Yes I am waiting to hear from the lawyer.

You know, there's an old saying that seemed appropriate with regards to that check.

Sometimes it's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to get permission.

Get where I'm going with that? If there were ever extenuating circumstances, I think now would apply.

Maybe.... but there's no harm in waiting either, with the check in my possession.

I just dropped the kids off and I have NOTHING to do because I have no money, not even gas money. So here I am at home. Think I will watch a movie and eat cookies without any little people begging me for some.

I need better plans for tomorrow ...

Don't hold that check too long. He could call the insurance company and say it is "lost" and have a new check issued. I have seen it all done before!

Mehr...WHY on earth are you allowing him to have the children at all? Why when he has abandoned the family home and is not providing?

If you want to get sole custody, you quit giving the babies over to the man who is inflicting emotional ABUSE upon them ok?

Let me tell you how I got the last emergency hearing. I went and patiently, right about fifteen min before 5 pm, and sat in the waiting room of the paralegal/laywer who is the asst to one of the judges. I talked to her friendly, had IN HAND in manilla folder, all the data showing my dire situation, and she felt so bad for me she walked in on the judge, showed him my docs (NO ATTORNEY WITH ME AT ALL) and told him I needed that emergency hearing. That was on a friday at almost 5 pm.

Xwh was served by the sherriff at 8 am saturday morning, telling him he had to be in court on monday. THE NEXT IMMEDIATE monday. That's what I'd do if I didn't have the kids with me. I'd march down to the courthouse. Tell them your lawyers won't get back to you, and that you're down to less than 75 bucks for you and your FOUR VERY SMALL CHILDREN. Show them proof of abandonment, affair, and the financial crisis.

YOU in the future, DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS GO with a man who is not interested in their survival or their well-being. If you are letting them go with the wayward for some sort of visitation, then it is if you are APPROVING of them being with a cad who could care less if he pays cs or alimony or even if they eat or if they cry and scream because the man lives with an adulteress.

Just use your head all the time. Take out ALL the emotions. Plan B and right now is also about Plan Mehr. Meaning YOU take back your family, your sanity, and your kids. YOU PROTECT YOUR KIDS!!! If you are not at a point where you will walk thru fire for them, uphill a 100 miles, or stare down a tiger, then you're not yet in mama GRIZZLY bear mode yet. YOU are fighting for the survival of your family now!!!

If my xwh Darth, even tries to hurt or bother my son one darn inch, I swipe him down legally with my paw and perfectly manicured nails. He never gets up. I stay on him until he is defeated. Always.

It is my way of the jungle now. This mama grizzly takes no prisoners. When is mama grizzly Mehr going to get in this mindset and do the same thing? DO IT NOW.

An unrepentant wayward when they are in full swing affair mode, will FINANCIALLY DESTROY their family. Get that? Do not allow him to do that.

All you are to do in plan B is worry about getting things as GOOD AS THEY CAN BECOME for you and the kids. You can make things really hard on their affair, take away their play money (which is YOUR MONEY), and inject a huge amount of reality into their sick little rutting lair. Other than doing that, you don't care what he does, what he eats, is the ws eating, is he able to drive a car, is he able to do a darn thing. YOU GO DARK. The only way plan B is ever lifted is that he agree to immediatley end the affair, send a NC letter, and impliment a willingness to work with Dr. Harley AND ALSO SIGN A POST NUPTIAL AGREEMENT GIVING YOU EVERYTHING or else the idiot doesn't even come home, even if he tries.

Do you get it? It is no longer about him. It is about you, the kids and survival. And about you getting and hitting the affair HARD. YOU secure safety and sole custody of the kids to keep them from dealing with more pain of having to be around them as its' breaking their heart. YOu deal with getting monies together to be able to have a safe and happy home. And YOU work on Mehr becoming ao gorgeous strong and independent woman.

If you want to know what I used to play on my Ipod when I went thru this, here are some tunes to take you out of feeling sorry for yourself:

[list]
[*]Survivor by Destiny's Child, Fighter by Christina Aguilera, and Before He Cheats by Carrie U.

Good point! I will go tomorrow. I jsut really want to hear from the lawyer on it, since like I said, he referenced some money I "took" back in March right after d-day. I need to make sure I do the right thing.

Also since it says Mr. AND Mrs. I am pretty sure I can't cash it even if I want to. I could deposit it but I don't trust it sitting there for a couple days. Its puts me in an icky position.

Nothing that you say seems to ring a bell for me. I am told if I keep the kids from him when he asks that will HELP his case.

Even with sole custody he gets visitation. The courts don't care how sad they are.

That's how it works here.... I don't know what else to say....

I am just trying to protect MYSELF by letting him see them. I don't want to look bad in a court case.

I have ASKED for emergency child support..... I am feeling really ignored by my lawyer who has still not called me back..... I know they are busy, but I have no money..... this is so ridiculous.

Oh honey -- Your WH does not want custody of those children.
You really don't need to worry about how you will look in a court case.

He wants to be a single guy having fun with his young OW.
He doesn't want to be daddy -- and certainly not fulltime daddy.
He is counting on you to be a good momma. And he just wants to see them now and then.

If you make the rules, he will follow them.
All he tried to do was show off for OW. And used your kids to do it. You have to put a stop to it. He will follow your rules.

You're right, he doesn't want custody... he has never asked for custody... he just wants to dump 4 kids on me.... maybe I will cancel tomorrow, if the kids come back upset. He's just seeing them a few hours each day.

The lawyer called and said I can cash the check if I want, its my money too. Now I just have to see if the bank allows me to cash it with just my signature. ...

What happens if I cash it and WH gets a car loan without my permission? Won't I owe half the loan?

Well the bank is going to be closed before I can get there so I will go in the morning. I pray they will cash it even though it only has my signature and it has two names on the check.

Guys..... my sister in law says that marriage builders and not talking to my husband is unbiblical... and that I should do the love dare instead.....

I have been reading and posting here for a little over three years. My husband and I have been SUCCESSFULLY following the MB program since February of 2010.

I have found nothing in MB that is contradictory to the Bible. Instead, it provides the most practical approach in dealing with a difficult situation.

BUT, you have to follow the program with as little deviation as humanly possible. Not the approach you have been using so far. I understand how difficult it is. I have been there and did not always follow the program as closely as I would have wished.

AM

Is your SIL either a bible scholar or a licensed psychologist? If not then why bother stressing yourself out with her opinions?

Dr. Harley is a Christian. He recommends nothing that is anti-biblical. Many of us here are Christians who would not blindly follow advice that was anti-biblical.

Relax. You are fine.

Marriage Builders is logical. It is fair. It is respectful. It rocks.

So great, my in laws brought and paid for take out. So WH didn't have to worry about actually feeding the kids. Then my mother in law went to tball practice WITH him and the kids. So he didn't have to watch 4 kids on his own. Meanwhile we have no money for food let alone take out, and when I take them to tball I have to watch all of them on my own. It feels frustrating.

If I cash this whole check and keep it, he is going to be seriously angry. Won't that hurt chances of recovery? Selfish move?

MEHR!!!!!

STOP IT!

Woman up! Stop worrying about hurting your chances of recovery. You need to take care of your children. But you're cowing to this [censored] who doesn't even care if his children HAVE FOOD!

What is the matter with you? Stop this. You are smarter than this. You are braver than this. You are better than this.

Cash the everloving check. If he gets mad- why the heck do you care? Will him being mad over a check ever even compare to how RIGHTFULLY ANGRY you should be at him right now?

Look. I know this is hard. I've stood in your shoes. It got ugly. My husband said awful things and did awful things. But do you know what changed the tide? Pepper and Melody and Scot and Markos told me to WOMAN UP and fight like the person they knew I could be. I stopped worrying about him being mad at me. I stopped. And I acted.

If you have to, you go stand in that lawyer's office in the morning and get an order for support down. Cash that check. Take YOUR money. And stay the heck away from your husband and his enabling parents- while he is out screwing someone else.

Trust me. Right now? He isn't worried even a little about whether or not you are mad at him. He isn't thinking about you at all- he's got a fictionalized version of you in his head, a horrible awful mean wife- who isn't you, and until that affair is busted up- he can't *see* you. He only recognizes the *you* he's created to allow himself to cheat on you.

Mehr, you might try this. Take that check to the bank and fill out a deposit slip for "less cash". Leave maybe $100 of the total of the check in the account and then take the rest in cash.

Hang out at the attorney's office if necessary! (Thanks Peachy!) If you've already paid a retainer, then you need to get tough with them. Bring ALL the kids with you, bet that'll get their attention (lol). Insist that they file a TRO immediately! They can even ask for an ex parte hearing (without notice to your husband) if you have proof (bank records) that he is purposely causing harm to your family by depleting the family income and wasting it on OW. The Judge will issue an immediate order ORDERING him to STOP doing certain things, it will set up visitation (if the Judge thinks it's appropriate) and will be in effect until a divorce is granted. You would then have a CERTAIN income to rely on for you and the kids.

I hope you are keeping meticulous records that will show a chronological snapshot of your financial situation throughout all of this. Keep a running tab of how much of the marital assets he is wasting on OW. If you get to divorce, you may be able to have that $$ deducted from his 1/2 of any assets awarded. Enforcing such a judgment may be tough, but it can be done (ask Hope, she did it... she's a hero in my book!).

If you're in a community property state, unfortunately you are going to be held responsible for 1/2 of the debts incurred up and to the date of separation (which will be stated in your original petition for divorce). Sadly, this may not stop the creditors from coming after you. Why am I telling you this? Because

LIFE IS NOT GOING TO GET BETTER AND THE MADNESS WON'T STOP UNTIL YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

If you haven't already, remove your name from any joint accounts and/or credit cards.

Please stop the insanity. STOP ALL communications. If there are financial decisions to be made, YOU make them. Why would you rely on a wayward to make ANY good decisions? Financial or otherwise.

Please, please, listen and act.

Hon, I KNOW how you feel. There are many of us here who know how bad it hurts. Heck, I ended up losing my home, my job, my car and my dignity when all of this went down in my life. I was DAYS away from the divorce when things finally turned around and the madness stopped.

HOPE is not a plan.

Dr. H's plans for "SURVIVING" an Affair are the best out there but they are USELESS if you don't follow them as prescribed.

If you keep going like you're going (wringing your hands, worrying and fretting about his every move, and HOPING that things will change), you're going to end up a divorced single mom struggling for the rest of your life -- but NOT because you're divorced, but because you refused to take charge of YOUR own life.

Even if you end up divorced (and that's not the worst possible outcome here) you CAN make a better life for you and your kids. It is possible!

Recovery is ALSO possible, but make it on your terms. If you do a TRUE Plan B, you will be amazed at how your outlook will change.

((Mehr))

Do you really want to be married that badly?