[quote=RidicSit]Why doesn't the form letter work in his world? [/quote

Well is there a way to change it to... dear friends of my husband, ...??

I am speaking of the form letter that starts "Dear friends of Skankyhola" ...

I am just in a panic today, feeling like this will never happen and he is going to marry her.

Mehr,
don't look it like that, send an email out to everyone he knows, his work, his family, your family, the OW's family, friends.........the more the better, let him feel the brunt of his choices, he will be mad, so what, just keep saying you are fighting for your marriage and your children's lives and father......
don't take blame for anything, these were all his decisions alone......
be controlled and caring........tell him if he continues with the OW you have to be out of his life that it is just to painful for you to live through this, watching him live a life with someone else, you set up an IM so you can pass the children back and forth there and let him live the life he thinks is better........sit back and watch things fall apart in fantasy land.......
don't be scared, you have this site now.......use it to give you support.......

Does that take a long time? I just got the book, Surviving The Affair

Well, of course the form letter does not mean you should send it unchanged and leave the word "Skankyhola" in it.
The idea is to adapt the letter to suit your situation.

Well of course not... lol... sorry I didn't know I was being so confusing. I did already adapt the letter and have it saved, to send to HER friends and relatives. But the question is, what about HIS friends/work place aquaintances? The letter doesn't quite fit, I was wondering if there is one for a husband

I used the same one for both, just changed the name. It worked quite well. It was short and sweet.

Thanks

I am just in active waiting mode.... trying to prepare for the weekend, and then exposure day right after I get back.

OMG.... this dude is crazy.... he went to counseling today. The counselor (who I also see separately) urged him to wait 6 months before doing anything legal. He said he is definitely going to do that and he doesn't know which way he will go. I remained calm on the phone, but truly I want to throw up. He thinks it is okay to do this for 6 months? To live with his girlfriend and put me through this? I don't think I can do it. I don't think I can be the back up plan.

I have a suspicion.... which may or may not be true. he may be waiting 6 months so that he can say he separated and pretend like it wasn't an AFFAIR.... I hope that exposure day ruins that.

sigh...........I guess no one else here can address this post and post the standard workplace exposure letter?? this is very frustrating to me!

mehr, the way you expose at his workplace is send a certified letter to the Director of Human Resources, ccing a key VP and their supervisor. The cc is important because it prevents anyone from giving into the temptatation to throw away the letter. If you don't expose the affair wide and far you won't have in-laws anyway, so that is a moot point. If they are trying to keep this affair a secret, then they are part of the problem. You can't throw your marriage away just to protect your in-laws. Affairs thrive on secrecy and everyone should know about it.

Developed by Brits Brat, board member and corporate attorney

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,

BS
_________________________

WE don't care about his plan, we care about your plan! Pay it no mind!

This is what will happen with FULL EXPOSURE. That's why it is important for you to expose this all at once. One of the most important things is that they will not be able to play this as some "romance" and that everyone will know the truth.That is the one reason that I don't regret having exposed to everyone I could....including their workplace.

I'm sick today and I called him to ask if he would watch the kids and he didn't answer. Today my heart is starting to get hard. How can he be such a selfish [censored] and do this to his kids?

That's what they do, mehr. Someone once compared a wayward to an alien inhabiting your spouse's body. It seemed to fit, in my case.

You mentioned a concern over being sued for slander by exposing to the workplace. As long as you're telling the truth you'll be fine. Besides, the last thing your husband or OW is going to want to do is to go to court and have you bring their affair to light.

You'll be fine. Expose to the workplace. If he loses his job, that's his fault for having an affair. It would actually be a good thing because it will reduce the amount of time that he has contact with OW.

But he's going to have to leave that job whether he gets fired or not. He can no longer work there or have any contact with OW, and that should be a condition for your wanting to stay in the marriage.

Oh, and it doesn't matter all that much, but how do you know that OW is in the process of getting divorced? Did your husband tell you that? There's a decent chance that you haven't been told the complete truth in that regard. Make it a priority to speak to her husband either in person or on the phone. If he's in some custody or alimony battle, if there even is a divorce in process, I guarantee that he'll be interested in what you have to say.

He will be getting the letter on Monday night.

How do you know when it is the right time to move to Plan B?

Mehr,
Good Luck with your plan A on the weekend and the exposure when you get back, stay strong and keep your eye on the big picture.......your husband will be mad, mad is a good thing, you will knowing exposure is having an impact.......
(hugs)

We had a pretty good weekend.... got back tonight.... he was acting fully husbandish all weekend. He was affectionate, we had sex, we had fun.... he says he can't decide what he is going to do but he has very strong feelings of love for her and he is not sure about me, how all he feels about me, something like that.

Just executed Exposure. I hope it was a wide enough net. I am nervous to see what happens.

Stay strong, mehr! Did you contact the employer?

Stand back and watch the crap hit the fan in front of him. When he raises a big stink about what you've done and says that he was thinking of coming back but not now, just don't engage him--tell him you're fighting for your marriage and will not be dragged into an argument with him.

Mehr,

you are telling my story my husband was just like yours saying the same things to me, exposure killed his affair, made him really see himself for what he was doing to me and our family.............
sit back and watch it all fall apart, he will be mad, the madder the better, means it's working.
the next while will be difficult for you, just keep posting and gaining your strength back here.........

Excellent, mehr! Now remember - he may well respond like a cat in a bag. Don't let that throw you! You stay calm. Remember this sentence: I love you and I will do whatever it takes to save our marriage." Because he's probably going to be very upset and ask you why you would do such a crazy thing as tell everyone his "secret".

We're here in case you need some support if the firestorm hits. Good job, mehr!

I know that she didn't know we went out of town with just one kid, riding in the same vehicle, slept in the same bed, etc. etc. She thought we took the kids to see his sister and we are not together.... seems to think we are in a different place in our relationship than we are... she even asked him if we would be staying in the same room, he said he told her "I didn't think about that." Yeah, right! Of course we slept in the same room, his family wants us to work this out and is not at all okay that he is cheating and thinks he loves someone else.

He kept texting her over the weekend.