They are 6, 4, 3, 1. I think that I could drop them off at his parent's house for them to visit. He can't pick them up because we only have one vehicle big enough for all of them and I have it. I don't want him taking MY KIDS to go see her anyway.

Actually she sounds like this needy emotionally unhealthy girl who makes him feel good about himself. Really good.

Okay I've been reading around and I have a question. Is Plan B effective at all? How high is the failure rate? The affair has only been since December, emotional at first and physical, as best I can tell, less than a month. I guess if it goes to divorce, I'd like to be the one to file and get the upper hand to take care of the kids. Just trying to figure out my risks. I sure hope it doesn't come to that.... we have 4 kids that need their daddy.... and I am a stay at home mom and this decision could change our whole life. I am so sad that he won't make the decision with his head that is right because he thinks he "loves" her.

Also I might have to move quickly to divorce because I am fully financially dependent on him. I suppose I would known within the week if he is taking themoney from me.

Can't answer your questions specifically bc am not vet like MB or Mel but can say that you have no choice but to fight. You CAN do it. I believe in you. Yours is the cause of right and might. Your H is NOT in his right mind. Not. It's simple. As much as he spews, NONE of it is true. None. Do not let him fool you. OW wants a man to replace her STBXH. Your H. And she cannot replace you. Your are the mother of his 4 young children. You are by far superior to the OW. He is not in his right mind. THAT will become apparent with time and with you taking action. I'm confident for you. Call me crazy. I'm some random dude on a forum. But we are all here for one another, anonymously or not.

And I'm dealing with SAHM of 5 children who has had 2 A's in 2 years. She has talked lotsa BS about being done. Done? The script is always the same more or less. Don't be fooled.

Ok.... I have made a battle plan... still wondering about plan B. But, for plan A.... the plan is this. When we leave for our trip on Friday at midnight I will be asking him to shut off his cell phone (and let me put it in my bag) and have a family weekend with us just and not her. If he committs to this, then Operation Reveal starts Friday at midnight. Let her deal with the chaos or revelation for 3 days before he returns, hopefully unsuspecting and having had a great time with his wife. Then he will be mad, but hopefully the revelation will already have done much "killing" in the heart of the OW.

There is a huge question to answer here and I'd like other vets here to help on this one too.

Should Mehr expose during the vacation or after?

My opinion on this Mehr, is to wait and plan A your butt off on the getaway with DH. Look your best, smell your best, have cute clothes and undies, etc. Court him like you did when you were dating and if the kids are with you, have one night and have an arranged babysitter.

I'd be playful and get him to turn the phone off.

When you return, after an amazing plan A weekend, and a wonderful time, send him back to where he came from and then expose! Let him have to deal with her during that time. Or else my other idea, is to expose and go immediately upon exposure after this weekend, into a dark plan B.

My thoughts are, possibly let them implode upon each other with a huuge, gargantuan, nuclear explosion of truth! You send him the plan B letter too, which is in fact, a love letter telling him how you want to have a better marriage than before, for you two to fall deeply into love again, but that as long as he's in this affair, it is not something you can continue to deal with as it's too painful.

I think a cake eater like your WH will lose his marbles if you did that, after the most loving and amazing weekend in the world.

You always do an amazing and wonderful plan A, and follow up with a dark, dark plan B.

What are the thoughts of some others here?

Should she (sorry to jack your thread, but asking for thoughts)expose during the weekend? Or should she wait and expose after the weekend? Or should she wait until after the romantic family weekend and do a simultaneous nuclear exposure and go into a very dark plan B? Penny for your thoughts.

I think you supply a good deal of his EN's yet still. And he may very well have a great amount of attraction for you too. Play on his top EN's this weekend and look amazing! Cook his favorite foods, or go to favorite restaurants. Make amazing memories...memories he CANNOT ever give up. Make it so darn hard for him to want to carry on an affair when you go into a dark plan B.

Make him wanting YOUR cake and yours only. You can do it. And while you're doing this, you're throwing water on the green, ugly beotch, melting her and her evil OW plans!

Btw, you're doing great! Good in sticking to the MB plans. However each unique situation deserves a little bit of introspection and wisdom. The folks here are absolutely amazing!

My M didn't make it, but my x is a serial cheater, and divorcing the ow/wistress/wifey now. I however, am happy beyond belief, have full custody of my child, and used my MB skillz to strengthen my M to my husband (we married end of July, 2010)and he to I! MB is the plan and way to live!

Hugs to you..you can do it! and get a big pail of water ready to throw on the OW and watch her melt!

My thought was being that if I exposed right when we left, she would have 3 days to deal with the drama on her own, and when people asked about this situation, she would have to say that he is with his wife and children for the weekend (hmmmm not such a dead marriage, eh?). I know he has told her it is with the wife and children, but the truth is, I got a babysitter for 3 kids... I am only bringing my nursing 1 year old, and I have a babysitter for him too so we can go out on dates while there, I just can't be away from him for 3 days. It would also make me slightly giddy, giving me an easier time doing Plan A at all, knowing that she's at home dealing with drama, like a secret I have from DH ...


I also would like to see what a Plan B letter might look like. I think if I expose this way I would want to give him the Plan B letter when he is leaving my house to go to her house after the trip.

mehr, I would not do it like that, because your plan depends entirely on one thing: him not talking on his phone. He will talk on his phone and when that happens your weekend is going to blow up and you will have lost an opportunity to leave a really good taste in his mouth.

Better to make the very best of this weekend, and then come back and blow things up when they are together. You want them to be together when you do this so your H sees the meltdown.

If you do it like this, his last memory of you will be wonderful when he has to deal with her meltdown. She will be going nuts. You want him to be there when that happens.

This is good. Needy, emotionally unhealthy girls are not attractive in the long haul. Couple that with her inability to meet all of his needs and whammo - dead A. Coupled with exposure, of course. That's what will put the stake through the heart of this.

Do you have the book Surviving an Affair? I would get that today and read through it so you understand what you are dealing with.

I'd say to let this blow up in their faces simultaneously after your weekend together. If he's not around she'll be forced to do damage control on her own, and then she can let him know the story she spun. She'll have too much time to settle things down before you get back. You want them both scrambling for cover at the same time.

Ok. It waits. It will be harder to do Plan A. He "loves" her and they are so well suited, supposedly.... barf... it is really hard not to act frantic and pleading the whole time.



Yes it is coming in the mail.... maybe today, maybe tomorrow?

Mehr,
I heard all that crap as well, that the OW was his soulmate thing and how happy she made him, that story changed a whole lot when the secret affair was out in the open and everyone else knew including his children.......
Let the exposure happen, let it happen hard and as intense as you can do it. Fantasy hits reality...........don't help him, he will be mad, the madder the better.....that way you know it has worked.....
If he doens't stop, PLan B, don't talk to him, let him feel what his life will be without you and your family...........It works and works fast when that reality hits him, it's tough to do, but stay focused on the future not the pain you will feel today. Let that strength enpower you, you have a history that is stronger than you think..............rely on that strengh even if it takes a bit for him to realize what he is actually doing..........

Oh, well, just
mehr, these little protestations of love mean nothing. Try not to remind him of the things he's saying when the two of you are in recovery, so as to not embarrass him too much.

Wacky waywards...

I wish I had been reading here to start, when I found out, because I revealed to his family right away. So he's just avoided them. I was hopeful that would end it.... I wish i could have exposed all at once, now I fear "what is left" won't be enough of a tsunami.

mehr, sorry if I missed this: how long have you been married? How old are your kids?

We have been married 11 years and have 4 kids under 7.

I really want to do the right thing here. I get exposing to her people. But who else? Do I find anyone who works where they work? It is a VERY big company, and I am finding people who have listed that as their workplace but I can't be sure they even know who my WH and OW are. I am also not sure about sending the letter to corporate since it could be slander. I really need a lawyer to call me back...

If I expose to his work place my in laws will never forgive me. My FIL works there too. It might also be biting the hand that feeds me if he loses his job...

Oh! And also, how do I decide who to expose to in his world? The form letter about her doesn't work in his world.


I am just doing my research.

Why doesn't the form letter work in his world?

Shouldn't they be wondering if you will ever forgive their cheating offspring, instead?