I have been reading on this forum this last week and I may have started out wrong.

My husband has been "friends" and talking to this girl at his work from the first of December or thereabout, from what I can collect. On December 8 I caught him passing facebook messages discussing our marriage in ambiguous terms. I told him this is inappropriate and is how affairs begin and asked him to stop. He said that he would stop talking to her on facebook and that he hasn't talked to her on the phone (not sure that is true).

They went underground and continued talking. He thought he could just be "friends" with her... he started saying weird things to me about leaving me and the kids. I told him I wanted us to be married and I loved him and let's go to counseling. He kept saying we just need to "talk" to each other. When he announced that he wants to leave at the end of January I freaked out... he agreed to counseling and I set it up. Each of us individually with the same counselor with the idea to eventually share the same session.

One week ago today I discovered one sexually explicit message (text) sent to an unknown number. It came out that day that he has "fallen in love" with someone else.


I told him that I wanted him to stay at his parents. I told him I love him and I want to work things out. We have 4 children. He took his stuff and went to her house and has been staying there all week.

He has been coming back to visit the kids and even to spend some time with me. It is weird. He says he loves both of us.... or he said that once... mainly he says he loves her.

Exposure... his parents know, his siblings and their husbands know, my parents know, my friends know. The people at his work don't know, I don't know how to get the message to them. Her family and such do not know. I have been reading that exposure is the first step. But how do I do it? These people are not in my loop. He is just avoiding everyone who knows... his family....

This weekend we are already scheduled to go out of state for the weekend. I am not sure how to act.

We had already started counseling... so I do have that.

Advice?

I am sorry that this has heppened to you. As you see now, it is vitally important that affair partners stay away from each other.

Now, you say that he has moved in with the OW, but he still comes "home" to visit with the kids? Well, that is a good thing according to the MB plans because that means that he is a cake-eater and these plans work best on a cake-eater.

Is this the first marriage for both of you? How old are you both? How, long have you been married? How old are your children?

You will need to find out all that you can about OW and her family. You will need to expose to their workplace as well. You should send a registered letter and CC it to at least 3 people so no one is tempted to throw it out and sweep this under the rug. You need to do this all in the same day so the AP's can not turn this into the fact that you are some nut case who thinks everyone is trying to sleep with her husband.

Is OW married?

Yes he is a cake eater. The first time he came home after the revelation you could see on his face that he missed us... he said "This feels like home."

This is our first marriage, we have been married 12 years, the kids are 6, 4, 3, 1.

OW is technically married but the papers for her divorced are filed. She has 3 kids of similar ages to our kids.

Do you think it would be wise to expose next Monday when we get back from the trip? Maybe on the trip I can... hmmm... "Plan A"?

Also, can I get sued for slander if I expose?

No. You cannot get sued for SPREADING THE TRUTH AROUND.

The OW would like you to think that. I certainly did not. In fact, I deposed the ow (two of them) in my D, and NAMED THEM in the papers, which are now public record for the world to see if they should so choose to.

You need serious intel and recon on ow. Expose like mad to everybody you can. Find out her name, city, where SHE works, and if her job has any connection to your WH's job and if so, expose in that way too.

Learn the carrot and STICK of plan A (which includes nuclear exposure) and also read and read the Operation Investigate board to find out how to do that intel and recon. Personally, I prefer a PI b/c that information they find is legal and can be used in court, and they're experts in getting photos and evidence.

You have 4 precious children who depend on you right now, to help daddy get out of that hell-bound tailspin he is in right now. The ow is going for YOUR jugular vein and your kids'. She has nothing to lose at all, in fact she's filing for divorce. Deal with her HARSHLY and have NO MERCY. Expose her. And threaten to depose her too, and expose to her BH and her entire family (the PI can help you find it).

Your WH still is interested and wants his w, home, and family. That part is good. Now strike while the iron is hot! The OW has to go NOW. Do not worry what a skank will say. Having proof and the truth is certain that she can never say you are slanderous to her.

If she is rutting in the mud like a pig, with a married man and father, then SHE IS RUINING her reputation, and you're just showing her the mirror of what she is doing. That's it. Trust me, she has no care or love for your kids, and she is a danger to your family. She wants you to step aside and let her have your husband, your house, time with your kids, and your assets.

GIVE THE OW NOTHING BUT HELL. I mean it!

This is coming from a sweet, God-fearing, educated, loving mommy who is a Tiger mom when it comes to standing up for my son! The OW doesn't stand a chance against you, when you have MB and the wisdom of years of experience on your side with an invisible army of US here with you!

Now start your plan and do it! Operation "Stop Skanky" has now begun.

Where do I find more info on the "carrot and stick of Plan A"?

This weekend we are supposed to be visiting WH's sister. I was thinking of exposing right after we get back. Chances are if I expose now he will still be throwing his fit and refuse to go.

They do work together -- but their job you can't get into. It is security entrance and such. So I don't know how to spread it around there....

You need to expose AT ONE TIME so WH will have hundreds of little fires to put out, and that there can be no chance whatsoever of anybody warning him or the ow before hand that it's coming.

I'll try to find the carrot and stick for you too.

As far as their job goes, you get IRREFUTABLE PROOF and hire a PI. Then you send such proof (copies of course, as you will have the originals) to their employer and the HR department and expose. We don't mean get into their actual work-place, just expose and it's effective when given to HR.

Lots of sexual harassment lawsuits happen because of affairs in the workplace, and it's a ticking time bomb to an employer. Personally if it were me, I'd angle for the OW to be the one fired. But I'm like that.

The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A" by Pepperband

THE CARROT OF PLAN A:

Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.

Making "home" a warm and inviting place to be.

Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.

Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.

Stop lovebusting behaviors.

Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.

Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.

Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.

Offering forgiveness and understanding.



THE STICK OF PLAN A

Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.

Not apologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.

Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.

Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.

Allowing the consequences of adultery and infidelity to fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.

Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to affect children of the marriage or the financial security of the marriage, or otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.

Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slain for the good of the family.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Plan A is both a *carrot* and a *stick*.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I could use facebook to find her family and friends. What would I write?

You can be sued but they cannot win if it is the truth. It is not against the law to speak truth in most countries.

You can get sued these days for almost anything.

It's the proof of the accusation that matters, like MelodyLane said!

Ok so if I have no "proof" that could win in court, i should not expose?

Of course not, you already HAVE good proof. The texts can be proven where they came from.

right now, you have to expose. Let the skank ho have to figure out how to stop you, odds are she can't.

Why worry what an OW thinks anyway. Does her knowing your husband is married and a father of four precious children stop her from having sex with him? obviously she could care less about you or the children.

Have no mercy on her. Follow plan A and read up on the Operation Investigate board to find out good ideas and what to do.

Most judges (should it ever go to court, and if things are done well, like plan A and B and MB principles, it may never get that far hopefully) would agree that if your H received a text message from a woman divorcing that was sexually explicit, and he responded back to her with something showing possible extramarital affair...that's pretty good proof.

I just went for the jugular b/c this ow didn't stop. I also had a WH who denied denied at all cost, his being in an affair. He was a gaslighter, who tried to make me think I was imagining things, like his affair, and I had the proof also to show him what he was doing. And that I wasn't afraid to use it to save my family.

Do not be afraid to do any of this! When you feel that irrational fear take hold, remember that the OW was not fearful to try to steal and sleep with your husband, who is married to you and dad to your children. Never be afraid to stand up to the OP! You're standing up for your marriage and I applaud you!

You're standing up for your family now! That is you being a hero.

Who told his family? You?

I would plan a nuclear exposure that is done in all the same day. You might do it like this:

1. expose to the workplace with our sample letter. SEnd to the director of Human Resources, a key VP and both of the affairee's supervisors

2. expose to the OW's facebook friends by sending out a private message to her family and friends. SPACE THEM A MINUTE APART SO YOU AREN'T SHUT DOWN FOR FLOODING. Copy and paste all her contacts into a WORD doc and send them our sample letter. Change your facebook picture to one of you, your H and your children.

3. your children should be told of the affair. This affects their life so they have a right to know the truth.

Please read Dr Harley's newsletter about exposure. While there are no guarantees, it is your best hope of saving your marriage. Exposure


Dear friend of Skankyhola,

It is with great regret that I send this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that Skanky is having an affair with my husband, Joe. We have been married for 5 years and have 3 heartbroken children. They have been having this affair since October according to the evidence.

I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would ask that you use your influence with Skanky to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.

Thank you, BW


Developed by Brits Brat, board member and corporate attorney

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,

BS
_________________________

Where is this sample letter? Yes I told his family that night. I told them that I hoped he would stay at their house but theball was in his park.

I see its in the next post

The problem with the work letter is it is not true, I don't think it is primarily in the workplace and I don't think it is effecting their work...

Mehr,

Doesn't m.a.t.t.e.r. So, delete "primarily". What you think isn't the point...what an EMPLOYER thinks does and it cannot be ignored. They will have to address it. Remember, the point is to END the affair. Trust me from a personal perspective; affairs in the workplace are nightmares for employers. Actually, just rumors of affairs are nightmares for employers. But, someone internally or externally calling it out??? Holy crap-storm. Been there, and let me tell you, employers will meet behind closed doors and discuss the least "messy" way to make it go away. I don't care if the employer is (see edit). They WILL make it end at their place of business. Been in too many of those meetings over the years, and it p-sses people off! They are wasting time, wasting resources, consulting HR and legal, and ticked that the crap-storm potential is taking their time so that 2 people can blank it up at 10 p.m. once a month. Trust me, it doesn't matter.

That's what you want to happen. You want it to end.