((((SmilingWoman)))) I'm so sorry.

About to come undone. I just can't believe she would do this. Ds is a year older than dss...dss outweighs my ds by 30pounds. When XWife moved their boys into a house with her boyfriend (she has since married him) her live in boyfriend's son (who is 6 years older than dss) had dss on the floor pounding on his chest. DH didn't call dhs then. He told her she better find a way to stop that from happening again and she said ok and that was the end of it.

Guess dh doesn't deserve the same consideration.

Would really appreciate it if someone would tell me that this is all going to be ok.

What will probably happen? Nothing? Is this even a DHS matter? Step brothers fighting?

Dh tried to get hold of DHS today but the case worker is out until Monday. EX-wife is being unbelievably nasty.

We think she is trying to get weekends changed to accomodate her husband's work schedule.

(((SW)))
I read this update this afternoon and was immediately thinking that, while I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, the reality is that I highly doubt this will change anything. Sorry I couldn't get on it earlier but I really think you have little to worry about at this juncture. I can't speak from experience with DHS; however I have had a fair amount of experience with a similar governmental service (elders at risk) and they are painfully slow. So if DHS is anything like that, the process will drag out so long that your melodramatic nemesis is likely to tire of her own antics in the meantime (personally I think that's part of these agency's strategy, and it really works well until someone dies because they didn't react quickly enough~ and we all have seen it in the news).

However, in defense of the people operating these programs: they are just that - people. Overworked and underpaid. They are there to protect folks from abuse, neglect, and truly ugly situations like you don't want to know about (NOT step brothers fighting). They also will pick right up on her overbearing nastiness. If you and your DH can manage to be the voice of reason; nothing will ever come of all this - I say that with confidence. Sounds like a lot of drama to me, drama that a overburdened branch of the healthcare system will not be extremely interested in.

So take a deep breath okay SW, and take care of your boys. I know things will be alright.

Opt

Wow SW, talk about a woman over-reacting. These are little boys for pete's sake! I agree with Opt, that this probably won't go anywhere, especially when they find out the family dynamics. It would be different if there was a history there, but there isn't. Right?

She probably IS doing it to make a case for visitation change. She's really reaching though and I suspect a Judge might just see through that. Keep a record of anything she sends you or says and DO NOT RESPOND. Let your DH deal with her.

You're gonna be okay sweetie.

I don't know, I don't think it's 'reaching' to not want your children exposed to a person who has assaulted them. Even if the person is another child. Especially if the child has assaulted other people in a similar manner (he blacked that 13yo's eye) and himself.

SW, perhaps it will be helpful to you to put yourself in exW's shoes and imagine if it was OWs son who assaulted your son, and how you would react. I wouldn't worry about Child Services...you are addressing your son's aggression through professional counseling, and that will be highly in your favor. The people who end up in trouble and watched by those people are the parents who DON'T do anything for troubled kids. You're addressing it.

How about agreeing to switch weekends, voluntarily? Apologize to her for your son's behavior and tell her that you're addressing it and would be happy to help keep everyone safe while the situation is being resolved. Would that work for you? I'm just worried that this will get uglier and uglier if you approach it as enemies.

I have put myself in her shoes and I felt sick about the entire incident immediately. HOwever, I would NEVER pull DHS into my family unless I had exhausted all other avenues of solving the issue. Dh is dealing with her. He is not approaching the situation adversarily. He told her that they (dh and XH) are both good parents who have their boys best interest at heart and the situation is being dealt with. And that contacting DHS was unnecessary.

My ds has very limited time at his dad's house. He is never there for a full weekend. And then what about summer? Ds doesn't go to his dad's for any summer break. Switching weekends isn't a reasonable solution to a one time incident.

I have spoken to an attorney and been advised that DHS is very unlikely to even get involved in this at all. They have real issues of abuse and neglect to deal with. Two step brothers, close in age and size (my ds is actually much less in weight) having a scuffle is not high on DHS's list of priorities.

OW's son has punched my son on several occassions. It has made me made as heck and I've told XH to put a stop to it. Granted this child is several years smaller and younger than my son...but regardless it made me furious. However, I NEVER, not ONCE considered contacting DHS. Even despising the OW the way I do I would not consider doing that without trying many many other things first.

SW, how are things? What did the lawyer say about your son's visitation? What's going on with DH's exW and DHS? I hope things have cooled down.

The visit with my attorney was pretty much as I expected. He said XH is an [censored] and a jerk of a father....but that isn't grounds for severing the parent/child relationship. He said he would file a motion and that the judge would hear the case...but he said in his opinion the judge would give XH a stern 'talking to' about being a better father and that would be that. Especially in view of the fact that XH doesn't even have the standard amount of visitation as it is.

He said age of child is only ONE factor in whether visitation can be stopped. When I told him ds is in counseling he said, good and that if the counselor believes visitation is detrimental to ds then that will be an entire different ball of wax and then attorney would RECOMMEND I take it back to court.

XH seems to be trying. OW hasn't been there last several trips that ds has made to his dad's. And Wednesday I went to visit my former neighbor....ds grew up on that street with their kids...so the kids were playing and ds went over and asked his dad if he could get his dirt bike out and ride with the neighbor/friend. In the recent past, especially when OW is there, XH won't let ds visit his friend across the street...saying it is rude to OWs kid to run off to the neighbors...or that it is XH's time and he doesn't want ds to go to neighbors. Well, Wed not only did XH let him play until about 7. (his visitation starts at 5:30) he then let the neighbor kid come eat with them. So I see he is trying. And he asked ds if he (ds) likes it better without OW and child there. Ds told him yes.

Dh's XW situation is not good. She is FURIOUS that we wouldn't switch weekends to keep my son from hers. So this weekend is our weekend...and it isn't pretty. First of all, as background info, their visitation schedule is not set in a court order. So much has changed in both their lives that the original is not being followed at all. But the last 8 months they have been doing the every other weekend. We meet roughly half way at 6 on Friday and 6 on Sunday.

Well, THIS Sunday is a very important religous observation for us. She is currently not practicing our religion AT ALL except for this one day a year. We however, ARE practicing and living our faith and taking the boys to religious services whenever we have them. The service on Sunday begins at 7:30 p.m. What dh wanted to do is have them with us this Sunday evening for this event and take them all the way to school Monday morning. When he suggested that to his XW this morning she quicky said no. That he WOULD have them at the drop/off point at 6:00 on Sunday in their suits (showing she intends to take them with her to this event in their area) or she would call the police. He said, 'To do that I would miss the service here in our town.' She said, 'that is not my problem. You refused to change weekends and work with me so this is what you get.'

If he gives up on the idea of having them with us he will HAVE to get them back early in order to be able to get back here and attend our service.

Ok, so we have quite a problem. Not sure how we are going to handle it. But I have to leave in a couple of hours to go pick them up.

What a mess.

((SW))

I'm sorry. You'd think that if she has basically dropped her religion, she wouldn't be a jerk about this one event.

Yes. One would think. The thing is she is feeling some pressure (internal plus her parents who live out of state) to attend. She doesn't want to go alone. That is dh's theory anyway. I think he is probably right.

What gets me is her demand that they be 'in their suits' when he drops them off. Suits dh bought and that stay at our house since they only use them here. As unreasonable as she is being we are suppose to assume she will send the suits back next visit? Ugh.

One option is for dh, ds and I to all load up, dressed up, and go to the same service she is planning to take the boys to. LOL...that would be funny huh? I would do that...but dh and I both want to be at our own congregation for this service.

{{{SW}}}

I can't believe that you are LOLing about the religious services your family attends. Why would it be funny, in the eyes of God, for your family to attend services together?

I didn't say anything about in the eyes of God....it just makes me giggle to think about all of us being in one building together.

Good Grief CWMI. Must you always attack?

Why would it be funny to you for the parents of all your children to be in one room? And you said church, ma'am. Why would you giggle to find all the parents of your collective children in God's house together?

SW, you married a man knowing that there were children who already had a mother. Did you negotiate the 'never being in the same room' thing you giggled at the thought of, before you married?

Oh, sorry, you said 'same building'.

You laugh at the thought of being in the same building as the mother of your step-sons. Why, SW? Other than your son assaulting hers, why the animosity?

I'm sorry, SW. Years ago my father and brother and I went through massive heartache as we tried to preserve the right of my brother and I to attend regular religious services after my mother dropped her religion. It was a mess. On one instance due to a long, long chain of concessions made back and forth, my brother was present with us but my mother came along. I broke out in a rash from the strain and stress. It's probably the only religious service she's attended in the last fifteen years, though.

Please go away and leave me alone CWMI. You never 'get' anything I am trying to say. It would be funny to me because she is trying so hard to derail the most important day of the year for us and it would make her VERY uncomfortable to have us join her.