Did you tell them about the affair? Do they know about the OW? Will his mother go pay that skankho a visit?

They won't zero in on that word, mehr. What WILL jump out at them are the words SEXUAL HARASSMENT. Employers do not want to see that phrase connected to their company.

And mehr? Don't warn them before you expose. Just DO it - don't give them a head's up or they'll have time to paint you out to be a jealous lunatic.

The letter is a SAMPLE. You alter it to fit your situation. If they are having a workplace affair, it most certainly is effecting their work, though.

Amen. I have been in some of those meetings, too. Employers just want to do everything to cover their butts and make the problem go away. Workplace cheaters are walking loose cannons and are dangerous to the business. They are about as unprofessional as it gets so the many companies will want to try and get them out.

They don't have work phones or work computers. This is in a factory. He loads trucks and brings samples to her in the lab and she tests them. So there would be nothing to track that I know of. They just "met" there and started talking outside of work. It would be helpful if they were put on opposite shifts, but I don't know what would happen if I sent that letter. I sort of feel like a psycho wife if I did that...

Sure there is. If they see each other at work, they are probably doing something. Don't get so hung up on this. Just send the letter, tell them about the affair and let the company investigate. For all you know, they are getting it on in the broom closet.


Putting them on opposite shifts will not resolve the problem.


Feelings are not truth. You are not a psycho wife in reality.

Send it anyway. You'd be surprised at what that letter can accomplish.

Not to be harsh, but by not exposing, you greatly increase the odds you will not be a wife at all, soon.

He WILL be mad when you expose. But he is not capable of making rational decisions right now. If you want your marriage to survive, you need to fight against his affair with everything you have.

The other question I have, he plans to travel out of town with us this weekend. Should I wait until that is over so that he can see that I am willing to reconcile/meet his needs? If I do it *right now* I am afraid that he will not go on the trip. Also I wonder if this really does work? Won't it just be "well now that everyone knows, might as well divorce and marry her..." The stigma is one of the things that keeps him from doing that, I believe. He seems to think she is his perfect match.

Why is that? Like I said, he already thinks she is his perfect personality match.... I think he wants to marry her....

It might be a good idea to go on the trip and then take a day next week to expose.


What you are doing now does not work. While there are no guarantees, exposure is your best chance. It is no fun to carry on an affair when everyone is looking with disgust on their faces. Especially if you expose to her family. That will ruin the future of the affair with her family when they know your H is married.

Your plan does not work and you are headed for divorce now. You have nothing to lose.

no mehr. you have been given a gift from God. a workplace A? she is in the midst of a D? wow. lucky bc as the posters stated above, these 2 people engaged in inappropriate behavior in the workplace are about to get a rude awakening. be merciless. this woman who is in the midst of getting a D is trying to steal away the father of 4 children?! WTF. wonder how she'll like losing her job bc of what she has chosen to do. do NOT hesitate. if you do, then you will look back at the chance that you had here and express ever lasting regret that you did not act decisively and definitively. you will be the one looking at the dissolution and end of your family as you know it.

your H is NOT in his right mind for why would you jeopardize your family, your W and your 4 children for OW in the midst of her own D w/ 3 children of her own to support? inform her STBXH as well. how someone would seek to jeopardize the M of someone else knowing what doing such a thing would entail is beyond selfish. your H is not thinking with the head betw his shoulders. do not believe one thing he tells you either. he is not in his right mind. NOT. you need to be.

you have small children whose father is acting in a way that is not rational or reasonable. do not show mercy. none. you have come to the right place. we are here for you. i am a rookie compared to the great posters here like Melody, maritalbliss and others. go for the jugular. your family and your future are dependent upon you being strong and decisive. no 2nd guessing either.

Right. So it is your goal to ruin the affair with exposure. Affairs thrive on secrecy so exposing it will help ruin the fantasy. She won't look so pretty anymore when everyone is looking on with disgust and horror. Shines the light of reality on the ugly affair. It is like bringing in a crowd of onlookers to the crack house to watch the crack heads get high. It is no fun to get high on crack when a crowd of people are watching with disgust.

this is all BS. don't believe him. you are the W and mother of his children. he is blind to reality right now. will be for months to come. get ready to act. listen to Mel and others. do not believe 100% of what he says and only 50% of what he does.

you need to get to her family bc it will shame her as it should. a divorced mother of 3 is chasing after a married mother of 4. it is an illusion. it is a fantasy. do NOT believe anything else.

it's like the movie hall pass. once the focus is directly fixed upon her, the warts will pop out. she will not be this radiant creature. she will be a husband-stealing, home-wrecking ho, and that will be obvious to everyone looking on. it IS fantasy. worse case scenario, he will leave you for her and eventually the reality will set in. he will realize that he left his W and 4 children for the fantasy of OW and her 3 children. they are not his children and right now it is all about the excitement. THAT cannot last.

Mehr, I have not seen a single person that exposed, regret it. BUT, I have seen many who have either regretted not exposing, or exposing too late.

I myself, followed MB. I exposed, Plan A'd and now I am in Plan B. I am BETTER than I was, and I am CERTAIN that I am better than I would have been.

Please, listen to these posters and EXPOSE this.

You have some heavy hitters on this thread posting to you already, you don't know how lucky you are. Take advantage of that and expose.

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Well if you are the expert that is what I will do. I will wait until the day after we get back, unless he agrees to break all contact, etc. then. One week until exposure day.

My fear is that her family will not care, or that they have already propagated a story over there....

MEHR -- LISTEN to the people here! YOu are getting the best help from MB, Mel, SMM...listen up!

There is a woman set out to destroy your family. Let's see...if some stranger walked into you house and cuddled up on your couch, what would you do? You'd unleash holy h-ll, I would hope. And, would you be worried that your family would think of you as a psycho wife? I think not.

Many BH's here say things to each other like "grow a set", get some "bal-s", etc. You need to do the same. You need to put your armour on, get a "set", and protect your WH and your kids from the viral bull these 2 are in the midst of.

Others will weigh in, but to address your question about the weekend...I'd do it on Friday, and go away for a great plan A weekend.

Holy responses, batman. Nice for you, MEHR! You've got the best here!