It isn't always about the money, KWIM?

That is what I said! However, I don't want to spend thousands of dollars and tkae her to court. BUT... I do have to say... it would FEEL GOOD!

Sometimes the threat is just about as good as the deed...

tl

Sad thing is that right now I am borrowing money to pay for my attorney fees. If this person doesn't believe this is a necessary filing, the money will not be loaned to me. I don't want to waste thousands of dollars just to drag her through the mud. I would love to but I also don't want to lose my shirt over it....

I understand that everyone in the USA knows at least ONE attorney from Illinois.

His initials are BHO.


He tends to go by "Mr. President" of late.

SB

Hehe... I don't know if he would be willing to take me on... maybe pro-bono???

Anyone file a case of alienation of affection and actually win????

There was a plumber in Mississippi a few years ago who successfully sued a millionaire his wife had an affair with: MSNBC link

Wow..... the POSOW is anything BUT a millionaire. But, maybe I would be able to sue her to cover the cost of all my attorneys fees accumulated during this divorce and maybe pay some other bills!

Well, the plumber had to wait until AFTER the divorce to sue the millionaire, because the divorce is the result of the A of A (and he did charge her with adultery in the divorce). Also, the plumber had physical proof of the affair...in the form of DNA testing of the OC his wife had during their marriage.

I don't know what the legal costs were, so I'm not sure how much the plumber got to keep out of the damages awarded to him. The millionaire appealed the punitive damages all the way to the Supreme Court, but the SC refused to hear the case.

I don't know if an attorney would accept a case like this on contingency (percentage of any award) or not. Wouldn't hurt to ask!

I would probably file A of A, even if I didn't plan to carry the suit any further than just filing it. It would be worth it to me if the POSOW had to wash her undies because of it.

This, in connection with having your attorney depose her for the divorce action, would serve her notice that she might have let herself in for more trouble than she bargained for. I hope you did file for divorce on grounds of adultery and named her as the OW. That will put her name in public records for all time as a homewrecker.

I live in Illinois and have been divorced for several years. I was the BS and my ex is very hostile to me, sending ranting insulting emails. We recently had to go to mediation over a medical issue regarding my daughter. (He was trying to avoid paying for braces for her.) The mediator told both of us that since there was conflict we should have as little contact as possible, and only use email to communicate. I have an IM read the email daily and only tell me if there is something urgent, otherwise I read it once a week to minimize the emotional damage it does to me. The mediator said this was appropriate. This mediator is a lawyer and was appointed by the court, so there is no problem in Illinois with minimizing contact.

Illinois is no-fault. I was not able to file under adultery b/c my attorney only uses extreme mental cruelty or irreconcilable differences

You could maybe name OW by requesting

joint assets misappropriated in regard to OW
?

Any joint marital funds spent on gifts or wooing her?

Anything you do to create friction between the lovers is good. That means that filing a lawsuit that may not go anywhere is part of it.

The goal here is to break up the affair. AA lawsuit might not go anywhere, but getting legal papers and a subpoena to testify in a deposition is a huge source of stress, which she is likely to take out on your WH. She may also decide that he�s just not worth the hassle of dealing with you and end things accordingly.

90% of the legal battle is all mental. So filing for things doesn�t mean you�re going to get them, but they cause a HUGE amount of stress and strain to the person they are being filed against.

So your lawyer should be filing documents to force your WH to answer to allegations that they are intimate in front of the kids, don�t give them medical attention, force the kids to sleep in the same room, etc.

Seeing this on paper in a legal document that they�re forced to answer is a HUGE psychological blow to them. Your lawyers are completely unimpressive so far. Shop around and interview other ones. They work for you.

Here's a question:

Continue with plan b and divorce. OR continue on and hope that he will come out of it, even though he is living with POSOW, before the divorce is finalize. If there is no chance I will need to let go and reside myself to not having any hope left for our marriage.

IF he does happen to come around, what in the world am I in for? Am I going to be in for more of a world of hurt than I was before or what I am to expect.

If he comes around you need to have an iron clad idea of what it will take for you to take the risk of having him come back. The conditions need to be very specific - little or no room for interpretation. Assume that every loophole will be exploited. I'm boxing my WW in with these - I won't tolerate what I tolerated before.

In the meantime, make sure you're game planning in case it doesn't work out. If it does, you simply file the plan away. If it doesn't work out, then you implement the plan. Generally speaking, these are the only two possible outcomes.

Plan B and not make the ultimate decision for now. Plan B to keep your sanity, or I should say.....re-find it AND to not shoot yourself in the foot with proclamation of it being over AND just learning to live in the moment and re-claim your sense of strength and self-value AND learn to not rush to decisions.

Leave the ultimate choice

to be determined in the future.

The rest is up to him but your part is the crucial part. Learning to detach and refocus to yourself.

It will make sense later in the plan B journey...probably not yet. Early plan B is a scary place where old rules of your life do not apply anymore and you must re-define your sense of self.