I forget who SB posted to about this very issue a week or two ago, but maybe you could find what she advised, it was really good.

Your DD17 seems to have a good head on her shoulders. Did you ask her why she wants your WH there? There could be many reasons why she has thought about inviting her dad. I can totally understand that she wouldn't want OW there as well. I don't believe that her dad would honour that request. Ask her what would happen if he didn't. How would she handle that?

As far as OW feeling bad, what a giant load of horse dung. I can't believe how stupid some men are. How do they not see things in their true light?

Hope, I am so sorry that you are hurting. This just suxs.

You've come so far in this journey. Sadly, part of being a mother is being hurt by your children's choices sometimes. This is one of those times. I totally understand the resentment. It's sickening that they're going to insert their drama into this once in a lifetime event for your DD.

Whatever happens you can hold your head high because in reality, YOU are the one who has guided your DD throughout this, YOU are the one that was there for her, YOU are the one who continues to be her rock and HER safe place, and YOU are the one that she will turn to when her dad lets her down AGAIN. You know he will.

I'm so sorry.

(((Hope)))

Thanks for the support...just need it.

I have been in such a good (safe) place that it really unsettled me. I had trouble sleeping which hasn't happened for a long time.

My DD31 is really the catalyst in this. I think she is the one who has championing his cause.

Not that she is sympathetic to XH but she is more "forgiving".

I asked DD17 why after all of this time and now for the graduation.

She said she has started to miss him lately (too bad it is her real Dad that she is missing not this caricature).

She said she wanted him to know she made it "without him". Why because he is sitting there?

She did say that her and her sister feel that if they are both back in XH's life that it will cause problems with PP because she will not have his full attention. (and finances)

Now that is the only statement I agree with.

Too bad it is not ticket based because I would give them away to the homeless before him for the graduation.

Yes PM it does sux and hurt when your kids make decisions you don't agree with. I have been praying for almost 3 years and God has a plan for all of this even though I don't understand it.

Blessings.

<<hope>> I am supporting and praying for you during this time, I understand that seeing him brings that flood of emotions back, but maybe your DD's are right applying pressure to the affairage, but it may be difficult for you to have visability to them. Perhaps either you ask them not to share with you initially, although seeing your YD's age, it would be better if you could support her and provide guidance with the fog babble that is bound to come out.

I am facing the great graduation event too.

I have decided to let DD invite or not invite and to make sure I take anti-depressants starting about two weeks before the event to ride the day either way.

I won't be sitting near my WH if he shows up. I will politely move away if he approaches me.

Hugs and support to you.

Hope - I invited my dad to my graduation, just because I thought it was the right thing to do. That was 18 years ago. It would be one of the last times I see him.

After my graduation, I went on to college, and saw my dad for what he really was "A horrible excuse for a man and father!"

I haven't spoken to him in 17 years. I don't miss him today!

Hang in there Tough

Thanks for the support.

It is not even the visibility because I still work at the same place as both of them.

At work I have much more confidence but try to avoid both whenever possible and when I do XH usually looks pretty awful these days and PP looks like she has been rode rough and put away wet.

Before the A started DD17 was her father's daughter. They were 2 peas in a pod and they were very close and she used to call him her hero. After he left it was a difficult journey for DD and me to bond and find a closeness with her I never had. We had each other backs and depended on each other since XH moved us 1900 miles away from family (that was my blessing in all of this).

Now my insecure mind is worrying that I will lose that bond,that XH will turn DDs heads with fog babble and accept PP since after all they are M now.

Any BS here knows the physical and mental pain we go through and the trauma from the infidelity. Then time passes and life goes on. What lesson was learned then?

DD17 told me she sent an email to XH today and he responded. I guess that means he will be coming but it will be without PP so far.

ItTL, hard to imagine not seeing your Dad after all those years but when they are like this there is nothing anyone can do. Was he in an A also? So sorry.

Please continue to pray for my family.

Hope,

Hugs to you. I am so sorry you are having such a stressful time.

Please don't worry about your DD17 being influenced by her dad's fogbabble. My daughter (now 38) had an off and on again relationship with her father, whenever he thought to pop in. He died in Sep 2007. She visited him several states away before he died and went to the funeral. One of her comments was that she knew her dad was a s#$@, but he was still her father. She never bought into his excuses. She did love him, but she never respected him.

AM

Side note to Dad of the year.

DD31 calls me last night and says that she will be seeing XH on Thursday (she flies in on Wednesday night)..I ask her why not wait till the weekend when the graduation will be over and you can spend more time.

A little pause....

She says well that is the ony day that XH can see her?

Why....Because he is GOING AWAY that weekend.

I ask DD the hard question...how long did your father know you were coming here for graduation?

4 months...

So your father who has not been away since the affairage in October picks THAT weekend to leave town?

You would think that after 2 years of not seeing his oldest daughter and her coming to town that he would be around??

it was a little "food for thought" for her.

Amusing part is that XH tells DD that PP feels soooo bad for him because he does not have any R with his girls. Boohoo.

So they leave town?

Waywards are dumb. I will be silent now!

That is ridiculous.

And the pony show continues.

DD31 is in the "missionary mode" with XH and she is going to "save the world:.

She calls me this morning and says now XH is taking Thursday off from work so he can spend the day with her. She sounded a bit grateful for the extra time...I felt

Guess XH is doing a little guilt about his weekend plans...how magnanimous of him.

Then DD31 asks me to run off all the tutition costs for DD17 school. She said she is going to give it to XH when she sees him because he mentioned maybe he would pay room and board. I said to her don't get your hopes up about this for DD17 and she tells me I am being "negative". I told DD that I have the coming year set up and when XH finds out how much the room/board is (about 10K) he will not pay. I did not mention that PP would go ballistic.

I told DD31 straight out that I am not splitting this cost with him. I have worked it out about tutition and books and transportation minus her loan and scholarship $$. The school is 20 minutes from our house and to have that extra debt makes no sense. If she wanted to go further away then I would have to deal with it.

So Sub-superhero (in his own mind) is trying to buy his way into his kids hearts.

If he does it great...(wow I think I have fog babble) and if he doesn't then I am stuck with DD17 disappoinment.

The only part of this I am enjoying is that PP will "not be happy". <insert evil smile>

I'd say don't even tell DD17 unless in a freak accident he actually does pay.

Oh no...DD31 already is telling this to DD17 and of course she is jumping on the bandwagon thinking he is going to come through so she can live on campus.

It is a dangerous carrot to be dangling to his DDs when he has no information about cost and approval from PP...

If he does pay without question, I will do a jig on this board.

I expect a Youtube video!


..........



Just kidding.

Do not put yourself/ let yourself be played into the "bad" role in this.

Let your xh do that all for himself.

20 min is not far. You will see her all the time (even if she moves on campus.)

I would heartliy agree to this! (even tho you feel it will not go through. You are the force for good...)
What a crock. you xh knows what school she is attending- dorm contracts are listed on the webiste -- if he REALLY wanted to know)

XH still does not know the actual school. There has been NC at all and he asked DD31 what school she was attending and she did not know the actual name. Pretty sad...

Good advice that I think that is great that he is going to do this. Rah Rah Rah... I will be the biggest cheerleader.

karma I will personally go on Youtube and put up a "Lord of the Dance" jig if he follows through. priceless.

Po po xwh. PP is trying to make him feel better by doing something over the weekend because his kids hate him for his actions.

What po po PP DOESN'T get is SHE is the reason they hate him right now, and her actions show that SHE HATES his kids by taking him and encouraging him away during her important graduation weekend.

YOU BE THE CHEERLEADER! YOU ROCK MY FRIEND! Let the affairage begin the downward spiral, just like a piece of "used" toilet paper does when its' flushed.

It doesn't last. MY LIFE is PROOF that an affairage won't last! My xwh and ow lasted (if you don't count them being sep the last year and a half) about 3.5 years.

Affairages are a crock.

Hope,

Correct me if I am wrong, but didn't he declare bankruptcy and has been approved under Chapter 13 wherein he pays the money back over 5 years? If so, there is no way he can pay $10k a year for this, his plan has to be paid off in full, then he could. It doesn't mean that at the end of 5 years it will be paid off, it means now! Any extra money, bonuses, tax refunds, life insurance proceeds, anything, must go to the creditors.

ba

You are absolutely correct. He is getting bankruptcy approved on Monday (I guess he thinks he has the right to go away for the weekend to celebrate??) The plan goes all the way through to 2015 with him having to pay 100% starting with the amount of $1K and gradual increases each year.

Does the trustee actually follow up on raises, bonuses and tax returns? I am asking because if I did not point out all the lies in the petition as a creditor then it would have gone through pretty much with no scrutiny.

He mentioned in one of his original rejected petitions that he was setting up 2 accounts...one to start saving and one for DD's college.

when I asked where he wanted her school packages sent I got silence (do you hear the crickets chirping"). No response.

I know he must have some money hidden but if he can't pay it in full (don't think they will accept a payment plan because of his bankrupcty) he is talking fog babble.