It does feel like your heart is ripping out. It does BUT if you go dark and do not see him, talk with him, write or read from him, etc......
you will get stronger and you will get to be a force to be reckoned with should he ever end his A and ask to rebuild with you.
You won't take crumbs from him. Nope.

So know that what you are feeling is normal, human, real BUT this is the very best way to walk through the gauntlet of emotions. By trying to not consider what he is doing. It takes practice but you get better and better at it.

Will the kids have a broken family? They already have one BUT there is a bit of hope if you stay true and strong.

It makes no logical sense for him to be with her... Saturday before last, right before he left her, he said he always knew it would have to end with him coming back to me... he said she was "wearing off".... ugh then what happened? Why is this happening? I am going crazy.

It is happening because though he wanted to stop his A, he got depressed and missed her meeting certain emotional needs she met that made him fall in love with her (love bank account....remember that is what the feeling of love is so don't panic at the word).
He couldn't stand the withdrawal and contacted her and they were on again.
Simple and common.

Now, you need to have your own withdrawal from him. Imagine....hmmmm....that is kind of the horror he felt not contacting her (yuck) and that is why he blew it and had to go back with her.

Now....you have to protect yourself and see if the A dies a natural death. It might take some time and you have to go through your own withdrawal and keep yourself busy so time flies by and you don't spend it in despair but instead recovering from the most horrible experience and come out of it (with or without him in the future) as a truly fulfilled, amazing woman.

Dr. Harley says to consider antidepressants during this time to help ride it out with a clearer head.

I your H ever comes back, suggest he take some for a while too.

(((Hugs)))

He is actually already on antidepressants.... he got on them shortly before the truth of the affair was revealed.

Stupid affair needs to die a natural death sooner than later....

It would be delightful on several levels if it were sooner but try not to think about the length.
Just try not to.
Just try to refocus away from him and back to you, you, you, the kids and you, you, you!

I am trying to set up to go to college this summer or fall.... its all a bundle of complicated details....

Agreed.

I think it's a matter of you getting to a place where you don't feel like you *need* to be married, but that you *choose* to be married. That is, that you don't accept being married to this man at all costs. That, although you would always have certain regrets, that you could walk away from this with some sense of peace in your decision.

((((Mehr)))) I was married for 26 years and my son was 10 when we divorced. I KNOW how hard it is. Plan B will help you heal. I went straight to Plan Divorce--but I still used plan B to an extent even after the divorce was final when things got really bad for me. It does help you to not see him. Do your best to put him out of your mind completely. You will get better at this with practice.

I know you are devastated, but you will either have a restored marriage (and NOT settle for his crumbs) or you will not. Either way you will be ok in the long run. I know because my marriage did not recover, but I am ok now. Better than ever actually.

I think it was meant for YOU to go on ADs, LOL. I highly recommend Wellbutrin. It totally saved me during the FR, Plan B and real recovery.

You also might ask for something to help you sleep (Ambien?) if you aren't sleeping well. Sleep deprivation will make you feel much worse emotionally. I know you're breastfeeding so ask your doc what can be taken right now.

My husband took our kids out in public with his sleasy affair partner today!!!

Is there anything I can do to prevent this? Should I even try? They are so little they just think these are new friends.... SIGH

I am very upset.

Of course you are upset. Anyone would be.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Breathe.

Tomorrow, call a couple attorneys to talk with over the phone and lay out your situation and get input. They usually give phone advice for free when doing a first call (only charging when you choose them and go in to see them at the office).

Meanwhile, calm as much as you can and know that you will tell the four and six year old in a calm, factual way what is going on. So they can ride the family rollercoaster and be braced for the ride.

Breathe.

((((Mehr))))

It SUCKS when the APs decide to try to make it look legit. This is why exposure is SO important.

Don't concentrate on WHY he did what he did, just how You can fix what YOU did.

You are NOT going to want to go through this again. So, what steps would you take next time to ensure that this doesn't happen again(the false recovery, I mean).

Now, did you get the IM sitch figured out? Are the drop offs and pickups going to happen with NC whatsoever?

You will also need to ensure that you don't find out anything about what your WH is doing with OW. This will keep you stuck and won't help you. Take care of yourself and those kiddos.

I found out because it was the first thing my 6 year old said when he got in the car.... we went to Dairy Queen with [name]!!

I mean..... do I have to let my kids be around her??

You may not be able to stop it. Find out your legal rights. In my case, I sadly CAN NOT.

I know that with young children, you are going to hear things about WH and OW. I was talking about people other than your children. You will get enough glimpses of A-land without unwanted info from outside sources.

So sorry you are going through this. {{{{mehr}}}}

Scotty is right, APs do this to try to normalize the A.

Please schedule an appt to see a lawyer. I have heard you can often get some free advice during the consultation. Maybe send a message through the IM that you are going to fight this and DO NOT want your kids around OW??? (I am not sure if this is a good idea, hopefully others chime in on this).

Hang in there!

I'm not letting him know anything, but I have already consulted a lawyer and I will give them a call on Monday.

So that's what this is.... he's escalating it (when he said before we went no contact he wouldn't bring the kids around them) in an attempt to normalize? To make their relationship seem legitimate?

Mehr, APs have HUGE entitlement thoughts. They believe that they are justified in doing what they are doing. They need to show that they ARE "soul mates"

It is all part of the fantasy. Also, OW and WH want the kids to be okay with it. Then WH will feel less guilty.

You don't need to actually vilify WH and OW to the children. What you do is say things like, "It is wrong to have a girlfriend/boyfriend when you are married to someone else." "It is wrong to date someone who is married to someone else." These are lessons that you want your children to learn anyways, and when they put together that that is exactly what your WH and OW are doing, you can be there to support their views. It is, afterall, something that you and your WH wanted to teach your children before his A right? You haven't changed your POV.

Right and that's part of the problem here because they are so little, they probably will be okay with it (except the 6yo who is upset), she has 3 little kids too so new playmates.... yes I need a barf emoticon....

He's gotten foggier in the last week, I guess. Because he didn't seem to have any desire to bring the kids around her before. I guess now that I am out of the picture ....

Wanna hear what my WH had planned for "us" before he found out about Plan B? He was going to move in with OW. He would come into MY home and watch the boys so I could go to work. I would take the car(we only had one, which he took. It still has payments on it which I can't afford) and go to work. When I arrived home, he would go "home" to OW. When I needed groceries, we would go shopping "together." This would have allowed his fantasy affair and his real life to never mingle. Well, that blew up real quick didn't it?

My children met OW on Christmas day. And guess what they had for dinner that first christmas? Nachos. And OW has a 12 year old D. That's right, a new playmate. They don't often get along, especially my DS8 and OWD12.

It is hard, plan B, but it also offers some great benefits. I hope you give it the time and energy to benefit you.