I edited the suggestion.....to take out the extraneous and leave the crucial.

my xh and i do this quite well. We have a book and an IM. They were legally ordered. The book is at my IM house and she is there when either of us writes in it. Her notes are there as well if one of calls re: something for our dd.

Only time i directly contact xh was when i had to take dd to the ER as she was really sick. Other than that nothing and it will be two years in may.

This was court ordered....down to having it named who and where the drop off would be. if they are not available then it is at the police station.

I like the idea of the police station!

I will have to figure out a way to approach my attorney. His attorney is asking that WH and I commuicate directly by email or text. He won't take any more emails from my IM. My attorney noted that the Judge would most likely order me to communicate via text (my attorney is a former judge as well). My choices are to agree to text communication or I will have to go to court.
my attorney also added that communication between parents is required, this issue must be resolved.

WTF?!

This is a great idea.

His attorney added that WH is not interested in using this service and has never agreed to do so in lieu of telephone conversations. He will be contacting me via telephone or text for purposes of visitation and related child issues and I am to do the same.

My Im lives 3 hours away from me.... that is kind of impossible.

If your attorney is incapable of responding to and neutralizing something so petty, I would fire him and find one who would.

Re-read that sentence for what it really says: "My client wants to call his betrayed spouse whenever he wants to, regardless of what she wants. So you have to let him."

Baloney. Find an attorney with a set of teeth. I deal with a lot of attorneys. I just called one who specializes in divorce and got this response(not verbatim, I can't type that fast )

"Communications regarding the divorce action should be communicated strictly through the attorneys. It is one of their jobs in representing their client. This is to streamline the proceedings and to minimize the stress between either party in having to deal with the other.

Likewise in cases of Divorce with Children: If either of the two parties feels anxiety or stress in communicating directly, the children could ultimately be affected. These communications should be directed through the respective attorneys. An intermediary can be equally effective for maintenance issues such as drop-off and pick-up of children.

If one party does not approve of the IM, another person should be chosen as IM. Again, with communications regarding this IM to go through the respective attorneys until a resolution on an IM is reached.

And you, likewise, never agreed to telephone conversations, and you're not willing to engage in them.

See how it works both ways? You have rights, too!

He will become very interested in this "service" when he discovers it's the only way to communicate about his children.

FWIW, I had my attorney inform WxW that I would refuse any communication attempt from her except as specified (in my Plan B letter, BTW) and that she was to communicate ONLY with my IM.

Repeat: I had MY ATTORNEY set this boundary.

WxW REFUSED to contact my IM. On several occasions she contacted MY attorney directly. When I'd had enough of this, I had my attorney send her a message informing her that I had directed my attorney to refuse any communication from WxW directly, and that any communication she felt necessary would have to come through HER attorney to mine.

That ended the foolishness.

This. And get a new attorney TODAY!

I have not experience with any of this except that I used to teach parenting classes. Sometimes we would even be the IM (although we didn't term it as such) Attorneys would contact my agency for help with this.

Your lawyer should be looking into something like this for you. He/She works FOR you.

In this electronic age there is absolutely no information your WH can't get via internet....most sports teams put schedules on there, grades and homework assignments are on there, conferences and school activities are on there.

Obviously medical and emergencies wouldn't be there BUT...for routine appointments, you could keep a calendar online that you both have
access too (google has a good one)

I would fire this attorney; however, if you are not willing to do this, then make sure you agree to ONLY texting....check with your provider about getting print outs or forward them to your computer and print out every one. This way you will have something to use when you get your next attorney to show that they are unnecessary and abusive. Document and save everything.

Good luck

But, you ARE agreeing to communication between parents
via
and intermediary!
That IS the communication.

Tell attorney you DO agree to communinicate via third party. To communicate about visitations, finances.

Wayward H will have to accept that.

He has full access to children and info about them. He has no access directly to you. Texting, emailing, phone. None of those venues.

You would think his beloved OW would be tickled pink about THAT!

Great.... switch attorneys AGAIN?!

NLF, may I ask what State you are in? As an attorney who has also been through a divorce of my own, I find it difficult to believe an Judge would order you to have contact with someone who is verbally abusive to you. I know of very strong Family Law attorneys in several State to whom I could refer you.

I think you can use this attorney.

Just tell him you don't accept any direct communication. If you must go to court to make your case...so be it.

If a judge says you must text.....plead with him/her not to. Ask that the intermediary be sufficient for contact. Then, tell the judge you would like it this way for your peace of mind in this very difficult situation. That the children need you to be strong for them, and this is your way to continue to be their rock to lean on.

As another poster once said to me "Your WH is trying to make sure you stay on the farm" and you don't have to.

You do not.

Just tell your attorney to listen to your needs and find a way to make it happen.

Be strong.

You can't communicate via text if you don't have a texting plan.

Honestly, think about how totally absurd your attorney's comment is.

This or another attorney YOU hire is suppose to represent YOU -- your wishes, your needs. He should be offering you all sorts of options to help you avoid contact.

Why are you allowing him to represent someone else's wishes?

I hope you'll take Brits Brat up on her offer to recommend a good family law attorney in your state, one who will represent you and only you.

I live in Illinois.

He said that he would talk to his attorney but he needed emails stating why I would need an i-m to prove my point. Otherwise, I would have to communicate directly.

Judges will typically let this get hashed out between attorneys and accept their recommendation.

This is horse-puckey. Have you emailed Dr. Harley to inquire about the possibility of his writing a letter on your behalf?