


Originally Posted By: Mark1952
SS,

Didn't you learn anything from the last round of dating?

You aren't ready to look for a serious relationship yet.

You need to be able to NOT be in a relationship in order to safely date again.

You don't need to go off looking for guys. Trust me, they will come to you.


M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA


Mark1952 #2421714 08/28/10 08:08 AM
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Originally Posted By: Mark1952
SS,

Didn't you learn anything from the last round of dating?

You aren't ready to look for a serious relationship yet.

You need to be able to NOT be in a relationship in order to safely date again.

You don't need to go off looking for guys. Trust me, they will come to you.


What I learned from my last dating experience:
Don't settle
Don't rush in
Don't give up my dreams for theirs
Don't let them decide who I should be

I am comfortable being alone. I am not looking to fill a hole. I'm feeling pretty self-sufficient these days. I would like to have dinner with a nice man. I would like to date. I have been seperated from my ex-husband for a year. The divorce has been final for 10 months. I'm not feeling empty or incomplete. If I don't meet a nice man, I'm happy to keep eating my dinners alone as I have been doing. I will continue to move forward with my life whatever comes. Do I want a meaningful serious relationship again? Of course. Do I expect it this year or next? No. I am open to seeing what is out there for me. That's all.


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SS,

Consider if you would the Love Bank model as developed by Dr Harley...

You date someone with no intent of him being "the one" or your "soul mate" or even marriage material and don't even consider him marriable (like my knew word?) material.

But you date and really enjoy your time with him. Each time you speak with him he puts a measly 5 love units into your Love Bank. Your romantic threshold is well over a thousand so it will take a long time before you are "In Love" with him.

But one day something happens and you are feeling especially down and uncared for and as if no one understands you. He isn't putting a move on you and isn't "In Love" with you at this point either. All he intends is to comfort you and he puts his arms around you to give you a hug. It might not trigger romantic love in you, but maybe he smells your hair, really enjoys just being that close to you and has felt so alone himself that being that close to a woman makes massive Love Bank deposits and suddenly, in that tiny instant in time, HE is "IN LOVE" with you because your balance in his Love Bank exceeds the romantic threshold.

Now, some guy you are mildy attracted to or that you see nothing beyond friendship with at any time in the future believes you are his soul mate and would walk through the fires of hell to be with you...

And you didn't mean for it to happen, but it did.

The rolls could be reversed, BTW and you could be the one who falls in love first...

Dating is something that people think is just a way of having fun, but if you are honest with yourself you would see it as an attempt to fill a hole, provide something that is missing... The universe abhors a vacuum. It will be filled by whatever is available whether solid, liquid or plain old gas...

Want to have friends to enjoy going out with? Join the women's group at church. Want friends to go bowling with? join the women's bowling league. Want friends to just hang out with? Find a group of women that share your interests and go with the flow.

Along the way, you might run into a super guy and end up dating, but if you set about dating to fill the need for companionship, that need will end up being filled by whoever you begin spending time with.Dating is what has replaced courting in our society. People do it for the purpose of finding a mate. Some want that mate to be their life long soul mate. Many, mostly men, only want the mating part...

Why on Earth would you jump into that kind of thing when you know you are vulnerable?

And you do realize that people we "LIKE" are liked because they have already put something into our Love Bank, right?

JMO.

Mark

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Originally Posted By: stillstanding2


What I learned from my last dating experience:
Don't settle
Don't rush in
Don't give up my dreams for theirs
Don't let them decide who I should be

I am comfortable being alone. I am not looking to fill a hole. I'm feeling pretty self-sufficient these days. I would like to have dinner with a nice man. I would like to date. I have been seperated from my ex-husband for a year. The divorce has been final for 10 months. I'm not feeling empty or incomplete. If I don't meet a nice man, I'm happy to keep eating my dinners alone as I have been doing. I will continue to move forward with my life whatever comes. Do I want a meaningful serious relationship again? Of course. Do I expect it this year or next? No. I am open to seeing what is out there for me. That's all.


May I suggest an alternative for the online dating services?

Here is my suggestion:

GET INVOLVED with group activities.
Volunteer
Play golf (or any sport)
Join a hiking club
Take some lessons (dance, ski, writing)
Go to community meetings
Check out the local parks, museums, pools, beaches, farmer's market
Go to car club meetings

Google search the following:
(your town) + social activities

TRY everything once

Mark1952 #2421776 08/28/10 01:24 PM
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Mark, I have female friends. I have made a couple of new ones in this town also. I am not against taking the chance of falling in love again. I hope that I do someday. I don't know when it will happen. I don't know if it will happen. I'm happy to meet new people in the process of seeing what may come. I enjoy the company of men -including the prospect of flirting. I'm single and have been for almost a year now. I don't see why that is a problem.

Pepper,
I am in the Sierra Club. I go to church. I go to the gym. I have made a couple of new girlfriends. I work six days a week 8:30-7(or later). There isn't really time for any more clubs or groups. I do try lots of different things.


Over it.
Mark1952 #2421952 08/29/10 09:34 AM
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Originally Posted By: Mark1952
SS,

Consider if you would the Love Bank model as developed by Dr Harley...

You date someone with no intent of him being "the one" or your "soul mate" or even marriage material and don't even consider him marriable (like my knew word?) material.
My intention is not random, mindless dating. I am open to meeting someone that "might" "possibly" be the "one" eventually. I will not date just for sport. I will not rush into anything though.


Originally Posted By: Mark1952
Now, some guy you are mildy attracted to or that you see nothing beyond friendship with at any time in the future believes you are his soul mate and would walk through the fires of hell to be with you...

And you didn't mean for it to happen, but it did.
I will not do this again. I will not settle. [/color]
Originally Posted By: Mark1952
The rolls could be reversed, BTW and you could be the one who falls in love first...

I realize that this is a part of dating - taking the chance that they won't love you back. I took the same chance while married unfortunately.

Originally Posted By: Mark1952
Dating is something that people think is just a way of having fun, but if you are honest with yourself you would see it as an attempt to fill a hole, provide something that is missing... The universe abhors a vacuum. It will be filled by whatever is available whether solid, liquid or plain old gas...


True. I do miss time with a man. I like the way they smell (most of the time). I like their voices. I like their big strong hands. I enjoy their company. I am too young to give up on all of that. Am I incomplete without it? No. Am I restless or anxious without it? No. Do I want to have a rich and full life that includes sex with someone that I love? Yes I do. Bowling with the girls is not exactly the same. I am willing to wait for the right guy. I don't think that joining a knitting club at church will help me meet my right guy though.

Originally Posted By: Mark1952
Want to have friends to enjoy going out with? Join the women's group at church. Want friends to go bowling with? join the women's bowling league. Want friends to just hang out with? Find a group of women that share your interests and go with the flow.


Along the way, you might run into a super guy and end up dating, but if you set about dating to fill the need for companionship, that need will end up being filled by whoever you begin spending time with.Dating is what has replaced courting in our society. People do it for the purpose of finding a mate. Some want that mate to be their life long soul mate. Many, mostly men, only want the mating part...

Why on Earth would you jump into that kind of thing when you know you are vulnerable?

And you do realize that people we "LIKE" are liked because they have already put something into our Love Bank, right?

JMO.

Mark
So if I am out bowling with the girls and a random guy at the bowling alley comes up to me and starts chatting me up, that is better than someone that I meet on the internet because...? They are both random strangers. Everyone is a stranger until you spend time and get to know them. No matter how you meet someone, you don't know them until you know them. It takes time and precautions regardless of how you meet them. I would prefer to meet someone that comes with personal references, ie, an introduction from friends or family. But, that really narrows the field. I am comfortable talking to people on the internet (like here). I can get to know them a little bit before chemistry is thrown into the mix. Men seem to reveal more of their thoughts and views when comfortably emailing and texting than in a IRL personal conversation where they are staring at your cleavage and trying to make a move. It helps me weed out the guys strictly after a booty-call. I like to be able to write to someone and get in their head a little. I like smart men. I want to know that they can write in full sentences and follow a train of thought. I like someone that can participate in a witty banter. I like the slower pace of initially getting to know someone by mail and phone.

Almost 300 people have viewed my internet profile. I have received 30 "winks". I have received 25 emails in the last couple of days. I have responded to 2. Of the 2, I only continued emailing with one. We have been emailing and texting for a couple of days. He would like to meet me for coffee next week. He is smart, funny, divorced with two kids, and athletic. He has nice pictures and is respectful in his emails. I did a Google search on him. He was a city official a couple of years ago. He is now a manager at a local hospital. He is also involved in a local community drug-prevention program. He has been giving me tips on neighborhoods and local churches. I am interested in getting to know him better. We will see...


Over it.
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Quote:
He would like to meet me for coffee next week. He is smart, funny, divorced with two kids, and athletic. He has nice pictures and is respectful in his emails. I did a Google search on him. He was a city official a couple of years ago. He is now a manager at a local hospital. He is also involved in a local community drug-prevention program. He has been giving me tips on neighborhoods and local churches. I am interested in getting to know him better. We will see...


Sounds nice.
I am glad you looked up his history.

Pepperband #2422005 08/29/10 11:55 AM
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Originally Posted By: Pepperband
Quote:
He would like to meet me for coffee next week. He is smart, funny, divorced with two kids, and athletic. He has nice pictures and is respectful in his emails. I did a Google search on him. He was a city official a couple of years ago. He is now a manager at a local hospital. He is also involved in a local community drug-prevention program. He has been giving me tips on neighborhoods and local churches. I am interested in getting to know him better. We will see...


Sounds nice.
I am glad you looked up his history.


Eyes are wide open and will stay open. He doesn't know where I live or work. Will be meeting him in a public place. My best friend will have a copy of his profile and I will be calling her at a pre-arranged time after the date. The only networking sights that I have found him on are Facebook and Linkedin. Quiet snooping will continue.


Over it.
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