This is what Plan A felt like..... he was living with OW, and was still coming to OUR HOUSE to watch the kids for all the normal things/appointments that he used to be with them for. I had to do Plan A though. I am glad it is over because I couldn't have continued without love busting. I did a very good job I think with Plan A.

I wish my kids were older so they could reject the OW better than they will as tiny tots. I thought my baby smelled weird and now I know why....

I wish this would get less fun for him!!

We are having significant financial issues. We still share an account. I can see that we both ran out the first day and spent a bunch, or I know I did, got groceries and gas and anything we needed, before he spent the rest on fast food and fun with the trailer trash chick (which he already has, holy cow they can spend money).

Not sure at what point he will get sick of sharing so much money with us....

To add to my last post though, I had a pretty good day until I learned what my children were doing.

I took a math assessment test and registered for college classes. I am preparing to be a nurse. Unfortunately all I REALLY want to do is be at home with my kids and continue homeschooling them, but I'm trying to move forward.

Life had other plans for you right now. Make it the best life you can.

As far as the finances go, have you figured out what you are going to do when he only gives you what he is legally supposed to? How will you pay your bills? Will you need to move? etc? Just some other things to think about. This way, you will be prepared.

Yes I have thought this through... kind of complicated and I don't want it out in public in case WH ever finds this iykwim...

Yes, and I respect that. Just wanted to make sure you had that covered.

I have somewhat of a plan, but I'm still lost.... how is that... is it Monday yet so I can call the lawyer...

You will learn that staying still is a very useful tool in life.
That means you don't jump to react to each event but sit and ponder other things while you previously would have jumped up and responded immediately.
Time IS your friend.

It helps calm you before making decisions or taking actions and you ask yourself "Is any action needed at all here? Really?"

Monday will be here soon enough and you can talk to the lawyer and have had a day or so to practice being still.

Today, take the children out for a nice activity.

Refocus on you and you with the kids.

Refocus on your positive actions as a parent and a person.

Pep talk done for now.

My in laws actually said No he could not borrow their van, once they knew he was taking my kids to see her. They also said that they didn't want to meet her and she wasn't allowed in the home. So... go them!

He was waffling MAJORLY in Plan A, but I think what terrifies me so much about yesterday is that I worry it means he is planning to marry her and that's why he introduced the kids into the situation.

That's a good one... thanks.

What do you know that I don't know.... lol

Waywards think all kinds of weird things, mehr. He's probably looking for deserted islands to buy for the two of them.

What I suspect he is doing is attempting to normalize this skank's place in his life. As long as the kids aren't allowed to be around her, he won't be able to do that.

Don't concern yourself with his mindset right now. He has no mind right now. It's a fog-swamp.

DO make it a point to give your in-laws a big hug for standing up to him and for your marriage! You go, mehr's in-laws!!

Marital's right Mehr. What the #1 and ultimate goal of any crazy wayward, esp one who has left the family home and is shacking up with their skankho or male skankho, is this..ACCEPTANCE of the affair and of their skank partner.

That is why he wants to get the kids around her. You see, most families (even most enabling ones for the ws) really aren't ok with the affair partner being there at all. And especially not around kids. If they let the kids around her, then it's a slippery slope. If the ow is anything or somewhat decent around the kids, they'll tolerate her around them, simply because she didn't eat them or lock them in the closet the last time she saw the kiddos. Then life for the wayward can come SOMEWHAT close to normal for him/her. However IT WILL NEVER BE AS BEFORE.

This is why the affair has to stop. Of course, if the ws ends up ever trying to do something so stoopid as to marry the ow/om, they will end up divorced, but it will mean your kids are around the ow/om. And lemme tell you from experience, the ow/om WILL NOT LOVE YOUR KIDS as you love them, or as your ws loves them either. It's all just pretend crap.

So kill this affair. And send over something delicious and a card or flowers for your inlaws for them being superduper marriage heroes!

I guarantee your wh will begin the huge big time waffling even more when he finds out that you LEGALLY will not allow the kids around ow. In my state, it is normal divorce or separation language to have written in the following (or something similar): "When children are in the custodial home there are to be NO overnight visitors of the opposite unless it is a FAMILY MEMBER". Failure to do so, will or can result in you taking a sorry wayward back to court and challenging any bit of custody the ws has. I ought to know. I had that one written in my sep and divorce decree, and when I went back to court about a year after divorce (due to nonpayment of cs), I pulled that angle too, and got the judge to take away a bit more of my xwh's custody time. Now I'm sole custodian.

Anyhow, you hold the waywards' feet to the fire girl! Do it! he has to know that Mehr don't play that, and that you are out to kill this affair! You don't want a skank playing mommy around your precious kids, and you do not want a skank in your lives at all! Plus you aren't taking this lying down!

Go Mehr! You can kill this affair!

here's something sneaky you can do too. If you're in a dark plan B, you can have a GORGEOUS photo of you and the kids (like a huge 8 x 10) made (and have your hair and makeup done) and look like a gorgeous movie star and leave that huge photo of you and the kids in plain sight whenever wh comes over to his parents' house. He will SEE that, remember how his parents HATE the ow and the affair, and see and remember how lovely and wonderful you are and how he misses his kids.

And of course, your inlaws can show him such a lovely (either post Easter gift or early mothers' day gift) you gave them!

There are lots of subversive things you can do to re-emphasize your presence to your wh even in plan B, WITHOUT HAVING YOU BREAK plan B you know? I did sneaky sneaky things. Sadly I busted somewhat up my xwh's affairage, but it was too late b/c he'd married her. About a year after the affairage he tried to get me to come back, even luring me to a new home he was building and how he used MY OLD INTERIOR AND ARCHITECTURAL ideas in the new home (like a counter to ceiling aquarium in the foyer/close to kitchen)and told me how miserable he was and missed "us".

So yea, MB works. But work it hard now Mehr! Time is ticking and you need to kill this affair before it has a chance to mutate and grow into an uglier monster than it already is.

You... all of you.... are right. This really rings true/makes sense to me. I really hope that his parents saying "no" to acceptance is ringing in his mind, maybe bringing a moment of clarity to the fog.

Thanks for the encouragement. The pick up/drop off situation seemed to work well. He wasn't there when I dropped them off, his mom was, I ran out the door to avoid him being there before I left, and then when I picked them up I was super nervous but he had already left and his parents were waiting. I thought it was very odd at the time, but then I thought if his parents were not accepting of the fact that he introduced the kids to the OW he probably left when they got back from dinner to avoid hanging out with them.

I had my intermediary send a message saying that on his next days off I will drop the kids off at 3pm at his parent's house. I happen to know from Before that she works at 4pm, and lives 20 minutes from his parent's house, so that should prevent any opportunity for them to all meet up for a happy playdate. I have not in any way let WH know that I know about his introduction.... nothing. I am being as Dark as I can be.

Mehr, great job. Keep as dark as you can. I know it is hard at first, but it DOES get easier.

Take care of yourself. Those kiddos need a mom who is healthy.

waiting for a call back from the lawyer

Stay strong.
Are you reading up about a good plan B?

It is crutial that you do this step correctly.
Plan B is really survival mode for the BS

It will save your sanity, or at least a ton of wear an tear on you.

{{{mehr}}

Double post.

Triple post.

Oh good grief...now they're all gone.

Be back later.

Will do you a favor, here's what you posted per the email notification that I got: