I just thought of something else. His secret checking account that has only his name on it. That is 1/2 mine too isn't it? I would love to see the statements for it for the last couple of years.

I found this

order of temporary exclusive occupancy.

I looked it up and found this.
Avoiding a hearing can be crucial, since it is typically 30 to 60 days before a decision on the application is reached by the supreme court.
I can't believe there is no legal way to make him leave. He is gone for now but I know he will be back and changing the locks will be a waste of my time.

Don't ask for the keys to the condo. What if he gives them to you?

Say:
Since you are not going to be staying at our other property. How would you feel about us selling it?

I really don't think you should bog down much with interchanges on the condo. Now Plan A is not necessarily all light and fluffy, and if things were at an earlier stage you would need to confront, and confront some more.

However, with D papers filed, WH having done a big illegal naughty, and you about to retain an attorney to fight for you, let her. You have someone else to do the bulldog work on this one so you don't have to.

Now if he brings up the condo, I think it would be fine to say (if you're going to say anything), flirtily and teasingly, "Where's the key to my other property?" Personally, I favor letting it be a big surprise as to just how much trouble he's in with that.

The things you need to most worry about are:

1. Not blowing your Plan A with lovebusters. He's earned them, but you're better than that. Even if you can't bring yourself to be loving (and I hope you can), at least be cheerful and polite. Don't waste all your hard work by letting loose just before you go to Plan B. Staying at a hotel for a couple days is a fine idea, till your parents can get there to back you up.
2. Tell the truth to your daughter. Even if she's as young as 3, she will understand, "Daddy has a girlfriend. It's not ok for married people to have other boyfriends or girlfriends. That's why he's leaving. It's not because of me, and it's not your fault, either. It's Daddy's choice."
3. Find an IM, or even more than one. An MB IM(s) might be able to handle the written message passing, and a backup IM nearby might only need to be available to come to your support if he shows up in person.
4. Meet with your attorney. Of course you were going to do this one anyway. Most urgently, find out what she can do about the condo, and about keeping WH out of the house. That will give you some idea where your thoughts and plans need to go as far as keeping him out for Plan B. Know your legal options.
5. Finish your PBL.

That's plenty to get started with. Keep sailing on, no matter what he does. Be thankful that you have a good attorney who can run interference for you. You can do this.

One more thought, regarding what a prize he is: any WS would behave this way, given the chance. The only thing that stops any WS from running off and buying a love shack outright is not any shred of common decency. It's just a lack of cash. WH isn't special, even in this. He's just like all the rest.

Neak, I don�t know if I love you or a hate you lol!
It was suggested that I read your stitch. I started reading it a little while ago and it�s like a great book you can�t put down! The only reason I stopped reading it was to come check my thread but I am going back to my novel after I post.


I hear you.

I was thinking about this myself. What do you think about me being nice and friendly and saying something like this.
WH, I am sorry I was short with you last night. I still feel you are being disrespectful to me by coming and going as you please but I should have expressed my feelings more calmly. Or I could just not say anything at all like you suggest.

I know I have to work on this one. Is that why you made it #1? Any ideas of what I can do will be appreciated.

Here�s the problem. There isn�t any OW that I can point to. He has been actively dating and HO�ing around. I don�t know if there is anyone current. He spends most of his time here or at his condo. He may be bringing or has brought someone one there but he knows I know where the condo is and I can see it from a few places without actually driving to it. I haven�t sat down with the kids and discussed the current situation. They know he took money and he bought the condo but I have to make it clear to them that he did it behind my back. I also have to let them know he filed last week. I just found that out yesterday.

I forgot to mention this but my sister agreed to do it. I explained the whole concept and she said she will do it and stay neutral and calm. Funny thing is she is the one that I would think would be the last one to agree to it.

I have a running list of questions already started.

Every time I am hit with another thing he has done I have a moment of disbelief. Then I remember that he is just like every other lying cheating scum bag. I shouldn�t be surprised at anything he does.

I have gotten numerous complaints. They make me happy.

An apology would definitely be in order, but ONLY about you. "WH, I'm sorry I was short with you last night. I shouldn't have spoken to you that way. Would you like a cup of hot chocolate?" As soon as you bring up what you did, you might as well have not apologized at all, and kept things from getting actively worse. He isn't willing to hear what he's doing wrong.

When you're tempted to lovebust, bite your tongue, get away from there, come on here and vent...do anything you have to do to keep from dumping on him. Remind yourself how hard you've worked, and you don't want to sink to that level.

On the other side of that, try and deliberately meet at least one EN a day, of his top EN's. You can text him with something that you used to appreciate about him, just don't use the words "used to", lol. "Sweetie, all those times you [insert nice thing he used to do], I really appreciated that." Etc.

It will be hard for your sister to IM for you and remain neutral. That doesn't mean she can't do it, but she will have to be very vigilant of her reactions. She will want to return the ire he gives her, and she will want to defend you. She must not! Have her read the IM thread to get a good picture of what she needs to do. If at any point she can't do it any more, it doesn't make her any less of a wonderful, caring person.

It should make you happy and proud. I can�t wait to read it all. And I am trying not to read anything current that you post about yourself so I don�t spoil the ending.
So is that something I should do at some point today if/when he comes here or if it comes up?
I did feel the anger welling last night. I know I had a right to be angry but I think the fact that I was barely functioning from lack of sleep the past few nights my patience was thin as it was. I didn�t get much sleep last night either. I will watch my tongue for any signs of wagging today. My lap top was in the living room and he was in there on his laptop. I don�t feel comfortable coming here to post when he is in the room. I have moved my laptop to the Florida room on the other side of the house.
That�s easier said than done. I can�t remember that far back! I will have to do some thinking and writing and I am sure I will come up with something.

I did explain to her that he may say things she isn�t going to like but she can�t react. I told her she is like a filter. Take in what he sends her, filter out the personal stuff and just pass on the facts regarding the kids, finances and other non personal important stuff to me. I told her she can't tell me what he says because it won't help me and may hurt me instead. She really got the reasoning behind Plan B and how it is about me healing not about him. It made complete sense to her. I know if my sister gets to the point she can�t do it she will tell me right away. I have to look up the IM thread and do a cut/paste into an e-mail for her to print out and read.

An apology sounds good. Don't make it too downcast or "woe is me for I have been bad," just a simple I'm sorry I spoke to you like that, and cheerfully moving on to something else more upbeat.

Once you start thinking about it, you'll remember all kinds of good things about WH before he was WH.

Well, my first chance to do a nice thing and reach out to him turns out to be something I wish I didn't have to tell him.

I got a text from his sister's husband and it wasn't great news. I sent this e-mail to WH.

SISTER was rushed to HOSPTIAL this morning with chest pains and swollen extremities. She had an EKG, MRI and blood work. They are waiting for the results. She is sedated and resting comfortably. They are keeping her overnight. I will let you know if I hear anything else. I am praying for her. I'm sorry WH, I know you two are close. I will be praying for you also.
I am sending you a big hug.
BS
It was from the heart and I do feel for him and his whole family.

I got it, casually say it and move on.


He has been gone a long time really. Something changed in him back in 2003-2004 (man was he mean) Then over the years he would come back but never all the way back. This is by far the worst he has been. That is why I know there is something else wrong, not just him sleeping around. Could be drugs or mental/psychological issues. I just don't know.
I do remember lots of things. Many things off the top of my head (and they usually make me laugh) Who would have thought I would miss him sneaking up behind me and slapping my rear. Or hiding around a corner and waiting for me to walk by so he could pop out and scare me. He was such a proud, responsible man with a very fun loving side. That is what keeps me going. The chance that he may be that again.

Off Topic...
WOW Neak! I am on page 5 and I just read the letter OW sent you. I know at the time it must have been very painful but I was laughing my [censored] off! Check in later, your novel is waiting...

I don't know if WH got my e-mail about his sister.
I got another text from BIL stating she has limited movement in her hands. They are running more tests and they don't know what is wrong yet. He said when she is awake she is in good spirits and joking around with everyone.
I think if I don't hear back from WH by the time I get the next update I will call him. Not that he will actually answer but at least I will be able to leave him a message.

about your SIL.

Don't worry, I think it's pretty hilarious, too. If it was someone else's letter that they posted on here now, I could have a field day with the translation.

LGLG Sorry about your SIL. Is this the same SIL who spoke to your WH a few days ago?

I hope that they figure out what is ailing her so they can help her quickly.

Neak, I have been reading all afternoon. I think the kids feel abandoned! I have read many exchanges between you and OW. I am on page 10 around one year past DD. I have to stop now or I never will and the kids will starve! One thing I noticed while reading your stitch is the person that wrote that seems nothing like you today. I can actually see the transformation as I am reading.
Take care and thanks for the hugs. I am praying for SIL and the whole family.

Scotland. This is the SIL up north that was the first person I told what was going on. This was before I really snooped and found out how bad it was.

SIL that talked to WH lives locally. It is a family with many issues. Most of the siblings have issues with another sibling. All of this IMO has been caused by MIL pitting them against each other starting when they were young. It is really sick. MIL has gotten much better but the damage has been done. I am closer to every one of them and their spouses than any of them are to each other. That is just sad. SIL husband texted ME at the request of SIL. He stated he would text SIL down here and a BIL up there later. WH may be po'ed when he finds out I got a text and he didn't but he will have to deal with that. He hasn't talked to SIL in months.
Thanks for the kind thoughts, I am praying it isn't anything serious and she makes a speedy recovery.

lglg, don't talk to your H about your SIL. I don't want to be cold, but he has a blood family that can call him.

Don't call him.

Maritalbliss, I can always count on you to be a total biiieautiful person with great insight.


I haven't heard any updates, I am hoping no news is good news. When I first heard about it I was thinking stroke or heart attack.

lol MB,
I just re-read your post after I responded and realized I thought you said bloody not blood!

Ok, there is one thing that doesn't sit right with me and is bothering me. (Ok, one in particular at the moment)
The papers were filed last Wednesday and when I told the lawyer's secretary that she found it odd that I haven't been served. I still haven't been served. Any thoughts on why?