OMGosh! This is perfect in my opinion! I support this idea!

Times two.

Sometimes simple is better. Let him figure it out.

Mehr,

I agree with MF, you need to allow his choice to have some pretty harsh consequences.

Listen to her she gives great advice and has helped many who actually do as she says and in many cases saved their marriage. From reading your post I know that is what you want!!

HU

So.... the drama of today.... get a text message from MIL, says, he can see them on Friday how do I want to do this.... I said i will drop them off at 10am (as this is a convenient time for me and I will use the plan I wrote above about walking out the front door as he walks in the side door) and pick up Baby at 4pm since he will need to nurse, and I will come back and pick up the others at 7:30pm (this is not too inconvenient because I live 1/2 mile from my in laws).

She writes back that WH was wondering if I could leave the carseats and he can use their van to take them somewhere. I wrote back and said he can buy his own carseats, and if he is thinking of having my children around her I will be calling a lawyer to prevent that (ummm but do I really have a leg to stand on? How can I prevent this because I am serious and will call a lawyer if there is a way-- I live in Illinois)

Where is he going to take them anyway, we can't even pay our bills because he's wasting so much money on the affair...

I also was wondering if me being a witch isn't going to destroy what I did with Plan A? I mean.... where is the line.... how will he know that I still love him when I am being harsh?



Argh. Help.

I think you did great, you put your foot down.

You know you cannot be afraid of your cheating husband, right? Try not to operate under the fear that your standing up for yourself will cause him to divorce you. That's what he wants you to think but, face it, he's a coward with no moral leg to stand on and you know it. You know you're the better person (and parent) here. If he wanted a divorce, he'd have filed by now.

You weren't a doormat today and, honestly, he doesn't really care about you right now...not like that. He only cares that you'll hang around and let him get some EN's met.

So don't worry about hurting his feelings as he sure hasn't shown much consideration for yours.

You did good, ok?

You're not being a witch. You're taking care of yourself. Don't buddy up with him and help him. He'll have to go get his own set of car seats. Maybe he can donate blood or platelets or something to come up with the cash. Or skip dinner out with OW.

This is just the beginning of the logistics hurdles he's going to be facing in Plan B. Don't help him with this.

Minimal info to him. Nothing disrespectful, angry, demanding.

Be factual.
I will do this.
He needs his own car/carseats.

Regarding OW being with them.......good for clarifying that info to MIL.
Now, don't mention OW again to MIL....if you find the kids have been around OW, talk to a lawyer about it right away to get info about legal matters.

You go girl.

Ask an attorney about it. If you have any dirt on her (drug abuse, a penchant for animal sacrifice, past criminal history, etc.) then it'd probably help your case.

Unless you start spouting lovebusters to MIL that H will hear tell of.....
there is no undoing of your plan A. Don't fret about consequences messing up plan A.
Listen to todays (Tuesday, April 19th) rebroadcast of the MB radio show.....there was good stuff about a man re-directing his thoughts to himself and his kids while undergoing D with his WW. Though he was encouraged to plan A...the sentiments about how he should be thinking about things was, I thought, so very true to plan B selfprotection too!

So... how does this work? Won't he be thinking, she's mad and not very nice now so I would definitely never want to go home? Especially since in his words the OW is so "sweet" ... sigh...

I wonder if he will get in trouble at work.... that should be interesting

Do you have an IM yet? The IM should be the one handling the discussions about visitation, finance, etc in a completely neutral fashion.

And just remember that part of Plan B is giving your H a taste of what D'd life is going to be like. Don't worry about him not liking it!

Ok great I have been trying to listen to the radio program so I will do that. I am not spouting love busters except for maybe that threat about a lawyer .... not sure if she translated that one to him or not.

So I just got a text message from WH .... says "I worked over the last 4 nights and am going in early tomorrow and am working 12 hours on Sat/Sun" ....

I did not respond, obviously, but I am trying to figure out why he is sending me this message. To let me know he is making overtime so we will have money? Because he meant to send it to Her?

He's so foggy from the fumes of his A that he likely has already been telling himself things like this along the way to make himself feel better about what he is doing.

Please remember a part of Plan B is to let go of what happens in the A now. I know it's easier said than done...

Are you in Plan B yet?

You should not be getting these, mehr. Block his number and let your IM remind him that he is to have no contact with you.

Your IM is your MIL? I don't like the sound of that...

Sure, the thought may cross his mind, but (look) he knows that he's screwed up and is doing something wrong and he knows that you're right and that he's wrong. Admitting that, of course, is a completely different task order.

If you're in Plan B, though, then you really need to stop worrying about how he is taking things. I know, you cannot just turn it off, but please make an effort to focus on yourself, ok?

Do you have any thoughts for another IM?

There should be no transfer of information on what someone thinks or is doing emotionally. Just the facts and nothing else. You shouldn't be hearing anything about him other than that he is still breathing and has (some marginal sense of) brain function present.

Except for the part where I have no proper IM, yes.... since last Thursday.

If Plan B works... does it usually take a long time? I don't know how long I have in me... the whole him returning to her drained quite a bit of my love for him and this feels less like a freeze than a slow leak....

Change your cell number today. You'll feel better without having these constant triggers.

You have a house phone with Caller ID, right? If so, then do not give the cell number to your MIL. She can contact you, during an emergency, via the house phone.

If you get an IM that you can trust, then sharing the new cell number is a different story.

Well, that's all there is .... Plan B is harder for me than Plan A.... is that weird? At least in Plan A I had a sense for what was going on. Now I have no idea what is going on except that he is breathing, and somtimes that's too bad because I could use the life insurance. Kidding... I think.