oh yeah, I have a few that would love to go.

My wife keeps talking about our July trip. She offered to leave her cell phone at home so we would not be "joined" by the OM. She said maybe she would feel differently about ending the affair after getting away with me. I told her that I want the trip to be OUR trip and that I didn't want to spend the entire trip watching her miss the OM. Tonight she suggested we both leave our cell phones at home so not to be bothered by anyone. I am struggling with this issue, because I feel the trip will do us a lot of good, but I do not want to deal with her missing him the entire time. Do I wait for exposure til after the trip or 3 weeks before we are scheduled to go and hope for the best? I think I already know the answer, but I wanted an objective opinion.

Now is the perfect time to kill her affair because you will have the time together on the trip after the affair is killed. I would expose the affair wide and far and get it done this week so you can move onto the next step.

Expose. No more waffling.

Also, as Mel suggested, if/when you confront OM or expose to his wife, it will be important for your own safety and sanity to have someone with you.

My brother was about an inch from a prison sentence confronting the OM.

Delaying the exposure would be the biggest mistake. Do it immediately after you have tracked down OMW. The OM has probably already warned his wife because he knows you are after him (by your trying to contact him). The longer you wait the longer OM has time to spin the story about some jealous husband who thinks his wife has an affair with OM...

OM is very afraid right now thats why he does not dare to contact you. This works for your advantage - it means that the exposure will be very painful for him and thus kills the affair.

You cannot outromance OM during the trip when the affair is ongoing. Actually, the trip is not so important right now, you can postpone it but you cannot postpone exposure.

From my experience, the exposure to OMW was the most important step for recovery and would I have done it sooner I have saved myself from lots and lots of pain and useless suffering. I hope you will learn from my (and others here) experience and avoid my mistakes.

Bingo! Ray, do this TODAY and get er done. The best thing you can do for your marriage is expose this affair. The trip is not important.

Letter is drafted, friend and family list is set. Still trying to track down OMW.

Ray, you really need to get ahold of the OMW TODAY. Do you have the OM's home address? I predict your greatest weapon will be exposure to the OMW. The rest will just be gravy. But that might effectively kill the affair.

I spent a few hundred dollars and all day Saturday trying to find his wife. I called all available numbers I could find, but to know avail. Even the addresses I found were not current. He has a private investigation firm also so he is good at covering his tracks.I did let him know that I was looking forward to talking to her.

I have sent emails and made phone calls this weekend. So far everyone has had a positive response. Wife was contacted by one friend already, but didn't seem pissed. She just received an email from my Dad and sent me a text that she, "would be home when she got home." Which means...I am pissed.

Can you hire a PI?

Has the affair been exposed to EVERYONE? Including your children and hers?

Not her children, they are still with their fathers. She is going ballistic.

Any other exposure targets? Did you check to see if the OM has a facebook page? What about her parents and close family? Have you exposed to them all and asked them to contact her?

You are doing great, Ray!! Keep up the pressure and don't let up!

Yes close family has been included, as well as her oldest son. The OM has an entertainment page FB page, by invite only it seems.

But can you see his friends and family? Can you ID his wife and family members?

Will these family members you told agree to contact her?

He has close to 5000 friends on the page. I did not see his wife or kids listed. I did manage to get 2 posts exposing him on his wall. Don't know how much good they did. The family members I contacted are all we have. 10 total and I believe they will contact her. She has already removed me from her FB and has deleted the OM FB page from her's. She also must be calling others because a few distant friends have deleted me from there page. She is in major damage control.

Great job, Ray! Stand firm and don't react to her anger. Just expect her to be furious and make all sorts of threats. Imagine that you have just taken the booze away from the falling down drunk and you will understand her mentality. Don't let it bother you!

Tell her you are "so sorry" she is upset but you felt you should spread the good news. Remind her also that she needs to end her affair now or this will go to divorce. Don't let her scare you, Ray!

Thank you Mel for all you are doing. Your support is much needed. It's going to be a long night.

{{{{{{{{{{Ray}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

We are all pulling for you, Ray! Just remember that your marriage can survive her anger, it cannot survive this affair. Her anger will blow over. Just don't let her intimidate you or drag you into a fight. This will be fine, I promise. In fact, the madder she gets about exposure, the more effective your hit.

Just don't let her intimidate you or drag you into a fight. .... the madder she gets about exposure, the more effective your hit.

This cannot be overemphasized. Do not let her even start a confrontation where voices are raised. Get out of there! Make abso-f'ing-lutely certain when you and she do have any discussions you have a mini-recorder on your person and "on".

Once the law-enforcement morons, all male, all developmentally stunted at the "save the female" stage, are summoned - EVEN BY YOU - you are royally screwed.

Go Ray!