We're not here to exchange ideas. We are here to learn marriage builders.

If the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a ditch.

You are posting a lot of words but not listening to or trying to understand the people who disagree with you.

I specifically said we advocated "letting go" even though we don't advocate forgiving.

A person who lets go is not bitter or resentful and doesn't plot revenge like you mentioned in one of your other posts.

NOBODY is saying people should stay bitter. It's not very nice to misrepresent the people who are disagreeing with you.

James says in the Bible we should be slow to speak and quick to listen. You aren't listening to the people who disagree with you, or else you would understand that nobody is saying people should hold on to bitterness and you wouldn't be saying things like this. It hurts people to have you ignore their words and then misrepresent what they say. Why not instead be swift to listen and try to understand what people are saying when they disagree with you? Sometimes they might help you correct your own misunderstandings, if you have any.

Why are you condemning ML for graciously spending her time having an exchange of ideas with you? Is spending a lot of time on the computer something she should be ashamed of? Is it a bad thing people have to have an excuse for?

Where is Christ in this conversation? Whether you are a veteran or not, there is never a reason for attack on marriage builders. Gods word is Gods word and I pray He would give us all a better understanding. I am not sure why all of the arguing. I am a newcomer. I read a lot of these post for advice and help and it seems like a few of us are always trying to set the record straight instead of really helping the person who is need of it. People come here because they hurt and broken, not because they want to get ripped to shreds" nicely". I am no saint and I don't know anyone who is, but I'm thinking there's nothing wrong with checking ourselves from time to time.

Let's keep this respectful. It is ok to disagree, it is not ok to attack and denigrate others!

Jesus's standard for forgiveness was exhibited by Christ on the cross where he forgave everyone in the midst of them crucifying Him.

No repentance.

Only forgiveness for all who would receive it.

Freely offered without condition.

Great posts Pep.

I haven't "forgiven" the OW but I also do not feel any sort of intense anger or resentment towards her...my feelings are becoming ambivalent.

My unforgiveness, at this point, is not harming me and it isn't eating me up inside. It just sort of...is. I actually feel sorry for her sometimes.


Pep, what if you found out that she truly wanted to express her remorse and ask your forgiveness? Would you then allow her to C you?

It always baffles (no pun intended) me when a newbie comes here and starts raising heck right off the bat.

What is the purpose in that?

No, I would not.
Edit to add .... it will be fifteen YEARS this December.
If remorse/apology had been offered earlier, say within the first year, I might have considered giving a listen to whatever apology she had to make.
Time's expired.

NEXT ...

Gotcha and I agree ~ statute of limitations and all of that. 15 years is a very long time.

"Time's expired.

NEXT ..."

I don't know why this made me laugh. It reminded me of what DH (with his Italian blood) sometimes says:

"We do not speak of her. She is dead to us."

Basta!

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