If you have her maiden name, you could go to Intelius and sometimes they list family members or persons of same household that you can see without having to pay. They do that so you can be sure you're getting the right person. Then you could get the married last name and do a whitepages search or google to get a phone number and/or address. Try Spokeo too.

spokeo, mylife, linkedin and classmates.com all pretty good all free

do either of the OW/OWH work?

just got an email from mylife the the OW was looking for me. and i am not even signed up on it.

I got one of those also. I think they pull something from where you are looking for her and use it to try to get you to signup. Im trying to balance between researching and triggering. I don't want to go too far into triggered if that makes sense.
To me, telling him is not as important as focusing on our recovery. If I had found this site first, I would have snooped longer in the beginning and found out more about her. I also would not have had 3 d-days. BUT if I could go back in time the affair might not have happened in the first place so no reason to think about that now.

I understand that I should tell him but my husband and my marriage is more important.

If you're triggering hard, it's because your wh needs to FOCUS ON YOUR NEEDS MORE, making sure you feel totally safe and loved in the M.

This onus is on the ws. I am so sorry you're going thru this. In time, just trust me, you'll figure out how he "affaired down" and you'll look upon the posow with pity and loathing. She won't trigger you at all, b/c you are FAR MORE incredible and beautiful inside and out!

Hugs to you.

Also kudos to you for going to help the owh. I bet that poor guy has no clue what is going on.

I wonder if he even saw her fb profile.

You see, it's no surprise around here about ww's and ww's who are ow imho are WORSE.

She on one hand, the ww/ow is spinning tales about her H being so bad, her M being horrid, etc and whining to whoever her latest prey (mm) might be, trying to ignite inside of them that "dumsel in distress" scenario. That's what they do, most of the ow anyhow. In some form or another.

On the other hand, she's probably done this times before and like my xwh's ow, she almost lives a total life in secret because of all the shameful and horrid actions she's done.

But you're doing great. It is good he's being supportive, but is he DOING EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER to make up for, take extraordinary precautions, and give you all the love and support and safety you need? Imho, he may need to give more! More <3 basically!

I swear, if the waywards out there EVEN KNEW of the real pain that they'd incur and the horrible pain YOU, the bs would incur and how their world would turn upside down, they'd never even consider having an a.

Oh, he is doing everything he can to make me feel safe. Im just digging deep to try to find the OWH because I didn't know much about her and she covered her trace well. Im not even sure I have the right last name anymore since I keep coming up empty.

I think I'm about to stop looking for her husband and go forward.

As far a pitty and loathing....I have the loathing but she has enough pitty for herself. I don't have to add anything. Her whole facebook page is poor me this and poor me that. I think it is funny actually.

ok, quick question.

She blocked me from her facebook page this weekend. I've never posted to her facebook page but my husband knew I was looking at it to get clues as to how to find her family.

Is there a way she could have known I was looking or should I be worried they are having contact? I signed up under my fake account and her account is still there but I cant find it under my name.

I still have all the loggers and trackers and activly snooping and we spent the whole weekend together so I know no contact this weekend for sure but I know she blocked me Sunday.

No noticable changes in him and we are still doing the program so I really dont think there has been contact.

PS...How do I change my user name. It is very easy for her to find this post on google if she was looking.

Your WH can't give you this information?

she probably blocked you bc she knows you are going to expose her. shes probably scared that her h will find out all of her lies.

I would keep looking for OWH, have you made any progress?

keep moving forward, you are doing great.

No, untill we started looking for OWH, he didnt realize just how much he didnt know about her. She lied about alot of stuff to him also. He told me he would take me to her house if he knew where it was just so I could expose and get that part over with. He knows it is bothering me that I cant.

Dee,
Still nothing and I've about givin up for now. Maybe she will drop her guard and post another personal that I can find. According to her facebook page she goes walking at the same place we go for a hobby so maybe I will run into her car there and I can trace the tags. I do know what it looks like :-) but the place is 2 hours from the house so I cant go there alot.

One way to do this is to send private messages to several of her family and friends on facebook, telling them about the affair and asking them to contact the OWH and have him contact you. Did you copy and save her fb contacts? We have a sample letter you could use.

No family on facebook and all her friends know she is married and living with her husband but activly looking for "the next man" so that would not help. They would think it was funny. It just tells me what kind of person she is.

One of her posts even brags about her working on her car and her next man will at least be able to hand her the tools.

now your situation is making me nuts! I wish i could find him for you to get this over with!

name change??

Im ok with it if I don't find him. Im not obsessing over it as long as I don't find out my FWH tipped her off. I don't have anything pointing that way.

Changed the name because to easy to find the post on google. Didn't think ahead when I made it. Thinking she may have found this tread is why she blocked me. (If she is.....I have more than one account so have fun finding them and tell your daughter congrats on the fishing trip)

My M is still better than ever so we are still doing something right. I gotta get this moved to I recovery now.

You should be able to go to account settings and change it there..

CV

i miss you already. i will mark you to buddies, just found that link. 46 posts and you are in recovery, good work!

Thank you Dee,
I think one of the things that helped me is what led up to the affair was him being out of work and bored. He is the type that has to be doing something even when he is sick. He is back to work now and we are together the rest of the time. Now, we will have to do some major talking about a plan if he is ever out again.

The affair started with texting in November (he found her and several others on a dating site) and went PA at the end of November. I caught them a month later (slep together 2 times) so all total it was 2 months of the affair and he was still talking to other girls at the time so he didnt get to far attached to her. His fog didnt last very long so we were able to start working on everything much sooner than some.

I was already half way through what you are going through now when I found this site so that is why not to many posts before I felt safe to move thred over here.

you were very lucky (tee hee)..... you caught it quick, i was lucky i found MB on like day 3 and didnt have to sit alone with info and not know what to do. my h has very strict EP's no going out at this time or ever right now, we have alot of work functions so we will see how our negotiating skills get. but he definately has seen the light on how his behaviors, even with friends much change. like an addict he got high on it, but it wrecked him emotionally. we will see... it very hard to know all that i know, it was alot. so day by day.

I just wanted to take a minute to let you guys know that I'm so proud and happy I'm am to be with my FWH.

My son is now going throug this with his WW and my husband stepped up to the plate last night and even though it hurt him alot he opened up and told my son exaclty what he did and how he was feeling at the time to give my son a feeling of why he cant trust his WW right now and make him realize the lies they will goto to cover up the affair.

He told my son what to watch for and how my son needed to respond in a helpful way.

I'm so happy we stuck it out and made it work. I would have lost an amazing man if not.

Can you send your son to this site, LD?