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fight4life,
Exposure is taking hold now, just sit back and let it all happen, let her feel bad about what she chose to do......self reflection is exactly what you want to happen, just be there to catch her from the fall, just keep telling her that she is worth fighting for and that is exactly what you are doing.......
See how having an affair really isn't okay with them either, exposure shows this....
Be firm with your boundaries in a loving compassionate way, be understanding and forgiving.........
Let your home and your arms be the place she feels safe now.........don't expect anything yourself for now, it takes some time for the process to play out and the fog to lift......
Keep your eye on the big picture a good marriage with the woman you love.
BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
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jessi -
wow, what an awesome post!
BS (me) 49
WW 49
married 6 years
dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10
NC broken 12/10
dday2 2/6/11
NC2 3/5/11
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Mel -
LM w/MIL, will follow up this AM. Only contact # I have for OMW is the home number, her voice on a machine. I'll call again today. One fb friend replied asking for me to explain/give proof which I did. I asked if OM was really seperated so we'll see what that yields. He is married! Can you find her facebook page? I would stay on this until you get the OMW, fight. That is your BIGGEST BULLET right there. Don't let up until you find her. And it doesn't matter if he is separated, he is still married. Married is married. Find her!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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she is not on facebook. I have both her kids plus her WH and she is not friends with any of them.
MIL is informed via email. That's gonna create a poop storm because her b'day is this weekend and I will catch the blame for ruining it. So be it.
WW will not be going to the party, says she doesn't want to be around her family. Doesn't want to face the truth is more like it.
One thing I didn't realize about exposure - identifying the OPs by name totally poisons families against them. There is no way to introduce someone to your family that they already think of as a homewrecker/wh*re/scumbag
BS (me) 49
WW 49
married 6 years
dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10
NC broken 12/10
dday2 2/6/11
NC2 3/5/11
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she is not on facebook. I have both her kids plus her WH and she is not friends with any of them. Please keep trying to get her, ok!? MIL is informed via email. That's gonna create a poop storm because her b'day is this weekend and I will catch the blame for ruining it. So be it. If her b-day is ruined, it will be because of her affair and no other reason. Can't blame that on you! WW will not be going to the party, says she doesn't want to be around her family. Doesn't want to face the truth is more like it. Agree.. One thing I didn't realize about exposure - identifying the OPs by name totally poisons families against them. There is no way to introduce someone to your family that they already think of as a homewrecker/wh*re/scumbag Yep! You got it! Hey, since you have the name of the Marine son, how about asking him for his mothers contact info? Tell him you need to get ahold of his mother and tell her. Ask him to help.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Have you tried googling the OMW's name?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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okay, I have a question...
I used spokeo to try to find OMW email address, no luck. They do have a daughter at home and I did get her email. I don't know how old she is, maybe high school age, maybe younger. This is as close to getting her mother's email as I'm gonna get.
Do I give her the full blast, ie your father is an adulterer, or do I ask her to have her mother contact me?
BS (me) 49
WW 49
married 6 years
dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10
NC broken 12/10
dday2 2/6/11
NC2 3/5/11
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As you do not know what age she is simply say there is an adult problem between your wife and her father can she please ask her mother to contact you. Do not say what is the problem is.
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Use the phase "I apologise fo having to ask you but as there is as adult problem etc..."
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I don't think I would do that. Keep trying to find another way. What happens when you call the house?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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when I call the house I get a machine saying "you've reached the Smith's, pls leave a message"
I've left a message for her giving my name & number saying I have an urgent personal matter involving your husband that I need to discuss
BS (me) 49
WW 49
married 6 years
dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10
NC broken 12/10
dday2 2/6/11
NC2 3/5/11
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when I call the house I get a machine saying "you've reached the Smith's, pls leave a message"
I've left a message for her giving my name & number saying I have an urgent personal matter involving your husband that I need to discuss How far away do they live?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Mel giving you great advice, all I have to add is another voice saying find the wife! For me that was the arrow that killed the affair. Biggest result right there unless they are totally written off, which is unlikely.
FBH,Dad
No half measures, in anything.
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218 miles
I've asked the son for contact info and left a message at the house. If I have to drive it, I will.
BS (me) 49
WW 49
married 6 years
dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10
NC broken 12/10
dday2 2/6/11
NC2 3/5/11
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218 miles
I've asked the son for contact info and left a message at the house. If I have to drive it, I will. ok, good. She is the most important exposure of all. She might effectively kill the affair immediately. If you don't get her by a certain time today, can you drive to her home tonight?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Better yet, if you don't get her today, can you leave for her home tomorrow around 3? That would put you there around 6:30.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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218 miles
If I have to drive it, I will. Do it.
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yes, I am retired so I can go whenever.
BS (me) 49
WW 49
married 6 years
dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10
NC broken 12/10
dday2 2/6/11
NC2 3/5/11
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yes, I am retired so I can go whenever. Can you go now and be there when she arrives home from work?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It would be best for this all to hit TODAY before the OM has a chance to spin the story to his wife. He won't be expecting you to show up on his doorstep.
I seriously doubt the OM will leave his wife for an affair [they rarely do] so this exposure might be the magic bullet.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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