�...the long-term consequences of parental divorce for adult attainment and quality of life may prove to be more serious than the short-term emotional and social problems in children.� (Amato & Keith, 1991)

�...children from disrupted families are significantly more likely to express discon�tent with their lives as measured by an in�dex of life satisfaction.� (Furstenberg & Teitler, 1994).


Children can sometimes experience what might be called the �sleeper effect�. They recover rather quickly following the divorce, but because of denied feelings at a subconscious level, feelings about the divorce may emerge at some point later in life. It is a delayed reaction. Professional counselors have shown that all kinds of traumatic experiences of childhood can be repressed in the subconscious. For example, sexual abuse or physical abuse might be �forgotten� for a number of years and emerge at some later point in adulthood. The same can be true of the trauma caused by divorce.

At a 5-year follow-up, one study of divorced children
(Wallerstein, 1985) showed:
1. Persistence of anger at the parent who had initiated the divorce.
2. Intensity of longing for the absent or erratically visiting parent.
3. Persistence of youngster�s wish to reconstitute the pre-divorce family.
4. Moderate to severe clinical depression in over one� third of the original sample.

At the 10-year follow-up with those same children of divorce (Wallerstein, 1985), the following information was gathered about the participants:
1. A dominant feeling of sorrow about their parents� divorce still existed.
2. Quotes from the young adults themselves:

�My life would have been happier if my parents hadn�t divorced.�

�Divorce was better for them but not for me. I lost my family.�

�I lost the experience of growing up in a family unit.�

�I wish my mom and dad had not divorced. It would have been easier to be a regular family.�

�I was really hurt. The hardest thing was
watching my family break up.�

. Physically, these participants reported poorer physical health than children from intact families.


4. Emotionally, they indicated persistent problems
with the following:
� Fears of betrayal, abandonment, loss, and rejec�tion.
� Rising anxiety in late teens and early 20s�feelings and memories about their parents� divorce arise with new intensity as they enter adulthood.
� Life-long vulnerability to the experience of loss.
� Anger, resentment, and hostility.
� A reduction in psychological well-being.
� Depression in young adulthood.
� Low life satisfaction.
5. Socially, the children�s relationships in later life were affected as follows:
� Divorcing parents apparently set the stage for children�s poor relationships.
� Reduction in the ability to develop and maintain supportive friendships and dating relationships.
� Children of divorce are more likely themselves to divorce as adults.
� Earlier sexual intercourse.
� Delinquent behaviors.
� Daughters of divorce are more likely to:

�Marry and have children early
�Give birth before marriage
�Divorce

� Fear of repeating his or her parents� failure to maintain a loving relationship.
� Fear of commitment and intimacy.
� Less trust in future spouse.
� Reduction of inhibitions toward divorce as a solution for marital difficulties.
� Lower socioeconomic status.
� In relationship to their parents, adult children of divorce:
�Feel less affection for parents.
�Have less contact with them.
�Engage in fewer inter-generational exchanges of assistance than do other adults.
� Children of divorce tend to become more conservative morally than their parents. They also adopt more traditional views of how marriage and fam�ily ought to be.

What if down the road all 4 adults in the situation end up being happier than they were during the two initial marriages. If they all end up better off, isn't it for the better.
I mean, yes, they went about it the wrong way. And there is no guarantee that all will be happier, but if they are. If there is a happy ending for all 4 of them...

What if down the road all 4 adults in the situation end up being happier than they were during the two initial marriages. If they all end up better off, isn't it for the better.
I mean, yes, they went about it the wrong way. And there is no guarantee that all will be happier, but if they are. If there is a happy ending for all 4 of them...

How exactly does one fall in lurve with someone else when they are married WITHOUT having an affair?

There are many solutions to many different marital problems Infidelity is never one of them.

that's awesome go on an infidelity board and just tell people who are trying to recovery from something like this that it's ok if you spouse cheats and quickly places you.... everyone deserves to be happy....AWESOME!

So Tom, let's say a person's spouse dies. They had an average marriage - not spectacular.

The children are devastated by their parent's death. The remaining spouse terribly sad as well.

Would you give solace to the family by stating that "they might be happier in the long run"?

Well, Tom, what about the five children? Don't you think they matter? Is the so-called "happiness" of 4 adults worth shattering their worlds? I bet the kids would much rather have their intact families and homes than to have to split time between Mommy's and Daddy's!

What if down the road all 4 adults in the situation end up being happier than they were during the two initial marriages. If they all end up better off, isn't it for the better.
I mean, yes, they went about it the wrong way. And there is no guarantee that all will be happier, but if they are. If there is a happy ending for all 4 of them..

do understand that kids are involved. Is it an easy situation for kids, by no means am I saying that. Are there situations where I think a divorce is better for all involved, even the kids? Yes. My parents are divorced, and I am very thankful for that. One of the best choices my mom ever made. It was not an easy road, but down the line, we were all bettere off from it.
Not every situation is the same, not every time will all parties benefit, I'm just saying, what if? If the kids do come out okay as well, and ALL (not just the two adults that cheated and left), ALL 4 of the adults involved end up in happier relationships with more fulfilling lives, that is the if I am stating.

I do understand that kids are involved. Is it an easy situation for kids, by no means am I saying that. Are there situations where I think a divorce is better for all involved, even the kids? Yes. My parents are divorced, and I am very thankful for that. One of the best choices my mom ever made. It was not an easy road, but down the line, we were all bettere off from it.

If the kids do come out okay as well, and ALL (not just the two adults that cheated and left), ALL 4 of the adults involved end up in happier relationships with more fulfilling lives, that is the if I am stating.

Again, ML, I am not saying that the affair/cheating is what will make them or anyone else in the situation happy. I am not trying to claim that the bad behavior is what brings happiness. I believe I used the words "down the road", as in when the bad behaviors are behind them. Yes, I understand the %'s and the chances are bad. But now that it is done, it happened, I would rather hope that it turns out good for everyone, instead of just saying they are doomed. I would rather hope that they all beat the odds, the adults and the kids. It does happen, yes the chances might be small, but I would rather be optimistic that its one of those times.

Help, maybe some kids don't get over a parents divoce, but then again, some do. Some are better for it, happier from it, and blessed by it. It was hard getting through it at the time, but it was well worth it in the end.

By no means am I coming on saying that the affair was okay. No, DID NOT say that.