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BS (me) 49
WW 49
married 6 years
dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10
NC broken 12/10
dday2 2/6/11
NC2 3/5/11
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this morning as WW was getting ready for work she said she's reached a decision...
She said that she can't do this to the children, and that I have done everything in my power to give her what she wants from me with nothing in return. She has agreed to NC and MB counseling.
I have learned here to expect the unexpected turn of events though. I am thrilled, of course, but am just as wary of the next move the roller coaster might take. I am just as tied up in emotional knots as on d-day. I know we've reached a crucial point but my fear for the future has not abated one iota.
BS (me) 49
WW 49
married 6 years
dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10
NC broken 12/10
dday2 2/6/11
NC2 3/5/11
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Stay calm. Stay MB 
Me (FWH) 44
Mrs_Recon6mo (FWW) 42
Married 22 years
2 Children 20 and 22 years
Last D-Day for me: May 2009
Last D-Day for her: October 2008
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F4L - that's great news. I'm cautiously optimistic for you. I hope this is the beginning of a beautiful recovery!
BS(me)- 45
WW - 41
D-day 1 - (PA) 01/2011
DS - 6
Exposure: early 02/2011
Started Plan B - 7/11
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Thank you Recon & Andy
Andy - 48 hours ago WW showed not the slightest crack in her resolve, but she was privately waffling. Obviously, all of our efforts have a cumulative effect. I am not looking forward to her withdrawal.
BS (me) 49
WW 49
married 6 years
dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10
NC broken 12/10
dday2 2/6/11
NC2 3/5/11
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Call and get an appointment with Steve for yourself !!
This is great news, but we need to just keep this headed in the right direction.
The next thing will be to ask her to end all contact with the OM. Will she send a no contact letter to him? And how will she assure you there is no more contact?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Mel -
Yes, she will send a no contact letter. We have not discussed assurances/precautions but that will be on the agenda tonight.
she laid out her plan for breaking it off. OM's son is deploying to Afghanistan this weekend and he is visiting him until Friday. They will have minimal contact this week. He will be home Friday and she'll drop the hammer then. She has already called OM's brother to make sure he'll have people around so he doesn't start drinking (he is in AA). He won't know what's coming until then, and then KABOOM!
BS (me) 49
WW 49
married 6 years
dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10
NC broken 12/10
dday2 2/6/11
NC2 3/5/11
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Mel -
Yes, she will send a no contact letter. We have not discussed assurances/precautions but that will be on the agenda tonight.
she laid out her plan for breaking it off. OM's son is deploying to Afghanistan this weekend and he is visiting him until Friday. They will have minimal contact this week. He will be home Friday and she'll drop the hammer then. She has already called OM's brother to make sure he'll have people around so he doesn't start drinking (he is in AA). He won't know what's coming until then, and then KABOOM! Say WHAT?? She is going there?? OH NO. OH NO. That is not acceptable. You should not agree to that. Here is what should happen: My advice is to write a final letter in a way that the victimized spouse would agree to send it. It should begin with a statement of how selfish it was to cause those they loved so much pain, and while marital reconciliation cannot completely repay the offense, it's the right thing to do. A statement should be made about how much the unfaithful spouse cares about his spouse and family, and for their protection, has decided to completely end the relationship with the lover. He or she has promised never to see or communicate with the lover again in life, and asks the lover to respect that promise. Nothing should be said about how much the lover will be missed. After the letter is written, the victimized spouse should read and approve it before it is sent [from SAA, pg 58] OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.
Sincerely, XXXXX
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes she needs to write a NC letter and that is IT. She is NOT to see him in person. I know what happens when they try to break it off in person and trust me, you don't want that.
A NC letter is PLENTY. She doesn't need "closure" or any other nonsense. IMHO you need to demand that a NC letter ONLY is acceptable.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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P.S. great news that she has agreed to recovery with you! Call SH today and get the next available appt. He will help you come up with a plan to get her onboard!
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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F4L,
She has already called OM's brother to make sure he'll have people around so he doesn't start drinking (he is in AA).
WHAT!? His welfare is no longer of her concern.
FWIW you should start an account for him at the local liquor store and have cases of the cheapest alcoholic beverages purchased in bulk delivered to his house.
God Bless
Gamma
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I know, believe me, I know. My insistence nearly derailed this. I would not have backed off if I thought I could push it any further.
BS (me) 49
WW 49
married 6 years
dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10
NC broken 12/10
dday2 2/6/11
NC2 3/5/11
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I know, believe me, I know. My insistence nearly derailed this. I would not have backed off if I thought I could push it any further. YOU NEED TO PUSH THIS FURTHER. This isn't good. Not this way. ALL waywards want to end it like this. Any that do, do it WRONG.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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there will be no face to face meeting. WW has not seen OM in more than 6 months. She knows that NC and MB are my requirements
BS (me) 49
WW 49
married 6 years
dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10
NC broken 12/10
dday2 2/6/11
NC2 3/5/11
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I would LOVE to do this by the book IMMEDIATELY
I have done plan A like a fiend since September. It has been a critical factor in her decision, once I got the stick more involved. I don't like this one bit, but I know when i've pushed her as far as I can.
BS (me) 49
WW 49
married 6 years
dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10
NC broken 12/10
dday2 2/6/11
NC2 3/5/11
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there will be no face to face meeting. WW has not seen OM in more than 6 months. She knows that NC and MB are my requirements I'm afraid she's just sent a smoke signal to OM through his brother. She owes nothing to OM and isn't his mommy. How he takes the news that his married girlfriend wants to do the right thing is not her business and she should not be orchestrating his response in any way. Okay, water under the bridge now. f4l, you're really going to have to ramp up your snooping. The chance is good that she's letting him know that he'd better step up to the plate if he wants to 'keep' her.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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VAR retrieved from her car at work. She called SIL and MIL letting them know she's staying in the M. No call to OM. Snooping is in overdrive.
BS (me) 49
WW 49
married 6 years
dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10
NC broken 12/10
dday2 2/6/11
NC2 3/5/11
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Posts: 12,357
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VAR retrieved from her car at work. She called SIL and MIL letting them know she's staying in the M. No call to OM. Snooping is in overdrive. Good job! Keep it up! 
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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VAR retrieved from her car at work. She called SIL and MIL letting them know she's staying in the M. No call to OM. Snooping is in overdrive. Can you please go over to the snooping forum and start up a thread educating folks on the use of the VAR? please?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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appointment with Steve tomorrow afternoon. I think I just wet myself a little.
BS (me) 49
WW 49
married 6 years
dday1 8/23/10 NC 9/3/10
NC broken 12/10
dday2 2/6/11
NC2 3/5/11
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