Use your best judgement and try to select about 35-40 of them, based on how influential you think they might be. Target especially those with the same last name, because that will likely be her husbands family member.

In the meantime, I would plan to send an exposure letter to his workplace so it arrives on the same day you do the rest of the exposures. Send the letter certified to the Director of Human Resources and cc a key VP and both their supervisors. Be sure and put the cc on the letter. Mail them all at the same time. This ensures that no one will give into the temptation to throw the letter away.

I would also expose to his family members again. Tell them your H is living with the OW during the week and ASK THEM TO USE THEIR INFLUENCE TO PERSUADE YOUR WS TO END HIS AFFAIR. Ask your MIL to pay this ho a visit or a phone call and try to run her off. [if you were my DIL I would do this for you - I would personally go over there and raise holy hell and kick my son's [censored] for acting so trashy and shaming his momma]

Time all your exposures in the SAME DAY so it is a tsunami effect.

And yes, there will be some who will call you a "psycho" and put you down. They are crapwits and their opinions don't count. You will also have lots of people who will support you and take up your cause! Those are the ones who count.

Your H will be furious and will threaten to divorce you. Expect it. It means nothing other than he is angry that you interfered in his affair. It will blow over.

mehr, take this opportunity for the next week to be at your absolute Plan A best. What are his needs - what is important to him? Take a few minutes and read about Emotional Needs here.
Don't talk to him about this - read about Emotional Needs and work on what you think his top 5 are.

You want him distracted by the drama when he is WITH HER! When the nuke explodes, I would not be available.

p.s. when he is with you and your children, I would not tolerate any contact between him and the OW. That should NEVER be tolerated. NEVER.

Well he is not living here... I won't see him until Friday.... at best I can occasionally call and text him and be caring and interested. Should I do that?

His needs-- affectsion (hard to do through phone), admiration, and conversation.

too true. do not believe 100% of what he says. how can you believe someone right now who is engaged in A w/ STB divorced mother of 3 who i a pale shadow to what you bring to the table and is the mother of his 4 children. blah, blah, blah when he says it. take no stock in it. he will probably say
"i never loved you"
"i haven't loved you in years"
"we shouldve never gotten married"
"we were too young"
"there is no hope for us"

yadda, yadda, yadda.

This sounds like a good idea.



I have identified her husband.... I think her FIL... her mother, her brother, and some other relatives that I am not sure how they are connected. Also her best friend....

It is on.

How do I know it won't be true???

Go to www.intelius.com Search her name - it will bring her up with 'associated names'. Her H's should be there, especially if they're not divorced yet. You'll also get other names too - they'll probably be parents, grandparents and siblings. You might have to pay 1.95 to get all the info - not a bad investment.

If you took the booze away from a falling down drunk and he screamed and threatened and called you names would you wonder if it was true?

Don't make it a point to call him to do this. But when he calls you, to check on the kids, etc., be at your Plan A best.

Good girl! Get your list in order.

Is it really like that though... when will he come down from this retaliation phase?

mehr, when you are with him, just focus on these top 4 emotional needs, because they are the INTIMATE emotional needs:

Affection
Sexual Fulfillment
Recreational companionship
conversation

Focus on being as pleasant as possible between now and next week. I would expose this affair wide and far, give him a couple of days to end his affair.

If he doesn't end the affair, you will want to shut the door in a dark Plan B and not allow him to have any contact until he ends his affair. As it is now, he is getting his needs met in TWO places and is cakeeating. The longer this is allowed to go on, the more entrenched the affair and the harder to break up. But if you remove yourself entirely, the OW will be expected to meet ALL his needs and she won't be able to do it. It will cause great conflict in the affair and it will start to crumble without you there to prop it up.

When the affair is killed and the fog blows over. That is why we are guiding you to kill the affair. And yes, an affairee is high just like a dope head or an alcoholic. They are high as a kite and have the same mentality.

How do you do a dark plan B with 4 kids? Right now he comes to the house to see them.


Its probably silly but I worry she WILL be able to meet all his needs.... except for his conscience...

He may or may not be angry about exposure. His reaction has nothing to do with anything. Think about it. Expect a reaction and be prepared to NOT react in kind. He yells, "You've done it now, I'll never come back!" Your response, "I am doing whatever it takes to protect our family. Would you like a cookie dear?" He yells, blah, blah, blah. You respond, "I am doing whatever it takes to protect our family. Are you sure you don't want a cookie?"

The point is that you remain cool, calm and collected. Don't let him rattle you. In fact, once you start the exposing, don't even answer the phone until you're done.

We've seen it happen 100s of time. They either get very angry (AT FIRST) or they crumble. Either way, the damage is done. Their affair is no longer the fun little secret, everybody important knows. It will cause HUGE problems between your WH and OW. Bet on it.

Just prepare to weather the storm. Your marriage will survive his anger, it will NOT survive his continued affair.

You have to PLAN for your Plan B, it's not something to be done lightly. With four kids, you'll have all of that spelled out in your Plan B letter as to how visits will go from now on. He will not be welcome in your home during this time.

Do you have a good friend or a relative who can act as an intermediary or family who would be willing to serve as a pick-up/drop off for the kids?

How old are your kids?

You change the locks and don't allow him in the house. Then he has to take the kids to McDonalds and the park for his visitation. Allowing him in the house gives him a family fix and helps him pretend like he isn't abandoning his kids. He needs to feel the full consequences of his actions with you making this emulate DIVORCE. In Plan B he should get a taste of his FUTURE if this goes to divorce.


That is doubtful. If she did he wouldn't be hanging out with you. And you have something she doesn't: a HISTORY and his kids. She will never be able to compete in that regard. And just ask yourself what kind of a skank does a married man? A real low down, selfish loser. Not the kind of person who is a giver. She is a taker. And a taker will RESENT being asked to meet all his needs.

How old are your kids?