Yep he is on luvstiff I think is the name

Oh, excellent! I've read his thread.

Just a quick update. Recovery is slowing down so I ordered 5 steps last week waiting on it to come in. I just can't seem to get him motivated. There are so many things in his life that get put in front of UA time and im getting frustrated. I want him to be as excited about having a great marriage as I am.

Guess its a low day for me. I have very few triggers now and he is almost to transparent.....im waiting on him to tell me whenhe goes to the bathroom at work...lol. thats not the problem as much as im missing the UA time and hoping the workbook will help.

ok- try this- go get your nails done, buy something risky, and tell him to come home early from work its important. be there waiting.... that may jump start the UA time.

just a thought.

We bought several sexy outfits for our "weekend away" that I have not worn since. We had a blast going to the shops to pick them out. I will dig them out and try that but he does not like makeup or hairspray so I will skip that and the nails.

That is one thing that was kinda weird about the A is she wears tons of makeup, had red fingernails, and about a can of hairspray each time he saw her. He said looking back he has no idea what he was thinking that he would not have even said hi to her on the street normally.

We have just had a very hard time working everything in and I'm ok with putting everything else to the side but he is not. He is on manditory overtime so he works from 7:30 to 5:30 M-F and his son has football practice that I take him to after my work and he gets out at 7:30 so he picks him up.

I'm going to find something we can do between the time he gets off and his son gets out of practice so we can do that while waiting on him. That will be 1.5 hour 3 times a week. Then we still have date night for at least 3 hours 1 time a week.

Just need to find the other 12.50 hours :-( We have weekends off but have not done much the past 2. I think that is what I'm hurting for is the weekend time.

Wow, I have been planning to quite my job in the next few months and start my own rescue kennel. (something I have always wanted to do but the chance just opened up)

Anyway, My husband and I were talking about it last night planning where the building needs to be put on the property and how big it needs to be and he was talking about if we made it bigger to hold more animals he could quit his job and work with me on it.

I've always talked about us working together because we get along so well on projects so I'm excited now.

Our jobs cause alot of stress on both of us as we are both working at places we HATE so this would be a big leap of faith that we can make enough money but we would be doing it together.

Ok recovery took a few steps backward yesterday. I listed a few things I wanted to do on date night and he picked a movie....it was a movie we bot wanted to see so that is not the problem.

I realized about 15 imutes nto the movie that it was a MAJOR TRIGGER. Not tue movie but going to the movies.

I spend more time with tears rolling down my face and him asking if I was sure I was ok than watching the movie. After the movie I was brutaly honest with him that im not seeing any effort on his part to make love deposits or even learning about them. He always has excuses like he does not like to read or does not like forums but he is always on his hobby foumn posting about his toys so it just leaves me feeling like it is not as important to him as the hobby.

In our case, we read all the books aloud together, a chapter plus the questions each night, over the course of a few weeks. You might try that with your H.

What about being at the movie was the trigger? You said it wasn't the movie itself. Is it because your H seems to be putting lots of energy into his hobbies and not much into the MB learning materials?

We had gone out to a movie between d days and we felt so far apart even sitting beside each other.
When the marriage counselor told us to go out on dates, that was an example I could give him that didn't work.

It just brougt back everything at once on how bad his checking out hurt me. That is what be does. He finds excuses at the drop of a hat.

Instead of talking to me about our marriage before the affair he made excuses on how hard it was to work on it then.

Last nigh it was because he could not print out the worksheet for something that I had sent him the link to. So he had not worked on it for weeks. All he had to do was ask me to print it instead of making me feel like he just didn't want to do it.

His actions are screaming "YOU ARE NOT THAT IMPORTANT TO ME" and it is killing me a brop fo blood at a time.

I told him last night the quality of our marriage is not good enough in the long run to overcome the hurt. I have givien myself 2 years before I decide the final outcome.

I just feel like I'm beating the dead horse again.

I think you identified your problem yourself - not enough UA time. Dr. Harley recommends sitting down with a calendar Sunday afternoon at 3 PM and schedule out UA time for the week. UA time should be a priority - before children's activities, hobbies, certainly television, etc - and should consist of meeting the four intimate emotional needs - conversation, affection, SF and recreational companionship.

My H and I have charted our UA time for 68 straight weeks. And whenever we have not met the UA time for the week (a handful of times), we both invariably feel badly. UA time is very important and the rest of the MB program does not work without it.

AM

I agree but we are now waiting on the books so I can show him since he will not just go on here and read. Anything I want him to see I have to send him the link. He never clicks out of the link. It's like he is reading it and that should be it, he should not have to try to go above and beyond that.

I've told him about this program and linked the main website several times but he has never even looked around on it. I dont care if he reads anything in this fourm about surviving an affair, but just basic concepts he has not read.

You could print out whatever you want to share with him and read it together while you wait for your materials to arrive. My H never comes on this forum either and probably would never read anything that way. But when I print it out myself and we read it together, he is willing.

Purchase a little binder to put everything into and you will have it all together for easy access.

I know it's frustrating for you to wait for him, but making it easier for him to read the materials could help get you two working on the concepts more quickly. My H does not really like reading off the computer, because it's hard on his eyes.

I thougt about that but I was afraid I would be alittle one sided. I want him and I to get the whole picture....not just what I think is important for him to see.

We got the books this weekend and started reading them yesterday. I'm reading them out loud.

hope you have a good day today! happy anniversary.......

Lol im actually still sick and in bed but he did kiss me good morning and wish me happy anniversary so he did at least remember the date ( we both always forgot because we celebrated the other day). I knew I would not feel good today so I bought his card and stuff on the way home last night so I could give it to him right after work.

We are still reading the books and he even asked if we were going to read in bed before sleep last night but I could not concentrate to read because I felt so bad.

Im getting more hope because hewas the one that brought up reading last night so he is trying again.

ok so the kiss was all I got. No card or anything

What's the point again? What am I fighting for?

I just found while checking the old email accounts that google tracks your web pages while you are logged on.

I found where he was looking at houses for rent on d-day #1 after we had went to MC for the first time.

I had spoken to OW and she said that WH was helping her find a place to move in together and I had point blank asked him. He said no....well just one more lie to add to the growing pile.

I feel like I'm back to day one and no steam to make it to day 2 right now.

HELP !

you are not at day one, that was along time ago. what did you look at on D day, i am sure divorce.... i looked up homes....

that was january and he was all screwy, just go up to him and say "i am so glad you didnt rent that really awful apartment/house in january- it was just condemed for drugs" kiss his head and say can i get you anything from our beatiful kitchen" thats just me may be a bit of a dig, but you wont blow up- you will giggle.

chin up!!

Lol. Thanks dee...I did need that. We are having big issues with his h&o ....actually just the openness and that is my number 1 need.

I spoke to him about it and he said he will work on it more.

chkin in on you, lots of support you are giving. how are you doing?