Have you called the Embassy yet? You're fortunate that he has clearance...more artillery for you! If he worked a regular job you might not have so much ammo...

Don't despair just yet. My sister's H repeatedly stated he was D-O-N-E, raged for three days and even broke some things in the house. My sister responded in broken record fashion that she had hope for the M once the A ended.

See what she is saying a few days after the A ends and she cools off. Don't despair yet.

ps ~ I think my sister's story is a very good example of using both the carrot and the stick. She just left here, I asked her to post her story to the Success thread (since her story was lost in the MB crash of '09). Hopefully she will...

It's so funny how they act when the dirty deeds come to light huh? They are outwardly taking out their frustrations on YOU when the blame is firmly theirs.

Don't buy this for a minute. Like we always say here, "A M can survive exposure, but it CANNOT survive a prolonged affair".

I have one word for what happens when a govn't figure has an affair. Ensign. Google what happened to this jerk. Get empowered!!!

Read this link. Watch the video. Get a vomit bucket ready.
Ensign Affair

t happened. And to think I thought this was a great guy at one time.

But THIS is how the govn't will regard one who commits adultery and possibly is squandering govn't assets so they can carry on an immoral affair and has high security clearances.

Hey The former Mayor of San Fransisco and now Lt. Gov. of CA had an affair with his best friends W and all that got him was reelected and then elected to a higher state office. Given his "good hair" Newsome will probably be on the national scene soon.

Notice all of these guys could be basketball coaches with the well coffed hair. Oh! yeah we had another guy running for President with "good" hair and $400 dollar haircuts do the same thing.

I'm thinking it is not the party it is the hair...vote bald!

JL

I could not agree more.

Bald it is.

HI Pep,

Should we launch a new campaign? I mean really hair might as well as been a discriminator as anything else...wait it already is isn't it?

Seriously, I just know how these guys get reelected given what they have done.

I know this is not solving DiA's issue, but one does wonder what people think sometimes.

JL

Hang in there bud. Shes still pissed and foggy. Let her do whatever she wants while raging and just keep the record going. I wish to recover our M but I demand NC for life with OM and a plan of restoring love to our M and a divorce is not what YOU want. You may not feel like it but your in the drivers seats 100%.
Tell her nicely that if she files you will counter sue on the grounds of adultery and abandonment. Also let her know that you will be seeking full custody, the M home and all M assets. And you will be deposing the OM and getting a court order that will summon all her email/texts and phone calls. And that this should more than give you enough evidence to gain full custody, child support and possibly alimony. My state disallows adulterous spouses from any alimony claims and favors the righteous spouse in custody. Document everything.
You want her to see REALITY. Restoring a M to a willing loving spouse VS an ugly battle that you have all the cards held in.
It will get better be patient and be cool as ice.

96k? Wow. All I got by way of restitution from OM was a black bic lighter as a symbol of peace...

CV

AZ whats up my man? She still spewing or did her energy anger run out yet?
Hope your having a great weekend wit DC. Take them to a park or swimming or something after church.:)

Hang in there AZ. How are you doing?

OK, time for an update.

Was told very bluntly on Friday she wanted a divorce. She saw no reason to work on our marriage, as it would just go back to what it was, plus be worse because of her affair (I would be suspicious of everything). She admitted that was her fault, but was not willing to live with the consequences.

She is living with a friend, very close by. She comes over in the morning to get the kids ready for school, then comes home after work to do the night time stuff. Leaves around 10 PM to sleep at the other place.

I am 99% sure the A is over. Exposed to all I know, and him. He has called through a friend to tell her he cannot contact her anymore.

Here is the problem. AZ is a no-contest state. I can fight a divorce for quite a while, but it would mean getting real crappy. She already resents that I am not agreeing to a divorce right away.

BTW... the friend that she is staying with is supportive of the A, actually offered to use her Skype account to let my wife talk to the OM. My wife decline (saw it on text) because she doesn't want to jeopardize his job.

So, do I continue with Plan A during our contacts? How long should I expect her to be pissed and resentful?

Yeah?
Is it all talk so far?
Did she do any actual footwork to make a D happen?

She would filed Friday if I hadn't told her that I would contest every step.

It is not all talk. I am 99% sure she is adamant about the divorce. But I am also very concerned that someone makes a life altering decision like that in the midst of an emotional storm (affair, confrontation, our issues, etc).

Yes, keep Plan A'ing her every chance you get.

After I exposed I went straight to Plan B since we'd been in a FR and I had had enough. DH knew what he needed to do in order to come home (commit to NC and commit to recovery). I'd already been in Plan A for 10 months so he knew what he'd be missing if he didn't pull his head out.

NC happened right away but DH stayed gone for 6 weeks ~ he needed to time to face so many things ~ the damage he'd done, the humiliation of everyone knowing about his A. I believe there is also some feelings of wanting to save face ~ they are afraid of how dumb they would look after all the b*tching and complaining about how bad the M was if they come right home.

So they stay away for a while. I recommend you continue to Plan A and continue your mantra of "we can build a better marriage. I have been in contact with a professional psychologist who specializes in helping couples recover from an A. He has an incredibly high success rate. With his help we can fall in love again, I am sure of that."

Until she files, it is talk.
It is a threat, but talk is not an action.

She would have filed if I had not threatened to contest the divorce at every step. I am basically forcing interaction by the threat... is that bad?

Don't threaten, instead use the mantra I highlighted above ~ i.e., "I want the M and I am going to fight to keep it. I love you and know that we can fall back in love again. I want to keep our family together, I don't want a D."

She only wants a divorce if you do all the work and otherwise make it easy for her to divorce you.

This makes her ALL TALK. (for now)

Trust me.
As a woman, if I wanted to divorce my H, I would not even discuss it with him.
I'd go do it.
When I was a freshly wounded BW, I threatened divorce. I was all talk.