Good for you, you're doing the right thing.

Did you ever get any grief over cashing that check? Of course, in Plan B, you wouldn't hear anything either way

We are a Plan A/Plan B success story. There are some! Your best bet is to follow the plan to a tee.

IME, those who half-*ss it lessen their chances of recovery considerably.

He doesn't know I cashed it that I know of. The last time he had asked me about it through the IM, I sent a message back saying that we should discuss this (through IM) once the legal separation is through. I haven't heard anything since.

** The reason I said that is I didn't want to say "I am taking all the money" until he's agreed to my terms, hopefully.

We had an Emigrant Direct savings account a few years back, i don't think there was much money in it but he must have closed it and taken what was there... there was a 7 dollar deposit into our account from it yesterday (saw on account), which is weird, but I do know that he had cash (when he came to jump my van the day I broke Plan B) and I didn't know how he had gotten it so this may answer the question.

!!!! It came out in the paper that I filed for dissolution of marriage!!!! I filed for legal separation, and I had no idea that anything would be public in the paper!! Is that normal!!! My in laws called me, all a flurry ....

So what, your inlaws are surprised you would file for divorce? There isn't much difference between the two anyway....just a matter of semantics.

What did they expect you to do? Just take what their son is dishing out?

Its a small town, I want it to say LEGAL SEPARATION. No "dissolution of marriage".... then people might think he is unmarried and able to bring his skankyho around town!!! Not okay!!!

That is weird.
Can you find out from the paper or attorney what the scoop is........

could both legal separation and divorce be considered dissolution since the assets are being legally divided?

I am not sure, I will call this morning.

In other news, WH's direct deposit has come in at 9am every Thursday morning and today it is 9:30am and it is not there. So I think he finally stopped it. Calling my lawyer...

It is amazing to what depths the wayward will sink, hurting their family. How can a good family man do this, when 1 year ago he would have CONDEMNED the same behavior in someone else? How?

So the lawyer says we can't get an emergency hearing until he has been served!!! This is SO RIDICULOUS

He hasn't been served because we couldn't FIND HIM.... I finally got his address on Friday....

Through intermediary, the answer to, when are you going to drop off money for me to pay the bills? The answer is "use the insurance check its more than I make in 4 weeks" .....

I am at a particularly hopeless point in which I don't know why I didn't just file for divorce instead of legal separation. Does this really happen.... do they really sink to a point where they leave you penniless and destitute and then they still return someday? Why am i doing this to myself? Should I even waste any more of my young years when i could just heal and meet someone else who wouldn't do this to me? It is like he is a completely different person, and I hate him right now. It was just barely over a month ago he was having sex with me and saying I love you, and now he's just gone and shows no signs of remorse or ever wanting to come back....

You don't have to make long term decisions today. Today all you have to do is figure out how to take care of your children's (and yours) physical needs. You need the court order that says your WH has to pay you X amount of money. Then you will need to see what other financial aid is available to a mother of 4 young children.

I do not think your attorneys are doing a very good job for you. Have you given them money? If not, and maybe even if you have, think about firing them. You are in dire straights and you need an attorney to step up to the plate for you.

Mehr, just a note to say I think of you often. Sending positive thoughts your way for strength.

We are going to be okay. He is right, I do have the insurance money. I think they can backdate child support to this date.... I hope. He should get served tomorrow FINALLY. My lawyer said we cant get an emergency cs hearing until he is served. Argh! It should be soon.

Indeed, ride the latest attraction he deals you.
He is trying to justify his continued affair with baiting you to REACT.

You decide what you will do based on logic
not emotions

Emotions are fleeting things that don't make good choices.

You file legal sep and later D if you decide to at that time.

You get legal help supporting you and the kids and if it doesn't happen this second due to the serving of stuff....it WILL happen in good time.

Be still.

Phew (the rollercoaster ride can be so very exciting and breathtaking sometimes.....eh?)

Oh LET him do that (and you can go to the court if you will and wait for the assistant/paralegal to the judge and try what I did on my own or let your attorney get that Emergency hearing)! LET THE CRAZY WS do that!

NOT paying you cs or ss when he abandons the family and is having an adulterous affair and caused severe emotional abuse to his wife and kids WILL MAKE HIM HAVE TO PAY because the judge doesn't like that.

Expect all kinds of monkey business from him! Stupid and evil, vile things. A very very wayward wayward spouse will do them. My xwh tried that until the court slapped his hand to the tune of over 10k. And the idiot tried it a SECOND time too (the not paying part) to try to get me to sign HIS version of our divorce settlement agreement. Again, the judge yelled at him this last time, and told him he never wanted to see him in his court again, and if he did, he'd throw his book (law book on his desk. A really really big one he pointed to) AT HIM literally.

I think it's time with a bit of $, to get a private eye to do some legwork on the ow esp since we have an address as to where their stinky, rutting lair is now. I say she MAY very well have some skeletons in her closet which NEED TO BE EXPOSED and she NEEDS TO KNOW SHE'S GETTING DEPOSED. Wow, that ended up being kinda poetic, like the poetic justice you will be given soon.

Let your lawyer toughen up or fire them. YOU run this show, and your lawyer WORKS FOR YOU MEHR. Not the other way around at all.

YOU tell them what you want done and they legally try to do it. I would have HIM SERVED and the POSOW SERVED as soon as the clearance and date are set for the emergency hearing.

Now as for your enabling the ws inlaws...what I'd tell them is the "play dumb act". I'd play dumb about the divorce. Say "I didn't have any idea. My attorney is HANDLING EVERYTHING since we're placed in such a difficult situation right now because YOUR SON AND OW (insert her real name) are starving me and my children. It's not what I want, but my attorney has to stand up for me SINCE FEW ARE.

Remember when dealing with the IL's Mehr..blood IS ALWAYS thicker than water. So deal with them sparingly and don't allow them to be the IM or drop off point anymore. As far as you're concerned right now FROM THIS SECOND FORWARD YOU BEHAVE AS IF YOU HAVE SOLE CUSTODY. NO MORE VISITATION TO THEM OR TO IL'S.

One beautiful part of plan B Mehr is this. If and when a legal sep is entered, having a MEAN, BULLDOG MEAN ATTORNEY can help bust up the affair faster. Make it totally not fun and downright messy and scary for them.

Make it so scary for the ow. Get every bit of indecent information you can on the ow, and have it paraded into court. Hell, I did. And it worked

My xwh was having two affairs with one main ow (the awful monkeyho). It busted up the affair with monkeyho big time.

NOW IS THE TIME TO MAKE TROUBLE FOR THE AFFAIR! Make it horrendous to be them. B/c the more trouble the affair is, the quicker reality hits them and they begin to turn on each other, arguing back and forth and in the end, one or both will drop it b/c it's just not worth losing the family, money, and reputation over it.

Not romantic at first, but killing the affair CAN be done in a distant and dark plan B WHEN SO MUCH PRESSURE AND PAIN is put onto the affairees (which they rightly deserve btw) to end it. Use every way legally to do so.

It's doomed anyway. Affairages rarely last.

Make trouble for the affair.... ok... let me think on that.

Why couldn't he be found, I thought he was staying with his parents?

Personally, I think it's time for a call to your in-laws (this is a slight breach in Plan B, I KNOW THAT).

Ask them to help put pressure on him to do the right thing and not strap you financially. Explain to them that the REASON you cashed the insurance check is because your H had already SPENT THE MONEY on his affair. Tell them there was nothing left to feed their grandkids and pay the bills and mortgage because he keeps SPENDING ALL OF THE MONEY.

Tell them you are at a complete loss as to what to do and you fear he is going to continue to leave you penniless. Ask them to use their influence to get him to quit screwing you financially.

Wayturds like this infuriate me.