Yes, recovery is possible. There are MANY here who have recovered. It REALLY is like a substance addiction. The same chemical reactions happen in the brain. She is an addict. She needs guides in place to help her overcome the addiction. She doesn't know what they are, but we can help you show them to her.

Yes, she can turn her love to you. Yes, you can recover IF she fully implements the MB program. You can have a healthy happy marriage. It is POSSIBLE, but it isn't GUARANTEED.

A lot of it hinges on her. But there are signs favorable to the marriage.

I can't say what I would do if I were you.

This is a leap of faith you're going to have to take. A gamble with your future and the payout can be big, can be EXACTLY what you want, but the cost of failure - only you can say if you're willing to take that cost.

The fact that she is moving away from OM is a good sign.

The only way you can do this is if you are together. Her moving 2 hours away WITHOUT you will be the death knell of your marriage.

Only you can make this choice Obr.

But the signs are favorable, others have done it, it is possible. Are you willing to try, or would you rather walk? There is no judgement on my part either way. This is your life. You have to live with the consequences of your decision, either way.

If there is a reasonable chance that recovery is possible, I want to try. This has been the most stressful and painful time of my life so far, but if there is a good chance we can put this behind us for good, I'm game.

If it is an addiction and I'm supposed to conceptualize it as such, that gives me motivation. The alternative is that my wife is nuts and doesn't care about me in the grand scheme of things; that I can't handle and leaves me drained.

I don't know what I should do from here. Leaving work is not going to be easy as I'm responsible for a lot right now. They might be willing to let me work remotely for a temporary length of time. If not, I could just leave. It's the middle of the holidays and both of our families are in the city she's moving to. I could perhaps move there with her, living together with family and friends until our apartment gets rented out. After the holidays we could move from there.

I've put a request in for the MB telephone conferencing to get professional help. Hopefully they'll be able to set up a session soon.

As far as effort goes. I'm not holding back any more as I did with some of the earlier MB advice. This experience has been soul crushing and I can't take any more.

Apart from the keylogger alerts, evenings are the worst. The silence is deafening.

Prayin' for ya Orb. I know that silence too. Try to do something positive for yourself if you can.

That's great that you are scheduling with the Harley's. They are an incredible source of help.

Orb - recovery IS possible. I know you've been through h e double hockey sticks. Calling MB for coaching is one of the BEST things you could have done.

I will say - recovery is ONLY possible if you two are together. If you can, work from home and go with your wife. If your job will allow you, see what you can work out.

Give it a shot. In the end you will know that at least you did your best.

Have you been in contact with your wife? Is she willing to write a No Contact letter as described in SAA?

Thanks SickofLimbo.

@Vibrissa
She's done 2 NC letters in the past. Both broken. The second was terribly written and she didn't consult me on it. She's likely willing to write another, but after 2 previous ones, should I even bother asking? I doubt he'll take a third one seriously.

The other NC letters didn't count because she was still working with OM. Ask her to write one modeled after the one in SAA and it should be approved by you. It is a good first step to R if she is willing to do it in this way. As you can see, when they want to write their own letter, that is a good indication they aren't ready to let go of the affair. So ask her and see what she says.

Also:
Have you shown her the Requirements of Recovery from this website and is she willing to following them (be transparent, O&H, develop EPs and spend 15+ hrs UA/week with you)?

Has she agreed to coaching or the online program with the Harleys?

If she is willing to do the above, I would say it is a very good start for recovery, obr.

I'll ask about doing a NC letter.

She knows about the requirements of recovery and claims she's willing to follow everything, except she's now out of reach, so the 15+ hrs/wk is impossible. She signed the Marriage Recovery (not sure if that's the name) Agreement in the back of SAA. That was one week after she dumped the rest of the truth on me.

We're scheduled for telephone coaching tomorrow afternoon with Steve. I hope it helps.

She's interviewed for 2 positions today and it went well. One requires up to 50% travel, the other is practically no travel. I'm not too excited about the first. They are moving fast on filling the position.

This isn't going to work, obr. Dr. Harley says NO NIGHTS apart. It is invitation to affair and it is going to prevent you two from getting the UA time you need.

Let her know that a condition of recovery, for you, is no nights apart - for the rest of your lives.

Then let her decide which job she will pursue. Her decision will tell you a lot.

Yeah, I know that won't fly. Better she hears it from a marriage coach than me right now. I'm going to make sure that's brought up during tomorrow's call.

Good idea. Good luck tomorrow!

Tomorrow's call can't come soon enough.

I've got to tell you, it's really hard to watch this keylogger stuff pop up and all the while she claims to our families that she's "going to fight for me" and "do what it takes".

With the Internet today, I'm not sure how I can ever stop her from looking him up. I worry that if deciding between Facebook and our marriage, she'd end up choosing Facebook. Hopefully I am very wrong.

Obr, I hope you get some good direction from the Harleys so we can help you get on a path.

You need to understand, your WW had the affair. You need to set that bar HIGH. You already had 2 FR's, don't set yourself up for more. Take care.

How'd the coaching go, Obr? How you doing?

The coaching went well. We each got individual time to talk. She's supposed to be doing tasks between each session to care for the injury to our marriage. Emotional connectivity is supposed to be impossible until the damage from the affair is under control.

He assured me that she's addicted to the relationship. Most of our time was spent getting our story told.

As for spending time together, I'm going to inquire about remote working on a temporary basis for a few weeks/months. Fortunately my job rarely depends on me being anywhere specific. I'm close enough that I could drive up one day a week and also be here for critical meetings. If they aren't willing to play ball, I'll have to figure out something else.