Oh phew, thanks so much, that's much easier!

I totally agree with what MF, through North's save , wrote.

That's the way I told it to my children. They understand it that way and when they ask questions, I answered them honestly and in an age appropriate way. I make sure that I tell them that Daddy isn't necessarily bad, and that OW may seem nice, but what they are doing is wrong and they both know it. My DS8 sometimes thinks that OW is just being funny with some of the comments she makes(he still doesn't understand sarcasm) so I let him know that she actually means something else. He understands well enough, I do worry that he will cross over, to the dark side. I stay on top of it.

mehr, sorry your kids are being exposed to this.

This A needs to be killed...what is happening at work? I am surprised no one has contacted you back yet especially since this could be a sexual harassment for the Company.

If their jobs take a stand it will help your cause.

Can't believe that he is taking your kids out in public with the OW especially with the work situation. Not smart.

Refresh my memory, did this get exposed to the workplace?

I haven't heard anything, which makes me nervous, but it is a HUGE worldwide company and it was sent to several big wigs, so maybe it takes some time because they have a lot in their dish? I don't know. Best case scenerio right now would be if they moved them to opposite shifts (day/night) and they are no longer able to spend any time together -- that would be awesome.

Oh and yes, not smart!? He has lost his mind though, a lot of things don't make sense. He spent 100 on carseats to introduce our children to his sleasy AP when he knew we were already treading water financially.

mehr, see if you can find a sort of local number and follow up on this. Ask for the person you sent the exposure letter to. If you can't get them, get their secretary. Keep talking to people until you can connect with someone.

They should not bury this - your WH's company is a very big one, so your work may be harder. Don't let that stop you.

I only sent it a week ago... it probably took a few days to get there... it may just be too early.

Or maybe they are watching them to see if its affecting their work, since they don't have a policy about this kind of thing. I had mentioned their chatting and mistakes .... so maybe they are wanting to see evidence.

What did the lawyer say?

Oh, the lawyer, he said there is nothing I can do right now since there is nothing filed so according to our state we are just happy lovebirds, however if/when I file I can list her by name on the divorce.

So my strategy is what I had planned before anyway, I sent word through the intermediary that I will drop the kids off at his parents 3pm Saturday and Sunday. I did not specify why, but I wouldn't be surprised if he figures it out. She works, unless her schedule changed but hers was always the same. No time for playdate. His response was "ok."

Ok. Of course there's nothing the lawyer can do. YOU have to ask for sep papers to be filed, and a temp order to be put in place. You also need to get $ secured for alimony and cs b/c this guy will spend his last dime on trying to make the crazy ow skank happy.

You also need that sep agreement and order to ensure the kids WILL NOT BE EXPOSED to the ow. you can easily have this written in, and into the sep order.

A separation order or temp order IS NOT A DIVORCE decree so understand that Mehr. It goes well along with plan B for the wayward who squanders family monies and isn't honest with them, and for a wayward who wishes to defile his own children by exposing them to his nasty, immoral affair.

Call lawyer and get this done. Your inlaws need to be in on some of this. You need to tell them that you intend to make things not easy for the affair and ow. That you want to let wh see what he really stands to lose, and also you're scared he's squandering family monies and you have the kids to feed and clothe and take care of since he ABANDONED the family.

You should also cite that to your attorney. An emergency order/temp order for support (cs and alimony) and for ensuring the moral integrity of the non-custodial home when the kids are allowed to see the wayward husband, so that they aren't exposed as such young children to a very immoral extramarital affair. You also NAME HER and call her into the courtroom for the emergency hearing that day.

Trust me, the ow doesn't want to have to testify that she has spread her legs and destroyed a marriage and family. This is like throwing the bucket of water on the wicked witch of the west.

make it really painful for ow! Make it! She also has to be made to know that you aren't going to allow your WH to spend money on her or the affair, because your children and you need it. OW hate when you take their affair $ away.

You see Mehr, my xwh's affair wife thought OUR FAMILY MONIES were instantly hers. And that was just not so. I had to hold his feet to the fire for anything and everything.

But the quicker you make things in plan B utterly miserable for the affair mongers, then the better the chance the affair dies a miserable death. Make it inconvenient. Make visitations for daddy inconvenient for him to bring ow around kids, and make it ILLEGAL for him to do that. Make him be forced to prioritize his $, and trust me, that will further drive a wedge between them. And with the temp order, MAKE THAT OW stand up in court and testify to her wicked actions. She will be wanting to run away from this situation so fast it will make wh's head spin.

The other thing is this. If you secure monies for cs and spousal support, it takes a huge bite out of the money for the building of their rutting lair (aka wayward lovenest). They need money to feather their rutting lair. You have to buy a bed for the rutting lair and that costs $. Some kind of furniture. Maybe some food? You have to make it as hard on them financially as you can make it.

Your wh has to see a distinction between the truth of what his life was with you and the kids (stable, loving, family, warm home, place of comfort and familiarity with loving wife) to the rutting lair with the ow (not enough $, not allowing ow around kids, embarassment in court, exposure further of the affair, having his parents hate ow, etc). There has to be a STARK contrast for the fog to begin to clear. Plus he'll begin to want what he had. I guarantee that Mehr!

A wayward is really screwed up in the brain. They change their minds from one second to the next. One minute they want their affair partner. The next minute it could be a double cheeseburger served to them in the bahamas at a resort. Next minute they want to enter a Tibetan monestary. Following moment they want to come home to the one they betrayed and put this crap behind them.

you just don't know what a wayward is thinking. The Bible puts it very clearly about the mindset imho of the wayward. The Good Book says this: "A double minded man is unstable in ALL of his ways". Your wh is a double life and double minded man. A ww is a double life and a double minded woman. They are told to us by GOD THAT THEY ARE UNSTABLE IN ALL THEIR WAYS.

So, how to help them stabilize? Give your marriage and family a chance? Easy. DESTABILIZE the affair which is bringing the destruction to its' greatest extent.

I know now 100 percent I helped even after my divorce end their stupid affairage. I never accepted it. I didn't validate it. I held his feet to the fire. And ow's feet too. I made him go to court every time he screwed up, and I never allowed too much time with ws over at their house with my child.

My son never called ow anything except Ms. X. He called her Miz X (her first name). My xh tried so hard to get him to call ow "momma X" but he refused. My son was barely in pre kindergarten at the time and still refused to accept the ow, and it was b/c I did not accept the affair!

You have better chances Mehr. ihad a different set of circumstances before me. Trust me, a very pregnant ow with an agenda is the hardest thing to go up against. Had she not been preggers, I think I would have easily ended up busting them up for good. However, thankfully and mercifully, God had a far far better plan for my sweet child and I, and in time I marrid the one God wanted for our lives, not my xwh.

So make things bad, horrible, evil, and tough on the affair mongers. Take their money away! Keep them from setting up their skanky rutting lair. Keep ow away from the kids and embarass her publicy on the stand in a court of law, in front of a crowd of people and MAKE her have to explain why she spread her legs repeatedly and tried to break up a family and steal money even more from that family by encouraging their dad and husband to abandon his wife and kids. (that's the angle your lawyer paints!)

I like the sound of that, but there is a problem. Instead of taking their money away, at this moment, i would be giving them more money to play with. At best, I can win about 50-60% of his income. Right now I am using 80 or 85% and he's wasting the rest on fast food and movies with her. If I do that, I will be in some serious financial straights for which there is no easy answer, although I have spent a lot of time thinking about it.

I will file for legal separation the instant he takes away the direct deposit or I am getting less money this way than i would that way.

I love the idea of her having to take the stand and all....

Today he saw the kids for the first time in 8 days... 3pm to 7:30pm. His parents weren't there so I went out the front door when I saw he was going in the side (I watched out the window) so there was no contact there. When it was time to pick them up I was worried how I was going to pull it off and as I went to the front door he went out the side-- not sure if he is respecting my wishes (wouldn't be totally unlike him) or if he is avoiding me as well. I am wondering.

The last time he saw the kids my 6yo said that WH told 6yo that mommy and daddy don't get along. 6yo said that today he told WH "I know how to get you and mommy to get along. You just have to stop playing with [OW's name]." 6yo says that WH's response was "awww" and that's it. He said "he never says anything, just awwww!" I told him that there isn't a lot to say when you are doing the wrong thing.

Interesting, though.

Mehr, even you seeing him to watch for him to come and go, or him seeing you IS contact. It is visual contact. It still does damage to you. Protect yourself.

Sorry I can't help more right now, just a little down myself from a sort of contact in Plan B. It threw me for a real tailspin and I didn't even have any real contact, direct or visual with WH. I just heard about someplace that WH took the children. You need to protect yourself.

I actually did not see him. He parked on the side of the house, I just saw his car pull in. The whole thing is upsetting though, regardless. I don't think he did see me at all. Just doing the best I can, really.... there's nothing easy about this no matter what....

I spend way too much time wondering if he even misses me or thinks of us at all....

Completely NORMAL.

You really need to start focusing on YOU and your children and not on your WH. I KNOW how hard it is, believe me. It takes practice and time. You need to just keep reminding yourself to refocus. You will have slips, but they will come less often.

It seemed right at the time but now I wonder if I went into Plan B too fast.... I just read this

"ROMANTIC INFIDELITY

Surely the craziest and most destructive form of infidelity is the temporary insanity of falling in love. You do this, not when you meet somebody wonderful (wonderful people don't screw around with married people) but when you are going through a crisis in your own life, can't continuing living your life, and aren't quite ready for suicide yet. An affair with someone grossly inappropriate-someone decades younger or older, someone dependent or dominating, someone with problems even bigger than your own-is so crazily stimulating that it's like a drug that can lift you out of your depression and enable you to feel things again. Of course, between moments of ecstasy, you are more depressed, increasingly alone and alienated in your life, and increasingly hooked on the affair partner. Ideal romance partners are damsels or "dumsels" in distress, people without a life but with a lot of problems, people with bad reality testing and little concern with understanding reality better.

Romantic affairs lead to a great many divorces, suicides, homicides, heart attacks, and strokes, but not to very many successful remarriages. No matter how many sacrifices you make to keep the love alive, no matter how many sacrifices your family and children make for this crazy relationship, it will gradually burn itself out when there is nothing more to sacrifice to it. Then you must face not only the wreckage of several lives, but the original depression from which the affair was an insane flight into escape.

People are most likely to get into these romantic affairs at the turning points of life: when their parents die or their children grow up; when they suffer health crises or are under pressure to give up an addiction; when they achieve an unexpected level of job success or job failure; or when their first child is born-any situation in which they must face a lot of reality and grow up. "

He was depressed... that's exactly what happened.... I wish i could share this with him, somehow... argh

Again, TOTALLY NORMAL. And also residual effects from "contact."

I went through pretty much the same thing at first, and sometimes feel it as well. You could never educate a wayward. Even if you were speaking to your WH, your attempt at education would be worse for your marriage. Screwy huh?

And another thing, my WH was depressed too, because of his A. That was something that took me a long time to realize. The WS actually suffers from depression due to the choices they needed to make to become wayward in the first place.

I only give you a little while in Plan B before I pull out the big guns and hit you with some 2x4's so get ready.

Take care of YOURSELF.

Have you ever read my novel.....ummm I mean, thread? It is long, but I tried to keep it as real as possible to try to help others. It's funny, because I don't even recognize that person anymore. I can bet that you won't either, given some time in a dark Plan B.