So you gave him your Plan B letter in person? What did he say? And you're ready to have no contact with him?

I told him that since he can't or won't give me answers or decisions then what we need to do is for me to be out of it for a while. No phone calls except if it is important. Business or personal health problems. He seemed to be relieved. I told him I think that why he calls from the truck is he feels guilty about the way he has done me. I told him he should because he has caused me a lot of pain. Not only pain but he has abandoned me and spends money on her and her kids instead of his wife. He wants to spend it on and make them happy but not on his own wife, that hurts so bad. He never said he was sorry once for the way he has and is treating me, not once.

I told him if I choose to file taxes with him this year,I will let him know about joint or seperate filing. If we do joint he will be signing a paper to be notarized that I get half, because I can't trust him anymore. I told him I control for me now, not him. He just sat and listened with no comments.

I told him that since he wants to live as if he is divorced, then he needs to experience what it feels like if I am no longer in life. That now he has two wives and kids in his life. He can't have both. He has to choose and his actions now show wife #2.

He is to contact me by text on cell phone what the information we need to discuss. I would decide if it would be text or phone depending on circumstances. If he ever wants to come back to me he needs to text me that and then we will discuss. No other woman or ever contact with her or don't even to want to come back.

What is so bad he seemed relieved I told him of the plan we will be following. I also told him I won't set back and wait forever on him. I gave him dead lines. His has till the end of January (3 Months) to decide if he wants to stay with her or come back and rebuild our marriage. He has a deadline of the end of April to decide if he wants a divorce. That is 6 months and that at least gives me a deadline to an end or beginning. The unknown and back and forth not knowing, I need a deadline to aim for.

Now he is gone I gave him a small good bye kiss and that might be the last one I get. He has to work this out in his mind and until he does I have no marriage to work on.

yes he was here looking for the title to his truck, some tag registration problem with the state. I decided I rather do it in person instead of over the phone. I know that is not the way to do it, but then again maybe it is. It is so much more personal that way. I din't want to but I had to I think it is the only chance I got. It will either be the winner or the killer of my marriage I know that,got tears now. I felt strong a few minutes ago. no so strong now.

Okay, now you GO DARK. Don't answer the phone if he calls. If he texts you saying "Please call me right away - it's important!" or anything like that, text back and ask him what he needs. It is important that he not hear your voice. I'm not happy that you have no buffer between your contact with him - can you get an IM?

Also, please don't sell yourself short like this:

He doesn't have two wives. He has a loving, faithful wife at home. He also has a skankhobag. She doesn't even deserve to be in the same sentence with you.

not right now with im I don't think he will be contacting he seemed relieved after our talk or my talk he just listened. no fussin just calm talk by me. I cried for hours last night sitting on the front porch. Crying now too tears come when they want to no and I can.t make them stop.

He wanted his winter coats yesterday, most of clothes except coats I bagged up in the beginning before I started posting. So I met him when he came back after a truck delivery yesterday with them it is getting cooler now. He wanted his sport coat too but I didn't take it on purpose. He got in my car and I got so mad in a flash. I said what happened to your mustacsh? It looked black looking then I noticed his goatee looked the same. His hair is grown out longer and he is blonde now with blackish hair too. His , hair and mustacsh are all white before this. He put grecian 44 on them trying to make his self look younger to impress her. I knew why and I got so mad he wants to look younger too.
So I let loose on him, told him they looked like crap. That everytime he has a birthday he will still be one year older nothing would change that. Since she is so much younger than him one day she would throw his butt out for a younger man like he has me. That I wanted out of this, I can't stand it any longer. I can't be the only one in my marriage trying to save it. He is trying to have 2 wives and keep the triangle marriage. I can't do that any more especially because now he is living with her. He would loose everything his home everything he has if he didn't get it together.
Last night I got to thinking and that sounded like I was asking for a divorce. So this morning I texted him to call me. I told him I realized last night it sounded like I wanted a divorce but I don't I was just mad. I told him what made me so mad he is a nice looking man and now wants to change himself for her to look younger. I was mad because he was trying to change himself to impress her. I told him if you are playing with babies you don't dress in a diaper and play with toys.

That's why he came by today is to get the coat and title to truck. I didn't take him the sport coat I told him if he wanted it to come to the house and get it. He would be wearing it when he went out with her and that is enabling the affair so I didn't bring it to you.

This is NOT Plan B, Crying Time. You will not get your wayward back this way! Do you know what Plan B is? You are currently in Plan Drive Him Away.

Do you want us to help you save your M? What do you want to do?

yes I keep saying over and over I want to save it why does everybody keep saying that? what did I do you think I shouldn t I am trying to figure out what plan B is I guess I don't figure plan b out right

You do not have contact with your wayward in Plan B. You told him what your boundaries are. You told him there was to be No Contact with you except for texts. Now you're sitting in a car and yelling at him. How do you figure you're in Plan B???

CryingTime, if you present yourself to your wayward as a pathetic, needy creature it will make OW look all the more attractive to him. This needs to stop.

Please read about Plan B on this site. Then ask any questions you need to ask to clarify what you need to do.

that was the day before and I was not yelling at him that is why I decided to go to plan b emotionally I was going to undo what I already did in A

this is going to hard enough because I need to hear his voice and I got to adjust to not being able to for a while. But I worked so hard in Plan A till I didn't want to undo what I had done. He wouldn't even talk to me in the beginning. I am trying to read and learn what to do but I need advice not my bones picked every time I make a mistake. I keep reading to give him space. The space is to have the affair be in reality but if feels like you are giving them permission to have the affair. I just need a place to vent.

WHAT??? Tell me where on this site you are reading this??????
Show that to me. You are so wrong.


Then just go vent somewhere else. If you have no intention of taking our advice or listening to us, don't take up our time. There are people who come here who really want our help and will hear what we advise. You obviously aren't one of them.

Until you can show me where you read on this site that you should give your husband his 'space' I will not respond to your posts.

Good luck to you.

Crying Time,
You are on this site to try to salvage your marriage, your husband is living with another woman, this is unacceptable, you cannot have a marriage with a third person in it. Until that fact changes you don't have a marriage......Got it?
Plan B is your only hope of saving the marriage, let the affair fall apart......it's a fantasy world, when it becomes reality just watch how quickly it falls apart.....
You need to not talk to him at all in anyway about anything.......no texts, no emails, no phone calls......don't see him face to face......don't listen to anyone else about him...........if you need to talk about anything in terms of financial, kids......then do it through someone else.............
You in the meantime, take care of your end of things, go to a lawyer, make sure the financials are in place for you............
Surround yourself with family and friends and keep yourself busy, doing what you like, go out, enjoy yourself.........don't worry about what he does or who he is doing it with......
You need to let him feel what life is like for him without you, without the life he has known all these years......let him feel the total brunt of the decisions he has made, Thanksgiving, Xmas all without him in the mix is a good thing Crying.....holidays are the best times for them to feel what they have done.......and what they have given up.......
Crying and all this takes time to turn around, what you need to do is keep your eye on the bigger plan and that is to save the marriage..........that takes time to happen, your husband needs to live his new life in order to make comparisons and he will soon figure out having the added responsibility and not just the fantasy part to the relationship isn't as much fun as he might have imagined.....
Patience is the key here, every time you do the wrong thing you have to start the process again, stop wasting time and let the process happen....
The vets on this site know what they are talking about and many marriages have been saved............
Stop think and stick to the plan.....

Plan B is...

No texting him
No phone
No facebook
No seeing him
NOTHING

You do not hear, see, or talk to him in any way you pretend that he is dead to you.

You need to block his phone number

Find a IM YOU NEED an IM you can no to a plan B with out one.

As long as he is contacting you he is still getting those needs met, you need to END IT ALL.

NO CONTACT what so EVER!

I am going to and I am already doing it. I just got me a second job interview today with a big company. That will keep me busy and I am excited about the job. It will start Monday and a position there will be coming open soon in Management that I am qualified for and will make more money. Got my foot in the door.

I am going to start back to a Church I used to go to and join in some activites there too.

ok I am willing to give this a chance because it is the only one I see left I hope it works, in the mean time I will be busy making me a better and stronger person. I can't get younger but I can get better.

Good job Crying,
We all know that this is tough for you, come here for support, don't just bail when you feel weak....
This is your only shot.......you have to be the one that looks good when the fantasy falls apart.......regret will happen.....and then you will have a shot at the marriage you want.............
Hang tight, and good job with the new directions in your life........

Thanks, Today I been so occupied with other things I just got home. I have a small mobile home park that has 11 rentals and something always needs attention. Today this tenant came to me crying. Her ex husband, of one of kids, has been living a few months with them, to help with bills for a place to stay. He never even got a job and just was using them. I been getting reports back to me he has been hitting on her from other tenants but not from her. So today I am there and she comes crying to me he was beating on her, that is not going on in my park. I said you want him gone? She said yes I said I will get him gone. I go and he is standing by his car and I said I want to talk with you. I told him needed to leave because I don't allow men to beat on women here even if I have to call police. He said call them she hit me first. I told him he needs to leave for a while. He cussed me and all that threat stuff. He left and then came back in 10 minutes, I was still at her home. He walked past me and went to get his cell phone. He came back outside and said call police if you want to go ahead. He got in his car and left so I didn't call.
About 30 minutes later he came back. This time I called the police I didn't even waste my time to talk to him. They came out and away he went to jail. That's one man I got out of women beating fog and snatched a knot in his tail. He can't come back anymore because they will put him under a conditional bond that is stronger that a restraining order, they told me so he can't bother me or her again. I am 5ft 2 and 115 lbs but I stand tall when I have too.

Just a little update: I told you he looked relieved when I told him about the no contact. I think he was only doing the phone calls because he felt guilty. He should feel guilty. He has made no effort to contact. I got a neighbor for the im.

The Plan B has gave me some relief too. I don't keep waiting for him to call because I know he is not going to. I know in a little while I will feel different maybe, but right now I feel sort of peaceful on the inside. Strange but all that has happened now is starting to feel like just a bad memory. I miss him and love him still and wish he was back, but I know I don't want him back if I have to live like I have this year. Its got to be the way it was before she got in the picture.

I guess he is feeling sort of peaceful on the inside too right about now. I know this takes time. The everyday living and the new to wear off. I also know he may not come back. This took more than one day to begin and it is going to take more than one day to end, if it does ends. When I feel its time for me to move on I will make the decision for him, I will not wait forever on him. I deserve happiness too and I am not willing to give him years to decide because those are my years too. When I decide this is a dead end street, I will stop and turn around before I hit the wall. I won't let his decisions control him and me too because I control mine.

He hasn't tried to contact me and I haven't felt the need to contact him. I feel like I am getting some sort of control on emotions now and the contact may bring back the bad feelings.