Oh, I didn't know I wasn't supposed to think like that.


Oh.... right.... this makes sense....

Okay. So what do I need to do? How can I do this better? Lay it out for me! I am being a slow learner....

Mehr,

I am a mom to four small babies like you. I have been cut off financially from my WH. I am eating beans/rice, and will probably head to food stamps soon (we used to make $200k together before this awful nightmare). Working with military lawyers to finally get some child support.

He is a deplorable wayward at the moment. I am in a dark Plan B, and I have hope to reconcile. My situation is close to yours.

One thing I am learning is the darker I stay the healthier I am becoming. The more I work on myself emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally, the more I realize I am a good wife, mother, friend, sister, and daughter.

You have to take a stance for you today. I am sorry you WH sucks. I am sorry my WH sucks. My life is black and white from the way it was before all because of an affair. My world crumbled like sand with this awful beast. I cannot control that now Mehr. I can only control my situation today. I have to start over today and be the best mom I can be for my four babies.

My POSWH wants to be a bachelor, still not sure if he is seeing POSOW, but he sure as heck doesn't want his family he created. He is running scared from life. I think he is having serious depression and narcissistic personality issues. Whatever the heck has his soul today I can do nothing about.

Our WH's aren't coming back today. They aren't man enough to pay for their four babies. They don't give a rats azz about us, our family, our life, our home, our history.

They have thrown away their heritage, their dignaty, their character, their integrity, their souls. It might seem like they are getting away with it because yes today they are getting away with their crimes.

Mehr - it will not be long that it starts to crumble. It won't be long before their guilt starts to consume them. They will wrestle in their sleep. They will try to keep the lies straight. Their world will slowly start to crumble, and time will have worn out the best of them.

Mehr - your WH may never walk through that door to kiss you on your lips again. You may never feel that clavicle in his chest. You may never give him a foot rub, or cook his favorite meal. I am sorry Mehr. We (You and I) have been thrown out like trash, and our children are now burden by becoming the landfill.

Mehr - please look at yourself today and realize you caused none of this. You have a chance to lay your head on your pillow tonight and have peace. Mehr - you have to let him go. You have to realize if you allow him to keep you in this state then you will forever be stuck and your life will be no better than his.

His life is already awful, horrible, terrible, deplorable -- Our WH's are turds.

Pick yourself up - realize you deserve an honest, open, trustworthy relationship filled with joy, happiness, and peace.

You have to stay in today, which means you have to put yourself and those babies above all else. Your Plan B if executed properly will get you to the next level. You just have to do ...

The same thing used to happen to me. It was incrediby unfair AND incredibly frustrating.

But the thing is...you shouldn't even know this. Protect yourself from obtaining this info. This isn't helping you.

Life is not fair ~ period. It will never be fair. The knowledge of this unfairness is only going to hurt you.

Stop getting this info.

Start with taking all of that insurance check for the support of you and the kids.

The bank may not cash it outright unless you have a matching amount in the account. They'll accept it for deposit, but funds may not be available immediately.

Who cares if he gets pissed.

Then do what the others suggested about camping out at your (starting-to-seem-lousy) attorney's office and get the courts involved with this.

This is nuts. You're on food-stamps and your mother-in-law is acting like a dingbat along with her son.

So do those two things tomorrow and get back some control over your life. You'll feel better.

Indeed take all the cash, his mother can feed him. Make sure you check the account early on a daily basis and draw the money before he get his paws on it.

Do his parents understand the entire situation?

Do they know there is less than a hundred dollars left to feed their grandchildren for 2 weeks?

I am sure that he has spun his "side" of to them. (you took all the money out, you have hidden cash...ect. ect)

Sometimes (not all) INL's and family can be helpful in getting some issues resolved.

I would tell them, and your fam, too. the simple facts, the facts only, and maybe there can be of help to you right now.

I would be angry as he(( if my sister was in a situation similar to yours and I was not privy to it.
Bring your "troops" around you.

Well there is ten dollars in the account, and I can't deposit it or he will withdrawl it. I'll just show up with the check and see if they will cash it or not. Then I can make decisions.

My in laws dont know about the food stamps. Anything they knoew, my husband might know, and I don't want him to know that.

Don't tell her about the food stamps but tell her about how there is $10 in the bank and you have no money to feed the kids.

And camp at your attorney's office with all four kids until he gets something done!!!!

I sent a text to my MIL about the state of the finances. We will see if she gets mad. Which she might.

Stop trying to do what you "think" is the "right" thing and do what you can for your family. Who cares if your MIL gets mad. You are not a young girl waiting for approval but a mother with 4 children to feed.

Take that check NOW. Go to the bank and deposit it in a NEW account that you will set up today and deposit the full amount in. you might have to wait till the check clears. DO NOT PUT THAT CHECK in the joint account.

On the check sign your name and then under his name write "For XH full name". Bank will not question this. Don't point it out just DO.

I am giving you step by step instructions ...Learn NOW and DO...Please reread all of these posts and see the common theme.

You need to stop worrying about making him mad, or upsetting him. You are looking for your H and right now he is not there. PROTECT YOUR FAMILY.

I don't know what you mean by that. I am just going to sign it, walk in there and calmly ask to cash it. If they say no I am going to see if I can deposit and write a check for cash. If that's a no.... I don't know... atm? That wouldn't allow me to take it all out though.

You can't cash the cheque, cash can only be drawn once the bank has cleared it and that takes a few days. You may get away with depositing it into an account in your name as the cheque has your name on it as well, depends on the teller.

Usually unless it is a certified check or money order the bank will hold it for 3 business days till it clears.

1. Call the bank and ask if you have to wait for an insurance check to clear or can you get cash immediately

2. If you can get cash, sign your name, under his name put "for WH name"...cash the check and leave

3. If the check has to wait 3 business days, do not put in joint account. You sign the check and put "for WH name" under his name. Create new account under your name ONLY. Deposit it there. Wait till it clears and remove your 1/2. At that point you should have heard from attorney.

It is Friday...you need to do this today so you have money over the weekend.

Right now, if you have time before 5 pm, go to the family court, where the divorces happen, or superior court, and enter the office of the judge. Talk SWEETLY and urgently to his assistant/paralegal/attny who is working with him. Hopefully you have with you all documentation.

If so, show them what is going on, show them you're broke and your H has abandoned the family, taken the money, you're starving along with your kids, and he's living with some other woman and refuses to give you his address.

Tell the person you need an emergency hearing NOW. That you can't live like this, have less than 100 to your name, and just got on food stamps because hs is STEALING YOUR ASSETS.

If you do this, I bet you will get an emergency hearing asap AND you do this without your attorney.

This is how I got my last emergency hearing. Do not be overly emotional, state the facts, but state them urgently. Show them your photos of kids if they aren't with you. Tell them your attny has not gotten back to you and you're frightened because you don't have monetary resources for your family and are concerned because YOU ARE THE GOOD MOM and b/c your H has ABANDONED your family, is having an affair, is not PROVIDING FOR THE CHILDREN, and because you are now in financial ruin.

Imho, this is worth a shot. If it worked for me then it will work for you. One thing I did was have with me all my legal docs and all information regarding to the emergency hearing I wanted. I showed how my xwh was a harm and unable to be a good parent to my child, how the situation had turned EXTREMELY DIRE and that something had to be done right now.

The assistant told the judge about me, he was taken my information and folder by his assistant, reviewed it, and being compassionate, with 10 minutes to 5 pm on a friday, he agreed to an emergency hearing the next monday. 3 DAYS LATER. My xh got served the next morning by the sherriff on a nice saturday. Boy was he surprised. So surprised, his attny couldn't make it on the next monday.

Do I have to say that I kicked his butt yet again?

Mehr, your mil is showing you that blood is thicker than water. Don't reason with her. She is enabling him and the affair. She may not be evil as my xmil and xfil are (horrible, evil enablers and affair-mongers themselves), but she is probably knowing her pos son will be going down very soon for what he has done (in the legal sense) and she just is in denial.

Either way, leave her be. Let her be misinformed, it's NOT ABOUT THEM ANYMORE. You are in plan B. Sooner or later your xmil and xfil and anybody who wishes to know WILL know b/c your xwh will be found guilty of abandoning his family and squandering joing assets illegally because he is in a sleazy affair and the ow's name will be forever on a legal document and I hope that b*tch gets grilled by the judge on the stand and has to recount in front of hundreds of strangers and townsfolk, maybe her neighbors even, how she conspired willingly with your wh to defraud his family and cheat them out of a dad, money, food to eat, a roof over their heads, and how she helped him break the heart of his wife too.

Soon enough this will come. But it WILL NOT HAPPEN unless you get to the judge or get somebody to that judge TODAY. Get tough Mehr. It is not about them now. Let the legal system and reality shoot em' straight between the eyes. They will feel that. Sometimes all you can do is let the law and let God deal with them.

Usually when this kind of stuff hits the fan is when the affairees rethink their sleazy situation. It becomes: too expensive, too embarassing, too messy, too complicated, no more mystery, no more fun, no more secret thrills for it's all out in the open. THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT.

One day maybe he'll see the light and come home or he won't. Imho, now it doesn't matter b/c YOU ARE IN PLAN B which is plan recover, plan protect your kids, and plan protect your heart from the further destruction that is a severely wayward spouse.

Imagine a wayward (a really bad one) is like a tornado. They swirl around them, with danger flying around them sucking in people, things, until they become so destructive they take down anything in their paths. You prepare for that coming storm with a plan (MB). You were in plan A, which was to stop the storm, but it didn't. Now you're in plan B, where you hunker down, get in the storm shelter of plan B and ride out the storm. It will pass.

Trust me, every single wayward, including my xwh regretted what he did. He regretted everything. But that didn't stop him from doing horrible, harmful, evil things and squandering assets and ruining my credit. And I did as well as any bs could do in such a situation. Do you think my xwh cared if he squandered over 500k in assets, just BLOWING it on women, vegas, gambling, trips to the carribbean, sports cars, boats, presents, diamonds, and furniture? No. Not at all. He could spend all that and NOT PAY HIS 500 A MONTH CS AND 500 A MONTH SS.

Did he care that I had to start over all again, without any money, little savings (used that to pay attorneys), and alone? Did he care he ruined my credit? No. No. and No.

Never ask yourself "how could he do that" or cry over it. If they are wayward THEY WILL DO THAT and more if given any chance. So take it away from them. And also ask for SOLE CUSTODY OF THE KIDS. That's top.

Get to the d*mn judge now Mehr. Get tough! I'm tired of reading all this stuff. Get the $. Keep the $ let the court sort out what he gets to have and what HIS KIDS AND YOU NEED TO LIVE and how he needs to face reality.

Hunker down to weather the storm.... I like that one.

So.... I fell off the wagon today. Go ahead, get the 2 by 4's.... maybe a couple 4 by 4's.... I messed up.

My van wouldn't start. So I called my in laws, who live close, but they were out of town. So my WH had to come over and jump the van so I could drop the kids off at the in laws house. I couldn't help it, I asked him to stop what he is doing.

He said, "No. I don't want to."

Sounded a bit like a toddler...

When the kids overheard what I said they asked daddy to stop and come home too. He freaked out, "not in front of the kids."

By that point van was charged so we each got in our vehicle, drove to in laws (couple blocks), dropped kids off and I left. As I left I heard my 4 year old yelling at daddy "You are making bad choices! You need to stop!" (snicker)

He also showed some of his hand today.... whether intentionally or not. He brought a sprinkler for the kids. I asked how he paid for that? He said cash. I said how much cash do you have? He says, not much. Hmmmmmmmmmm. What really gets me is that I can't figure out how he got the cash.... maybe cashback at Walmart? There are no withdrawls. At best his most recent check was a bit small.....

So about the insurance check-- I cashed it. There was a little trouble with it, they had to call a manager, I had to play it cool ..... but I walked away with cash.

I got a food stamp card today too, the lady said there should be money on it by tomorrow. I actually started crying at the counter, I felt kind of stupid. But.... whatever gets the kids fed as I am trying to get through college.

Speaking of college-- did I mention I go back in a month? I was in college until my 4yo was born, so I have general classes done... it should take me 5 semesters (I hope) to become a nurse!

I am back on the Plan B wagon. I know after seeing how cold and uncaring he was today that this is the right thing. I couldn't be around that.... it would be too hard.... but I am sad that he doesn't seem to care at all. Its been one month since he was at home sleeping in my bed... and more than sleeping... ugh... and now he's acting like we're divorced and have been for a long time. Cold cold cold.

I will proceed with the plan and grow stronger.

Use a little $ to join AAA the car club. You can join as a single person (no family plan for you!)

Worth it.

The tow truck drivers will be your new guys to call first with car trouble. They are usually quick as a wink to arrive.

I think the final issue in the Plan B is the legal separation. Once that is through, I will tell him it is time to pick up his kids for visitation, and I will have my own bank account with my own money. I really need this.

Mehr, you'll never be able to figure out why a WAYWARD does the things they do. If you do, you should figure out a way to bottle it and sell it. You'll be rich overnight!

Seriously, if there was ever a situation that called for Plan B, it's yours. I don't think you need to wait for a "legal separation" though because your WH is already out of the house. As long as you have separated your finances, arranged for a GOOD IM and child transfer, and have a STELLAR Plan B letter, you're good to go.

I think you'll be amazed at how Plan B will feel once you get there. It will be hard at first, very hard, but each day that passes in a SUCCESSFUL and TRUE Plan B, will get better and better.

Good to hear. Did you take all of it?