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I was getting divorced - W had moved out, papers had been filed, lawyers haggling. My D took 15 months. It was during this time that I looked up my current WW, who had been divorced for 7 years.
BS (me) 49 WW 49 married 6 years dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10 NC broken 12/10 dday2 2/6/11 NC2 3/5/11
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went to her office and retrieved VAR from her car...no doubt it is PA. I feel like puking.
Okay, I want to expose right now, without delay. I know there are scripts out there for what to say. I would like to use them so I can keep it succinct and hit as many people as possible. Can anyone help??
BS (me) 49 WW 49 married 6 years dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10 NC broken 12/10 dday2 2/6/11 NC2 3/5/11
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couldnt wait...WW's entire family is informed - 4 older brothers plus MIL. They absolutely are going to blast her. I've fb messaged his 2 kids and 10 of his friends before fb shut me down, left message for his W (who knows, maybe they're not really seperated)
Now the poop is definitely going to hit the fan...
Last edited by fight4life; 02/07/11 11:59 AM.
BS (me) 49 WW 49 married 6 years dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10 NC broken 12/10 dday2 2/6/11 NC2 3/5/11
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couldnt wait...WW's entire family is informed - 4 older brothers plus MIL. They absolutely are going to blast her. I've fb messaged his 2 kids and 10 of his friends before fb shut me down, left message for his W (who knows, maybe they're not really seperated)
Now the poop is definitely going to hit the fan... Make a copy of all his facebook friends now!!! Copy and paste it into a WORD doc. Can you call his wife directly?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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p.s. you aer doing great!! Just keep up the pressure and get all your exposures done today. You want to get that all done with quickly so you can move onto next steps.
Also, please ask any exposure targets to use their influence to persuade them to end their affair.
Be back shortly. You are doing great!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Sample exposure letter below Dear friend of XXXX,(full name of OM)
It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of his friends and family should know that XXX is having an affair with my wife, (your wifes first and last name) . They started the affair in ZZZZ.
As you may know XXX and has taken advantage of my wife to impose himself into our marriage.
I am asking you to use your influence with XXXX to persuade him to leave my family alone.
I believe that you should know this, so you can protect your marriages from him. My wife and I have X small daughters/sons and this affair has almost wrecked our marriage.
XXX has intentionally chosen to commit adultery with my wife and is purposefully working to destroy our family and marriage.
I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.
I would appreciate it if someone would notify his wife and ask her to call me at xxx-yyy-zzz
Thank you,
Your name On facebook leave one minute between each message sent Below is a second letter for your wifes side: Dear __________, I would like to ask you to support ___________ and myself in restoring our marriage which currently is undergoing an extremely difficult time due to ____________ and _________________ being involved in an adulterous affair which is affecting our marriage and both of our physical and mental health. I know you care about ____________ and want only the best for her which clearly being used in an adulterous affair is not. I would like to ask your help in recommending marital counseling to her to guide us through this difficult spot in our marriage.
My phone # is xxx-xxx-xxxx if you have any questions or need more information. Thank you.
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I have all his friends in a excel spreadsheet. Just hit a few dozen more.
I was unable to find an email or cell phone for the wife, left a message on the home phone. I will get to her one way or another.
I also emailed OM:
Time for us to talk. As a man with a family, I'm sure you would do just about anything to protect it. I am asking you, man to man, to have integrity and honor and stop all contact with WW. No man has a right to muck around in another man's family. You need to know that I am not going to stand by and let this happen.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
This is eerie. I haven't gotten a single return call or message. I also called WW and let her know that she's busted. I feel like there's a hurricane just off shore and I'm just waiting for it to hit.
Last edited by fight4life; 02/07/11 01:58 PM.
BS (me) 49 WW 49 married 6 years dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10 NC broken 12/10 dday2 2/6/11 NC2 3/5/11
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They are on the phone talking to each other to cover their tracks. As soon as the facebook is open carry on exposing , use the samples above. Most of the words are from members of this site. Find the OM's wife via facebook, he is on there she is bound to be there as well.
Have you completed the exposure on your wifes side?
What was your wifes response?
Tonight expect a range of emotions from her.
Last edited by Xau; 02/07/11 02:05 PM.
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This is eerie. I haven't gotten a single return call or message. I also called WW and let her know that she's busted. I feel like there's a hurricane just off shore and I'm just waiting for it to hit. Just keep it up! I would also warn you that the OM will probably try to stop you from telling his wife. Whatever you do, don't let that happen. For example, he might call you and promise to leave your wife alone IF you won't tell his wife. If that happens, just tell him you will give it some thought [leave him hanging] and then work like the devil to contact her. I would expect him to try and block your attempts and to pre-empt you by spinning the story to her. It might take alot to convince her of the affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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exposure is complete for WW's family.
her reaction was 15 seconds of denial, followed by an admission. I did not tell her how I found out. I said I was interested in talking about her cutting him off once and for all, forever, and going to work on restoring our M. I told her I was done being treated like a doormat and that she can't live her life like this, demeaning herself.
She said something like "I think too much damage has been done" to which I said nonsense, you kick him to the curb and start being who you promised to be and we will get there. She was stunned, numb. No commitments or oaths or apologies were offered (I expected none). Once her family lays into her I suspect she will be more contrite. They are a super-tight Italian family who have no problem getting mixed up in each other's business.
BS (me) 49 WW 49 married 6 years dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10 NC broken 12/10 dday2 2/6/11 NC2 3/5/11
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good job, stay strong, give her time to process everything, they never think they actually have to be accountable to anyone, the fantasy has been broken onto the reality.............
BW 56 WH 57 Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that..... DS 23, DS 25 D-Day Nov 23/09 NC Mar 1/10 Working on Recovery Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
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helpfordad, here jessitaylor.
I've been trying to touach base w/ you regarding how you held up for 8 more months when WH and OW still worked together? (I sent you a post under my thread last week, I think).
My WS works on hospital campus...OM is construction in different building on same campus, posssibly for a couple more months....WS won't leave salary/position/job either.
How to you handle/manage the situation? was there NC???
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Carry on targeting the OM's friends list. His life is not yet under scrutiny, I suspect he is planning his next steps to undermine you and will be in contact with your wife. The more people on his side that know he is a cheat the better for you.
Ask your wife has she has been in contact with the OM since your exposure, remind her or imply that his family will let you know so she should not attempt to lie.
When / if she comes home be calm and have your next steps ready, DO NOT reveal any more of your snooping techniques or who you have exposed to. This is not a game of honesty, your wife has already lost that one.
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she cam home early. Had a calm, honest discussion, no LBs exchanged. Says she doesn't think she can give me what I deserve, doesn't want to hurt me, thinks she loves OM, blah blah blah.
Told her that the rest of our lives can't be decided today in the swirl of emotions, and that while she was undoubtedly being truthful, that her view is distorted and that her relationship w/OM has no underpinnings in reality, and reality will destroy it. She is - at best - on the fence.
She is way deep in the nonsensical fog. For example, 2 weeks ago she booked a family vacation in June - airfare, hotel, the works. I asked her how she can think the M is over, be plotting with OM and at the same time booking family trips. She just shrugged.
2 of her brothers called while we were talking. She left to call them back. Guess we'll see how this exposure thing works.
Last edited by fight4life; 02/07/11 04:57 PM.
BS (me) 49 WW 49 married 6 years dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10 NC broken 12/10 dday2 2/6/11 NC2 3/5/11
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btw, what ARE my next steps? I've already told her that I must demand full complete and verifiable NC. Just not sure what I'm supposed to do while in limbo
BS (me) 49 WW 49 married 6 years dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10 NC broken 12/10 dday2 2/6/11 NC2 3/5/11
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btw, what ARE my next steps? I've already told her that I must demand full complete and verifiable NC. Just not sure what I'm supposed to do while in limbo fight, I would demand no contact as long as you are married and are living together. Don't pay much attention to her fogbabble. Just concentrate on exposing the affair. Get ahold of the OMW ASAP and be sure and tell the children. Don't agree to anything, and if she discusses divorce, paint the ugliest picture possible. Tell her you will be suing on grounds of adultery and will have the OM subpoenaed into court. Tell her under discovery, they will subpoena both their emails and cell phone records. Paint a very ugly picture and be sure and tell her you won't be her "friend." This will dispel her fantasy of an amicable, easy divorce where she replaces you wiht the OM. In the meantime, don't fight and don't allow her to bait you into a fight. Just be firm and straightforward. And don't go along with the "I am moving into the guest room, we are now "separated" and I am therefore free to carry on my affair" ploy. Don't go along with that!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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fight, I have a feeling you can kill this affair if you get ahold of the OMW. Please keep trying to get her.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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gonna call again this evening
BS (me) 49 WW 49 married 6 years dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10 NC broken 12/10 dday2 2/6/11 NC2 3/5/11
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gonna call again this evening Don't be scared about anything she says, fight. Believe me, this is far from over. Your wife's feelings are the result of an ongoing fantasy, but they will change as reality intrudes. If you do a nuclear exposure it will give her a much needed shock of reality. Everyone should know about the affair. The wider the exposure the greater damage you will do to her affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Awesome job on exposure! At least we know FB is good for one thing, LOL.
OM's W needs to know, that's crucial on his end. You have an excellent shot at killing this affair with the exposure you've done and getting hold of his W will most likely seal the deal.
Have you read up on Plan A? Try to Plan A her as much as possible over the next few days. Her head's going to be spinning and she is going to need to see how great your M can be if she ends her A.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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