So I should be a chased woman?
I know he is going to need EN dose of home and me. He keeps saying it's home and the kids not me. I know better.

I have to finish up my letter and post it. I also have to pick a date. I hear you about MY future. It is my love you, good bye letter. If he decides he made a mistake and agrees to the conditions, great. I will keep moving forward and not wait or look back. Plan B= Plan ME.

If he reaches out to me, Plan A. Otherwise I am just so busy I haven't had time to check in with him. You don't have to worry about me being clingy/needy. Been there, done that and have the scars to prove it. NEVER again no matter what happens.

WH replied to my e-mail with a very friendly text.... Too bad I didn't get it. If he asks I will remind him nicely that I don't like to text, I don't check for texts and I don't always know I have gotten one. E-mail or phone calls work much better for ME.


Yes I know it is an LB and a control tactic on his part. If I texted him he would have replied with an e-mail.

Ok Maritalbliss, you are going to love this one.
Around 9:30 DD2 comes hopping into my room and hands me DS1's cell phone. It was WH. He had talked to all of the kids then asked DD2 to hand the phone to me. He was quite chatty. I plan A'd him but after a while I felt he was getting too much EN's from me. He was talking about his day, his job searching, his concerns about not getting 2 of the jobs and really wanting to find a job. He did start out by asking how my visit with my parents was going. I casually mentioned I was beat and he said me too. Then after a couple of unexpected yawns from me (followed by an I'm sorry about that hon) He said "Well, I think you should head off to bed soon. I'm sure you had a busy day and need a good night sleep." That was the longest phone call I have had with him in months. Gotta cut them short from now on. Don't want him getting to much of the LGLG magic!

Write this on your arm (Really, get a pen)

"There is power in silence." When you feel like communicating with him (about something not necessary- other than kids) Pull up your sleave and read this.

It has stopped many a stupid thing from coming out of my mouth
Tho my H may not agree.

What plan are you in?
A or B?

lol narbiecat.
Why would your H not agree?
I only talk to him about the kids, house related or financial. I try to make it short and sweet.

I am in plan A getting everything ready for plan B. Papa and I are going to go get new locks and reprogram the garage door opener.

I said "it has STOPPED many a stupid thing from coming out of my mouth"...

Many.... but not all.

I find duct tape works pretty well.

I forgot to mention this but the other day I had made a magnet for WH with a picture of the kids. I didn't hand it to him, I just stuck it on the side of his car. He hadn't mentioned it and neither did I. I got a text this morning from him thanking me for it. Oh, I mean I didn't get a text...
I think he was waiting for me to ask him about it and when I didn't he said something.

Learn to text! I never did til my plan A.

If texting is your WH's mode of love talk.....show in plan A you are wlling to do it and do it well.

Then be dark in plan B and should you ever recover the marriage....you can be love texting fools.

It shows a bit of how you are willing to meet his needs if he meets YOURS.

Don't be afraid to chat for as long as you're in Plan A. It was fine to excuse yourself after a while, but don't be scared to meet those needs. He reached out to you, and you were there - FANTASTIC!!!

It's simple, mundane conversations like that which will be one of the things he misses most during Plan B.

I still remember the first time AJ wanted to actually talk to me after the A started. I had so quickly gotten used to him not wanting to talk, that I kept having the urge to cut him off and hang up. It was very uncomfortable, but a part of me (most likely the prompting of the Holy Spirit, since this was long before I found MB), told me this was a good thing and to go with it.

That was one of the milestones of the A, where he began letting me meet some of his EN's, even if it was sometimes grudgingly. Another milestone was when he started being occasionally affectionate again, but that was later on.

So while being cautious of one extreme, of running after him and trying to cram EN's down his throat, also avoid the other extreme of shutting him out before Plan B.

Don't make so much effort that you are exhausted, and don't give up on making an effort, either. Keep balanced. The beauty is there is no one right answer. Even within the boundaries of a textbook Plan A, there is room for individual creativity.

I think you handled that whole thing very well, and would like to see you do more of the same while in Plan A.

I did text back. Funny, he does text but last night he actually talked to me on the phone. I really filled a lot of his ENS. He is concerned (scared) he isn't going to find a job. I reassured him something will come along soon. Told him he is doing great. Made some helpful suggestions that he appreciated. This is the one EN he has that no one else can fill. No friend, family member or OW (if there is one at this point). He is only really emotionally open with me. He would have to make himself openly available to someone else before they could give him the support he craves and I don't think he is trusting enough to do that. This I am sure of and will be a reality check for WH when I go dark.

The only thing I was worried about is him thinking I am making it easy for him to D.

The only reason I had a little hesitation was I thought I shouldn�t meet his EN�s too much. When we talk again I will just go with it.

WH is already there. The problem is he is still going through with the D.

I guess I have been cautious of meeting his needs because he thinks this is how our happy D is going to be. So I will plan A when the opportunity comes up but I won�t call or reach out to him unless I have a very good reason. Not to just chat.

Thanks, that makes me feel good. I want to show him what a wonderful wife, mother and person I really am. I don�t want to give him any impression that I am a pushover. If he does come out of the fog he will have issues with my assertiveness. If I show him the soft side now and later with an added stick it will help.

You will baffle him. Before long, he will ask you if you're ok with the D, or something similar. When that door opens, march right through it, with a smile and maybe a tear.

"I don't want a D. I will not make a D easy for you. I believe in M, and I believe in us. What you are doing is very painful to me, but for now I am choosing to focus on being the best W I can...to show you that I've learned from my mistakes and that I believe we can be happy together again."

How much EN to give is always a delicate dance. Pray for guidance, and follow your instincts. Chat for a while, but for you (not necessarily for everyone), it might work well to be the first to hang up, before he's quite ready. (But after you've met a bunch of EN's.)

You did well at that already, excusing yourself when you were tired. Maybe next time talk a little longer, and still say good-bye first. Maybe once in a while talk shorter. It just depends...being a little unpredictable can be a good thing.

Thanks Neak,
I have been doing some plan A'ing. I haven't been able to post because between my parents being here and the daily kids activities and needs I haven't had much time.

I will try to post an update on communication with WH and (fair warning) a rant about my parents. They love me and are trying to help but they are driving me nuts! I did speak up and tell them what was bothering me and why.

(((LGLG)))

Just ensure that when you talk to your parents, you tell them that you know that they are trying to support you in the way that they know how, but what you could really use is the support for what YOU have already chosen. I still get people asking me about what I am doing. As long as I stay strong in my plan and explain that it is something that comes from a psychiatrist who has helped THOUSANDS of couples. I give them the info about this site and explain MB. I guess the way I explain it, and having STRONG convictions that THIS is what I want to do, people generally back down and only say something against WH. Then they feel there is a chance to tell me to give up and move on(of course by this they mean DATE ).

Remember, you are a mother too, and what would YOU do in this sitch? Probably the same thing, before you found MB right? Surviving from an affair, either with or without your spouse, is not something that is widely known. That's why I was so HAPPY when I found this place. It makes so much sense and it WORKS.