Care to contribute anything, oh, I don't know...POSITIVE for a change, Road?

Tyvm Bliss,
that one kind of tore me up good earlier today, that comment, however i am so thankful that you and others, are here. You have no idea what it means to me.

RR

Not every poster has your best interest in mind, RR. I saw that post and just had to respond. I know posters can put up a lot of things here and not be breaking any rules, but sometimes they could be a little more...supportive.

Hang in there, RR. Keep reading!

Can you put these into any of these categories:

The Most Important Emotional Needs

Side Note:

Do you know what this is called?

Ckark i am absolutely sure that the 3 that i was able to identify are
3 of her top 5. Those definately fit the bill for sure.
I answered the emotional questions up above in BOLD TYPE. Thanks
Waiting patiently for your insight.
Thank you Very Much
RR

Good Morning...Feeling better today. Just got off the phone with Dr. Harleys Office. Have my first "Appointment" sceduled for Wednesday morning,towmmorrow. I am excited and looking forward to it.

Now, i have to stay off the emotional roller coaster for the day, as it ebbs and flows.

RR

Keep your arms and legs inside the car until the ride comes to a complete stop.

You're doing great, RR!

RR,

Just a suggestion, if they didn't already suggest it on the phone call to the coaching center...

Copy/paste your first two posts on this thread to the coaching center--atten to whomever your appointment is with.. Add day & time of your appt.

Allowing them to have a summary of your situation prior to the call will save you valuable expensive phone time.

Also, check the MB Announcement Forum and read the thread about the MB Radio show. You might consider that also. You get to talk to Dr Harley free, get his advice & suggestions, AND he'll send you a free book! It's a GREAT deal! Again, it can be completely anonymous. You don't have to give your real life name or location.

You're doing good! Hang in there!!

I agree with you on the three emotional needs you've identified, based on what you've said.

I'm just going to say that number five that you wrote simply sounds to me like she wants to be free of your disrespectful judgement. You trying to tell her that her idea of the world is naive and not reality is a disrespectful judgement. You assuming you know better and taking a superior, teaching position.

EN's and Love Busters go hand in hand. Eliminating love busters is vital, otherwise everything you do to meet her ENs will be wasted effort as you give with one hand and take with the other.

It sounds like you've been working hard on eliminating angry outbursts, now you need to learn to identify the others. DJ's are the hardest ones I think to learn to see for yourself.

MaritalBliss,
ty so much for the words of Encouragement!! I am looking forward to building my strategic plan 2morrow to win back my wife and save my Marriage.

People like yourself, so giving, make this world priceless.

Thanks
RR

Nerly,
thank you so much for the input, your timing was perfect, i was able to cut and paste my posts, and give the forum thread name to Dr. Harley prior to my Session 2morrow. Without your post, it wouldnt have happend. Thanks for the Great information and ideas. My biggest concern at this point...It appears of all the Marriage breakups, the Walk Out Wife is the hardest one to bring back. I know the deck is severely stacked against me, however during this time i will grow, learn, and become an incredible husband, i can feel it.

Thanks for you kind words and input.

Regards,
RR

Rosycheeks,
i could not agree with you more. When i look at my strings of behavior, and how they tie together, "WOW" how could she be happy, and what woman in her right mind would be. I know i have at least 3 of her Top 5 EN's figured out, the other 2 i have no idea at this point. The lovebusters are going to be hard, because she is not participating in the MB in any way shape or form. In her mind, with the BABBLE she is displaying. We are done, through, and headed to Divorce. Thank God i Disagree, and now realize our habits form us, and so many of these things i can change Easily.
Ya the AO behavior..ugggg and the the DJ is even more ugggg... Now that i know what i am doing, i am hoping i get a 2nd chance. I know this go around, we can have an Incredible Healthy Loving Marriage.

Thanks for all your insight and ideas. I appreciate them
Regards,
RR

You're welcome. DJing is one of my most common mistakes. I have had to work hardest on wiping out my belief that I know better than my husband or that my opinions or beliefs are more valid.

Rosycheeks is right about the Love Busting.


How has winning your wife back worked for you in the past? This isn't a competition. You need to look at your wife being in your life as a gift, that needs to be cherished every day. What I'm trying to point out to you that you don't win and then the race is over.

Okay you've identified three of her top ENS: Affection, Family Commitment, and Admiration. In order to get that loving feeling (Intimate ENs) you should be trying to hit: Affection, Sexual Fulfillment, Conversation, and Recreational Companionship. It is good that one of her top 5 ENs is one of the intimates. Conversation you're going to get for free, as long as you can stop the LB.

Have you read up on Love Busting?
Can you see how your LB is not meeting her Admiration EN?

[quote=clark_kent]Rosycheeks is right about the Love Busting.

How has winning your wife back worked for you in the past? This isn't a competition. You need to look at your wife being in your life as a gift, that needs to be cherished every day. What I'm trying to point out to you that you don't win and then the race is over.

Clark, I can not agree more, and really appreciate your direct approach to me, that rings right to my door. I can see how even choosing my words here can have an effect on my mindset. (going to be very cognicent of that TYVM) In the past, i definately saw everything as a competition. The more i explore MB and read, the more deep understanding i am getting about my marriage, myself, and my wife.

I cannot agree more, i did a horrible job of cherishing my Gift in the past, (though i thought i was) but am understaning more and more everyday. Exactly, i am not looking to win her back and have the race over. I am looking for her to allow me the Privelidge of being her Husband, and living in a Healthy Happy Marriage, with MB principals.

Okay you've identified three of her top ENS: Affection, Family Commitment, and Admiration. In order to get that loving feeling (Intimate ENs) you should be trying to hit: Affection, Sexual Fulfillment, Conversation, and Recreational Companionship. It is good that one of her top 5 ENs is one of the intimates. Conversation you're going to get for free, as long as you can stop the LB.

I am very very aware of the LB, and am being very cautious at my early stages when i talk to her. The conversation is flowing, but i am making it about her, not about me, engaging, and listening. (does this sound about right?) The sexual fullfillment is not even on the table now at any point. I might be able to pull off some Recreational Companionship over the next 2 weeks.
Have you read up on Love Busting?

*** I would tell her all the time this is not reality, Not the real world.***
Can you see how your LB is not meeting her Admiration EN?

Absolutely Clark, i see it plain as day now. Not only does it not meet the AD EN, but it goes down the path of a severe LB. Since she is a sensitive soul, it probably has even a more profound effect. Based on statements she has made over the last 2 weeks, this is one of the biggest LB's i have done.

Clark, please keep it coming, i am all ears. The incredible insight i am getting is Amazing, uplifting, and believe it or not, easy. I just never realized what i was doing til she was gone and then i found MB.

Thanks
RR

Out of the three states of marriage, which state is your wife in?

In order for your marriage to get into the state of intimacy what must occur?

Trick question: How are you dealing with your Taker?

Great suggestion by Nerly. Hopefully I'm not to late in adding - have your questions listed (a checklist) prior to the call to make sure you cover what you want to know. Good luck with your session.



Gg

[quote=clark_kent]Out of the three states of marriage, which state is your wife in?
Withdrawl mostly with a Little Conflict...She really is trying to act like she has moved on. She will still allow touching, massages, and some affection, no kissing or anything past that.

In order for your marriage to get into the state of intimacy what must occur?
She is going to have to see Action and change within me, with no words. It will have to be consistent over time with no Lovebuster Violations, and lots of EN Love Bank Deposits.

Trick question: How are you dealing with your Taker?
Clark right now, i am putting the focus on her, and just trying to be her best friend, Expecting nothing at all, the taker has been deposited. To combat this, i am also pausing before speaking to make sure i dont say the wrong thing that becomes a Love buster Violation. The taker is me has been horrible, now it is time to give unconditionally with no expectation of any kind.[/quote]

GG,
thank you for the suggestion, am going to get up really early to prepare. Wjust left after being here for 2 hours. The good side, she filled out the Love Buster Questionaire and the EN questionaire. YEA YEA YEA!! She said she did it to help me out, so when the next woman comes along she dosnt endure what she did.

On a side note, after she left, ugggg... read love busters and wanted to puke. I have not been a good husband at all, in fact if i were me i would have probably left me 10 years ago. She was open and honest, and i can see where i was really screwing up, and i learned some interesting things. The cool thing, every marriage on the planet should be required to fill out Love Buster and EN questionaires prior to getting married. Marital life would be so much better for everyone around, and Marriage would be AMAZING.

Thanks for the Input GG
RR

Little favor here, bud.

QUIT WITH THE SELF-BLAME PITY PARTY.

I'll bet top dollar that BOTH YOU AND YOUR WIFE got it wrong the whole way.

Hello? She runs to mamma every time there is a conflict. That's not exactly model wife behavior.

Yeah, she walked away, and you want it to work... but SHE will eventually have to make some changes, too.

Kudos to you for taking the lead, but quit shouldering all the blame, weak and pathetic is not attractive bud.