Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
#243436 01/27/04 06:30 PM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
Ok..... this thread is in response to a couple others that I have hijacked.

Also I haven't been making new ones for weeks .. so here goes.... [Eek!]

I want to discuss this whole "net culture" but for the benefit of getting down to a grass roots discussion can we just dispense with the obvious.

We all know (or should) about the potential of danger. EA's, freaks on the net .. blah blah.

I really don't want to go over all that territory again.

I want to know ....

Were you surprised at yourself the first time you realized that people you had never technically met started to impact you in your real life?

I remember feeling that way. It surprised me when I started to form genuine bonds of friendship with people and it invoked real emotion in me when I hadn't heard from them in awhile. I used to feel really sad when I wouldn't hear from them for days .. I even got a little concerned. [Confused]

I was genuinely happy to hear of the joys (baby's being born, marriages) and equally as saddened when I would hear of their tragedies.

Yeah, I have to say it surprised the heck outta me cuz I was going to be one that remained "detached". I did not believe you COULD feel for someone that you had never "met".

For those that have never experienced it - please don't respond just this one time. [Razz]

I am really looking for people here that can honestly say that they have formed "REAL" friendships first on the net,that have stood the test of time.

My hubby's boss's wife was telling me at our Christmas party this year that someone gave her her future husband's address and she wrote to him during the war .... they wrote for 9 months. She says she fell in love with him during those months.

Then they met in person and dated 3 times... they have been married for 35 years!!! [Eek!]

Words ARE powerful.

One of my very best friends is a woman I "met" from the U.S. on the net about a year ago. We have spoken on the phone but never met in person.
I email her daily and I consider her a very close friend that I totally trust. I would have NEVER said that 5 years ago.

Do you think when we first come on the net we have a preconceived idea, and over time we all realize that we truly CAN form an affection for one another?

C'mon .. let's get real and be honest ok?


DZZZZ

#243437 01/27/04 06:38 PM
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 5,864
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 5,864
wow,

you don't know how happy you have made me......my H is away on buisness and i'm snowed in tonight.

thank you for bringing this up. [Smile] [Razz]

yep, i was surprised when i started to think about people from online while i was off.....i am the same way when i read a good novel though.
you should know that! [Razz]

i'm interested to hear if others feel it too.

oh yeah....and i hardly ever talk on the phone anymore......i used to have huge phone bills.

[ January 27, 2004, 05:43 PM: Message edited by: nelly ]

#243438 01/27/04 06:47 PM
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,998
*
Member
Offline
Member
*
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,998
Diamonzz...hehe...to answer you from the other thread---I'm fine....a little ruffled over that poster who said she/he opened a bottle of champagne when a left a while back.....LOL

I don't understand people who can't 'trust' those they meet online. It's just like real life---I wouldn't trust a stranger in a bar, but I'd trust a stranger in my church group. You have to be careful where you hang out.

Personally, I only talk to women online. I have no need to get friendly with men. I hate to sound stereotypical, but most of the time I feel like men always have an ulterior motive.....

Just mah 2 cents, girlie!

Hope you're doing well, by the way! : )

#243439 01/27/04 06:47 PM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
[Wink] by the way folks. Nelly and I are twins. We were separated at birth .....

[Big Grin]

DZZZ

#243440 01/27/04 07:34 PM
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 5,864
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 5,864
yeah,
and the wild one is living in the U.S. [Big Grin]

what is going on w/ your love languages classes?

#243441 01/27/04 07:37 PM
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 281
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 281
.

[ February 14, 2004, 08:26 AM: Message edited by: WhirrledPeas ]

#243442 01/27/04 07:47 PM
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 5,864
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 5,864
i have a sad story.

my SIL's brother met a woman over the net......he was 50.....never married, quite the loner.....he was in the U.S. and she was in England.

she visited him for a month a couple of summers ago......met his family....evrything was going pretty well.
she went back home......they continued the relationship and decided to get married.....and about a month or so later......he had a heart attack and died.
the british woman was the one who called his father to say he hadn't been online for 2 days and wasn't answering his phone......could he check it out.
creepy, huh?

[ January 27, 2004, 06:49 PM: Message edited by: nelly ]

#243443 01/27/04 07:56 PM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Yeah, I'm the same way. Before I came here I never would have thought that I could care about people that I have never met. Now they have been the ones that got me through this. My family and friends told me to get rid of H and be glad he is gone.

The one thing that bothers me is to talk with people over several months and then they just disappear. I am still worrying over one that posted for several months and then never again. If it was someone I know, I would just call them up and asked what happened.

#243444 01/27/04 08:00 PM
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 6,141
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 6,141
A friend of mine moved to the States to marry a woman who he'd originally met online.

The thing about the internet that makes it a powerful tool for meeting people, IMHO, is that you only look at stuff that interests you.

When I eneded up an MB, for example, I met a great big bunch of people who are interested in improving their marriage. So I already have something in common with everyone here. We, as a society, have become more and more isolated. I remember when I was a kid, I always knew everyone around who was about my age, because we all had school in common.

In the case of MB, nothing bonds people faster than having common problems.

I am not terribly surprised that more and more people are starting relationships online. People who find relationships the traditional way rely on chance, somewhat.

Online, you can just plug the word "date" into a search engine and a few minutes of surfing later, you can have a list of eligible partners complete with biographies and pictures at your fingertips.

What was weird to me was the first time someone from MB called on the telephone. I don't think that I was exactly what that person expected. I can chat forever online, but for some reason, not on the phone so much.

#243445 01/27/04 08:12 PM
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 4,654
Z
Member
Offline
Member
Z
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 4,654
Well, you know how I feel Dzzz.

I think Slap has it just right. (BTW, you weren't in the post office at about 7 were you? There was a shiny bald head there and I could have sworn it was you. Well, at least you know I thought of you. [Big Grin] Tak has a twin (okay, just the hair) in my church class.) We easily find people with common interests (sounds like meeting a need).

Like Nelly said, I get attached to internet people like I do novel characters, only moreso because Inet people are real and their stories go on (and on and on, sometimes).

Interesting thread, Dzzz. [Smile]

Petals

#243446 01/27/04 08:18 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 14,283
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 14,283
Yes, I have friends I've met here that I do consider real, true friends.

OTOH, after a disagreement here, I also received a nasty email followed by a sudden deluge of porn in the email addy I use here. Oh, and one irate message from a wife who thought her H emailed me too often. So, now I am a bit more careful about sharing my email on the board...you just have to use common sense, ya know?

As for your question--when you first realized your life was impacted by people here...it did not take long at all [Wink] .

Kathi

[ January 27, 2004, 07:20 PM: Message edited by: kam6318 ]

#243447 01/27/04 08:20 PM
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 5,864
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 5,864
yeah, i guess MB is more like General Hospital. [Big Grin]

#243448 01/27/04 08:34 PM
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,167
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 1,167
Hey Dzz, for not being real, this thread sure is getting a lot of responses...

#243449 01/27/04 08:39 PM
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,742
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,742
I dunno. It's not so unlikely. Mrs. O & I have friends from the web that we've met in person & vacationed with. We've known them for probably 5 or 6 years now.

We've also met people online who drive us just as crazy as folks down the block.

I guess it's just like any other human interaction. Except may that you seldom get a whiff of your online friends' S.B.D.'s.

#243450 01/27/04 09:02 PM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
Wheeew thank God! I am not alone in this.

This isn't a gender specific thing. It is not only a certain personality either.

My hubby who isn't all that motived to go out and socialize will read and lurk and will from time to time ask me about certain people on here ...

I think it stands to reason if we're all comin to this same funny farm board day after day .. we are gonna kinda sorta like each other some. [Wink]

AWWWWWWWWWW GEEEE .... GROUP HUG!!!!!!!!


[Roll Eyes]

DZZZ

#243451 01/27/04 09:09 PM
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 5,864
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 5,864
it reminds me of group therapy.

it is a form of it, isn't it?

#243452 01/27/04 09:11 PM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
quote:
it reminds me of group therapy.
No, more the nuts running the nuthouse .. hehe

DZZZ

#243453 01/27/04 09:23 PM
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 2,392
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 2,392
Diamonzzz,

That was an excellent topic/post! It’s a great reminder that there are real people on the other ends of these discussions. I think that a couple of things sometimes happens that causes people to be hurt by the discussions, and one of them is the imbalance of conscientiousness when to “poster-A”, “poster-B” really doesn’t register as a real human being. Oh, Poster-A would acknowledge that readily enough, but doesn’t really realize or understand the emotional investment Poster-B has in the conversations. . . or even the relationship, as it were, “friends”.

Being subject to soft-heartedness myself, I always keep a little distance and though these are “heart-matters” on many accounts, I consider the cost of much attachment and to you, and all the rest of my peers in the MB forum, I relate as in a sort of “professional” way. . . so that whereas I care about people and their individual concerns and cases, if I were asked how I would categorize people here, I would say, “Associates”. That leaves room for everyone’s dignity, takes into account “feelings”.

I hope you are well

#243454 01/27/04 09:48 PM
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,742
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,742
quote:
Originally posted by Diamonzzz:
AWWWWWWWWWW GEEEE .... GROUP HUG!!!!!!!!

You guys go ahead. Ill be out on the porch lighting a Marlboro & popping the top on a longneck.

#243455 01/27/04 10:22 PM
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 6,141
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 6,141
quote:
Originally posted by Zuzus_Petals:
BTW, you weren't in the post office at about 7 were you? There was a shiny bald head there and I could have sworn it was you.

Nope. At 7, I was at my dinner table, enjoying some low-carb hot wings and salad that W made.

It's funny that this topic was brought up. How many of us have posted things on this site that have nothing to do with our marriages per se?

All the internet is, is a communication medium. I am reminded of my kids asking me if "the Rock" is a real person. They had the idea that nothing on TV is real. I told them that he is a real person, he just isn't really beating that other guy up.

In the same way, I think that we distinguish between "real" friend and online ones. What is the difference.

Now that I have moved and don't physically see my old friends anymore, but only e-mail and call them, does that mean that they aren't real friends anymore?

If I were to meet any of you who I consider to be friendly with for dinner sometime, I'm sure that I'd get along with you as well as I do online.

What is the difference?

#243456 01/27/04 11:31 PM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
quote:
If I were to meet any of you who I consider to be friendly with for dinner sometime, I'm sure that I'd get along with you as well as I do online.

What is the difference?

See, that's just it Slap. I don't think there is.

Now if we were talking about a romantic encounter then YEAH! Online relationships have to come into real life fairly soon in order for the people to determine whether or not they can sustain real life. Physical attraction, etc. IS important in my view.

But as far as just platonic friendships? Why not? I mean if I decide I like someone just as a friend then my criteria is based upon only
the inside (values, beliefs, sense of humor, intelligence) all traits that we can "see" right here online.

I really believe this -- there are few traits in life that you CAN'T fake. You can't fake humor. You can't fake intelligence (you can tell people
you are highly educated, but in time the truth of the matter is quite clear for all to see) and you can't fake integrity or morals or honesty.
(again you can SAY you are all those things, but time is a great predictor of that and sooner or later you'll mess up for all to see)

Pretty much everything else you can fake. You can pretend to be rich,
and beautiful and notorious, but those are all traits that I could care less
that my friends have.

So really I think online friends are WONDERFUL because rather quickly I can see if they posses the characteristics I am looking for.

As I say, finding love on the net is a good starting place and a good way to find people, but I think it is rather unhealthy for a relationship to stay only
online. IMO

-------
ILMF? Does that mean if we are "associates" that we have at least made it a tiny
way into your heart? [Wink]

LOL

DZZZ

#243457 01/27/04 11:56 PM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
quote:
The one thing that bothers me is to talk with people over several months and then they just disappear. I am still worrying over one that posted for several months and then never again. If it was someone I know, I would just call them up and asked what happened.
Believer, I feel like this too. Sometimes I will see people make a thread asking if anyone has seen so and so.

I think about different ones and especially if they are in an abusive situation it makes you feel just horrible that you'll really never know if they are ok.

I think that is where we can just pray and ask God to watch over them..what else can you do?

[Smile]

DZZZ

#243458 01/28/04 12:00 AM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
quote:
But I yes, it did surprise me when I first noticed it. But that was 11 years ago, so it doesn't surprise me anymore.
Wow WhirrledPeas!(your nicks still cracks me up by the way! [Smile] it's only been about 5 years for me. I remember coming online about then and being surprised to hear that others were online for 5 or so years. I must have lived under a rock before then. [Eek!]

Whirrled? What is your story btw? I don't think I have heard it.... if you want to tell that is?
I do remember you telling me you were a moderator for another forum is that correct?

DZZZ

#243459 01/28/04 12:08 AM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
quote:
OTOH, after a disagreement here, I also received a nasty email followed by a sudden deluge of porn in the email addy I use here. Oh, and one irate message from a wife who thought her H emailed me too often. So, now I am a bit more careful about sharing my email on the board...you just have to use common sense, ya know?
Ya I do know. [Wink] My personal experiences on MB have all been good. I have a few people I e-mail off board but they are all good.

But I have had some bad experiences in the past so I DO know what you are saying Kathi.

I think in the case of MB it is probably a good thing to use hotmail or Yahoo (if you do choose to post your email for just anyone) and sadly if things do turn sour you can delete and block them.

I don't think I have ever had to do that tho. Like in real life I have only had a couple friends that I have ever had to break off friendships with for one reason or another.

Online friendships I think wain too and die natural causes just like in real life.

For instance when I am working I would only have time to keep minimal contact. When I was a stay at home mom I had TONS of time.

Of course your friendships would revolve around the time you had to give to them. Sometimes people just naturally move on.

Like we are all gonna do some day from MB right Kathi???!! [Wink]

DZZZ

#243460 01/28/04 02:58 AM
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,749
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,749
Yes to all of it.

I have a couple of friends that I *met* online. They have stood the test of time, sometimes we have a lot of time together, in the past year though there has been very little. I also have most of my real life friends online now that I get to chat with as they are ALL living in different states.

The thing that I found the most amazing was how it drew me out of my shell. I had built so many walls around myself with H and the rest of my family that a few months after I got online the first time they all started commenting on my new found sense of humor, etc. It wasn't that it was new it was that I was letting it out with my new *friends* and it was carrying over into my real life. For a while it seemed like I had split personalities, the real me that I let my online friends get to know, and the subdued me that just couldn't let myself be known to those around me. Does that make any sense? I didn't have to protect myself with those online because they were not able to hurt me.

I have also found that my real life friends that I have known most of my life that I chat with online now know me better than ever. I am more open with them and don't hold back.

It was also odd to have my MIL start calling me by my nick after asking if *nick* could come out and play and leave *realname* at home.

As far as impacting life, absolutely, even my kids would ask how my online friends were.

[ January 28, 2004, 02:00 AM: Message edited by: MyBestFriend'sWife ]

#243461 01/28/04 09:40 AM
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 281
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 281
Hi Dzzz...

::smile::: I was online when the *hot* modem was 2,400 baud. Now, it's 56,000 baud.

Yeah, I've done moderating work in another part of the net.

My story? Pretty simple. My life partner and I have been together for decades. No affairs, no infidelity, no major issues. But always looking to deepen the relationship, you know?

#243462 01/28/04 10:30 AM
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 385
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 385
quote:
Originally posted by Diamonzzz:
Were you surprised at yourself the first time you realized that people you had never technically met started to impact you in your real life?

I find people interesting online, and often listen to what they say. I quit developing emotional attachments a long time ago online.

I am as real online as I am in person - same personality, same everything. When I first got online I learned the hard way that not everyone operates on the same principle. I fell quickly and deeply in love. We emailed, we chatted, we wrote, we phoned. He sent me poetry, we planned our vacation and lives. I could not believe I had found someone so simpatico. And then he disappeared. When he resurfaced 4 days later, it was to tell me he had been in the hospital with his wife while she gave birth to their second child. That was the end of my becoming emotionally involved online [Smile]

My husband, who I also met online 9 years ago, bore the biggest brunt of that decision. He fell in love, I steadfastly refused to commit to anything until we had met and he became real.

That's pretty much how I feel about everyone online - until I know them in real life, they don't really exist for me emotionally. Intellectually, yes. But not emotionally.

#243463 01/28/04 11:02 AM
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 8,079
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 8,079
Slapnuts,

--All the internet is, is a communication medium. I am reminded of my kids asking me if "the Rock" is a real person. They had the idea that nothing on TV is real.

TR--Let your son know yes, he is real--he's actually my husband's second cousin--although they haven't seen each other since childhood--as life choices have kept them from doing so--

Dz,

I can share some of these met online stories--

Let's see--I met one couple online--when they came to visit family while on vacation--we met for dinner--we still keep in touch occassionally

I have a couple of friends in the Upper P--I met online--they asked me if I knew a friend of their's who lived in my hometown--I didn't--but we eventually met through them--her family was at my wedding last month--her husband took wedding pictures--and made an awesome DVD--they were also at my daughter's baptism, I've met her family--(who actually live in the same town as my now in-laws)

I met another lady online and while I was visiting another friend her and I met for breakfast--when her grandmother died--I was impacted by that as well--as she had shared so much about this lady--it felt as if I knew her--

another lady I met online--I met in person when she came here on vacation--when she was trying to adopt a child--many of us encouraged her to keep trying--she took in a pre-teen from an abusive home as a foster child--the adoption went through last year--

So yes, the lives of those we meet online can certainly make an impact on our lives--

I've even talked to a couple of folks from here on the phone--whom I hope to one day meet in person--

#243464 01/28/04 12:18 PM
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 2,392
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 2,392
Diamonzzz,
Some of you more than the rest. . . but to this particular question (posed in good spirit, and appreciated):

quote:
Originally posted by Diamonzzz:
[QUOTE]ILMF? Does that mean if we are "associates" that we have at least made it a tiny way into your heart?

quote:
Originally posted by ilmf:
Being subject to soft-heartedness myself, I always keep a little distance and though these are “heart-matters” on many accounts, I consider the cost of much attachment

So. . . . “yep”

It’s just a little “distance” I actually maintain because I really do care what happens to people here. (Personally, I think that anyone who doesn’t care really shouldn’t be here at all. . . and we see some like that show up from time to time.) For my own sake, I don’t want to be “missing” anyone, or in much of a throe over something 1,000 miles away. . .though 1,000 miles away I must acknowledge that something’s a circumstance that someone really has to deal with. It always encourages me to see someone doing well, and is a little discouraging when anyone is doing poorly.

Ironically, it’s that “professional distance” (geez, that’s a fancy way to put it) that may sometimes make it seem like I am a hard case. Where I really am only just brusque at times, out of sincerity. All my bits about “love” as a chosen behavior, and that to inspire good feelings. . . blah, blah, blah (typical ilmf ramble) is because I am hoping that something will work for people whom I know want something to change or improve in their lives. I realize that I am no more than just another fellow adding his point of view, and that it may not even be right on all accounts. . . . but I am here getting advice and encouragement, and hoping at times to return some. I suppose that a place in one’s heart isn’t quite the same as caring. . . but I think that in practical terms the difference can’t be much more than something almost poetic. Making the distinction though, is something that I do both for my own self, and for others.

So to Diamonzzz, and all my professional associates here at MB, I do thank you for what you’ve provided for me in the way of helpful advice, encouragement, and probably a better understanding of “how things work”.

Hmmmm. . .”professional”. . . “Slapnuts”. . . . .

Hey, Diamonzzz. . . I think I just came up with another oxymoron, too! [Smile]

#243465 01/28/04 12:33 PM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,736
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,736
quote:
Originally posted by Diamonzzz:
quote:
The one thing that bothers me is to talk with people over several months and then they just disappear. I am still worrying over one that posted for several months and then never again. If it was someone I know, I would just call them up and asked what happened.
Believer, I feel like this too. Sometimes I will see people make a thread asking if anyone has seen so and so.

I think about different ones and especially if they are in an abusive situation it makes you feel just horrible that you'll really never know if they are ok.

I think that is where we can just pray and ask God to watch over them..what else can you do?

[Smile]

DZZZ

Yeah,

I know what you mean, there was this couple I spoke with on the phone a few times and also via e-mail, making sure to e-mail both of them lest one think something nefarious was in the works.

Seems they fell off the planet, lost my toll free number, e-mail.

I wonder what happened to them.

Tony

#243466 01/28/04 12:41 PM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
quote:
Yeah,

I know what you mean, there was this couple I spoke with on the phone a few times and also via e-mail, making sure to e-mail both of them lest one think something nefarious was in the works.

Seems they fell off the planet, lost my toll free number, e-mail.

I wonder what happened to them.

Tony

[Razz]

I think HE lost THEIR e-mail addresses and THEY thought HE fell off the planet.

But that's only my "guess" [Confused]

[Smile] [Smile] [Smile] [Smile]

DZZZ

#243467 01/28/04 12:45 PM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,736
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,736
Nope,

I distinctly remember getting an e-mail asking for the 888 number again and saying they would call.

I sent the number but never got a call [Frown]

Maybe my e-mail got lost?

Tony

#243468 01/28/04 12:54 PM
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412
dizzy,

When I first came here....I think I probably developed stronger...but less healthy attachments. I say less healthy because I was genuinely hurt by some of the comments made to me and worried alot when posters disappeared. It's not that I don't care about folks anymore, or that I'm impermeable to hurt, but a little detachment is a good thing. I no longer feel defensive, or even insulted when folks send barbs my way. I no longer find it necessary to convince anyone of anything, or admit to my own failings. I don't need to get on soap boxes or waste any time "teaching" something anymore that there is no interest in their learning. I have learned that those who wish to know me better, will seek me out....and I have yet to have a bad experience with that...but I am quite careful. If someone wants my advice and thinks it has any value...they usually ask for it...which is great because then I'm not using my time unwisely. I only "talk" (IM) to a few people offline...but I truly like all of them and while I haven't actually met any of them....I hope to one day. I do get plenty of emails from both sexes....and those remain less personal and more guarded. And like WF....those things have been POJAd. Honestly, because so many of my friends live around the world and the Internet is where we keep in touch....I do feel as though all the folks I interact with are real....because they are. It was a huge shock to me to realize that many people are different on the forum than in real life....but the surprises were usually good ones. [Smile]

#243469 01/29/04 01:05 AM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
quote:
Nope,

I distinctly remember getting an e-mail asking for the 888 number again and saying they would call.

I sent the number but never got a call

Maybe my e-mail got lost?

We got the said e-mail. You were going to tell us what time. You feel asleep and didn't wake till morn. We were gonna tell you when we'd call again. We dropped the ball.. sorry ....
Then life happened and we lost touch ...


[Smile]
DZZZ

#243470 01/29/04 01:07 AM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,736
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,736
quote:
Originally posted by Diamonzzz:
quote:
Nope,

I distinctly remember getting an e-mail asking for the 888 number again and saying they would call.

I sent the number but never got a call

Maybe my e-mail got lost?

We got the said e-mail. You were going to tell us what time. You feel asleep and didn't wake till morn. We were gonna tell you when we'd call again. We dropped the ball.. sorry ....
Then life happened and we lost touch ...


[Smile]
DZZZ

Well,

I'm free every night until Friday.

Tony

[ January 28, 2004, 12:08 PM: Message edited by: javaSansContour ]

#243471 01/28/04 08:20 PM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
quote:
For a while it seemed like I had split personalities, the real me that I let my online friends get to know, and the subdued me that just couldn't let myself be known to those around me. Does that make any sense?
MyBestFriend'sWife:

This makes total sense to me and I can also relate. When I was going through my divorce I was tired of sharing and venting to my family and friends. I would go days and even weeks without sharing what was REALLY going on. But my online friends "saw" the day-to-day.. much like MB..so yes, I can relate.

I guess this is good and bad. It is good that God blessed us with some really good friends online, but a sad testiment to the fact that we couldn't be open with the people we probably most wanted to.

Anyway, those dark days are behind me but I have retained many of the online friends I have (well I should clarify..the female ones..the males had to go to delete when I remarried) [Smile]

--------

WhirrledPeas: Can't we all use some help! You seem to know your way around here already in a short time, but welcome to MB anyway!
We're a pretty good bunch all in all...

Is this site pretty much what you are used to in other forums that you moderate? [Smile]

DZZZ

#243472 01/28/04 08:30 PM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
Star: Made me laugh and think of that post I made waaaaaay back there about being invisible??! [Confused]

What a dork I was then! [Eek!]

I have to agree with you, I have changed as well. I rarely get hurt by things. I also don't have a huge need to convince anyone of my view point. I will pass up more posts than I comment on for that reason. I used to find them irresistible.

One thing tho that hasn't changed I really still do care about people and therefore, I really do try to be careful about the "advice" I dispense.

To me, they ARE real so I feel a responsibility to be careful what I say, especially to the newbies.

I have noticed that some people like you for example, have maintained a level of integrity.

I think maybe once or twice I suggested (maybe hinted was as strong as I got) that someone 'leave the bum'...

Anyho .. so I guess I have arrived now huh? I am not invisible anymore? Now I am debating my own existence. heehe

[Smile]

DZZZ

#243473 01/28/04 08:40 PM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
quote:
When I first got online I learned the hard way that not everyone operates on the same principle. I fell quickly and deeply in love. We emailed, we chatted, we wrote, we phoned. He sent me poetry, we planned our vacation and lives. I could not believe I had found someone so simpatico. And then he disappeared. When he resurfaced 4 days later, it was to tell me he had been in the hospital with his wife while she gave birth to their second child. That was the end of my becoming emotionally involved online
Wow KS41! You hear about stories like this and forget that they really do exist. Gosh I really am sorry. I don't want to dredge up any ugly memories but how in the world do you reconcile that? I mean all your dreams and hopes dash in one day....

I can't even imagine! In the case of affairs ...your world "feels" like it has ended but many good people as evidenced here, get through them, and go on to have an even stronger marriage then at the beginning.

But this? You have lived an absolute lie from day one. No WONDER you never trusted anyone again online. How could you?

I noticed in your tagline that your current husband has had online affairs. I am so sorry hon that has to be so hard.

It is a wonder with all you have been through that you even come online.

I have an observation to make in that regard. I often think that when people meet online and establish a 'habit' of chatting online, it is a difficult thing to break after a person finds a mate and marries. Sometimes I wonder if it is more a manifestation of an addiction, than the need to fulfil with an affair. You know what I mean?

I hope things are better for you these days.
[Smile]
DZZZ

[ January 28, 2004, 07:42 PM: Message edited by: Diamonzzz ]

#243474 01/28/04 08:47 PM
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 281
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 281
quote:
Originally posted by Diamonzzz:
[QUOTE] WhirrledPeas: Can't we all use some help! You seem to know your way around here already in a short time, but welcome to MB anyway!
We're a pretty good bunch all in all...

Is this site pretty much what you are used to in other forums that you moderate? [Smile]

DZZZ

Thanks for the welcome [Smile] I watched the forum for a few months before I jumped in to post. Because I, like you, see people as "real" and want to be careful about any advice I might give. I also wanted to be really sure I understood the Harley concepts before saying anything. So that may be why I just kinda "pulled up a chair".

The fascinating thing is, that the human dynamics are pretty much the same Dzzz. It's just the questions that are different. My usual hangout has questions like..."Is POSIX support improved under the new linux kernel?".

So unless you are really geeky (I plead guilty), MB threads are catchier. [Smile] Some threads make me blush, but they are all well thought out and respectful, and I find it all pretty insightful.

#243475 01/28/04 08:58 PM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
Whirrled: I can see where transferring from one forum to another (as you say once you have the concepts down pat) would be pretty easy.

I think I understood at least some of the basic concepts and I understood net etiquette to a degree, but oh my goodness was I ever a dorkapheliac when it came to Forum 101 ..

For instance, I couldn't even figure out what the heck the "bump" thing was. (OMG I even made a thread to "ask".. how goofy is THAT!) [Roll Eyes]

Thinking about it now makes me really blush but for real, I would see that "bump" and it never occurred to me it was to send the post up....

I think I HAVE improved there. LOL

[Wink]

DZZZ

#243476 01/28/04 08:59 PM
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 7,027
*
Member
Offline
Member
*
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 7,027
Dzzz ---

I'm still invisible --- sometimes I'm invincible --- the rest of the time - I'm just intolerable.

[Big Grin]

Jan

#243477 01/28/04 09:01 PM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
Jan:

Hi! I am gonna email you back soon. [Smile]

If you are invisible don't answer. hehe

DZZZ

#243478 01/28/04 09:03 PM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,736
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,736
quote:
Originally posted by WhirrledPeas:
Thanks for the welcome [Smile] I watched the forum for a few months before I jumped in to post. Because I, like you, see people as "real" and want to be careful about any advice I might give. I also wanted to be really sure I understood the Harley concepts before saying anything. So that may be why I just kinda "pulled up a chair".

The fascinating thing is, that the human dynamics are pretty much the same Dzzz. It's just the questions that are different. My usual hangout has questions like..."Is POSIX support improved under the new linux kernel?".

So unless you are really geeky (I plead guilty), MB threads are catchier. [Smile] Some threads make me blush, but they are all well thought out and respectful, and I find it all pretty insightful. [/QB]

So to make you feel welcome, should I start a thread comparing Linux SMP support to the Solaris Kernel?

How about the different threading models in Java Virtual Machines?

j/k

Tony

#243479 01/28/04 09:06 PM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
quote:
So to make you feel welcome, should I start a thread comparing Linux SMP support to the Solaris Kernel?

How about the different threading models in Java Virtual Machines

Show off!! [Smile]

I have a feeling this is computer stuff but the only word I truly reconize here is Linux....(operating system right??) Oh and Java ..


DZZZ

#243480 01/28/04 09:07 PM
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 281
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 281
quote:
Originally posted by Diamonzzz:

For instance, I couldn't even figure out what the heck the "bump" thing was. (OMG I even made a thread to "ask".. how goofy is THAT!) [Roll Eyes]

::chuckle:: sometimes those things happen. Once online, I was repairing a complex computer system (fortune 500 company) from 1,000 miles away and in the forum we had I posted a bunch of techie questions. Then, they conference call me to answer the questions.

So, I'm logging in to their system, and they tell me at one point to "hit any key and continue". So I asked, "where's the any key?"....ohmygoodness, I was sooooooo embarassed.

#243481 01/28/04 09:09 PM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
quote:
So I asked, "where's the any key?"....ohmygoodness, I was sooooooo embarassed.
Too funny!! I bet you didn't live that one down for awhile.

[Big Grin]

DZZZ

#243482 01/28/04 09:25 PM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
D
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,319
TR: Sorry hon! I tried to answer everyone and missed your post.

I am hoping to meet an online girlfriend sometime soon as well.

I have another interesting story about online stuff. My father's family is all American but of course I am Canadian.

He and a cousin of his were raised together. They lost touch over the years and after a family reunion a few summers ago, he got her snail mail and e-mail address.

I decided to start to e-mail her. I had never met her face-to-face but we got to be quite close over the net as we both shared an interest in poetry and writing.

I dunno .... I feel like I really DO know this "Aunty" of mine .. even tho we have never officially met.

Did you meet hubby on the net?

[Smile]

DZZZ

#243483 01/28/04 09:35 PM
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 281
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 281
quote:
Originally posted by javaSansContour:
So to make you feel welcome, should I start a thread comparing Linux SMP support to the Solaris Kernel?

How about the different threading models in Java Virtual Machines?

j/k

Tony

Wow! You folks do know how to make a person feel at home, between you and Dzzz, thanks.

Linux SMP support hasn't always been the most stellar. On the other hand, you can see it, tweak it, and they might like it, credit you, and adapt it [Smile]

Now, I haven't done much with Solaris as I'd like I'll admit. I have heard it's good, especially with symetric multiprocessing. But to be honest, my heart is with the Linux OS.

(Boy does that sound nutters or what?)

Now about java...*chuckle*

[ January 28, 2004, 08:50 PM: Message edited by: WhirrledPeas ]

#243484 01/28/04 10:09 PM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,736
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 5,736
quote:
Originally posted by WhirrledPeas:
quote:
Originally posted by javaSansContour:
So to make you feel welcome, should I start a thread comparing Linux SMP support to the Solaris Kernel?

How about the different threading models in Java Virtual Machines?

j/k

Tony

Wow! You folks do know how to make a person feel at home, between you and Dzzz, thanks.

Linux SMP support hasn't always been the most stellar. On the other hand, you can see it, tweak it, and they might like it, credit you, and adapt it [Smile]

Now, I haven't done much with Solaris as I'd like I'll admit. I have heard it's good, especially with symetric multiprocessing. But to be honest, my heart is with the Linux OS.

(Boy does that sound nutters or what?)

Now about java...*chuckle*

Well, both Java (Just Another Vague Acronym) and Solaris have put a lot of coin in my pocket. I spent most of the first 6 months of 1996 travelling all over the USA teaching Java and used my Frequent Flyer Miles for my honeymoon.

Oh well, I better get back to studying. I have to pass my cluster certification test in the next 48 hours.

Tony

#243485 01/28/04 11:15 PM
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 2,392
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 2,392
Just a little more of the same stuff from me... but I was just reviewing this thread and saw the stuff from KS41 and Star*fish, and their reflections were a pretty good "finish" on some of what I was getting at.

When I first got a chance to "play" on the internet, I messed around some in chat rooms and got into the IM thing, and though I've never really developed any kind of deep "bond" with any individual at MB, I did go off the deep end a bit myself... where I was eager to get into the house sometimes just so I could see what my "online pals" were up to. I am not necessarily saying that's bad or unhealthy, but I do question the practicality of it. Compounded with the purpose of the forum, I have decided to be the way I was describing earlier.

It probably makes me a little boring, but if I die or something, then everyone at MB will be OK - [Smile]
...and for msyelf, I don't have that urge to "race into the house" to get on line like I did before. It was in '97 when I first got a real machine that was capable of "internet", and it took me a couple of years to get my "perspective" straight.

Hmmmm... didn't mean to get so long about it - just wanted to reflect a bit on KS41 and Star's thoughts.

#243486 01/29/04 12:03 AM
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 385
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 385
quote:
Originally posted by Diamonzzz:
You hear about stories like this and forget that they really do exist. Gosh I really am sorry. I don't want to dredge up any ugly memories but how in the world do you reconcile that? I mean all your dreams and hopes dash in one day....

On the plus side, I lost 30 pounds! You know, I remember being so physically ill and devastated, but it's long ago and I got over it. He was very sorry, I was crushed, but even feeling bad I realized it was a valuable lesson. I tend to think everyone thinks the same way I do - they don't!

quote:

I noticed in your tagline that your current husband has had online affairs. I am so sorry hon that has to be so hard.

His affairs were all about ego and admiration and addiction, and never really about love. Like many women, it seems like it would have been much worse if he had loved them.

quote:

Sometimes I wonder if it is more a manifestation of an addiction, than the need to fulfil with an affair. You know what I mean?

Oh it's very much an addiction - and having suffered from it a bit myself in the early days, I recognize it and understand it in others. Fortunately for me, I have a short attention span and got bored with the whole chat thing after a while.

#243487 01/29/04 01:33 AM
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 7,027
*
Member
Offline
Member
*
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 7,027
quote:
Originally posted by ilmf:
<snip>

When I first got a chance to "play" on the internet, I messed around some in chat rooms and got into the IM thing, and though I've never really developed any kind of deep "bond" with any individual at MB, I did go off the deep end a bit myself... where I was eager to get into the house sometimes just so I could see what my "online pals" were up to. I am not necessarily saying that's bad or unhealthy, but I do question the practicality of it. Compounded with the purpose of the forum, I have decided to be the way I was describing earlier.

<snip>

I have to admit, there are times when I am out chasing around doing things that need doing, that I wonder about my 'friends' here at MB. A few in particular - because we've become friends off line - or at least off the computer too. I don't mind chattering on the phone with people off of here. I've met a few people off MB in person.

CJ introduced me to a great restaurant that I really like visiting.

Other people from here have wedged themselves well into my life as friends - one very good friend, possibly unlikely in real life because we are so different - and yet, I consider her one of my best friends.

Dzzz sent me her picture on email, and she's really quite lovely, her personality is so obvious here on line, I can't imagine not liking her IRL.

I think about all the things that have happened since I started here with my first ID about five years ago now --- I think December of 1999 or something...

We are a direct result of the impact of our surroundings, the people we meet, the places we have been, and the thoughts that we entertain. If that be true (which I believe it is) then the point is that I have a little bit of influence from everyone I've met - EVEN here on this forum - which makes you all a part of me.

Profound as that may be, ILMF, even you. [Wink]

Not sure how practical that is, but I suppose most have actually had a good impact on me - on some level. [Roll Eyes]

Jan

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 28 guests, and 46 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Ella Paradis, Lethabo, Livn1dayAtaTime, widup, Reggg
71,683 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,528
Posts2,322,563
Members71,682
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5