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Fred_in_VA A Marine Corps marathon no less. That is impressive. Don't think I could handle that but I am in a six week "boot camp" at the local Y with my DD!! The XH is away for the weekend - not sure is story is true but it's all good as he would say. I do find myself happy when he is going out of town. Do not want to resume R but some things do tug at the heart strings. Slowly detaching. It really does help to read your posts to see how you have managed to close the door and move on with your life. Gives us all hope for the future. Thanks.
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It really does help to read your posts to see how you have managed to close the door and move on with your life. Gives us all hope for the future. Thanks. Thanks, L2S. When one door closes, sometimes a window opens.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words. St. Francis of Assissi
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Shortly after my XWW a-bombed our marriage, I subscribed to a daily email from DivorceCare, a Christian divorce support group. Today brought the following, which I'd like to share with the forum: Three Possible Outcomes Day 339
As you begin to emotionally stabilize, it is important to look at the future and decide how this experience of separation or divorce will affect the rest of your life. Keep in mind that it is your choice how this experience will affect your future. H. Norman Wright discusses three possible outcomes for the experience of separation or divorce in your life. Which will you choose?
1. Your life can change for the worse, which means you continue to let the situation control and dominate you. You become so immobilized and damaged by this experience that you continue through life crippled emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
2. Your life can stay the same. You aren't damaged, but you haven't really learned and grown through this experience.
3. Your life can change for the better. That means you eventually move away from asking God, why did this happen? to the place where you can say, how can I learn from this, how can I grow through this, and how can God be glorified through what I have gone through?
Claim this Bible verse with the psalmist:
"It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees" (Psalm 119:71).
Dear Lord, this whole experience has been horrible, but it happened and it's still happening. As I live today and as I look to the future, I pray that my life is changing for the better. I know this is possible because of who You are. Amen. I choose #3. How about you?
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words. St. Francis of Assissi
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It's been a while since I posted on this thread.
Just a moment ago, my phone rang. I went to answer it, but the caller had already hung up after two rings.
Caller ID showed that it came from OM.
???
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words. St. Francis of Assissi
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Maybe he's calling to give her back?
I'm kidding Fred - but yeah that was a weird one.
Me - 46 Wife - 43 2 x DD Married 18 yrs - known each other for 22 yrs Woke up 12/2009 and realized I was an idiot for neglecting my WIFE!
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LOL!
No, it was probably just a mis-dial (although I wonder why/how he had MY cell number).
Knowing what I do about him (and her), if anything, he was probably looking to re-connect. Maybe he needs his horns trimmed?
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words. St. Francis of Assissi
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I might have missed something but I would guess it was the Leopard calling from his place. Never know......... she could be calling to say she misses you. hope I didn't just make you nauseated
Me BS 54 XWW 51 Divorce final 1/9/12 DS26 DS24 Twin DD's22 Married 29years D-dates No1 01/2007, No2 08/2008(ongoing)
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I might have missed something but I would guess it was the Leopard calling from his place. Never know......... she could be calling to say she misses you. hope I didn't just make you nauseated LOL! No, but I must admit that it rattled me a bit. I believe the number is OM's cell phone (I put it in my address book back then so I could look it up when I suspect she was contacting him, and never erased it). While it could have been her, my belief is that the two of them ended the A even before the D was final. Who knows? Who cares? The psychiatrist I counseled with did warn me that BPD's always try to reconnect at some later date, which is why I keep my guard up. You see, Dr. Harley isn't the only one who strongly recommends NO CONTACT. Thanks for checking in, SC.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words. St. Francis of Assissi
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I wonder if you can block that number from your phone. That would be an unpleasant trigger for me.
I wished that I could have been born on a planet where waywardness never existed....
D-yr fall 06-fall 07 Separated 10/2010 Him-several affairs, last one 3/2011 Divorced filed 3/2011, final 3/2012 Formerly "Mopey". http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2013149&page=1After a 4 yr FR, it became CLEAR to me of what you can look for in a FR. And that is the absence of POJA, and/or if your spouse tramples on your boundaries. If someone is not willing to do POJA with you, and they don't respect your boundaries, imo, the relationship is doomed.
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Actually, the reason I have kept his (and hers) on my phone is so that if one of them does happen to call, as was the case here, I can see who the caller is before I answer. And then just not pick up the phone.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words. St. Francis of Assissi
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OK Fred, Back when my DS was in high school he dated a fatal attraction girl for a short while anyway after they broke up he put "DO NOT ANSWER" for her name in he's cell phone. We would be together and his phone would ring, and he would show it to me, it would make me laugh...... She was harmless enough and finally stopped calling him. I actually changed my WW name as well when I 1st started my plan B, although I have since changed it back......don't know why..... Any way it could provide you some humor
Me BS 54 XWW 51 Divorce final 1/9/12 DS26 DS24 Twin DD's22 Married 29years D-dates No1 01/2007, No2 08/2008(ongoing)
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That was pretty good, SC. In fact, the first thing it made me think of was the police recommendation that people include an ICE phone number in their cell phone's address book.
ICE = "In Case of Emergency"
The thinking is that if one is incapacitated due to accident or injury, police and rescue workers can notify the person at the other end of the ICE connection...
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words. St. Francis of Assissi
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ICE = "In Case of Emergency" This topic is making me chuckle because my caller ID for my ex-WH's number shows up as FT...which stands for the very special nickname my mom gave ex-WH shortly after d-day. FT= "Festering Turd"
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You know... I con't put my finger on it... but there is just something refreshing that goes on these "D" boards.
Me; W 46 Him; H 46
2 girls DD19 DD16 Dated/Married total 28 years. ..I am learning and working on myself.
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I hope that what you can't put your finger on is the healing and recovery that people go through -- and express here -- as the pain subsides, the scabs disappear, and the scars fade.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words. St. Francis of Assissi
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You know... I con't put my finger on it... but there is just something refreshing that goes on these "D" boards. In addition to what Fred said......... Could it be that most of us here do not care about lovebusting anymore?
D-yr fall 06-fall 07 Separated 10/2010 Him-several affairs, last one 3/2011 Divorced filed 3/2011, final 3/2012 Formerly "Mopey". http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2013149&page=1After a 4 yr FR, it became CLEAR to me of what you can look for in a FR. And that is the absence of POJA, and/or if your spouse tramples on your boundaries. If someone is not willing to do POJA with you, and they don't respect your boundaries, imo, the relationship is doomed.
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I didn't think I'd be writing on this board again - at least not in my own thread. After all, the divorce was 10 months ago. But I may be getting some early warning signs and I thought I'd post about them, just in case I need to be reminded (either by myself - reading this again, or by someone else who has had a similar experience).
For the past week or so, I've been getting a lot of calls from bill collectors looking for the WxW. As has been my practice, I began by simply ignoring them (there is never a live human on the line when you pick up the phone). But in the past couple of days I have been calling back the numbers (it's useless to wait on line for someone to pick up. Annoying, too) and informing the person who answers that no one by The Leopard's name is at this number. I offer no other information.
When The Leopard first moved out, I got a lot of these calls, and handled them much the same way. The calls finally dropped off and I thought they were ended.
That they've resumed tells me that The Leopard has burned through whatever money she may have had and is once again living hand-to-mouth. She is almost certainly on the hunt for new prey to "save her."
The reason I'm posting this is because I've been warned that women like The Leopard ALWAYS circle back and sometimes try to win their way back into one's heart - only to break it again when the heat dies down.
So... it may be over-reactive on my part, but I think it's better to be cautious than to be sorry. By posting here, I find I can have the support that will hold me accountable in the event she does make an appearance. Today, I believe I wouldn't waver. But if it comes down to it, I don't want to take any chances!
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words. St. Francis of Assissi
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Fred, good on you for preparing. And even better on you for asking for help. I've been prepping myself for the "circle back" too.
Hard to imagine how some people can turn out to be so weak.
Dig as deep as you have to. Keep a watchful eye.
BH (me): 31 WXW: 31 (Still in the house!) Married: Jan 2005 DS: 6 years old DDay #1: 12 Mar 2008 Failed Recovery #1: Jun 2008 - Jun 2010 DDay #2: 28 Jun 2010 Failed Recovery #2: Aug 2010 - Sep 2010 Plan A/Limbo: Sep 2010 - 24 Jan 2011 DDay #3: 29 Jan 2011 On OM#4, that I know of... D Filed: 11 Feb 2011 D Final: 10 Jun 2011 (still waiting on prop division & custody)
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."
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Fred, glad you're forewarned about how they circle back so you can guard your heart against it
"If you will stop feeding your feelings, then they will stop controlling you" -Joyce Meyer
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I find I can have the support that will hold me accountable in the event she does make an appearance. Today, I believe I wouldn't waver. Fred, if there anything she could do or say that would make you waiver? If she were to approach you tomorrow, what would you say?
D-yr fall 06-fall 07 Separated 10/2010 Him-several affairs, last one 3/2011 Divorced filed 3/2011, final 3/2012 Formerly "Mopey". http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2013149&page=1After a 4 yr FR, it became CLEAR to me of what you can look for in a FR. And that is the absence of POJA, and/or if your spouse tramples on your boundaries. If someone is not willing to do POJA with you, and they don't respect your boundaries, imo, the relationship is doomed.
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