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One thing I didn't realize about exposure - identifying the OPs by name totally poisons families against them. There is no way to introduce someone to your family that they already think of as a homewrecker/wh*re/scumbag This was one of the most satisfying parts of exposure, for me. My FIL is not an angry person, per se, but hearing him wax poetic about POSOM was one of the few bright spots in the early days of my war. I believe his exact words were something like "if she ever tries to bring that SOB over here, I have a tree in my backyard and a noose in my garage and I'm prepared to use them both." 
BS: Me, 27
WS: Her, 24
EA: October
PA: 11/22/10
Moved out 12/3/10
Moved back in mid-January.
In tentative recovery. Is that the sun I see, breaking through the fog?
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If you can take a friend with you, better two than alone.
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If you go to see OM's W make sure you bring whatever proof you have.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. 
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I have to do it tomorrow. I'll leave in the morning
she is listed as a nurse on one of those look-up websites so she might not have regular hours
BS (me) 49
WW 49
married 6 years
dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10
NC broken 12/10
dday2 2/6/11
NC2 3/5/11
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start calling the hospitals and clinics in her area and ask for her....
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start calling the hospitals and clinics in her area and ask for her.... And you will be advised that they cannot release that information.
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no? nurses can't take personal calls at work?
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no? nurses can't take personal calls at work? May I assist you? What matter is this regarding? May I refer you to her supervisor? May I have you number/information please?
Last edited by Pepperband; 02/08/11 01:07 PM.
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Protection from would-be potential stalkers.
Last edited by Pepperband; 02/08/11 01:06 PM.
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well at least he would know if he found her workplace, right?
and maybe talking to her superviser would work for getting a message to her....???
what would they say if she does not work there?
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It's probably OK to leave a message with the supervisor:
This is (name) spouse of (name).
I have proof of an ongoing adulterous affair between my spouse and OMW's spouse.
Please call me at (number).
Exposure to the other BS's supervisor may actually help in the long run.
it depends on how common her name is, doesn't it?
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what would they say if she does not work there? I'm not sure. It may vary each work place. Hospitals are pretty nervous about preventing potential work place violence. We had an incident where an angry gang member ex-boyfriend showed up in our clinic. The employer is not obligated to give out any information at all to random people .... even to verify OR DENY employment.
Last edited by Pepperband; 02/08/11 01:24 PM.
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218 miles
I've asked the son for contact info and left a message at the house. If I have to drive it, I will. I've asked the son for contact info and left a message at the house. If I have to drive it, I will. Good idea. We've had posters actually book a flight and fly to the OMW. 218 miles isn't bad, all things considered.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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218 miles
I've asked the son for contact info and left a message at the house. If I have to drive it, I will. Good idea. We've had posters actually book a flight and fly to the OMW. 218 miles isn't bad, all things considered.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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If you want to have any hope of talking to her at work you would have to know her hospital and her unit where she was working. That way, you would just ask for the unit, and then ask for the nurse. Even then, there would be hoops to jump through, but it's theoretically possible to get through. Just randomly calling hospitals and asking, "Does Ms. BW work here?" No, not if the hospital has even a rudimentary security system.
tl
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Strange thing happened last night. About 3 am, WW rolls over and wants me to hold her. I know waywards are all over the place and I can't read anything into it (guilt? manipulation? whatever). It just seemed odd that on the day of exposure she chose to do this. Not all that weird. DH did the same thing on d-day ~ they are scared and realize they are all alone in this mess they've created. It's nice that you were able to do this, I couldn't ~ my hands would have been just a little too close to his neck and I knew that wasn't a good thing, LOL. Keep being the lighthouse, stay calm, hold your tongue. You are doing great.
Last edited by MarriedForever; 02/08/11 02:04 PM.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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I feel like I can't stay home, that I'll lose my mind. She is pretty ticked off at me & doesn't want me around. I feel like I have to insist I go if only to ensure she behaves herself. Thoughts? Go, absolutely. This is also a great opp to prove to her and her family that you are willing to forgive this grievous crime.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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OMW and OM's daughter both called me. While they are upset over his actions they dont have much contact with him as they have been seperated for over a year. Daughter even said if you want to ge beat the poop out of him I understand. Really disappointed that I can't generate any leverage out of them.
They did confirm that I really hit the hot button with the son. They described him as very upset about it & asked that I not contact him further. OM is likely not going to back off.
On the other side, all of WW's brothers on working on my side, and MIL is very upset over WW's actions. I guess I just have ot pray that this will be enough.
BS (me) 49
WW 49
married 6 years
dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10
NC broken 12/10
dday2 2/6/11
NC2 3/5/11
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ASK OMW how many other affairs her WH has had.
Why are they separated?
Does OM have a criminal/arrest history?
Pump OMW or OMdaughter for info.
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fight4life
Did you expose to all his facebook contacts and have you kept a record of their details in word? It may help if you expose to more of his friends as his wife is no longer able to help. A bit of external pressure from his friends particularly if they are female friends or co-workers may help.
Last edited by Xau; 02/08/11 03:54 PM.
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