So WW tells me tonight that:
1. As it stands right now she doesn't see us working this out.
2. She wants to be happy and right now she's not.
3. Our kids will be (age 4 and 2) if we're not together.
4. She doesn't want to quit her job (EA) was with coworker. (yes I exposed to work, haven't heard back)
5. We should call a realtor to see what our house will bring if we sell it. It should be sold
Can someone assure me these are natural responses to a WW who was exposed a week ago?
She is going out of town for work at a conference next week. This is the same conference where the whole EA started a year ago and as far as I know, he will be there. Therefore, I have no way of knowing what they will be up to.
I haven't been as strong as I want to be. I'm asking what she needs and wants from me so we can move on and all I get is a blank stare and "I don't know."
Is this normal?
Yes this is normal. But I have some bad news for you.
I don't think his wife knows at all. I think his brother (if it really is his brother) is feeding you BS. You MUST speak (as in on the telephone or in person) to make sure that his wife truly IS getting the message.
More bad news, if OM was picking up prostitutes while he was involved with your WW, there is more to their story than what you've been told. They HAVE had sex and probably will again at this convention. Do you honestly believe that they have carried on an EA ONLY for a YEAR? Honestly?
Tomorrow is Monday. You have two important phone calls to make (1) to OMW's until you get through and (2) to their job. You are missing two critical opportunities for exposure that have the most potential for blowing this up.
You said you read "Surviving An Affair"... go back and reread it.
While your WW is actively involved (i.e., working) with OM, there is NO possibility of recovery. There just isn't.
Step one in this whole mess is a COMPLETE exposure. Sorry, OM's brother is not to be trusted. He and OM could be laughing at you behind the scenes. Make sure you are getting the truth.
I would do this BEFORE she goes to that convention.
For now, don't discuss ways to make your divorce amicable. She needs to know that you will do whatever is necessary to protect your family. You don't do divorce. Let her know that divorce will not be a pretty picture. You will NOT remain friends. You WILL file for custody of the children. You will cross-file for divorce based on adultery, which will include bringing the OM into court to testify about his role in the destruction of your marriage. You will NOT make divorce "easy".
Same thing with OM, he needs to know that continuing to mess with your wife will bring hell to his life and then do it.
No more discussion about selling the house, etc. She wants a divorce, then she needs to do the work, and you will fight her every step of the way. Your children are worth it even if she doesn't think so.