Don't let her take your son away from the house. She has no right to do so. If she wants to leave let her leave on your own but keep your son in your house and don't you leave.

If your W was accusing you of sleeping with another woman would you even hesitate to take a polygraph? Absolutely not! You would do that in front of God if you had to.

There is a lot more to her A than she is admitting. I know you are going stir crazy right now but it is very important to remain calm, breathe and if you are a praying man ask God for strength. Calmly tell her that she must take the polygraph if she wants to remain M to you. Continue to Plan A her but it is important that you make her feel safe and not feel threatened in any way. I know that's hard because I have horror stories about my rage after D-Day. But you must stand firm on the poly graph and let her know that you need to feel safe in the M that she hasn't exposed you to diseases and the OM (you know).

She is refusing to take the polygraph because she is lying and it's not for you. I don't believe waywards lie for the BS, they lie because they are selfish and to protect themselves.

You are doing a wonderful job and you are NOT crazy. Crazy is going out and boynking someone else's spouse and lying to your spouse to make them think that they are crazy.

I don't know if you found Joseph's Letter but here is a link. This helped my DH to understand totally what I was going through. http://www.network54.com/Realm/healingheart/Josephletter.html

True. She's not lying to protect you - she's lying to protect her setup. She's afraid of the fallout and what it will do to her and her lifestyle.

If she didn't want to hurt you she wouldn't have had the A in the first place.

This is true, but you can tell her that you do not approve. She should know this, assuming you feel that way.

There is a small risk that she will take your son somewhere else and disappear. My brother was legally kidnapped from my father during court-ordered visitation. Sadly, possession is sometimes 9/10 of the law in custody situations.


Don't tell her how ridiculous this is.

WS has called her mom - her mom just called me (she has divorced twice)

Her mom is saying that if WS gets fired from her job this will put financial burden on her. She is saying that even if I find out the truth there is no recovering from this now. She says that if I don't know the truth then WS will divorce me for being crazy and that if the truth is told then there will be no way to recover.

There is NOTHING dishonest about the truth. This is evidence that your wife is deep in a fog, as this particular line of reasoning is nonsense.

Imagine your wife as Linda Blair in The Exorcist right now. She will spew the most foul, hurtful, and illogical remarks right now. She has been caught and she will react like every other wayward we all have experienced.

As I told my wife, "I will do whatever it takes to fight for my marriage and my family."

I feel like she would divorce me to save face at this point - divorce me and paint me as a lunatic

Sounds like your mother in law is deep in the fog herself. This is utter nonsense. The truth allows recovery to begin. Covering up lies does not save a marriage. Unfortunately, the m-in-law has no logical reasoning skills at this time. She is probably reeling from what her daughter has done. You may not see her assistance in this matter.


You are NOT CRAZY to expose your wife's A and try to save your family.

that is what her mom has done and would probably encourage --- when the going gets tough, just divorce

We've seen a lot of people recover from knowing some pretty horrible truths, Meh.

You are not crazy. You are reacting quite naturally.

It doesn't sound like your MIL is going to be a whole lot of help, but just the very fact that she knows is going to help put a lot of pressure on the situation.

Keep going.

Have you told her work, yet? Don't let that wait too long!

That is why your Plan A should focus on showing you to be a desirable guy. It needs to get quickly turned around in her mind so the only question she is worried about is "Will he take me back?"

I really cannot tell work - I am going to wait and see if the polygraph will get it out first


If she gets fired from work - we will forclose on the house at the beginning of april
Her MIL who has no $ would be trying to support WS.
This could also look bad on me if it went to court and it was shown that my revealing this business caused loss of income which affects her taking care of her son.
Some states do not consider affairs in divorce cases.

I really do not feel comfortable playing that card as I think it is not safe for my family

Yes, it is time for you to be the best you've ever been in her eyes. Strong, confident, caring, loving, etc. Don't fight, but fight for your family. Always keep that distinction very clear.

Remember that your exposure of her A is not what would get her fired. It's her actions that she already chose to take that would be her undoing. And believe me, she has had to make careful, deliberate, and intentional decisions to be involved with her OM. You are not to blame from the fallout of her A.

MB - tell me this


What is the MB stance on WS saying to themselves "I will divorce and save face - there are other fish in the sea"

I would tell you that this is a knee-jerk reaction to feeling the sting of being caught. You cannot let this deter you from continuing to fight this A. The alternative is to let the A continue, and you will soon find yourself in a D anyway.

The truth is waywards usually don't do that, Meh. The wayward desire is usually to have their cake and eat it, too. In other words, they'd like to keep everything they have and will usually not abandon either spouse or the other person (OP). When the affair shrivels up and dies due to exposure or to time and reality setting in, the betrayed spouse is typically all they have left. Usually they don't want to take the first step toward divorce.

Of course, nobody can prevent their spouse from divorcing no matter what the circumstances.

Usually a woman will not divorce unless there is someone waiting in the wings.

Financial burden? Then maybe she shouldn't have had a work affair.

Don't listen to this baloney, Meh.

You ask her if she loves her son.

You remind her that you two will be in contact with each other for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE because of your son, graduations, weddings, funerals, birthdays EVERYTHING....

even if you divorce.

You ask her if it's not true that the BEST thing for your son is to grow up with both of his parents 100% of the time and who are in love with each other.

You tell her that you know how to do this.

You tell her you love her and can forgive her and are ready to start rebuilding your M and it starts with the truth.

Jim

Remember that you are only 2 days since finding out. You are riding the same rollercoaster we have already been on. These will be the craziest, surreal next few days of your entire life.

Do not be afraid of anything! Fight for you family and you will have the very best results. Unfortunately, I cannot tell you how it will turn out, but it will be the best for you and your family by continuing to fight for what is right.

I told my FWW, "What you have done to me is forgiveable. What you are doing to your kids is not."

Meh, if you wait, it will dilute the effect.

Why not tell them now there was an emotional affair, and tell them again when you find out more? Or tell them you suspect it was more.

Have you thought of any other evidence you might could find of the affair being physical? Any other proof you might be able to round up?