W1
Are you going to tell your OC that her BD, biodad, willingly walked out on her. How are you going to handle your OC situation? Refresh my memory.

I give up.

I trust that NQD will do what is best for his daughter and his family.

Road - I pray for your children and I'm grateful that your wife's affair didn't result in an OC because you are unfit to handle such a situation.

You advocate "self-interest" at the EXPENSE of the child he has raised as his daughter - WHO TRUSTS HIM WITH HER BEST INTERESTS SINCE SHE CANNOT CHOOSE THAT FOR HERSELF]

You advocate changing horses midstream, to the destruction of this man and his daughter. YES IT WILL DESTROY HIM TOO because he will get the guilt of not doing right by this innocent child after he chose to do the hard thing of accepting her as his daughter UNCONDITIONALLY YEARS AGO!!!

If you want to UNDO a choice, go ahead - but you're then advocating evil upon a child that will be equal in harm to the wayward.

If this man had chosen differently years ago and requested a DNA test before this child was of an age to bond with her daddy (the man who has raised her), then it would not be evil.

Thank God you are not in such a situation.

Unbefreakinlievable!

I am not an OC
I do not have an OC

But I once saw a TV show (yeah I know grown) about 6 years ago that floored me with feelings for an OC child.

Man and woman get divorced - they have twin children about 9 yrs old

Man gets re married.
New wife is a nurse and points out that one if the mans sons has brown eyes...the other twin blue.
His X wife had blue eyes
he has blue eyes
two blue eyed people can not have a brown eyed child
DNA test show one child is his, the other not (meaning XWIFE was WW and had sex with BH and OM same time frame resulting in twins that have different fathers)

BH tries to sue - tries to drops one son like hot rock...keeps other. Courts say he cant...he is on birth cert etc and cant get out of paying child support...big deal about mens rights etc.

BUT - my point...this little boy father dropped him
who did the BH hurt?
his X - nope they are divorced
the OM - he doesnt know him
he HURT HIS CHILD out of the selfish behavior. The child is abandoned, hurt, rejected...because of the WW selfishness and now the BH selfishness. I am sorry but being cheated on is horrible awful thing...but it does not give you the right to hurt a child in revenge.

SR,

Was this based on a true story and did it represent a real judicial outcome?

God Bless
Gamma

true story and yes it represented a real judicial outcome. basically your on the birth certificate - your the father...and you have to pay child support. It was a story on 60 min or nbc or another news program about fathers rights in divorce (or lack there of).

normally i sympathize with a lot of men (BH especially) and feel they get a raw deal in divorce. But this guy was...not a good man.

can you imagine! He still has to pay. Birth cert remains.
he was petitioning to pay for one child and not the other.
one son he keeps and the other, who has known HIM all his life as the father, is cast aside.
He flat refuses to see the child.

the child loses a father
He loses cause he has to pay and worse (in my opinion) loses a son.

and the one person he wishes to punish - the WW...he cant touch. Its all selfish. What the WW did was awful...but I think the BH in this point was Wayward as a parent.

As an adult
the motivation comes from same place...his needs, his wants his his his...selfish...if you break it down his mentality is just as wayward as his WW...but directed at his child.

Being betrayed does not give you cart blanc. A BS can quickly become a Wayward Parent if they allow their hurt and pain to impact a child, and they are just a responsible as the WS. You are not responsible for what is done to you...you are responsible for how you react and what you do in return!

that child is not responsible for his Wayward mothers behavior and it is flat wrong for the father to take his revenge out on the child. In doing so he becomes wayward parent...

SR,

I think he wants to have OM pay for the child he brought into the world, it was OM who rendered his full blood child only a half-brother to his twin. No man should have to pay to raise another mans DNA through fraud, that is the responsibility of the biological father. This is not a sperm donations or an adoption which are choices freely accepted.

I don't think he wants to punish his wife who after all did deliver him one full blood child and is the legitimate Mother to that child. Unless he was really clever with ovum implantation.

God Bless
Gamma

full blood vs half blood vs bio child

goodness....all those adopted children should be told they don't have real parents...because genetics is really what matters.
Not whether there is love and care. Not the time spent
teaching them to walk or ride. Not the trust a child has in their parent. Not the vow you took when you held that child in your arms to love them.

I guess biblically speaking you can hold the sins of the bio father against the child...but then... judge not least ye be judged!

The non bio father was so ripped off...paying for the childs upbringing...Getting all that LOVE and TRUST from the child. What a rip off...its not even there kid...i mean really!

If its not YOUR kid then you got gypped...its like buying a louie vutton purse on ebay and finding out its a fake...its not the REAL thing so its not worth it...

its a child...not a thing. And all the money in the world shouldnt matter when a child trusts and loves you...and you had returned their love and trust.

SO WHAT he might not be your son...was the three minutes and bio matter what matters or the 20 years of raising the kid!!!

Gamma, since you are suspicious about your own son's paternity, you must be planning to send the sample that you have for analysis.

I understand the OM in your situation is dead, so you cannot collect money from him if the child turns out to be not yours.

If he turns out not to be yours, are you going to contact OM's family and tell them that your son is a member of their family? Are you going to insist that they acknowledge him?

Are you going to stop treating the boy as your son if he turns out to be OC?

SugarCane,

There has to be some compensation to the legal father who has been defrauded, it is now the bio-Mothers responsibility to rustle up a father figure. The legal father can continue on as one of those uncles who aren't really an uncle but you just call them an uncle anyhow.

To clarify it was OM4 that died, OM2, who I suspect as the possible bio-father, is alive as far as I can tell. Although I have not yet been able to pin down his exact location.

Would knowing that my son was not my biological change things, sure would, and there is a great deal of uncertainty in what would change, risk is inherent in this effort.

As an OC myself there was a danger that when I met biological father, mothers'family, siblings and extended family that they would have been hostile towards me. But since I felt that truth was more important than comfort I opened that door and would do it over again. I have an adoptive brother who wished to know nothing btw.

If my son is not mine then I will tell him so that he can meet his biological family if he wishes.

God Bless
Gamma

thank god all three of my boys are dead ringers for my husband...bad enough everytime i go tout alone somewhere he thinks I stopped off for a latte and a nooner..

I think I should point out an error in the story that SisterReed cited, lest a blue-eyed man with a blue-eyed wife look at their brown-eyed child and jump to the conclusion that the child is not his.

Two blue-eyed people can most certainly have a brown-eyed child. Two brown-eyed people can also have a blue-eyed child.

My husband's blue-eyed brother and his blue-eyed wife have a brown-eyed daughter, and she is most certainly his child. There is an extremely close family resemblence between his daughter and MY daughter. My DD is also brown-eyed, and she gets that from my family. Other than the brown eyes, both girls look like their paternal grandmother.

The blue-eyed wife has a brown-eyed mother and brown-eyed siblings.

Google it for the scientific explanation.

Thank you LC = I was just repeating what the story said wife number 2 said...i was surprised they said it was fact! I know blood types are more...strict when it comes to recessive genes...eye color has more variables.

its the reason they had the kid checked i guess even if wife number 2 was wrong about it.

Gamma, how old is the son whose paternity is in question?

W1,

20's

Gamma

Does he know that the OM may be his father? How does he feel about getting the paternity test done?

W1,

No my son does not know, the test would be done secretly, although my wife sometimes seems on the verge of telling me something, so I am prepared to wait possibly for that as it is a cheaper alternative.

Did you ever secure financial support from your OM for OC?

God Bless
Gamma

Gamma,

I think there are some legal/moral problems with doing a DNA test on an adult without his approval. Your son is an adult. Why don't you just talk to him and see how he feels?

No, we chose not to pursue child support from the OM, since it could have opened up a huge can of worms from a legal perspective as far as custody and visitation goes. The OM lives 3000 miles away and that would have been a nightmare. My H and I are raising our OC together and he is more than willing to accept her as his own child. He is on the birth certificate and so is the legal father. Our older kids know about our OC's bio dad, and we will tell her when she is old enough to understand and leave it up to her as to whether or not she wants to meet him.

Writer, does OM know about your daughter? I don't remember.

PM: Yes, he knows. He's never seen her, but he does know about her.