MEHR;
I am so sorry for you. This is one of the worst type of situations that I see BS with families in.

You can not "cancel" a credit line that has a balance on it, unless you pay off the balance.

You may, however, be able to get your name taken from the account (or not assessed with 1/2 the debt for future purchases.)

Get more legal advice on this specifically.

You may have to go to the bank/credit line guaranteer.sp? and tell them what is happening - re: the credit line, but they may freeze the family account.

But if there is no money in the account this may be a mute point. That is why you have to talk to private counsel first.

Truth is-
I do not think your H is going to keep direct depositing money when he finds out you are not going to give him carte blanche spending priveleges - especially on a credit line that YOU will be 1/2 responsible for in the future.

But what is worse is the unresponsible spending that is going on under your nose.

You are going to have to make some real tough calls here. If you "grab" money from a joint account, it is going to be a "one trick pony" and you are going to have to have a legal plan in place.

Mehr, Maybe I've missed this but why can't you get an emergency hearing to get support for your kids from their loser father?

DD into an account that is in the red is of no use to you. You need money given to you, in YOUR account every week, or payday, so you can pay the bills and feed your kids! The money that is/will be owed to the account with the credit line is a seperate issue...I would definitely be arguing (through attorney) that he be responsible for paying that back.

If his direct deposit comes in tomorrow morning, I could possibly pay it off and cancel the credit line. That is what I will try tomorrow morning.

There really isn't much to take, anyway. I think I should start by shutting down the credit line and buying groceries and then send a message through the intermediary that there is no credit line, just bouncing, and I left him ____ dollars for the week after buying groceries.

That is my plan, if things go well tomorrow....

I don't know. I asked about it and they are having trouble finding my WH to even serve him. You see, I do not know the address where he currently lives and his workplace is HUGE and has a gated entry... private property.... so he isn't even served yet.... maybe today?? Geez I hope so. What a nightmare. I can't afford for them to spend a ton of money just finding him, just getting a legal separation is a lot of money.

I know, right!!! He has lost his mind!! I am by far the better woman.... I do not get it. I just keep saying that "I do not get it" also "this does not make sense"

This does not make sense...

If his direct deposit comes in tomorrow morning, I could possibly pay it off and cancel the credit line. That is what I will try tomorrow morning.

You may be better off keeping all of the cash, and letting the credit line float for now. I don't know. Sounds like you are in for a fight.

What about appealing to his family? or the local church or food bank? Surely there are people who can help you right now?

Its a risk.... but if he doesnt change the direct deposit, I pay it off and just buy groceries... I may be able to get another paycheck out of it.... know what i mean? It feels like I am in a game of russian roulette, trying to make sure the kids and I aren't the biggest losers....

I already know that once the legal sep is through, he is going to be far better off than we are. The court won't take enough money for us, we will get around 50% for 5 people and he will get the other 50%.... that's crap.

So he can continue on his vacation....

SIGH. IS THERE ANY HOPE.... where is the guy that I would have, before this, always described as reliable, loyal, and dependable? He must be in that body somewhere. Please God, change his heart.

This is one of the oldest tricks in the WS playbook (to become irresponsible with money, and to "starve out" the family.)

Courts see this all. the. time.

Hold his feet to the fire.

Who told you this?

I would second the local church avenue. My girlfriend used to work at one and they do provide emergency assistance to families. I'm sure any church will be happy to assist you and your children with what you are going through.

The lawyer. Now if he made twice as much money, we would get a lot more. But the issue is that the court won't take so much money from him that he can't afford to survive, and he doesn't make enough money to support two households. So we lose. It sucks.

[quote=mehr CANNOT take the money out of the account because there is NO MONEY. We are in the red.... literally. He is using the credit link attached to the account, knowing we are negative, to go on dates.The real money is already spent. [/quote]

Ok if they do not let you cancel the credit line account, have them reduce the amount of available cash to what you owe. Then you do not have to worry about paying it all back and save the cash for your family.

Oh man there is a check in the mail for his car..... he got in an accident... he wants to use it to buy a used car to replace his current one.... I don't want to just hand him all this money. We are negotiating through the intermediary. I just sent a msg that we can't afford the car he picked out. Pray this doesn't go badly, that he doesn't think I am being vindictive, but I am NOT just going to hand him this much money to go buy himself a nice new car. No.

He needs to stop this craziness and come home!!!

split the money, tell him that is how Divorces work .

It's marital money. Tell him you want half of it. Forum members- what the H can she do about this? She cannot just cash it if her name isn't on the check.

Dammit, too bad you didn't toss the check in the trash. You really need something legally binding here.

mehr, whose name is on the check?

can't she deposit the $$ in the joint account and then make a withdrawal two separate transactions.............if it's in his name.....and they have a joint account........

Someone has to endorse the check...

Actually, if for example the check is made out to him and they have a joint account, no endorsement is needed. She just writes the a/c number on the back. Then she can transfer out her half.