Hi Peachy and Mehr,

Sorry - not to t/j here, but I am also in Plan B. I am going to use your post Mehr because I think it may have some information helpful for you.

Peachy - I just sent another letter to all my WH's facebook friends he is deployed with because he is returning in July. Just to remind them I am still fighting for my marriage. I love my WH, and he has abandoned us for OW. Do you recommend something like this?

Mehr - you may also want to get out the word you WH has skipped town, you are looking for financial security, and could use all the help from friends and family to hunt down the TURD!!

I know my case is different because my POSWH used his deployment to abandon his family. I used the military legal system to try and bust up his affair. He is still super pissed. I am sure with this new round of facebook emails he is going to hit the fan again.

I just wanted OW to know I still haven't given up on my marriage. My four babies want daddy to come home and I spent most of the letter soliciting prayers and using God to reach my WH.

Any thoughts?

Thanks Tough~

Sorry to t/j Mehr!!!

itistough,
I really feel for you. 4 kids, small ones. I know your WH is in the fog, deep thick one. I just hope he gets out of it before it is too late.
Sometimes the A is an escape from it all. He feels completely free and young again and without commitment. It must feel very good for a while.
But then at some point he will hit the ground.
WHEN is the issue. In some cases it only takes a few months, in others it might take years or they really never return.
Dr. H said not too long ago in one of his radio shows that if the feeling of love was not there for a long while the WH would have a hard time even imagining to have it again for the BS.

Sometimes when a guy get the taste of freedom he continues on that track even when the A ends.
but in your case it is very hard to tell because it is still to early.
I will send prayers your way!

Nope he's living with Her.... the only time his parents see him are when I drop off the kids at their house for him to see.

.... which I am not doing anymore. Now he is informed he needs to pick them up at my house. Haven't heard a response to that yet but the message was sent via IM.

Why is that? Why is he picking them up at your house? Why Mehr?

I would guess, that the inlaws (the ones ENABLING his affair PRETENDING they didn't know where their own son lived) aren't going to be involved right now?

It is ok. All is FINE. You want the ws to be off kilter now. I'd go a step further and say he IS NOT HAVING THE KIDS b/c he's abandoned his family and you do not know where he lives. One thing's for sure, the environment he is in might be horrible.

Seriously, find out about the ow. Have some intel done on her. She may very well BE a person with a shady past if nobody wants to disclose their "secret, hiding, rutting place" ok?

What WAS your wh's plan? To live with the ow and have his parents cover for him, lying saying they didn't know where he was all the while he would come and see his kids a few hours a week at their house? That and not pay for his kids and basically pretend to disappear off the face of the earth?

That's the angle my lawyer would play up. Why? Because I paid them to. You employ the lawyer. Now you remember this!

You're doing very well. The plan of the WS, posow, and his parents are falling apart. You called his bluff. Who is this ow anyway? Who is she?

Now to IITL: (tough love)

I think you need to continue with the main thread from your situation b/c people will get a teeny confused if you ask questions and they get compounded into somebody else's situation. However,...GOOD for exposing again! My belief is that the affair, no matter what plan you're in, needs to have as much negative pressure placed on the affair as you can have.

Mehr and IITL: There is a special place built for wayward daddies who do not help their kids, disappear, and think they can do nothing. IT IS CALLED JAIL and they need to fear that place! Your ow needs to FEAR YOU TOO because she needs to be (exposed if you already haven't to high heaven)exposed and PLCED ON THE STAND in the court, spilling all her dirty, skankyho secrets and that's something she'd hate too.

Listen, please do not go easy on their posow ok? Why? THE OW DOES NOT LOVE YOUR KIDS. YOu need to bust this up asap. She sure doesn't and her encouraging your husband to sleep with her and abandon the kids and YOU is proof enough. The ow NEVER wants the kids really, but will pretend to be nice around your wh just to get what she wants. That's what the posow wistress who married my xwh did. She "pretended" after all was done, that she really did want to be a stepmom. Never did and when she and my xwh's affairage crumbled, she also disappeared from my sons' life. Poof! The wicked witch was gone.

Moral to my story is HAVE NO MERCY on either of them. Remember the MB mantra: A Marriage can survive Exposure, it CANNOT survive a prolonged affair! So even from a distance, it can be busted up.

I don't know if anyone is reading this thread.... but I need some advice..... what a bad day..... I took my name off one of our bank accounts, it only had 300 dollars in it, but I forgot a bill floating in the mail... the power bill. It came in today, signed by me, and the bank called him to ask him if he wants to pay it .... he said no. That is so vicscious. He is also sitting over there with a full paycheck.

Why AM I doing visitation? This is ridiculous. Are you sure it doesn't make me look bad to just say FORGET IT? If you aren't paying me CS until the court says so, I am not giving you visitation without a court order either.

Its hard to say that since I am so tired

But this does get ridiculous....

I feel powerless.... very powerless.... I have no idea what I can even do to the other woman.... and yes my attorney seems more and more unhelpful.... but its too late, legal separation has been filed.

Today I wish it was a divorce because I just hate him.

Mehr,

I follow your thread. I check it every day. I wish I had some wise words for you right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you though. I understand powerless. It is frustrating.

CV

Mehr - Please try to document all of this stuff when it happens. This shows you how deep the fog is with your WH. I would pull all visitation until you get some CS. Your lawyer seems incompetent, if he can't get you some cash to pay bills.

Mehr, I read your posts daily. I haven't much to offer you because, even though I've been on this road longer I'm in the same place you are. I did finally get CS, but WH is balking about paying money for spousal support. All Waywards are big jerks.

He is obviously being petty and vindictive... to send back the power bill..... I have NEVER known him to be that way.... EVER..... I am so confused

{{{{mehr}}}}}

Have you thought about calling another lawyer? Does your WH's family know what he is doing? Can they come down on him? I wish I had more advice for you... Waywards ~ args!

Let his folks know for sure.

And keep a journal to document if you are not already doing so.

I would allow visitation if that is going okay. I don't think financial child support and visitation go hand in hand in particular.

Document that you and the kids are not being financially supported and take the high road. The firm "I am getting legal separation but I am beyond this drama road"

Ugh to your WH.

The only thing I can come up with why he would send the power bill back is that he is baiting me for a response. I think he wants me to be cold and angry, so he can see that, instead of remember that up until the minute he left on 4/14 I was nothing but kind and understanding. That's the only reason i can think of.

I remember back in March we were talking about the money and he said, "I would never take the money because that would hurt the kids." Of course he was already hurting the kids. But now he is even returning their power bill unpaid. He is stooping to lower and lower levels.

I won't take the bait.... but its really hard not to say anything about this.

I can see him being this way, I hope there is some way for the courts to help me.

Thank you guys for listening.

I know how hard it is not to 'take the bait' and it gets easier as you get alternative ways to work stuff out which is kind of 'cool'. You problem solve on your own while letting legal sources do all the financial stuff to him. Once the legal ball is truly rolling, you will be able to sit back and watch with a bit less anxiety about your bills.

Stepping back from the drama is so very much the best way to go.

Anything that comes at you can be deflected this way.

It protects you.

I would call his parents and ask them to cover the power bill so your children can have light and keep the food in the fridge from going bad. Tell them that he's playing money games and if they're okay with their grandchildren going without food and shelter, you know who they are.

Right... hopefully now that he's been served (Friday) I can get an emergency hearing for support...

I second this if you cannot get immediate help via the courts.

I don't understand why Mehr can't get an emergency hearing. ?? Didn't Peachy and Barbiecat weigh in and say it can and should be fairly easy to accomplish?

((Mehr)) I don't reply to you, but I read every word. I am terribly frustrated for you, to say the least.