hmmmm, are you SURE it was his wife?


You need to pledge to make his life a holy living hell. I would be calling him up and telling him that if he doesn't leave your wife alone, you will filing on grounds of adultery and having him hauled into court to give sworn testimony about his adultery. Your attorney will subpoena his email and cell phone records. Tell him there is no future in his affair because he will be eternally hated by your children for breaking up their family. He will never be accepted into the WWs family because they all know he is a polecat who broke up her marriage.

Do you live in an alienation of affection state?

He should hear from you every time you have evidence of contact.

Do you have a GPS on her car? If not, please get one asap.

I find it very interesting that the "OMW" says she is separated for a year but SHE left their home, AND her voice is on their recorder? Are you sure it was the same voice?

daughter called from home phone # where I left the message and said OMW would call me from work if I wanted her to. She called within 10 minutes from a number I later looked up, a doctor's office. Failry distinct voice, very much like the on the answering machine. OM bitched about the calls so I think they're giving him hell.

OM left the home, not OMW. She said at one point "please leave my children alone, they've been thru this before". when pressed she didn't want to give any details, but its clear that he has a history of cheating.

WW came home 90 min ago. Pissed as hell.
WW "You need to leave his family alone"
me "He needs to leave my family alone"
WW "his kids are innocent in this"
me "so are our kids"

from there things calmed down and we had a VERY emotional conversation. WW knows he has a history of cheating, says she realizes that I am the best thing that ever happened to her kids, that I did everything she asked of me in counseling. I pointed out that he intentionally sought to destroy this family and you're letting him do it. Fair points, says she.

I have an IRA account with $3 million. Says she doesnt want one dime of my money, including the $265K I put down on the house (not that she would win it in a divorce fight anyway). I say you're willing to take an awful lot away from our kids in exchange for a roll of the dice with a cheating guttersnipe. Fair point says she.

And yet, she is determined give it go w/OM, so she can be happy

I am totally spent

everyone in WW's family has called her. She doesnt care. She isnt even really mad about it, said I guess I had it coming and now everyone has something to talk about. This aint fog I'm dealing with here.

Yes it is. Hang tight and Plan A the heck out of her.

Let's see how far this exposure goes in breaking up the A before you throw in the towel. This is a marathon, not a spring, remember? You've only just begin, the finish line is still 26.2 miles away.

I want to applaud you for one of the best responses I have ever seen on this forum. This was perfect. Concise, without being argumentive. You didn't allow her to drag you into the tar pit.


Don't despair. You have a better chance of saving your marriage TODAY than you did last month. Your odds have gone up tremendously today. Just sit back, finish any exposures, [tell the kids!] give the OM unmitigated holy hell and watch the affair crumble.

Don't pay attention to anything she tells you because it means nothing. She is about as coherent as a falling down drunk who just had her car keys taken away.

The affair will be in free fall now. Even if she leaves, fight, you still have a much better chance of saving your marriage than he does of continuing his affair.

You are just fine. Yes, she is fogged out.

at the end of my award-winning exchange she actually went to tell the kids, pack 'em up and go somewhere. I had to stop her and tell her to slow down (they werent even both home)

If I push OM at all she's leaving. I figured its better to have her here to think this thru on some level. She has nowhere to go - nearest family is 100 miles away and she's not talking to them anyway. if she thinks it thru 1% she's staying. The kids are going to be a mess. They were abandoned by their father and now she wants to kick me to the curb. those boys LOVE me. Meanwhile, you should see this friggin' manse sitting up on a hill she had me build just 4 years ago

You mean that is her threat to keep you from interfering with the OM? You have a better chance of killing the affair if you keep his feet to the fire. OM are notorious pansies and cockroaches and she senses he will be not be able to withstand much pressure. Keeping the pressure on him will create huge conflict in the affair.


Have you told the boys about her affair? What about your money? Have you moved your money to safekeeping so she doesn't wipe you out? What about lines of credit, etc?

my money is safe.

I don't see what leverage I have on OM. I pulled his family and all of his friends into it. He's not happy that he looks like a turd in front of his kids, but they are grown and he's left the house. His wife was not interested.

Cant sue for alienation of affection in my state or OM's state. She wont contest anything, doenst want anything and there's nothing I can get from her, she has a good job, but no assets. You cant make a divorce difficult if the other side isnt willing to fight for anything. She knows that we'd have to sell the house and that I'll take basically all of the equity.

He will not like hearing from you, fight. That is the leverage you have. If he hears from you every time you find out about contact he will run for his life.

What does this loser do for a living? Did you find his mother?

he is a retired 49 year old NYPD sgt who now does security work
he lives in a basement apt in his brother's house
he has had previous infidelities
he is an alcoholic who has been AA for many years

there is no comparison between he and I in any respect
I believe his parents are deceased

WW calls him every AM on the way to work and they talk throughout the day. I can't blame him, WW is beautiful and he is a life wasted.

I want to give you something to consider when you are fearful that she will leave for him. If she was going to leave for him, she would have already done it.

The reason she hasn't is because there are so many problems here. He has no home, no money, no future. The only way she could carry on this affair was to live in this fantasy world while you support her in luxury.

As long as she had that, and that affair was secret, everything was fine. But now that reality has intruded, the affair is doomed.

Even her threats to leave will be helpful to you, because that will make the reality of the hopelessness of her affair more realistic. There is no future here. If she does leave, it will only make the affair collapse faster.

Do you see that?

Have you been in touch with this brother?

Hello Fight,

Mel asked whether you had told the boys about the affair?

They could be the major deciding point for your WW in her decision to leave or not.

When you talk to them be very careful not to attack their mother...

Make it clear to them that the OM is taking advantage of their mother at a vulnerable time in her life and he has a habit of doing this with other women.

Ask them if they would rather live with you and their mother or their mother and the OM. It is already a proven fact that the OM treats his wive(s) badly and will in time leave their mother also. Ask them to ask their mother WHY the OM is MARRIED and pursuing a MARRIED woman and why he is not divorced from his W yet?

Hang in there fight, this is just getting started.

God bless.

Jim

This is so true. This affair is doomed. If she insists on pursuing it, let her leave.

But please understand that threatening to leave is a way the WS tries to get the BS to back down when they are interfering in the A, fight. Stand your ground.

I haven't read the whole thread but it sounds like you are doing great. Hang in there...

Fight,

Your WW sounds a lot like Mrs.Flint did at the time. My ex-brother was a complete loser like your OM and Mrs.Flint was attracted to him simply because he paid her attention and praised her regardless of how horrible her own selfish actions were NOT because he could offer her anything or because she deserved praise.

It was simply an addiction to the free lies of admiration he was handing out to her and she to him because NO ONE else would believe a couple of lying cheats that their da*n affair didn't stink...

That is why your WW is clinging to the OM for dear life, NO ONE else will believe her crap.

God bless.

Jim

Exactly! The WW is using this threat to stop fight from contacting the OM. She probably senses he will abandon her if he is hassled and wants to protect him. Calling her bluff will inject a huge dose of reality into the affair and scare off the OM, I predict.

If the OM is living in his brother's basement, he may be looking at how you and your WW live...and thinking that she would get a really good settlement in a divorce.

When you confront him, make sure that he understands that if you divorce, all he will be getting is your WW and NOTHING else!

Oh LC, you got that MOSTLY right. OM gets WW AND her expensive tastes which OM will have to provide for.