Men - wife has a couple of men she is communicating with via phone.

@GG Thank you for the links, i have already read those numerous times, and just read them again thanks. I am at a loss here..All i can do is wait on Dr. Harley i am speculating.

@clarkkent- Clark, i would love to get my hands on the phone records, but have Zero Access, her name is on the Account, and she would not give up password no matter what i tried, is there another way? I am not in Panic Mode, but very Upset, and Emotionally Torn in every direction...and i paid the phone today without posting up, thinking Get her to Dr. Harley, and let Steve work his Magic...(I tried to get a 5 minute call with him yesterday and today to no avail)

@suzie - I have no idea how i can do that, she has locked down, phones and her computer...IDeas?

Am wondering, am i putting way to much Stock in the Call with DR. Harley, she said last night, i am scared to do any counseling because i know its going to work, and i dont want to live like we have been ever again. (this was the reason for not going to counseling, but Dr. Harley call, almost feels like to get me off her back about it) She is talking to No one for the most part about Moving Out, even her best friend is still in the Dark a Lot.

Thanks Cherish

cherished, has she set up the online account yet? If she hasn't, if you have the phone number, you may be able to set it up yourself to see the records. What is the phone company?

The phone company is Sprint... I tried to set it up, and it sent her a TEXT with the Password, which i shrugged off, and told her a few days ago, i was trying to pay the bill online. I have tried many things to get into that account..All to no avail..

I am all ears...

Thank You
Cherish

Have you tried hacking into her email/FB accounts?

At the time of my husband's EA I didn't know about this site - never did phone consult. I've read many times here from spouses (who did call) on how Harley knows the right words to say to spouses. Hopefully this will be the case with your wife. You're doing the right things. Continue Plan A, especially the stick part where you can. Do you ever get inside the camper where she's staying?

Were you ever dishonest in your M? Did you ever leave your wife for a period of time?

Gg

GG,
I cant get in the camper, and would not be comfortable at all trying that. I had lying issues from Childhood til 2005, where W and I worked on it together, and by 2008 i am 100% Honest all the Time.

I have never left or walked out on her in 11 1/2 years, I have been very selfish, missed all her emotional needs over the last 2 years, and Realize that now in a big way. I am studying like crazy for 3 hours a day right now. I also just ordered the MB Home study course.

Gave wife a copy of his needs her needs and 57 page Word Doc Print out of Dr. Harleys MB CONCEPTS last Friday. She told me last night she has not read any of it. ( I did have her sit down and read the First 10 Pages out loud to her last night of the MB concepts) She didnt comment, and was worn out at that point. (which is a typical excuse when she wants to quit engaging or listening) Its always been that way.


My Concern, is She said last night, Everything i ever wanted you are serving on a Silver Platter Right now. I dont buy it, and i would give 1000% if we were trying to save our marriage.I just think your going to get me back, then 6 months or a year from now its going to be the same, and i wont be able to forgive myself. She also said, when i see something i want, I Hyper Focus on it, and when accomplished move on, she thinks this will be no Different working on our Marriage.

Turning up my BIG DUMBO EARS to LISTEN...
Thanks
Cherish Her

Sounds like you have tried everything. Next thing would be PI. Yes, the Harleys are good at getting waywards on board, but it's still going to be difficult whilst she is involved in an A/s. In order to fight the A, you need to find out who what where...

Oh, I second the recommendation you move this to SAA.

Hang in there!

One more thing...Don't take what she says about the M too seriously. Sounds like fogbabble to me.

Try to avoid R/M talk and instead try to talk to her about anything that she would enjoy talking about, the family, movies, any of her interests, etc. Keep it light and chatty.

I'm glad you had a chance to at least be with your wife. In a sense, it was like a thermometor reading of your marriage. At least you are in motion and finding out you are still in the process of discovery. Still, it hurts a lot.

Your wife is hiding behind her words about you and your marriage. It can get to you. Its a long dark journey.

Our circumstances did not allow me to use technology like others here suggest either.

Cherish,
I agree with everyone else about staying away from relationship talk. I would never suggest you break into the camper. I was curious if you have visited her in the camper - does she let you? The reason I ask about honesty and leaving the marriage is because you beat yourself up about not being a good husband in not meeting her needs BUT you were honorable and respected her and the marriage. You did not choose to go outside the marriage and you did not choose to be deceitful and lie. You are here trying to work on yourself and the marriage. Your wife, on the other hand, has chosen to lie to you and is not being totally honest with you. If she's not living with you, what difference would it make her being honest with you? Unless she has something to hide. Stick to Plan A Carrot & Stick for now and stay away from relationship talk. Keep trying to snoop.

Gg

GG,
awesome, thank you so much. Emotions are such a weird thing, and i am struggling at times to keep them Grounded and my Eye on the Prize (Happy Blissful Marraige) Wife shows lots of IB that has never been around before, Driving me Crazy.

I havent talked to her since 2pm, i go dark all night, then i get a Warm and Fuzzy Text from her, i wait 15 minutes respond, with something EN like, and a question about her... (Nothing, or at least 1/2 hr to 3 hrs to respond, then she will be texting texting texting back and forth and ***POOFFF*** shes gone for 2 hrs... Sorry i shouldnt be whinning, that IB drives me crazy, cause she has never done that in all the time we been together..

However, i have decided to stay somewhat Dark between now and Tuesday til her Appt with Dr. Harley, and see where i am at after that. Being in the Dark is tough, but each day it gets a little easier for sure.

The support here has been amazing, i want to someday be a MB success story, and more importantly get so well versed to MB, that i can continue to help others around me at home, and on the Boards.

Thanks again, i am hanging in there Tough...Tuesday cant get here fast enough.. HA HA HA

Thanks again

Cherish Her

I wouldn't say avoid it completely, however.

A little bit of stick now and then - draw her back into the home if you can.

Just try to balance it, and don't ambush her.

Read up on some wayward speak, fogbabble, and the reverse fogbabble thread.

CH, time to face it, you ARE dealing with a WW, bud.

Just my opinion, but those of us that are still in the fight have a fresh perspective on our successes and failures.

Just as the things a WS will utter under the fog, as we progress, some of what we said, saw, and felt will fade with time and recovery.

That is, of course, if you believe that memory is reconstructed with current information, and not recorded like a tape. All I can say is; good luck finding a cassette.

Do not go dark. Gotta meet those needs of conversation and affection. Just not a freakin' million of them.

I have made a few attempts to draw her back into the home, each has been met with Huge Resistance, so for now i have backed off some and am continuing to focus on me, and trying to meet EN's though it is hard being apart. I am studying up on the Stick now. I know she has no cash and has mentioned it several times, the last money i gave her was 8 days ago. I am avoiding that completely.


I totally believe this philosophy, being patient is the hardest part, i see little flickers with her now and then, nothing hugely positive, but feels like little steps in the right direction. Then she will make a statement like, when i get a house and a car, and who knows when that will be, things will be a lot better. (Those Comments are the ones that i really struggle with)



The conversation needs are tough, she is caught up in a whole different world today than 3 short months ago.She has become somewhat of a celebrity in the Outdoor arena. Her Website is blowing up huge, she is getting onto the radio all over, and Now Outdoor Channel wants to Interview her (They are HUGE) and she is starting her own Radio Show. She is getting many of her EN's Met left and right by men and women. They all love her, and tell her daily what a Super Star and how wonderful she is. (Thats very tough to compete against) I can try to meet those affection needs, and have doing a good job with that as i get the chances. (Plus i slip little thoughtful, or well thought out cards/notes/gifts/ into her P.O. Box as a surprise.)

Just feeling a little lost, waiting on the Appt with Dr. Harley. Honestly, i am scared of the outcome, as i dont think she will read any of the material i gave her, and she would not committ past one appointment, because right now she is afraid it is going to work.

Thought i would share these with everyone, it has really let me keep my head in the game, and though my spouse is not here at this time, and may never come home, i am committed to myself and my Marriage. I have 4 copies of this up in my House now. Would love any feedback from anyone who has comments good or bad. Thanks again for all the support. I even thought about EMailing this too WIFE, not sure, any thoughts? or just keep taking Consistent Action and Forget about the Words.

I can only hope my wife comes home at some point,
MY TARGET DATE TO HAVE HER HOME IS MARCH 27th, 2011
OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.


Cherish Her's Top 10 Commitments for 2011

1. Committed to a Happy Blissful Marriage with my Amazing Wife.

2. Committed to the Marriage Builders Concepts, and most importantly, Treating my Marriage and Spouse with Care, Protection, Honesty and Time�, this includes focusing on meeting all my Wife�s Emotional Needs Consistently. Learning how to give Affection in the way my spouse would like it.

3. Committed to my Family, making them the #1 Priority at all times. This means, Family comes first above and beyond all others, and all things.

4. Committed to Keeping our Daughter in the same High High School until she graduates no matter what. This means providing a warm loving home within that school district. This includes setting up a college plan for our youngest daughter, and making commitments for our oldest daughter to finish college. Helping them as much as we possibly can. (daughters are from Wifes First Marriage, i have been around since they were 4 and 7, and now they are almost 16 and 19..WOW)

5. Committed to building a very Family Oriented Nest within our home. A sanctuary where all who live here feel comfortable, safe and secure. Getting into a big enough home that lets our oldest Daughter move in and out as needed.

6. Committed to establishing Financial Stability and Accountability. This includes maintaining a budget that was established January 1, 2011. Modifying this budget as needed, and creating a savings plan. Both me and my wife should having Equal say, Equal access, and Equal responsibility to our finances and household. Establishing Financial stability within the household, including paying all bills on time, making savings deposits, and maintaining financial security for our family.

7. Committed to avoiding all Love Busters at all times. While working hard to consistently meet my wife�s emotional needs. Not being the cause of her Unhappiness in any way shape or form.

8. Committed to purchasing a Home within the Next 18 months, using the MB Poja Concept with my spouse to negotiate together on it, and coming to a Happy Agreement between us Both, that makes both of us Happy and Fulfilled.

9. Committed to living a Healthy Lifestyle free of as much stress as possible, while maintaining Regular Exercise, No Smoking, and eating healthy.

10. Committed studying the Marriage Builder Concepts on a Daily basis. This means at least a 30 minute daily commitment.

It's a good action plan. How are you going to be accountable if you don't do one of the actions?

My example: I'm trying to exercise more but I know myself and that I will slack off. I've asked a coworker everyday to ask me if I did my exercise machine routine. I'm not going to want to face my coworker as a failure. By knowing she is going to ask me, I'm going to be motivated to stick to the routine.

I don't think your wife is ready to see this list. She'll just say it proves your hyper-focused right now. Focus on having conversations with her, trying to be her best friend until you know what your dealing with and know the results of her conversation with Harley (all while continueing PLan A).

Gg

Thank you GG, i have enlisted a Friend as my outside coach and accountability person 5 weeks ago. Hes loyal, i respect him, and keeps me accountable.

Just found my Wifes Arcticle in a National Online VERY LARGE MAGAZINE... I am sick.. THE TITLE? Just published 2 days ago.

How to *** **** ***** it reads almost like an invite, as she dispels her tips on catching Females.
I went from Emotional high an hour ago, to just being Kicked right square in the GUT so hard, i am actually nautious right now. Ready to go throw up i feel so bad.

Cherish HER

Cherish- I know you're freakin' right now, but I would recommend you remove the title of the article. If she wrote it, and it is a national online fishing magazine, anyone can find it and find out who she is, and find out who you are.

You need to be careful to preserve your anonymity here.