Trouble is I am getting no support for Plan B. Everyone thinks I am being stupid, pretty much. They go to work by 8am. My WH works until midnight. They are supposed to ask what time he wants them, but if I were to guess it is not going to be 8am, kwim??

Okay, can I say 'boo hoo hoo' if he wouldn't get his beauty sleep? See if you can drop the kids off a few minutes before 8am. Say to ILs it is the best time for YOU (with a sweet, firm voice and smile as you say it). Hand the lovely kiddies over and be off (without WH seeing you).
If they don't like it, your IM could suggest he get himself a family friendly ride to fetch them at a better time for him (elsewhere, someplace you would feel comfortable about them being for handoff).

A hassle? Yes. For both you and WH? Yes.
A taste of reality about life without Mehr? Yes
And vice versa, you figuring out how to mother the kids without the support of a faithful spouse.
&#mn those waywards....they suck (first time I've said it.

I just brainstormed a bit to get you thinking of solutions Mehr. You get those wheels turning to figure out how you will do this.

I can do this. I just gave in laws a reason why I need it to be 8am. They said they would ask. Grr.

But then they don't get off until 4pm again -- my 1 year old is still nursing and i can't be apart from him for more than 6 hours ...

Plan B with small children is such a PITB!!

1 year old.....six hours.....hmmmmmm.
The nursing duo (you and one year old) may need to stretch that feeding to work.
(I nursed all of mine and the last until he was....uh....just about to turn ....uh...four)
I know of what I speak (the dread of the child wanting mommy and mommy feeling full and longing to be there for child.
PITB? Yup. Yup. Yup. But a blessing to the betrayed too. More blessing than PITB which is why we believe in it so much.

yes, very uncomfortable, he probably only goes around 4 hours b/w nursing when we are together. I can do 6 pretty well. Not sure about much more than that. Also how do I get him to LEAVE their house so i can go get the kids. Hmmm. He will have no reason to leave because OW works nights.

So this works huh.... he can't see me? I mean even a visual gives him a fix? Why is that? I suppose for drop off I could open the van, throw the kids into the driveway and drive away LOL... ok not quite...

I had a thought. WH generally comes in the garage door at his parents house. I could be watching through the window and as he goes in that door, I can walk out the front door and get in the van and drive away. Kids are safe and there's no contact.

There is no reason for them go be close by. We were in So Cal and our IM was in a differnt state, halfway across the country. It doesn't matter, it's all done by phone and email anyways.

Oh, well I was thinking as a switching the kids person... you are meaning for communication.... how do i change it to someone new when we are already in no contact?

We had 4 kids as well and guess what...my H had to sell his beloved X-Terra and buy a new car.

That is part of the consequence of having an A. If you D, he will need a new car anyways because you won't be sharing a car. So he might as well get on it and get a new car. That is what I told my H to do when I went to Plan B and he did it.

Our kids were just a little bit older than yours...10, 8, 6 and 3 when I went to Plan B.

Please re-read my Plan B thread ~ this isn't your problem to worry about...it's HIS.

Tell him he needs to find a way to transport all of your children safely and that he won't be using your carseats or your car.

In some ways Plan B needs to emulate what a D would be like ~ he needs to face the CONSEQUENCES of his A.

Can't afford to buy car seats or a new car? Too d*mn bad. Then he can't afford to have an A or get a D so he had better pull his head out of his *ss pretty d*mn fast and start fixing the mess HE made.

DO NOT FIX THESE PROBLEMS FOR HIM. You need to see that by doing so you are making this A EASY on him.

NOOOO!!! Bad advice.

If you see him you will NEVER and I do mean NEVER get emotionally stronger. This will keep you a basket case.

It will also meet the need of his to see you....you do not want to meet that need!! If he gets his fix of you this way that will give him enough fuel to last a while longer without you.

Don't do this. This is not Plan B.

See my previous post. Drop them off somewhere (the friend who was originally going to be your IM?) and get the heck out of Dodge before he arrives. Do the opposite at pick-up time.

And again I must reitrate ~ it is HIS PROBLEM to figure out how he is safely going to car them around. This is a FANTASTIC problem to have, actually, because it is going to open his eyes to what this POSOW and stupid affair are costing him.

Let the consequences hit him square in the face. Do not shield him from these consequences.

Capiche?

Mine are 7, 5, 3, & 1 - do you guys have any thoughts on WH leaving us for OW with so many young kids?

I am thinking part of my WH (only 33) issue is a midlife crisis. He became stressed by all the kids and responsibility and it sent him over the edge. My WH has no clue the devastation.

If my WH ever comes out of the fog I cannot imagine the depression he will likely sink into. Any simularities?

I just sent OW email tonight letting her know when they come home from deployment I will be deposing her in divorce and lawsuit (infliction of emotional distress & mental anguish)

Send word through your IM:

"The children will be at __________at 8 am (or whatever time is convenient for you). They are expecting you to pick them up promptly at 8:05 am. I will expect them back at their house at ________."

Don't even mention the car or carseat thing. Let him figure it out. If he asks, your IM needs to tell him he needs to figure it out and he won't be using your car or the carseats.

Simple.

The OW in this case has 3 small kids of her own.... figure that out.

You let the new IM notify him.

Hmm. Interesting. Have him figure out the car / car seat thing. I don't know how this will work... but lets follow it to the natural conclusion... he brings my kids to meet ugly OW.... am I okay with that? What if that gives her the opportunity to score emotional points with my kids who are so little that they will not understand she is destroying our family?

They aren't thinking about any of the kids...they are in Fantasy Land.

Wait until reality hits them. 7 young kids isn't quite so romantic and fun, especially when half of them aren't yours, LOL.

Tell your oldest kids all about her and that she is a Mean Lady (that is what my kids called the OW for a long time...every time they prayed they said "Dear God, please keep that Mean Lady away from our Daddy!".

Also put word in through the IM that you will not tolerate the children being around her and if you find out that they are, you will be in a lawyer's office ASAP having it written up that your H is not allowed to have OW around your children and that when this goes to D you will have your lawyer make sure she is called in to testify and prove that she is the reason these children no longer have an intact family.

IOW, she will go on record as being a homewrecker.